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Thread: Wishing you were a woman vs gender dysphoria

  1. #1
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    Wishing you were a woman vs gender dysphoria

    Ok girls, this is more of a philosophical pondering and I?m not sure if it?s better here in the CD forum or in the TS forum. But I?m a CD so I?m posting it here. I?d definitely like to hear from some of the TG women as well though.

    I wouldn?t describe myself as having gender dysphoria... I?m OK with my male side and don?t feel disconnected from it. But at the same time, I feel like I ?want? to be a woman at times. I definitely don?t feel ?trapped? in a man?s body or born into the wrong body. CDing seems to provide me with a mechanism to temporarily become a woman, and it?s very stress relieving for me. But at the end of the day, I still wish that I could become a perfect woman. Does this make me cross the lines into the TG/gender dysphoria side? I?ve seen a lot of CDs who end up making the permanent gender transition and just curious what their path of self discovery really looks like. And I?ll be honest... I?m afraid of being TG. If I?m daydreaming, I?m thinking about what it would be like to wear a cute outfit that some woman is wearing, or I?m thinking about makeup or heels or something along those lines. Lately I find my mind spending a lot more time embracing the pink fog, yet I find comfort in being a normal guy 90% of the time.

    Any other girls relate to this? It?s not about the clothes (well, it kinda is). It?s not about a sexual kink (even though presenting as a beautiful woman is undeniably sexy). It?s really about becoming a woman (even though I don?t want to permanently become a woman).

    I?m full of inner conflict but somehow I think I?m not alone here.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    Interesting thread;

    Personally for me it's never been about the clothes. I've always felt more comfortable in the traditional female role,presentation etc. I know that if I had the ability and the option, I would feel much better . I don't 'wish' to become a perfect woman, I would be happy to be accepted as I am. I have become comfortable with myself and the only time I feel uncomfortable is when other make me anxious.
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    Member AlyssaS's Avatar
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    I have body dysphoria --- I want the soft skin, the breasts, the waist/hips, etc. But gender dysphoria --- not really. I like being a guy down there, and don't want to be female at all.

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    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    When one over thinks things thats when the conflict problems start.
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    Yes, thinking in general, and particularly self-analysis and self-reflection is bad, and probably the work of the devil. Avoid if possible.

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    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I would suggest a counselor/therapist to help you sort all of this! They ask you the right questions to find your own answers! Just my $0.02! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
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    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Actually, I can relate to your post, Jules. I struggled with wanting to become a female for over 10 years!

    Rite up until the day my full, female, silicone suit arrived! When I saw myself as a naked female, with boobs and vagina I practically fainted dead away. Within a week, all thots of becoming female disappeared. Apparently, I'm simply a CD who wants to appear to be pretty, sexy, woman sometimes!

    And, as u can see from my pics, I can and do!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

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    Member Deborah2B's Avatar
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    Jules Lynne there are many levels on the CD spectrum. Some just want to wear a lttle something feminine such as panties and nothing beyond that. Some want to become a woman full time, so much so that they do HRT and have SRS. THere is a whole bunch of choices in between these two points.

    I am a guy that enjoys being a guy and doing "guy things". I also enjoy dressing up as a woman every once in a while and feeling very feminine. My desire is to make my presentation a tribute to women. I try to dress beautifully but still blend in as much as possible. When I can do this I feel very relaxed. Being able to do a full and convincing presentation can be a wonderful feeling.

    I am lucky that I can wear XL women's blouses. Dresses are usually an 18 or XL. Pants and skirts I can go smaller with a 12. I am real luck as far as women's shoes. I have a very narrow foot for a guy. I can wear women's size 9 shoes. Thanks to my genetic background I do not have a lot of body hair. Getting a clean shave on my face is a pain in the rear end though.

    Jules Lynne just enjoy being yourself and doing what makes you happy.
    Deborah

    My desire is to create an illusion that is a compliment to all women. It is not meant to demean women or their struggles. It is not a threat to their femininity. It is meant to uphold and celebrate their presence and beauty. I try to accomplish that goal each time.

  9. #9
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JulesLynne View Post
    Ok girls, this is more of a philosophical pondering and I?m not sure if it?s better here in the CD forum or in the TS forum. But I?m a CD so I?m posting it here. I?d definitely like to hear from some of the TG women as well though.

