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Thread: Are you satisfied with dressing infrequently

  1. #1
    Junior Member Chloe_S's Avatar
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    Are you satisfied with dressing infrequently

    I have been ever so much more interested in wearing full face makeup and a wig, hip pads, and fake breasts, in order to present myself as completely as a woman as possible. Sometimes I LOVE the idea of it...while other times I feel like, well...what the heck would I do. It's don't ask, don't tell at home right now. My wife seems to be more annoyed by it than before. Also, I have a 3 yr old little girl at home and I don't know how it would affect her development to see her dad dressed as a woman. That being said, this leaves me with little option to dress at home and only a little bit of time to go out.

    Now, I'm not one for going to clubs/bars for drinking and I'm not going to go just to dress. If I was to dress, it would be something I'd want to incorporate into my regular life. Which isn't possible. So little errands around town and maybe on a vacation(wife allowing) would be it. This brings me to my post title. If I could only dress a little bit, I'd be worried about feeling like I'd want to do it more and more and more...to the point that it becomes a problem and wishing I'd never gone down that road in the first place. So then what do I do? Because I definitly am not happy just wearing a dress/bra & panties once and awhile. I feel like I need more out of it, that I need to complete the look.

    Who else here has dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?

  2. #2
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I am not married, but have not known one woman who is ok with it. It can surely takeover one's life easily. Not sure any advice here, but life is not easy, and plenty of conflicts, and full of compromises we all must make. No one has complete freedom to do all we want, when we want all the time. I know it can be so strong, the desire, but your wife and child are far more important IN THE LONG RUN.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  3. #3
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    Up until this year I had ample opportunity to be en femme several days a week for seven hours a day. As a retiree with a working wife I did get dolled up a la June Cleaver for the day. I forego the makeup because of the time it takes to apply and remove. Other than foregoing the makeup it was wig, dress, hosiery and heels, bra, panty, slip. I did all the domestic chores; washing and ironing, baking and cooking, vacuuming, tending the flower garden. Now, the world has changed. My wife has retired. She did take a eight day/nine night trip out of state to visit a cousin. For me it was 24/7. Other than that the well has dried up. She is going to babysit this month overnight at our daughter's apartment. I see an evening of being en femme and taking a drive and stroll. I am not beating my head against the wall yet, but, I can see a struggle in my mental future.

    When my wife and I first had "The Talk" she indicated she wanted nothing to do with my desire to wear female clothing which at the time was not at all extensive. She did say it was alright for me to join a support group. I looked. However, back in the 1980's there were none in my area. I was able to take off time from work, i.e., a mental health day when my wife worked outside the home. The kids were in school. I do concur, if you do not get some quality time it can really be nerve racking. If you do get an outlet on a regular basis it does relieve the stress of limited dressing.

    I would encourage you to discuss your needs with your wife. I would never encourage anyone to push themselves onto a spouse's refusal to engage. However, it may be she would be receptive to you finding a support group to attend.

  4. #4
    Member Jenn_8B's Avatar
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    Time is my biggest problem, so I have to be satisfied with dressing infrequently. Right now, it's extremely depressing. I have teenage children that now have drivers licenses, so they can come and go as they please (within the rules). Right now my oldest is at a friend's house. Pre drivers license I could have dressed because we would have had to go pick him up. My wife would go get him, while I changed back to male mode. I don't dare dress now. While he is likely out until after 10:00 pm, I can't guarantee that he won't come home.

  5. #5
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    I have adjusted my life to be able to dress infrequently as my wife is not accepting of my dressing in her presence. I use every opportunity to dress whenever she is away.

  6. #6
    Banned Spammer
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    Don't let it ruin your home life.

  7. #7
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    As a member in good standing of the united crossdressers of america, I understand the desire to dress fully whenever you have the urge. That being said I believe most crossdressers would love to have more opportunity. I am sure the opportunity for the members of this forum vary greatly. I always feel the desire to have more time to dress. But I am very grateful to have a wife who supports me and allows me to have time to dress. I feel that I just need to make the most of the dressing time I do get. For me more is not always better. I am very happy with my dressing opportunities and having a wife who makes effor to support my desire.

    My opinion is to make the best of the time you get. Life is short, make the most of it, but balance is good.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  8. #8
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Ginger,

    My situation is not that dissimilar to that of Stephanie's. I use to work from home while the wife went out, she carried on working for a couple of years after I retired. These times allowed me to dress frequently. Very rarely would I put on makeup due to the time it took.

    Now being totally in the closet ment my desire to venture outdoors was limited. I did manage some nightime drives coupled to short walks along quiet streets but I always wanted more.

    My outlet was to take a weeks solo holiday. I rented secluded accommodation which gave me the opportunity to come and go unobserved. I've been doing this for some years now and my dressing has gone from strength to strength. I'm now out and about every day for the entire week enfemme.

    So yes that does have a downside in that being so comfortable in going out enfemme does at times make me long to do it more often. Offsetting this is I do get to casually dress at home almost daily for at least a couple of hours as my SO gets on with her social life out the house.

