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Thread: Crossdresser versus trans...what are you?

  1. #76
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jean 103 View Post
    Also not all CDs want to experience life as women.
    I think that for a good number, it's not that we don't want to, it's that we can't. Some want to; some yearn to. Some desperately want to. Others sink into despair because they can't, and for some, even transitioning doesn't help. Why?
    Because the best we might accomplish, is to experience life as a MTF transsexual. And that's not the experience that women have.
    We don't know what life is like for women, because we aren't women. Even those MTF TS who go on T blockers very early, and then hormone therapy so that they appear to be GG's to the outside world as they go through puberty, don't know what a GG's life is like. They can only guess. Same as us. Who knows; we might even be guessing right. But there's no actual way to know.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  2. #77
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Nov 2016
    Greater Houston
    I submit that life for a transitioned M2F is more like that of a cis female than it is not. Yes there are differences, but they are far from being the things that dominate a female's experience. Among the presentations I attended at the "Out in West Texas" conference this weekend was one wherein it was pointed out that not only does the transwoman give up male privilege, she also lives at the place where the challenges of women and TS intersect.

  3. #78
    Member Brookes4242's Avatar
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    Nov 2011
    I'm not going to comment on whether everyone on here is some version of "trans". I agree that everyone should claim their own identity. I'm in the process of changing my body and presentation to conform to my identity which is and has always been female. I'm not a crossdresser.
    I know it says "brookes" but please call me Robin.

  4. #79
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    May 2006
    Southeast WI.
    I always love these post. I feel that you have to be careful as a CD when you say I'm not trans, does that mean you would never transition? I am a CD because for personal reasons I could never transition. Connie

  5. #80
    Silver Member
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    Jan 2016
    Orange County, California
    I knew in the late 1930s that I wanted to be a girl. As time marched on I was able to read about transvestites. There was no distinction between them (CDers) and others in the spectrum until later. When I first started perusing as a spectator MANY years ago, I realized there were differences in people who dressed. I joined the forum and realized even more that I wasn't just a CDer, but that I was really TG, and that satisfied me!

  6. #81
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Apr 2019
    I am a CD and don't have any desire to transition. When the pink fog is at its thickest I sometimes feel otherwise.
    - Robin

    Because life is too short not to.

  7. #82
    Senior Member faltenrock's Avatar
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    May 2007
    Quote Originally Posted by Meeshell View Post
    That?s a pretty bold statement, and I?m afraid I must disagree. There is more than one crossdresser, who has no desire to actually be a women, or necessarily even pretend to be a woman. Many are inspired by erotic excitement induced by feminine fashion and form. Others by a desire to be beautiful. Some both. One would have to admit, that many men find beauty in the feminine form and fashion, including clothes, make up, hair, etc. I think, that sometimes, that translates, in some male minds, to feeling a need to emulate women in attempts to feel beautiful about themselves. No desire to be a woman, but, to look like one at times, and feel good about their appearance. Much the same as women, who dress to the nines on occasion to feel ?pretty?. It?s, also, hard to argue that there isn?t a certain comfort and satisfaction to the feel of the caress of more traditionally feminine fabrics against the skin.

    I?m not arguing that crossdressers in general don?t have a ?softer? side, but saying they?re all transgender just isn?t true. Don?t get me wrong, I don?t care if somebody labels me transgender. I could care less, but I do embrace my masculinity, and wouldn?t give that part of me up for love, nor money.

    Just my thoughts
    Thank you MeeShell for this statement, I can't agree more, you found the right words.
    My new flickr account has pictures to look at:

  8. #83
    Member annecwesley's Avatar
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    Feb 2007
    Quote Originally Posted by Paulie Birmingham View Post
    No we are not all transgender. And those keep saying that are highly divisive. People can support trans people without being a trans person. The more I am told I am a trans, the less likely I want to support you and your causes.
    I have to agree with this.Especially as I have rather conservative political, religious and social views I will not lend my support to much of the social and political agenda of the "LGBTQ..." movement, I am not under anyone's umbrella except "crossresser" or "transvestite".

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by LilSissyStevie View Post
    Some people just can't accept that we're not all members of the same club. Crossdressing is a behavior, the Transgender Umbrella is a political construct. The TG movement of today is like the gay movement in the 90s where gay activists, in order to inflate their numbers and influence proposed that anyone who ever had a homoerotic thought was gay (but maybe in denial). Now that gays have achieved most of their goals the tendency is to kick out the marginal elements (bi's, TG's, femmes, fetishists, etc.) I think that lumping fetishists like me in with Transsexuals under the Transgender Umbrella trivializes the experience of TSs. AGP is real but who it applies to and what causes it are debatable.
    Well said. I also disagree with the idea that crossdressing is part of a spectrum. I think Gender Dysphoria and Transvestism are distinctly different neurological/psychological anomalies even though they express themselves in similar ways. The "transgender spectrum" is a modern social construct, gender is not.

  9. #84
    Junior Member Gaz's Avatar
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    Nov 2012
    It's all become a bit of an "us vs them" scenario. Although in fairness, its been a bit like that since I first poked my head in here five years ago.

    But to just blanket EVERYONE with a term definitely becomes divisive. Just because I have a drivers license doesn't mean I can compete at the Indy 500. Like I said in another thread I started, we are all different people.

