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Thread: Wishing you were a woman vs gender dysphoria

  1. #51
    Member Felicia M's Avatar
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    Jul 2018
    Greater Boston, MA
    Julie -

    the link you posted was such a great read. Thanks so much for posting. At least for me personally I can definitely identify with gender as a longing or desire, not an identity. When I reach certain points in a cycle I have a deep desire and longing to be a woman. I wouldn't give transitioning a second thought but then the feeling slowly ebbs over time only to come back again later. It's wonderful that this article is out there for others to read and for others to see the differences in our lived experience. The spectrum is so rich and we are all so different. It is good to know the struggles of others so we all can grow.

    I have been circling for a thousand years,
    and I still don?t know if I am a falcon, or a storm,
    or a great song.

    Rainer Maria Rilke I live My Life in Growing Orbits

  2. #52
    Junior Member
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    Nov 2006
    Ohio, USA
    For those looking for an answer to the question "why am I the way I am?" There is a book that examines the biology behind sex, gender and sexual orientation called "Not A Choice: The Biology You Weren't Taught About Sex And Gender" on Kindle by PJ Paulson. It's a short read of about 60 pages but it summarizes the well established science and understanding of this topic that many are not aware of. I'd recommend it, especially if you are troubled about your gender, orientation or position in the spectrum of variability. It may put your mind at ease. Nothing is binary, contrary to the insistence of religeous groups, and it's not a conscious choice either.

  3. #53
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    Aug 2013
    The concept of gender desire noted in the link posted by Julie really rings true for me. I have tended to think of it as gender envy, but I think this term is more accurate. Thanks for posting! Nancy

  4. #54
    Aspiring Member
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    Apr 2016
    Quote Originally Posted by Julie Slowinski View Post

    In either case, that?s a fairly long introduction to this article, which many on Facebook were finding quite a bit of connection to. Please enjoy and I promise it has no chemistry.
    julie, thanks for posting that. a bunch. it describes my experience very well.
    ?If you're not sure about the transition ... well ... I think what finally helped me sort things out was trying to focus on what future I really would be happy with. Not even happy so much as what I could handle. And I just couldn't handle the idea of the next 20 years pretending I was a guy.?
    -raquel june

  5. #55
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
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    Dec 2007
    Utah, north of West Jordan, south of North Salt Lake & west of South Salt Lake
    My path has been one with a lot of twists and turns but honesty existed only when I was a child and in the last few years. As a child I would fall asleep wanting to wake in the morning as a girl. That was honest but obviously out of my reach so I spent the next 40-50 years calling it something else. Over the last few years I've come back to the original feeling, acknowledge the honesty it held and discovered the goal just might be within my reach.
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  6. #56
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Apr 2006
    Midwest U.S.
    Micki, I am a veteran who served and was willing to die for this country. i have a right to my opinion, and you have a right to yours, but i get tired of some on here sniping and being aggressively mean.

  7. #57
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    May 2005
    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    When I saw myself as a naked female, with boobs and vagina I practically fainted dead away. Within a week, all thots of becoming female disappeared.
    Could you explain this a little more? I'm curious how the sight changed your mind.

  8. #58
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Apr 2006
    Midwest U.S.
    Sometimes Miss. I found it is not always true of women wanting tell guys. I am six foot six, and have been rejected by many very tall women, who chose shorter guys than them. It is all about power and confidence with most women.

  9. #59
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Torn View Post
    Sometimes Miss. I found it is not always true of women wanting tell guys. I am six foot six, and have been rejected by many very tall women, who chose shorter guys than them. It is all about power and confidence with most women.
    Power, confidence, status, assets, and money. And THEN looks and height.
    But I've come across a lot of women who don't want to date men their own height or shorter. Not always true, but mostly.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  10. #60
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Nov 2013
    Quote Originally Posted by JulesLynne View Post
    I?ve seen a lot of CDs who end up making the permanent gender transition and just curious what their path of self discovery really looks like. And I?ll be honest... I?m afraid of being TG.
    I resemble those remarks...... wow..... what a journey it has been. I never thought I would ever be where I am at. Why? Because it was such a huge fantasy? Nope. I never thought I'd be here, because I never thought I needed to. I think now, that back then I listened too strongly to those who say, do not ever transition unless your life depends on it. My life didn't depend on it, and I am still thrilled that I chose to do it, and I will never go back.

    What was my path? Lots of talking. A lot of reading. A lot of listening. A lot of writing. Things in my life were good, but many things were not. I suspected I was struggling unnecessarily. At 45 I finally started therapy, two months later I decided to try changing my hormones. Yes, what got me to finally do it was understanding that I could try it, and if it was not right for me, I could stop. I gave myself the freedom to try.

    I never thought I was a woman. I never wanted to transition. I didn't feel trapped in the wrong body. I've never hated parts of my body. This has not been a lifelong dream. These are all things I thought I knew about myself. I never had any doubt. And now..... after 2.5 years of therapy, a severe change in my hormones, oh and yeah a year and a half into my social/work/legal transition, I am finally beginning to accept the truth of things. I've wanted this my whole life and I was too afraid so I hid those things from myself. It feels so weird, but the best weird I have ever felt.

    My last thought - I was speaking to my therapist last night and I said, I am starting to forget about my gender and that is something I never thought would happen.

  11. #61
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    Nadine ,
    Many thanks for your thoughtful reply .

    Your last paragraph raises the question of how often do people in general consider their gender . I'm not sure if I will ever follow your path exactly but in many aspects I agree with you , I don't particularly hate my body but I just prefer to look female , the more I go out as such the less I consider my gender possibly because no one else appears to consider it . I'm accepted for what I am , if some think I'm female that's fine , if they still think I'm male it doesn't appear to bother them . It still makes me smile after all the ups and downs of getting where I am now no one really cares as long as I fit in , are some really changing their bodies for no apparent reason ?
    The real me ,no going back.

  12. #62
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    just west of syracuse n.y.
    If I was in my 20's again and alone in this world I would really think of doing the change. but I have to many loved one calling me Dad And grandpa. I do often wish I dad been born a GG. I get to dress almost 24/7 so I'm happy.

  13. #63
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Nation's Capital
    I had a very normal boyhood, playing baseball, football, basketball and hockey, for example, but with a deeply buried CD tendency that only came out in secret. I never considered myself a girl. The paradigm in those days were that men who dressed in women's clothes were gay (to use current vernacular). So I did wonder if I was gay.

    If you ask me now, I would say I'm gender fluid, but more of a bigender. When I'm out en femme, I still look at GGs When I'm out en homme, I still look at women's clothes and what GGs are wearing.

    There used to be an ad for mounds and almond joy (candy), "Sometimes you feel like a nut; sometimes you don't"
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; Today at 05:57 PM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.


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