    I can see that for some experiencing the sense of freedom spending extended time enfemme brings could be a catalyst that brings with it huge internal conflict. I could myself lucky that I can control those urges and rationalise that what I have has to suffice. More would be nice but if it's not to be then that's life ain't it.

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    Ginger, As others have shared, when you are married, love your wife and family, you make sacrifices to make it work. If you do not, the marriage ends over your crossdressing. Then you can dress all you want and only see your little girl every other weekend. I?ve found a way that works good enough for me, most of us do. You will need to find what works for you. For me, underdressing is as important to me as the ability to more fully dress up on occasion because I have a strong need to always wear something feminine and thankfully my wife tolerates this. I trust you will find your own balance. Nancy

  10. #10
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I’m an infrequent dresser here. A few times a month usually. Not for lack of opportunity, but rather because when I go out I show up and I show OUT as a bada$$ glamazon drag queen, so it tends to be a bit of a process to get ready.

  11. #11
    Continuing the journey Tina Davis's Avatar
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    Like the other responses here, I would absolutely like to dress more, but I know that's not possible. Sometimes I go a few months between dressing times, but when I have the opportunity for it, I grab it with both hands. I dress up or down, get out, and am much better at interacting with people. I have lived this way for many years, and will continue to do the same for my family.

  12. #12
    3dxchat User JuliaGirl's Avatar
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    Like many here ... infrequent, because of being married and closeted, but when I can I go full tilt into it, and let the pink fog envelope me. Those best times are away on business trips and conventions my SO does not attend with me, in quiet hotel rooms where I can be me for hours at a stretch, day after day. Those times also mean a possible transformation makeup session as well, with CD friendly makeup artists. But given my new life recently (I have in the past month found out that our oldest has started transitioning to a woman) ... this part of me stays locked up for the greater good. It can be a mental strain, I suspect. One day I'd like to go out and have face-to-face meet and greet talk time with other sisters ... I hope that can happen.
    Closeted for 45 years, so please take any advice I might offer with a massive dose of reality.
    Julia xo

  13. #13
    Junior Member HarrietD's Avatar
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    For me, I just retired. I have not had the talk.

    Prior to retiring I had monthly out of town trips where I could dress. This obviously has stopped.

    My opportunities are few and far between. I would like more but I value my marriage more than my crossdressing, I will need to lay low and see how things develop.

  14. #14
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    I would dearly love to be able to dress whenever I wish. My situation requires that I wait until my wife is away. That is rather unpredictable and my desire builds as the no-dressing interval lengthens. Then, if my wife is away a week, I indulge myself 24/7. Thereafter, for a while at least, the desire to do so is markedly reduced even if the opportunity arises. For me, at least, dressing (and going out of the house dressed) greatly reduces my desire to do so again in the short term.

  15. #15
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    Well, as someone whose marriage did end recently and who now sees their daughter for a few days each week, I have to say that I am far happier out of the marriage than in it. It was my decision to separate. The cross-dressing wasn't the cause; years of verbal abuse were, and the cross-dressing was only a very occasional one of several targets for the blame when that little fun-fair got rolling.
    And yes, since living alone, I've dressed in private far more than I was ever able to before, and I can feel I'm not far from outing myself, probably as an androgyne. I'm still discovering my labels.

    Having since experienced the acceptance of my sister and a GG friend, I've no intention of getting into any serious relationship in future in which the cross dressing isn't accepted, even if the search is a very long one.

    To the original question, no, I'm frustrated (at being limited to doing it in private). I think it's frankly disgusting that with so much progress in societal acceptance of the LGB of LGBT, and perhaps indeed the Transexual element of T, we who would merely wear women's clothes should be forced into closets still.

    I love the colour my nails are today (a wonderful dark burgundy). I love my women's high waisted jeans and brown brogue 4' block heeled ankle boots. I hate the fact that despite having, along with everyone else in the company, had to complete anti-sexual harassment training that specifically called out the unacceptability of discriminating against people for cross-dressing, and despite the fact that I'm the most senior leader in the location, whose duty it is to enforce this policy, I shall shortly feel obliged to remove the polish and go in tomorrow presenting as a man. I hate it.

    So, I'm frustrated. And sufficiently so that I'll be amazed if I haven't plucked up the courage to do something about it (i.e. come out at work) before the end of next year.
    Last edited by julieanneharton; 11-03-2019 at 05:26 PM. Reason: To correct "To the original question, yes, I'm frustrated" to "no, I'm frustrated", as I'd misremembered the question.

  16. #16
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I consider myself somewhat lucky that the GID isn't to the extent that it feels almost like a crippling, overwhelming need that blocks out everything else and making life intolerable as a male. I've read so many distraught things by others who are subject to depression and even self harm desires because they want to express as women so very, very much, but can't, for whatever reason.
    So I always remember, it could always be worse.
    I have to take comfort in that thought.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  17. #17
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    Sorry, I was a little angrier than need be when I wrote my last. To those in the thread who were sensibly advising others to put their relationships with wives and children above their desire to cross-dress; I agree, that is sound advice, and exactly what I did until, for other reasons, I ended the marriage.

