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Thread: A couple questions for those in the Don't Ask Don't Tell situation

  1. #1
    Junior Member Chloe_S's Avatar
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    A couple questions for those in the Don't Ask Don't Tell situation

    Do you wear full face makeup and a wig while dressing at home?

    I frequently only have an hour or two and don't see it being worth the time to do it or even having the time to do it. It'd be super rare.

    Is this something your significant other also tolerates or do you just keep it a secret?

    I'm thinking about going further down the rabbit hole and getting a wig and makeup. I think it might make me happier to try and see a more femme face on a dress. I'm just not sure how my wife would feel about it and I haven't broached the subject yet.

  2. #2
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    My Wife was OK with my dressing. I only dressed at home, never went out of the house.
    I would get dressed, wig some times, had no shoes because of my size, could not find
    any thing that would fit. But I would wear a dress or a skirt around the house. Wife was
    OK with that, but I only did it once or twice a month. Not trying to over do it.
    She would let me wear Baby Doll Nighties to bed at night. Lots of fun.
    Rader

  3. #3
    MtF Transgender JeanTG's Avatar
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    I go the whole nine yards: wig, makeup, shoes, and I go out dressed fairly often. We are DADT. Or more like DADD (Dress, and drop dead).

  4. #4
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I don't dress at home. No place to hide if my wife or daughter come home unexpectedly. I usually use my alone time to pack up for an outing.

    I don't dress at home because she doesn't want to see it, and doesn't want our daughter to find out.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  5. #5
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    my wife is ok with my dressing, but doesn't want to see it. I usually only have an hour or two. I will go the whole nine yards. Sometimes it almost feels like a waste of makeup, but what the heck.
    Sara

  6. #6
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    My wife is not very accepting of my desire to dress so I only dress under most of the time. There are occasional times when she will be away visiting her sister out of town. It's then that I can dress up completely including a wig and makeup. I'm looking forward to one of those times this weekend.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Pumped's Avatar
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    My wife was not very accepting for some time. I would smuggle my clothing when I went out of town and dress in motels. At home it would be rare that I would dress. Luckily she used to work some Saturdays so I would have a few hours to indulge.

    My biggest problem is a beard and mustache. Not much I can do above the neck other than a full commitment and shave, so I don't bother. Now that my wife has accepted her goofy husbands desire to dress I was thinking asking her to help with a wig and makeup, and shave it all off one weekend. Maybe this winter. It might be a great time for a storm day.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Chloe_S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sara66 View Post
    my wife is ok with my dressing, but doesn't want to see it. I usually only have an hour or two. I will go the whole nine yards. Sometimes it almost feels like a waste of makeup, but what the heck.
    Sara

    That's basically the same boat I'm in. An hour or two here and there. But ya, makeup is expensive! I wouldn't want to waist it. lol

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE=1]

    Quote Originally Posted by Sometimes Steffi View Post
    I don't dress at home. No place to hide if my wife or daughter come home unexpectedly. I usually use my alone time to pack up for an outing.

    I don't dress at home because she doesn't want to see it, and doesn't want our daughter to find out.
    Same problem here. We don't want our daughter to find out. Honestly, I don't know how it affects the way a child grows. But I think a little girl needs her daddy and if daddy like to look like mommy, then it may confuse her and mess her up a lot...but I don't know for sure. If it wouldn't harm her at all, I wouldn't mind if she knew.

  9. #9
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    Depends on my mood, sometimes I can't be bothered dressing up, swimming or work outs with make up is pointless
    IMG_20170726_121744.jpg IMG_20170831_202128b.jpg

    But 5 minutes for foundation, mascara and lipstick, another 30 seconds for a wig and it makes a difference, and that even leaves enough time to give blood and get back home.
    IMG_20170203_110004.jpg
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  10. #10
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    Do you wear full makeup and a wig while dressing at home?

