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Thread: Crossdresser versus trans...what are you?

  1. #51
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    Well said pumped.

    Not everyone has the same goals and desires in life. Some in the trans community need to realize we are not and do not want to be like you.

    Maybe we need our by application subgroup and keep those with a moral superiority complex out.

  2. #52
    dress to feel the energy Shely's Avatar
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    Some of those are hung up on a certain label for some reason or another thinking it has a definitive meaning. In reality there are so many nuances to humane nature, labels are just a shadow of the real person. IMHO! I love to dress in a feminine way and have for a very long time, but have absolutely no plans to ever transition. I just love the excitement I guess while getting all girly!
    https://www.flickr.com/photos/lovethatdress/

  3. #53
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    Pumped (#49) did what I did. She "googled" the word. The problem I see is setting up a choice based on extremes. Your either a man or a woman and nothing in between. Sounds like a politician's answer or many clerics. I don't know what makes me tick. I don't know what made me start on this journey. Nor do I know where I am going to end up. I got a few years left before I change to dust. Maybe I'll get an answer then. But, what happens if male and female angels are forced to wear different style of robes. An eternity of hell on the horizon? Anyway, I digressed.

    There have been times when I had zero desire to wear women's clothing or emulate a woman. There are times when I have been crawling up the walls in total frustration. I do think there is a genetic component and hormonal component involved, and, I cannot rule out nurturing. When I was an infantryman in a combat situation I can truly say male hormones and responses were raging with self preservation for myself and those around me. Think about wearing a dress? Forget it! I have been totally comfortable being a male. I have never categorized whatever I have done as male or female. It is just something that just had to be done. If I do the laundry and ironing it is not "women's work." The same with vacuuming or cooking or baking or so on.

    As a young child I loved to draw. I am attracted to colors and shapes. I like growing flowers. I love wearing bright floral dresses more than any other that LBD. But, on this site I read all the time and do see pictorials of women's attire I find totally unattractive; bland, lack of color. Heck, I have graphic tee shirts that make more of a fashion statement. And, my wife routinely borrows some of them, especially like today....Halloween. Grab that Charlie Brown/Peanuts shirt of Linus in the pumpkin patch, honey.

    If I was to say I wear women's clothing because I only like the colors and the feel of fabric I'd be deluding myself and giving a line of bull to anyone who was listening. I cannot say when attired and emulating a woman I feel like a woman because I am not a woman based on the genitals between my legs. But, what of those genes in my dna? I know I feel differently. But, that does not infer I feel womanly.

  4. #54
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    I often find that before a proper discussion can be had, certain terms and words need to be agreed upon.

    transgender (adjective)

    trans?​gen?​der | \ tran(t)s-ˈjen-dər

    , tranz-\

    : of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth
    especially : of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity is opposite the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth
    Definition of gender identity
    : a person's internal sense of being male, female, some combination of male and female, or neither male nor female
    drag queen (noun)

    : a usually gay man who dresses as a woman and performs as an entertainer especially to caricature stereotypically vampish women
    cross-dressing (noun)

    cross-dress?​ing | \ ˈkrȯs-ˌdre-siŋ

    : the wearing of clothes designed for the opposite sex
    fetish (noun)

    fe?​tish | \ ˈfe-tish also ˈfē-

    1a: an object (such as a small stone carving of an animal) believed to have magical power to protect or aid its owner
    broadly : a material object regarded with superstitious or extravagant trust or reverence

    b: an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion : prepossession

    c: an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

    2: fixation

    3: a rite or cult of fetish worshippers
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

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    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  5. #55
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I prefer the words transvestite and transexual because their definitions are quite definite. Transgender means different things to different folks. It's rather ambiguous.

    Does TG have to mean you're transitioning? No.
    Does it mean you want to transition? Not necessarily.

    Those are my answers, but some people won't agree with them. A transexual definitely is unhappy about being born in the wrong body and mostly likely will transition if and when possible. A transvestite may transition to a point but will not go for SRS because there's too much pleasure to be had with their biological sex organ. Yet, somehow it's not uncommon for crossdressers to eventually discover that they really want to be a woman.