    In fact, it was the self-belief and relief from shame that came from being accepted by the two people (other than my wife) who know that gave me the courage to end the marriage. The shame of being a cross-dresser, and with it, the fear that my wife would ruin my life by telling even more people (than those friends she'd non-consensually told years ago, see other posts) if I left her, was amongst the things that had kept me in the marriage years after we should have split. Once I'd been accepted, I knew I had the strength not to allow my life to become ruined even if she broadcast it to the world.

    One thing I find difficult, though I understand its origins, is the assumption that it's meet and right for cross dressers to have to be in the closet. That society doesn't need to be more open-minded, as it has in the last 40 years shown it can be to the gay community. I imagine that as the great pro-gay campaigns of the 70s and onwards were getting started there would have been detractors saying "we don't want to be out, it's not safe, we've always had to keep ourselves hidden, that's just the way it is". It sometimes feels as though that's where cross dressing is today.

    I want to be me, not just in my home, but in the streets; in my case, I don't want to pass, as that would just be hiding myself at the other end of the spectrum. I want, day to day, to feel the same joy in being myself as I did the day after I came out to my sister, and we sat chatting like girls about the sheer pleasures of shoes (after decades of having to feign total disinterest whenever she and her girlfriends were cooing over Vogue, it was like a dam breaking).

    The loneliness of the closet (even relieved somewhat by the company of those here) is a terrible thing to wish on anyone by comparison.

    So, no, not frequently enough, and it's the rest of the world that needs to change to allow me to dress as I want to, not me that needs to roll over and accept life in a closet. And frankly, I suspect that society is readier for it than we give it credit for, and that it's the fears in our own heads that really keep us in. And yes, it will be tough, and the transphobic definitely exist, but if Eddie Izzard gigs can routinely sell out before I get tickets, there's no reason he should have to do it alone!
    Last edited by julieanneharton; 11-04-2019 at 03:18 AM. Reason: ? -> '

  18. #18
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    I don't dress nearly as much as I want to when I am home. I am out to my wife and while she is supportive, I just don't feel comfortable dressing when she is around. If she is going to be gone for a while I will either get dressed or do my nails. Sometimes I even have time to do both.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member
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    I would like to dress more. However, I would like to respect my wife's wishes and only dress when she is not around. I still get out in the real world a couple of times a year.
    Sara.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    I have elementary and middle school aged children and I am out at home and work and in my running group. But my wife's biggest fear is our children being bullied for my CDing. So I cannot dress in our town where their peers might see us together. But I think it is better for the kids to know about it at younger ages, since this is not going away and they will learn to more accepting if introduced to it at younger ages. Even though I dress a lot as a result, the grass is always greener and sometimes wish I could be fully out.

  21. #21
    Junior Member Gaz's Avatar
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    I'm 100% fine dressing part time, since I only ever have the urge to dress part time. What does cheese me off is that when I do have the urge, the logistics of it - get up in the morning, get dressed in guy stuff, take my kid to school. Come home, get changed into girly stuff. Before heading out to the store at lunch, get changed again. Come back with groceries, get changed again. Then change again before my wife comes home with our kid.

    There are most definitely times when my urge to dress is outweighed by the feeling of "I really just can't be bothered right now, its too much work!"
    Bearded, hairy, beer-chugging, truck-drivin', wife lovin' manly man...
    ...sometimes in lingerie and heels, and occasionally a cute dress. MIAD 4 life!

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    Yes, I am finding that the urge to dress has been less and less lately. Even when I have had the opportunity, I have passed it up more often than not. I also recently went through a bunch of things, a few dresses, a lot of panties and extra panty hose and purged them. However, when the mood hits..........

  23. #23
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    Our situations are similar. I'll venture a guess that you might have even looked forward to it with mixed feelings like I did. I'm obviously enjoying the unlimited time off and being able to take long baths and groom myself in more feminine ways.

    On the other hand I'm thinking to myself that my wife is around all the time now. Her interest in all day excursions and car trips with lady friends and family have slowed down as well. We're not clingy and I do have privacy late at night but would have to stay up half the night in order to dress after she goes to bed. I found that she has adjusted her hours since I retired and is staying up later.

    Retirement is a wonderful time but it can definitely change the Dynamics for dressing.

    Good luck to both of us and hang in there.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Sorry about the out of sync reply. My last comment was directed to HarrietD about retiring and I did it on my phone and dropped the quoted text.

  24. #24
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I would not at all be satisfied any longer with now and then.
    Being retired I've spent close to 50% of my time dressed. Of late I've been struggling with that as I want more.
    We'll see what happens ...

  25. #25
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    wow Ginger IMO I think you hit the nail rite on the head.

    If I can only dress a little bit twice a year what do I do life is
    short I'm finding the feminine feelings occuring stronger & stronger
    the older I get.
    I found that the disadvantages far out weighs the advantages
    so I suck it up & try to reach my goal some time in the future.
    It really hasn't gotten any better all these years.
    Last edited by Danelle Tino; 11-05-2019 at 06:12 PM.

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