    I forego the makeup. In the past I have had time to be en femme for close to seven hours a day. That's when my wife was working full days. She is now fully retired. I found applying and removing makeup just took too long. I had lots to do around the house in my June Cleaver look. With some mental planning it takes me about ten minutes to don my feminine attire which includes a wig. Takes about ten minutes to revert back to my male look. If I do have an extended amount of time available such as when my wife is away overnight I may apply makeup if I am leaving the home for an evening ride and stroll. Not heavy makeup. Just lip color and something to conceal some of the spots on my face. No nail polish. I've looked around and noticed most of the women I know do not wear makeup unless headed to a venue where society says "dress up."

    "Is this something your significant other also tolerates or you just keep it a secret?


    My wife and I are in a deep "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship. She declines to discuss my cross dressing desires. She makes no snide comments. It drives me nuts. I would welcome a little conversation. She is strictly taking the ostrich approach. She does not know the extent of my wardrobe. When she is out of town I do venture forth from my abode. I don't know if she would scream if she found out. Decades ago she told me if I wanted to find a support group that was alright with her. None to be found back in the 1980's. I suppose since she refuses to discuss my cross dressing, then I can infer she tolerates it. Some on this site have said it is lying to not fully disclose what I am doing...lying by omission. I disagree since my wife does not want to be informed or even discuss it. So, when the latest package of panties arrived this week I did not open it in front of her and ask her opinion of my purchase. Or the pink nightgown I bought last week.

    In two weeks my wife is saying at our daughter's home to provide free overnight babysitting services. I will probably be totally en femme and even go for an evening drive and stroll. Will I ask her for permission or even tell her? No. I suspect she will be thinking I am going to be wearing some women attire. I don't think she is going to envision I am leaving the house en femme because I seriously do not believe she knows of my wigs, heels and dresses.

  11. #11
    Seňora Member
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    I'm not in a DADT but I used to hide it from my wife. Back then I never used makeup simply because of the clean up time. I mean it's one thing to have to change clothes quickly as she is pulling up the driveway, but having to take off makeup is another story.

  12. #12
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    What I or anyone else does really has no bearing on what u and your SO agree to, Ginger.

    Talk it over with her and work out a schedule/plan that works for both of u!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  13. #13
    Member DanielleCD's Avatar
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    Like today, my wife left early,.. weight watchers and lunch with her WW friends. I have a few hours to enjoy being dressed but with limited time, it's just clothing. If she is away for a few days, then the makeup, wig, nails, etc come out!

  14. #14
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    I only dress when I have the house to myself overnight or at a CD friend's house once in a while. The only CD related thing I do almost daily is trim the hair on my forearms so it's not as conspicuous, trim my eyebrows, shave my body and legs and use clear nail polish or sometimes red on my toenails. I'm blessed with light body hair so it's easy and not at all uncomfortable to stay smooth and it makes me feel like I'm at least doing something daily to feel feminine. My wife was kind of creeped out by my shaving at first but got used to and that has been going on for about 18 years now.

    I do have an office in our lower level with a bed and it's the room where I keep my clothes stashed as well. Theoretically aside from going upstairs for a snack or something to drink I've got a big screen TV and spend a lot of time bonding with the cats down there. By way of background, I'm retired and we're both in our late 60's and ours is not a clingy relationship so theoretically I could dress at night but I would want to make sure that she's already in bed. Unfortunately she stays up almost as late as I do and could run down to do wash or something.

    The reason I don't dress in the evening more often is that I prefer to do it at a relaxed pace when I have at least a half a day to enjoy it. There are occasional exceptions but this is the routine that my circumstances dictate.

  15. #15
    Dani Dani0948's Avatar
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    Today is Haloween and my wife is working. I plan on staying dressed to hand out candy to the trick or treaters (if we get any because of the snow).