    Yes, we are all individuals. There are many shades of gray between all of these trans words.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  6. #56
    Seňora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    I have some issues with this image. 1) Intersex people are not transgender. They are literally born with genetic markers of both sexes. 2) while some drag queens do consider themselves trans, the vast majority DO NOT.

    You all seem to hate it when people assume you?re gay because you wear women?s clothing, so why would you be fine with mislabeling someone else?
    So it's not a perfect, but I didn't invent it either.

    You are probably right about the Drag Queens, locally it's about %20 that say they are transgender, interesting enough the majority of the Drag Kings I know do say they are transgender.

    As for the gay thing, I am over that. Personally flattery will get you everywhere with me and while I may not be sexually attracted to men, I still love the attention.
    Some things you lose and some things you just give away...

  7. #57
    Aspiring Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    I see that many of us, trans people, were once cds.
    What do you think make the difference and what are you?
    I am walking that fine pink line....
    I live in CT and love to meet like minded friends....

  8. #58
    Seňora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robertacd View Post
    So it's not a perfect, but I didn't invent it either.

    interesting enough the majority of the Drag Kings I know do say they are transgender.
    Yes I am replying to my own post...

    Anyway I wonder if this is due the "trans stigma" also running rampant in the Gay male community. After all most Gay men are not attracted to women even if they were born a man.
    Some things you lose and some things you just give away...

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Devi SM View Post
    I was a crossdresser for several years but now a transgender.
    I'm not going to tell my story or reasons to transition neither the definition of transition but I see that many of us, trans people, were once cds.
    What do you think make the difference and what are you?
    What am I? I am me!

    I have no interest in being a women, I doubt that will ever change as it has been pretty consistent for 40+ years. I like being a man and I like to wear dresses and such once in a while and I happen to like Drag shows too. sooooo I guess I am and will be a CD??? My interpretation has been CDs fit under the T in LGBT however I have been informed before that I am incorrect and I don't care enough to argue about it. Maybe there should be a new category, Seana's!! LGBTQS!

  10. #60
    Sort of a n00b Pixie_94's Avatar
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    Not trans, just a guy. Do the math.

  11. #61
    Member JessieMae's Avatar
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    Seana, like you, I have no interest in being (or becoming) a woman.
    But I do feel a distinct womanly or feminine "presence" within me. The second self or alter ego, as others have said.

    So for now it seems the "Gender Non-Binary" fits for me, which is under the "trans" category. But transitioning is not on my agenda.
    Being "girl-me" more often and more freely would be very nice, though.




    Quote Originally Posted by Pixie_94 View Post
    Not trans, just a guy. Do the math.
    Pixie, MATH?! Nobody told me there'd be math.
    So many cry-baby hearts to be broken

  12. #62
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I think that the biggest problem with defining what you are, is finding out why you are that way. The vast majority here have no clue. And that gets in the way of trying to figure out whether we're males who need to crossdress, vs female personalities that grew up stuck in male bodies. Or something in between.
    You can have severe gender identity dysphoria but still not be transgender. It all comes down to why you feel the need to dress/behave as the opposite sex. Not all of us are 'born that way'.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  13. #63
    Seňora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    All this talk about not wanting SRS or HRT means you are not Transgender blowes my mind

    I think John Oliver said it best when he was talking about Transgender rights in genneral.

    "Some transgender people do undergo hormone therapy or sexual reassignment surgery as part of their transition, some do not. And interestingly, their decision on this matter is, medically speaking, none of your f?ing business."

    Sure it's easy to say "I only dress in the privacy of my own home or just to get my rocks off. So I don't care about Transgender rights or anything else.". But that's a very selfish and narrow minded way to be. As sometime in the future your feelings might change.

    Basically we are all Transgender to some extent and we need to stick together.