    For myself, I can't understand for the life of me the point of breast forms for example. It's a completely alien concept, the notion of having rubber bags stuffed into a bra to make it look like I have boobs. I don't have boobs. Whats the point? But for others, its an integral part of the dressing experience, and they can't work out why people wouldn't want to see themselves fully transformed - we are experessing a feminine side, and breasts are an absolutely feminine ideal. I don't get why people on here refer to each other as sisters - would brothers not be more apt, given that we're crossdressers as opposed to trans women? Others will find that notion ridiculous, that the reason we're all here is that loud and proud feminine side.

    Swings and roundabouts, and neither one is wrong since its all about perspective.

    I've seen estimates about crossdressing claim that anywhere from 5 to 20% of the male population does it or has done it. My own therapist put the figure at 10% according to the study she'd read, but believed it's probably higher since men don't like admitting it. Predominant in high stress occupations - police officers, military, fire, etc. When the stress of expectation and life gets to them, then its a release. I don't have a high stress job (far from it!) but I have noticed that when life gets bumpy, my urge to wear things kicks in. A common exercise when dealing with stress is to recall a happy memory, focus on that, and let the stress recede. When back in control, then go back to normal. For most of us adults, a happier time is often when we were little kids, and didn't have to deal with careers, mortgages, expectations. And when we were little kids, who was the rock, the one who would tell us everything was okay, the one we'd usually go to for comfort when we needed it? Usually that was mom, not dad.

    So buried in our heads for many of us, there's this female icon who, for a time, would make everything ok. Comforting. Happy. And as such, their crossdressing has absolutely nothing to do with expressing the woman within, its about relieving pressure - like wearing clothes of a different gender means that the stresses and anxiety of the day belong to someone else for a while. The desire to dress isn't motivated by a desire to BE feminine, it's motivated by a desire to be CLOSE to feminine.

    And I think that motivation is the differentiator. Many (not all!) who are motivated by the feminine side where crossdressing is a part of daily/regular life find can't understand the motivation not stemming from a desire to be feminine. Many (not all!) who are motivated by stress or fetish, where crossdressing is almost a hobby/mood (not trying to be disingenuous here, trying to come up with the right way of putting it!) based event, can't understand the motivation coming from the other direction.

    Top all THAT off with the stuff we DO have in common - the public perception that whatever your motivation is, crossdressing makes you a weirdo, deviant, pervert, something wrong. (Thankfully a stigma that's fading, but its still there). We come in here looking for kindred spirits, and only find more labeling and divisiveness.
    Last edited by Gaz; 11-04-2019 at 06:04 PM.
    Bearded, hairy, beer-chugging, truck-drivin', wife lovin' manly man...
    ...sometimes in lingerie and heels, and occasionally a cute dress. MIAD 4 life!

  10. #85
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    Sep 2019
    Great response my brother gaz

  11. #86
    Member Veronica4me's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
    Southern Connecticut
    I'm 100% a crossdresser.

    I love wearing womens' clothing as a guy with no desire of ever being a woman.

    The look and feel of the clothing is what appeals to me, although I do like the appearance when I am fully dressed.

    If I were a full time woman, it would become mundane to me.
    Last edited by Veronica4me; 11-04-2019 at 02:31 PM.

    Love who you are! You are uniquely you!!

  12. #87
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    cross-dressing (noun)

    cross-dress?​ing | \ ˈkrȯs-ˌdre-siŋ

    : the wearing of clothes designed for the opposite sex

    Heck, there are some who can't even agree on just *that*!

  13. #88
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    Oct 2012
    All of this is fun discussion. I think many of us are here because we are trying to figure out why we are different from (what we think) are most males who have never had any interest in gathering, owning and repeatedly wearing women’s clothing. Let’s face it, to that extent, we are different from the “average” male. However, on this forum, there are many of us who may present as women daily as part of their life and there are others who may simply wear a pair of panties from time to time. And while there may be some technical biological or psychological terms that distinguish us into smaller groups, we are all represented here. And, since this site is called and we all have joined and participate voluntarily, then perhaps we can at least agree that we are all cross dressers. Whatever other category you might feel that you might belong to is certainly up to you, how you feel and act and whatever you think is appropriate. I won?t argue with anyone about their own personal preference.

  14. #89
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    In the total animal soup of time
    Quote Originally Posted by annecwesley View Post
    Well said. I also disagree with the idea that crossdressing is part of a spectrum. I think Gender Dysphoria and Transvestism are distinctly different neurological/psychological anomalies even though they express themselves in similar ways. The "transgender spectrum" is a modern social construct, gender is not.
    One reason I have trouble with this transgender spectrum idea comes from my own experiences. Back in the 70's I was in a vocational rehabilitation program in Baltimore. It was basically a trade school to give job skills to people with mental or physical handicaps. I was taking machine shop/welding. All of the biological males in the Cosmetology program were either very feminine gays or started-out-gay transsexuals many of whom were involved in a program for transition at nearby Johns Hopkins U. In those days, Cosmetology was one of the few professions these folks could do without a lot of discrimination. They were trying to get some job skills so they wouldn't have to live by prostitution. These were the people I hung out with during my time at the school. Even tho I did some CDing at the time, I never felt that my CDing was in any way related to the issues these people faced. For one thing, they really were feminine to the point that you would forget they were bio males even when they were dressed in male clothing. There was nothing particularly feminine or gay about me other than my sexual fantasies. I never bothered them about that since they would have thought I was crazy (which I was!) Our common bond was in being misfits who had been through the mental health sausage grinder, not transgender stuff. Although I still didn't understand my sexuality, the experience cured me of any delusions that I was either gay or trans. There was no path from where I was to where they were and therefor no spectrum. I sympathized with their plight but it wasn't really my world.

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