Wishing you were a woman vs gender dysphoria

[JulesLynne]

Ok girls, this is more of a philosophical pondering and I?m not sure if it?s better here in the CD forum or in the TS forum. But I?m a CD so I?m posting it here. I?d definitely like to hear from some of the TG women as well though.

I wouldn?t describe myself as having gender dysphoria... I?m OK with my male side and don?t feel disconnected from it. But at the same time, I feel like I ?want? to be a woman at times. I definitely don?t feel ?trapped? in a man?s body or born into the wrong body. CDing seems to provide me with a mechanism to temporarily become a woman, and it?s very stress relieving for me. But at the end of the day, I still wish that I could become a perfect woman. Does this make me cross the lines into the TG/gender dysphoria side? I?ve seen a lot of CDs who end up making the permanent gender transition and just curious what their path of self discovery really looks like. And I?ll be honest... I?m afraid of being TG. If I?m daydreaming, I?m thinking about what it would be like to wear a cute outfit that some woman is wearing, or I?m thinking about makeup or heels or something along those lines. Lately I find my mind spending a lot more time embracing the pink fog, yet I find comfort in being a normal guy 90% of the time.

Any other girls relate to this? It?s not about the clothes (well, it kinda is). It?s not about a sexual kink (even though presenting as a beautiful woman is undeniably sexy). It?s really about becoming a woman (even though I don?t want to permanently become a woman).

I?m full of inner conflict but somehow I think I?m not alone here.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Interesting thread;

Personally for me it's never been about the clothes. I've always felt more comfortable in the traditional female role,presentation etc. I know that if I had the ability and the option, I would feel much better . I don't 'wish' to become a perfect woman, I would be happy to be accepted as I am. I have become comfortable with myself and the only time I feel uncomfortable is when other make me anxious.

[AlyssaS]

I have body dysphoria --- I want the soft skin, the breasts, the waist/hips, etc. But gender dysphoria --- not really. I like being a guy down there, and don't want to be female at all.

[Tracii G]

When one over thinks things thats when the conflict problems start.

[Nikki.]

Yes, thinking in general, and particularly self-analysis and self-reflection is bad, and probably the work of the devil. Avoid if possible.

[Lana Mae]

I would suggest a counselor/therapist to help you sort all of this! They ask you the right questions to find your own answers! Just my $0.02! Hugs Lana Mae

[docrobbysherry]

Actually, I can relate to your post, Jules. I struggled with wanting to become a female for over 10 years!

Rite up until the day my full, female, silicone suit arrived! When I saw myself as a naked female, with boobs and vagina I practically fainted dead away. Within a week, all thots of becoming female disappeared. Apparently, I'm simply a CD who wants to appear to be pretty, sexy, woman sometimes!

And, as u can see from my pics, I can and do!

[Genifer Teal]

When I saw myself as a naked female, with boobs and vagina I practically fainted dead away. Within a week, all thots of becoming female disappeared.

Could you explain this a little more? I'm curious how the sight changed your mind.

[Star01]

I have been reading this thread how many started as crossdressers and realized later on that they are tg along with the thread asking what do closet cd's do for fun. As a closet cd that got me to thinking, did being out and free to dress when and as they pleased hasten the realization that they were tg? It appears to me from what some of you said about your own experiences that for many of us closeted cd's more freedom might send us on that unexpected path. Forgive me if I'm off base but I recently started paying serious attention to this group and am still gathering information and trying to find some direction. I guess for lack of a better description I'm at a "now where do I take this" crossroads.

[Aunt Kelly]

Star,
It's probably more complicated in many cases. Speaking only for myself, I had plenty of opportunity to explore my gender identity, 20+years, but it was not until I entered therapy that finally came to grips with it. I had sought therapy for symptoms that I would eventually learn were a manifestation of my GD. Up that point I readily identified as CD or gender fluid. You'd think it would be a short leap from there to TS, right? Not so much, it turns out.

Therapy can be shortcut to understanding our gender identity, but you have do the work, no matter where you end up.

[Star01]

Star,
It's probably more complicated in many cases. Speaking only for myself, I had plenty of opportunity to explore my gender identity, 20+years, but it was not until I entered therapy that finally came to grips with it. I had sought therapy for symptoms that I would eventually learn were a manifestation of my GD. Up that point I readily identified as CD or gender fluid. You'd think it would be a short leap from there to TS, right? Not so much, it turns out.

Therapy can be shortcut to understanding our gender identity, but you have do the work, no matter where you end up.

Thanks, what you're saying makes sense but I suspect that just like every other topic on this board there are surely exceptions ranging from "I have always known" up to and including the help of a therapist. In my case I have cruised through life with an unidentifiable angst punctuated by outbreaks of dressing that started at around 12 or 13. It seems that whatever has been lurking in the shadows for about 55 years has stepped up it's game and is demanding answers and changes but I'm not sure what they are. My DADT situation throws a monkey wrench into the whole mix as that type of status hinders discovery and growth.