    Once we have a slice of equally like the Gays have, we can start throwing each other under the bus. Like the Gays are doing to transpeople now.
    Last edited by char GG; 11-01-2019 at 04:39 PM. Reason: Although you didn't spell it out, the meaning is obvious and not allowed

  14. #64
    quantumbitch Mariabella's Avatar
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    I dislike labels. I was caught dressing in the early seventies and was labeled horrible things like deviant and sexually perverse for desiring to present as femme. this was accompanied by threats of electroconvulsive therapy and military schools. This pushed my gender issues into a well hidden box for many years. It was only at the end of my first marriage that I came to own my femme side in any way. Now after a second marriage and raising kids but still dressing and using makeup when it was "safe" I am out and proud with the blessing and help of my beloved partner. We both are exploring gender roles and I am fully living as femme as i feel like every day and becoming more femme every day. This said even if I always present femme I will feel like a tween or two spirit. I lived a good life as dad and husband and will not deny that part of myself as valid. But despite this I have always been mostly femme and a nurturer of our children and pets who never truly fit with other "dads" and largely dislike men in general, which gave rise to some difficult dysphoric feelings thru my life even as I was acting the part in Oscar worthy style.
    I think it is up to each of us to define ourselves by our own terms and language. we are all different and live on a spectrum of gender expression.I find labels a pigeon hole of poor fit for myself but do recognize the value they hold for others.

  15. #65
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Even if I wasn't totally on Roberta's wavelength here I'd be saying trans.

    Things are different for me now that the last time I posted. Let's put it like that.
    Last edited by abbiedrake; 11-01-2019 at 06:02 PM.

  16. #66
    Aspiring Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robertacd View Post
    All this talk about not wanting SRS or HRT means you are not Transgender blowes my mind

    I think John Oliver said it best when he was talking about Transgender rights in genneral.

    "Some transgender people do undergo hormone therapy or sexual reassignment surgery as part of their transition, some do not. And interestingly, their decision on this matter is, medically speaking, none of your f?ing business."

    Sure it's easy to say "I only dress in the privacy of my own home or just to get my rocks off. So I don't care about Transgender rights or anything else.". But that's a very selfish and narrow minded way to be. As sometime in the future your feelings might change.

    Basically we are all Transgender to some extent and we need to stick together.

    Once we have a slice of equally like the Gays have, we can start throwing each other under the bus. Like the Gays are doing to transpeople now.

    I believe many of us disagree with your definition of "transgender". Until we agree on the definition discussion is pointless.

    If I look up the meaning of transgender I know it does no describe me, or many of us here. So many of us are not transgender, we are simply cross dressers.

    Why do we have to be transgender to stick together can't some of us be CD, some trans, and some just "normal" people here supporting a spouse or a friend and still be supportive?

    And who is throwing others "under the bus"? Just because I don't believe that I am transgender, does that mean I can't support those that are? I could never see myself transitioning, I honestly do not believe it is the answer for those with gender dysmorphia, so does that mean I can not support those that do?

    My wife drives a Chevy, I drive a Ford, but I still love and support her!

  17. #67
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    I like to dress and some days, I feel as though I'm a woman. But I don't think of myself of transgendered, because everything is part-time for me. I love that I can be anything I want. I can't become pregnant and give birth, but apart from that, I get to enjoy almost everything. I love not being trapped by any labels.

  18. #68
    Aspiring Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Trans. No HRT or surgery. Female voice, mannerisms, and petite hourglass figure. My hair falls a few inches below my shoulders and I wear obviously female nearly all the time.
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 11-01-2019 at 07:39 PM.

  19. #69
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Well that was predictable.

    Not everyone that transitions (SRS) starts off as a CD, or is a CD.

    Also not all CDs want to experience life as women.

    Basically CDs just want to enjoy whatever female clothing, but don't want to actually be a woman. Where a T-something wants to be or live as a women.

    Then there is an infinite gray area in-between.

    On my quest I have met a lot of individuals, yes everyone is different but at the extremes they have more in common.

    I'm trying to answer your question without falling into the usual argument over definitions and the need for them.

    It is not a one size fits all thing, it is just not that easy.

    It is nice that you are finding your way. I do find that in is helpful to see how others cope, live, whatever.

    I have for now come to terms with how I am, for the moment, whatever that means. I do know that I'm not simply a CD.

