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Thread: In a very painful spot

  1. #1
    Member cdtraveler's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011

    In a very painful spot

    I posted recently that I had begun my hrt transition with T blockers and e tabs 3x day. And have been on these now for 3 weeks. To say they made a difference is an understatement yet this past Friday, my spouse stated she had changed her mind and couldn't support me if I chose to continue. In just the short time on hrt my breast development has been significant and I'd begun to be able to sleep again yet I think the pace of physical changes has caught both my SO and me frankly a bit by surprise and has overwhelmned her. Still i do not wish to lose her or the kids over my need to transition and after consulting with my endo concening the situation, made the decision to stopped taking my meds this past Friday. To say the impact on my depression was profound is truely an understatement. Last 2 nights I barely slept and the conflict dreams as I call them have returned. Am in therapy and am seeking to encourage my SO to join me in couples therapy. But have to say I am not hopeful for a reversal as she sees therapy as simply a way to convince her to support my transition.

    And the thing is I understand where she's coming from as I know what lay ahead will impact our family and social circles in all likelihood.

    All of this has me feeling very depressed, alone and torn apart and I would very appreciate any words of support and experience at this stage. Know there is no sugar coating the difficulty of my choices but had told myself if it came down to my personal desires and loosing my family, I would simply have to buck up and deal with the GD but not sure I'm that strong frankly without some kind of support structure especially having gone down the rabbit hole and found out how incredibly affirming it felt.

    I'm not a stupid person, am very successful frankly in most areas but I sure feel like a mess!
    Last edited by cdtraveler; 10-29-2019 at 08:15 PM.

  2. #2
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Utah, north of West Jordan, south of North Salt Lake & west of South Salt Lake
    I understand her having a change of heart, reality has a way of clarifying some of the decisions we make. However, it does through you under the bus, particularly when you are seeing positive mental changes. You may want to check with the doctor to see if there may be reduced levels of hormones that will address some of the depression and dysphoria. That slower approach may give you the chance to show your wife you are not only committed to her and the family but with the hormones you are better equipped emotionally to provide that support. Good luck.
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  3. #3
    Junior Member Brookes4242's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011

    I think Sarah gave very good advice. Three weeks for big changes may be overwhelming for your wife. Perhaps you should consult with a doctor and see if you can slow down your travel on the path without exiting the path. It will take time for all of you to find your new normal.

    Good luck and let us know how it is going.

    I know it says "brookes" but please call me Robin.

  4. #4
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    San Francisco Area
    I also agree with sarah. Maybe a low dose regime may work for a while and give your wife a chance to catch up a little. Good luck.

  5. #5
    Member Dorit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Amanda, my heart is with you in your situation. All I can say is to try and be patient with your wife and yourself. People do change. While I had an entirely supporting wife, it did take years for some of my children to accept me. I have a daughter in law that has yet to meet Dorit and refuses to let her children, my grandchildren, be with me. I don't know how old you are, but it seems to have taken you years to accept yourself. Give your wife some time. It took me fifty years, I can give the others the time they need. Amanda, I believe that it will never be too late to transition even if you have to wait a long time.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Amanda, I agree with all said but not in the advices on look for a reduction of doses.
    Since we can't disclosurea doses here to mention that should be censured.

    I would say that in my own experience was very chaotic and dramatic to my wife assume that I'm trans and with the physical and sometimes pai full evide ces of the changes as yesterday I had an electrolysis session an got home with the upperlip very swollen that today is more swollen, wife always had the hope I could go back so not always will be peaches, cream and honey.
    What I had do is take things slow. Very slow so she be adapting to this new person. Remember, that in the exterior she lost a husband, a man but my firm purpose is that she can see that gained a new etter spouse that even now present as a woman still loving her.

    It's a good idea that you want her in therapy too but you can't force her. It must be her desicion but the only way is to show her the benefits for you and your family are bigger than the losses.

    Do not discourage and keep your transition with small steps. If you go back, as you mention, things will be worse and will escape from your hands.
    You can't change who you are. You can't live an hypocrite life lying everybody about yourself.
    Real friends will still with you and if they desert you, they weren't real friends. All this is something that your wife will digest very slowly so be patience.
    Instead recommend you lower your doses
    , which I can't because I'm ot a doctor if I would, I'm not your doctor, but talk with professionals as you therapist for solutions but they will always act based in your will. If you show will to back up they will support you in that as the endo did.
    My only cent.

    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  7. #7
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    SW England

    That is some sacrifice. You know your only route to abiding happiness now is to at least have the HRT. Therapy will not resolve this. I know because like yourself, the HRT did everything as you say.

    sorry to hear the news, am with you, sister

    xxx Pam
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

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