In a very painful spot

[cdtraveler]

I posted recently that I had begun my hrt transition with T blockers and e tabs 3x day. And have been on these now for 3 weeks. To say they made a difference is an understatement yet this past Friday, my spouse stated she had changed her mind and couldn't support me if I chose to continue. In just the short time on hrt my breast development has been significant and I'd begun to be able to sleep again yet I think the pace of physical changes has caught both my SO and me frankly a bit by surprise and has overwhelmned her. Still i do not wish to lose her or the kids over my need to transition and after consulting with my endo concening the situation, made the decision to stopped taking my meds this past Friday. To say the impact on my depression was profound is truely an understatement. Last 2 nights I barely slept and the conflict dreams as I call them have returned. Am in therapy and am seeking to encourage my SO to join me in couples therapy. But have to say I am not hopeful for a reversal as she sees therapy as simply a way to convince her to support my transition.

And the thing is I understand where she's coming from as I know what lay ahead will impact our family and social circles in all likelihood.


All of this has me feeling very depressed, alone and torn apart and I would very appreciate any words of support and experience at this stage. Know there is no sugar coating the difficulty of my choices but had told myself if it came down to my personal desires and loosing my family, I would simply have to buck up and deal with the GD but not sure I'm that strong frankly without some kind of support structure especially having gone down the rabbit hole and found out how incredibly affirming it felt.

I'm not a stupid person, am very successful frankly in most areas but I sure feel like a mess!
Amanda