[Deborah2B]

Jules Lynne there are many levels on the CD spectrum. Some just want to wear a lttle something feminine such as panties and nothing beyond that. Some want to become a woman full time, so much so that they do HRT and have SRS. THere is a whole bunch of choices in between these two points.

I am a guy that enjoys being a guy and doing "guy things". I also enjoy dressing up as a woman every once in a while and feeling very feminine. My desire is to make my presentation a tribute to women. I try to dress beautifully but still blend in as much as possible. When I can do this I feel very relaxed. Being able to do a full and convincing presentation can be a wonderful feeling.

I am lucky that I can wear XL women's blouses. Dresses are usually an 18 or XL. Pants and skirts I can go smaller with a 12. I am real luck as far as women's shoes. I have a very narrow foot for a guy. I can wear women's size 9 shoes. Thanks to my genetic background I do not have a lot of body hair. Getting a clean shave on my face is a pain in the rear end though.

Jules Lynne just enjoy being yourself and doing what makes you happy.

[Aunt Kelly]

Ok girls, this is more of a philosophical pondering and I?m not sure if it?s better here in the CD forum or in the TS forum. But I?m a CD so I?m posting it here. I?d definitely like to hear from some of the TG women as well though.

I wouldn?t describe myself as having gender dysphoria... I?m OK with my male side and don?t feel disconnected from it. But at the same time, I feel like I ?want? to be a woman at times. I definitely don?t feel ?trapped? in a man?s body or born into the wrong body. CDing seems to provide me with a mechanism to temporarily become a woman, and it?s very stress relieving for me. But at the end of the day, I still wish that I could become a perfect woman. Does this make me cross the lines into the TG/gender dysphoria side? I?ve seen a lot of CDs who end up making the permanent gender transition and just curious what their path of self discovery really looks like. And I?ll be honest... I?m afraid of being TG. If I?m daydreaming, I?m thinking about what it would be like to wear a cute outfit that some woman is wearing, or I?m thinking about makeup or heels or something along those lines. Lately I find my mind spending a lot more time embracing the pink fog, yet I find comfort in being a normal guy 90% of the time.

Any other girls relate to this? It?s not about the clothes (well, it kinda is). It?s not about a sexual kink (even though presenting as a beautiful woman is undeniably sexy). It?s really about becoming a woman (even though I don?t want to permanently become a woman).

I?m full of inner conflict but somehow I think I?m not alone here.

No. That's a fantasy, and a fairly common one. Nothing wrong with it, but that's not gender dysphoria if you are "OK" with your male side... maybe. I would have said the same thing, and frequently did, right up to the point in therapy where I finally came to grips with who I really am.
My advice is to stick with what works for you now, if it really does work for you. Your life will be happier and less complicated.

[Pumped]

I believe most of us have gender dysphoria to some degree, some more, some less. On the other hand I don't think you have to have the desire to be a woman to have it. A trace of dysphoria and you are a guy in a dress, full on dysphoria and you want to transition.

Ever since I was a child I didn't fit in with the guys, but of course I shouldn't fit in with the girls either, but in some ways I did. I also have no desire to transition but certainly enjoy dressing.

[Samm]

Jules, I can relate to everything in your post. But no, I don't see it as a just a fantasy, as posted in Aunt Kelly's reply.
Have I, and do I have fantasies? Of course. But feeling the way I feel inside is not one of them. That is... feeling like I'm a mixture of both m&f, rather than one or the other.

[Felicia M]

Lovely and interesting thread.

I can definitely relate.

Lately I have had many internal discussions on this and the best metaphor I could come up with are tides of the ocean. At absolute ebb tide (low) I seem fine being my male self and don't have any real inclination to present as female. I am not perfectly fine with everything. Deep down I hear the whirring but I also love being a father and husband and try to stay in the moment. Then the flood begins. It is slow at first. I think about presenting but it is only a small voice. Then the flood tide gets higher and higher. It becomes overwhelming in the later stages and at high tide I want to dress all the time. I have also noticed that as I mature in this and keep testing my boundaries that flood and high tides seem to last longer and longer. At flood tide I definitely have thoughts that I am completely out of balance with my birth sex. I would love to be a woman. The dysphoria is strong.

Another good reason to equate with water and the tides is that every time I think I have a good sense of where I am at in the journey something changes. As the tide goes out the sand at the bottom has shifted and has exposed new things and covered up others. At least for me it is really important not to be rigid in my thinking. I have to remain flexible as so much is in flux. This really helps me keep from being in conflict internally and be open to evolving.

Even gender dysphoria, although easy to define, is hard to diagnose as its expression varies all over the map.