  20. #70
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I dress occasionally to have a small peak into what it would be like to be an attractive lady, but it is all fantasy, and make believe for me, for short periods of escape from my painful lonesome single man life. I may be double spirited too, as i feel i have both male and female spirits.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  21. #71
    Aspiring Member OCCarly's Avatar
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    I’m just a girl...some assembly required, as my therapist likes to say.
    Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.

  22. #72
    Member Julie Slowinski's Avatar
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    First of all, as I understand it the term transgender is an umbrella term that includes trans women and trans men (formally known as transsexuals), crossdressers, drag queens, non-binary folks and dozens of other labels/identities. The classic distinction between trans women and CDs is that for trans women it is about gender identity and for CDs it is simply about gender expression, which leads many to say that CDs are cis gender. I, however, question that simplistic, cut and dry distinction. It seems to me that anyone who is assigned male at birth, but also expresses a feminine side with any seriousness, does not have a purely male gender identity and thus is not cis gender. There was a time where I would describe myself as just a regular dude that just wants to look pretty once in a while. While that?s a non-threatening way of looking at things, I don?t think it is the truth. I?m not anywhere close to being full time or transitioning, but I also don?t think it would be accurate to describe myself as just a dude with an unconventional hobby.

    I think I am gravitating more toward the label of non-binary. I?ll go further and postulate that the primary difference between CDs and non-binary folks is age. It seems that both are cut from the same cloth, but because each was raised in a different era, their approach to gender non-conformity is different. I came of age in the 80s where any gender non-conformity would have serious repercussions from peers as well as adults. As such, I learned to compartmentalize - either all boy or all girl and no mixture. Those coming of age in the current decade are finding safe space stickers on every high school classroom. This allows them to explore their gender identity openly and expect to find if not wholehearted acceptance, at the very least allies in their peer group as well as from teachers. If I was coming of age today I expect I would regularly have painted nails, maybe experiment with makeup and clothes, but also feel comfortable with the more typical boy mode as well. I expect there wouldn?t be this rubicon, that once crossed there would be no return - the notion of all in or nothing, which seems to be a hallmark of the older generation.

    So, to the question of how do I identify? I?m still gonna say crossdresser, cuz I?m old. But, there are times when I?ll describe myself as non-binary, especially if I?m in boy mode and I think the other person might have misconceptions about crossdressers - ya know, all of that icky sexual stuff that tends to come to up if doing an internet search.
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  23. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robertacd View Post

    Basically we are all Transgender to some extent and we need to stick together. .
    I will second this sentiment!

    If you all would like progress toward acceptance to stop and go in reverse, nitpick over definitions and start trying to throw others who are not just like you under a bus

  24. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seana Summer View Post
    I will second this sentiment!

    If you all would like progress toward acceptance to stop and go in reverse, nitpick over definitions and start trying to throw others who are not just like you under a bus
    No we are not all transgender. And those keep saying that are highly divisive. People can support trans people without being a trans person. The more I am told I am a trans, the less likely I want to support you and your causes.

  25. #75
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    You know what?
    This is just too depressing.
    you bunch of self-defeating Fools.
    The very title of this thread seems to have been taken way too much to heart.
    I've always found it so staggering that such a small community can so endlessly and pointlessly subdivide.

    When I joined this site I identified in one way before shifting to another and now, in light of some life changing moments, my position has shifted to an entirely different paradigm for me. And yet through all that my commitment to this community has never wavered. I've never felt more or less invested just because of where I've been on my journey.

    This sites skew older and many similar CD/trans watering holes round the net and it is to our great shame that our younger sisters have so much to teach us. My experience of them is they're way better than we'll ever be at just 'being'.

    Hell I can't even quantify the failings here right now.

    It's not like those younger girls have it any easier. I defy those of you who would argue just how easy it is for these girls. It isn't. They have to overcome many of the same challenges as us.

    And yet we continue to do them a disservice by not ending this pointless subdivision and backbiting.

    For God sake grow up.
    Last edited by char GG; 11-02-2019 at 06:07 PM. Reason: Although the word is disguised, it is not allowed in any form

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