    I dress 2 or 3 times per week, usually only for an hour or so. I go full makeup and wig about 20% of the time when my wife is working. For the most part my wife is DADT tolerant, but I still often feel like I'm hiding

  16. #16
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    I'm not quite in DADT. My wife doesn't want to see me fully dressed but partial femme is ok (for example a dress, earrings, necklace and bracelets but no forms, wig or makeup). She also will make time for me to go the whole nine yards but she prefers not to see it so she will either go out or go work in her crafting room while I dress head to toe.

    She's not thrilled about my dressing but she tolerates and accepts it to an extent.
    It's just the clothes... isn't it?

  17. #17
    Continuing the journey Tina Davis's Avatar
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    I will only dress if I have several hours, and then I will put on makeup (the wig is a necessity). My wife is definitely opposed to my dressing and so I hide it very well. She has no idea that I have two wigs, makeup, breast forms, and the friends I have made from this site.
    Last edited by char GG; 11-01-2019 at 01:12 AM. Reason: English language only based forum

  18. #18
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
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    I do some makeup if I know I have a lot of time to remove it, but since apps like youcam let you put on virtual makeup that looks pretty good i end up using that as it's really easy to take off, you just turn the app off!

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Ginger,
    I dress as I wish: sometimes all femme with make up (no wig) in private at home, sometimes mixing men's and women's clothing, sometimes under-dressing, sometimes just some make up with men's clothing.
    I do not keep it a secret from my wife.
    Only your wife can answer your third question.
    luv J

  20. #20
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    I typically don't do the makeup thing especially if I am not going anywhere. When I was working full time and had very limited time, I did well to shave! I do own a wig and it takes very little time to put it on but I usually prefer my own hair.

    In my mind it is all about what you want to do. If the work to do full makeup is worth it than by all means go for it.

    While my wife knows I dress, I don't dress around her because I don't want her to be uncomfortable, so for me this is also a factor limiting my desire to take the time to do my makeup and them peel it back off before she comes home.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member WandaRae2009's Avatar
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    I only go with makeup when I know I have a few hours alone. The time it takes to put on and to take off, I want to have a few hours to take it all in.

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    I’m old (60ish), my hair is short and gray, and a wig gives me a more feminine look and feel. I rarely put on makeup, but I do love the dangle feeling of a necklace and clip on earrings. I will dress and go about my usual activities, chores, working in my home office, or reading. I generally know how long my wife will be gone and use the time accordingly. I am not much for posing, staring at myself in the mirror, and I virtually never take pictures of Nancy. I just like to experience feeling the clothing and female shape (flat front and prominent breasts). Nancy
    Last edited by NancyJ; 11-02-2019 at 04:32 PM.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    I think you should go ahead and get a wig and some makeup. Don't spend a fortune on it but it needs to be better than a Halloween wig. It is an experiment to see how you react to that addition and, in my experience, that addition adds a lot to the experience. Your mileage may vary.

    In my opinion, if you are married your situation can become horrendously complicated. Good communication between your wife (husband) and yourself is very important. And be respectful of their feelings; after all, you want them to respect your feelings as well. More important to talk about feelings than facts. The facts are important, but the facts are just facts. The feelings are where the rubber hits the road. That is what and where you live and interact. Use analogy. "Putting on some feminine attire makes me feel like ..." Here is an example. "... like I am naked on a vast empty beach and I can be totally free to be nothing but myself." Using analogy really works. It also works with things that are not so positive like being rejected in some way. And try to avoid using the word "you." That is a bit of an accusation and immediately puts the person on the defensive.

  24. #24
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    I'm lucky. My dear wife passed on 5 years ago. I dress every day. While I could do full makeup, I only use lipsticks. No wig, although i have 5 or 6. I only wear one and use makeup when I go out. No sense in doing all at home, unless I want to spend a lot of time in front of a mirror.

  25. #25
    New Member ChrisX's Avatar
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    I work at home and usually dress, but no makeup or wig for me. Wigs are hot, and I'm in a don't-ask-don't-tell situation with my wife and worry about getting the makeup fully off.

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