This quote from Gretchen really hit home to me. From the responses to this thread it would seem many flow into and out of the feeling of dysphoria and wanting to be a woman and struggle with understanding and dealing with it.

[Robertacd]

You sound like me most of my life... The inner conflict went away once I accepted that I was transgender.

[CourtneyJamieson]

Just my 2 cents......I think about what it would be like to be a girl alot. I LUV to dress and be Fem and go out. I love to be a girl. I would LOVE to be a girl 24/7 right now. But I tend to think long-term as well. Just to be honest....I dress now because I can plausibly pass as a woman and I get attention. I go out ALOT now because of that. But when I am 75-years-old I dont know if I could do the same. So I think I would LOVE to be a woman RIGHT NOW....but not so sure I want to be a woman when I am 75.

[Stephanie47]

Courtney (#37), you may not want to be a 75 year old guy too! I'm 72+ and still enjoy being en femme and have plenty of nice age appropriate clothes. I am in decent health and probably in better health that a lot of guys I see in their twenties and thirties and forties with obese beer bellies and all the medical issues that come with it. Yes, there are some more lines on my face. And, I do need a wig. When you hit seventy-five you'll still have the same drive to be womanly. It does not go away with age. You'll just have to adjust your life accordingly. Sometimes I get comments from younger people commenting in somewhat of a negative way about getting old(er). All I have to say about that is "I made it this far. No guarantee you're going to get there!"

I know plenty of men and women who have no qualms about aging. It's acceptance of the life cycle. It's also reflecting upon what you accomplished in life and the legacy you are leaving.

[Joanne86]

So I figured this would be a good topic for me to comment on because I have had a wide range of mental fluctuation in regards to topics like this. I have been crossdressing for a long time, since my teens (I am in my early 30s now) though I don?t do it too often now. Part of that is I don?t own much and don?t really have to funds to splurge on those kinds of things. Of course that doesn?t stop me from browsing online and hopefully I can start to add a little more piece by piece.

Anyways, I have definitely had thoughts that this was more than just enjoying wearing women?s clothing. There are times I really think I might be transgender, like serious thoughts and what may be labeled as gender dysphoria. Definite times where I look at my body and wish it was feminine with mentally visualizing what that would look like. But as far as seeing a therapist and transitioning that is likely to never happen. I mean I should never say never and I do enjoy aspects of being a male. Maybe my thoughts and feelings align more with the notion of being non-binary and I could definitely understand why others might see my thoughts it that light. So in the end, would I want to be a woman? The answer is a complicated yes and no. But I can definitely say that my interest in crossdressing definitely crosses lines past just simple crossdressing. The war in my brain, so to speak, will continue to wage on.

[Alice Torn]

Sometimes Miss, I appreciate your gut honesty. I wear size 16 womens shoes, too, huge hands,sis foot six 260, but have nice legs. i have struggled as an old bachelor. Never had a chance with women, really. Too low income. I have to accept my lot in life, and toxic family too. My siblings are all lost loners, too with big problems they are in denial of. At least i see my problems. A stranger most of my life , i have moved 50 times. Need to stay a male. Stephanie47, Joanne, i relate to being senior, and aging much better than most seniors.

[Kendra Sue]

I think about being a woman every day.I wish I wasa woman. I am so envious of all the things a woman can do. As the song goes Man I feel like a woman

[April Rose]

Julie, thanks for the link. It's an interesting article, and one I am in substantial agreement with. I have friends in the trans community who are at different levels of self Identity. I think it is important that we recognize those levels without allowing that recognition to divide us. We are all in some way in the same struggle.

[sometimes_miss]

I don't know, you can be successful with some women when low income. I know plenty of women who hook with with freeloading losers who smack them around and abuse them. Guess that is the key... Unfortunately, those of us who treat women with respect and as equals have a tougher time of it. What a world we live in...

Being an abusive guy isn't the key to attraction, even though it might seem to be. It's the displaying of alpha male characteristics and behavior that is.
Leadership; displayed by telling other people what to do, and being able to convey to them that they should do it because it's the right thing to do (a frequent bad boy behavior). Confidence (again, not caring about other people's opinions is a big one; not even asking, but just going ahead with what you want do do). Not EVER appearing to be needy is another big one, that one apparently is a real turn off for most women (other than the occasional nurturing instinct that kicks in when her man is injured or severely ill). Being in control of your own life.
Women generally prefer men taller than themselves; some of us are tall and can take advantage of that. It's a harder road to travel if you're short, but one way to make life easier is to simply go after women who are shorter than you are; OR.... keep putting yourself in situations where you're the only male there, with lots of women around. Simple 'supply and demand' scenario. Lots more but you get the idea.

[mbmeen12]

You are not alone and this web site helps us walking the thin pink line....