    I wouldn?t describe myself as having gender dysphoria... I?m OK with my male side and don?t feel disconnected from it. But at the same time, I feel like I ?want? to be a woman at times. I definitely don?t feel ?trapped? in a man?s body or born into the wrong body. CDing seems to provide me with a mechanism to temporarily become a woman, and it?s very stress relieving for me. But at the end of the day, I still wish that I could become a perfect woman. Does this make me cross the lines into the TG/gender dysphoria side? I?ve seen a lot of CDs who end up making the permanent gender transition and just curious what their path of self discovery really looks like. And I?ll be honest... I?m afraid of being TG. If I?m daydreaming, I?m thinking about what it would be like to wear a cute outfit that some woman is wearing, or I?m thinking about makeup or heels or something along those lines. Lately I find my mind spending a lot more time embracing the pink fog, yet I find comfort in being a normal guy 90% of the time.

    Any other girls relate to this? It?s not about the clothes (well, it kinda is). It?s not about a sexual kink (even though presenting as a beautiful woman is undeniably sexy). It?s really about becoming a woman (even though I don?t want to permanently become a woman).

    I?m full of inner conflict but somehow I think I?m not alone here.
    No. That's a fantasy, and a fairly common one. Nothing wrong with it, but that's not gender dysphoria if you are "OK" with your male side... maybe. I would have said the same thing, and frequently did, right up to the point in therapy where I finally came to grips with who I really am.
    My advice is to stick with what works for you now, if it really does work for you. Your life will be happier and less complicated.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
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  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Pumped's Avatar
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    I believe most of us have gender dysphoria to some degree, some more, some less. On the other hand I don't think you have to have the desire to be a woman to have it. A trace of dysphoria and you are a guy in a dress, full on dysphoria and you want to transition.

    Ever since I was a child I didn't fit in with the guys, but of course I shouldn't fit in with the girls either, but in some ways I did. I also have no desire to transition but certainly enjoy dressing.

  11. #11
    I can only be me Samm's Avatar
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    Jules, I can relate to everything in your post. But no, I don't see it as a just a fantasy, as posted in Aunt Kelly's reply.
    Have I, and do I have fantasies? Of course. But feeling the way I feel inside is not one of them. That is... feeling like I'm a mixture of both m&f, rather than one or the other.
    "Samm" Sammara Michaels

    I also speak fluent sarcasm

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    Seňora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    You sound like me most of my life... The inner conflict went away once I accepted that I was transgender.

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    Aspiring Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    You are not alone and this web site helps us walking the thin pink line....
    I live in CT and love to meet like minded friends....

  14. #14
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    Hi JulesLynne,

    I'm from the TS side. There are "away-from" people and "towards" people, and also people who are "both" - stick or carrot, really. While most of the TS will be in the strongly-dysphoric side of "away-from", there are those, like myself, being a super-positive person, who lean instead in the "omg i feel so much better and my true self like this" category. Just cos you don't have the same level of away-from problems as others does not invalidate your sense of desire to be female.

    Your sense of being comfortable as a male 90% of the time is also what you're used to. A woman can be equally comfortable in mens clothing. For myself, the real thing was "seeing the real me looking back in the mirror". Yeah, I could have survived as a male i guess if i'd never tred on those clothes, but once pandora's box was opened, only Pam was going to exist. You see, we're so good at denial, that we can hide the truth, also also the unwanted feelings of self-dislike, of body dislike, and they might only appear as overweight or other problems such as drinking or health-harming activities.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

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    Hi JulesLynne
    I can relate to your post. I like being a guy and enjoy loads of guy activities etc, but also revert to the femme in me from time to time, especially when I am on my own in the house. Just to get the femme ?feel? if I get an hour at home I will put on a bra and forms under drab for a spell, and maybe a skirt. If I get longer I will adopt my alter ego and really feel feminine for longer with all the usual underpinnings and dress properly. As I have posted before I regularly sleep in bra, forms, nightdress. But then its back to normality. I hope this helps.
    Vikky
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    I can relate to this completely. I don’t have the classic defined symptoms of feeling trapped in the wrong body, etc - and I don’t believe I *am* a woman... but I definitely wish I was one.... but that’s largely I think due to my self perceived failures as a man (despite not really having any). CDing fills (or attempts to fill) vast emotional holes for me and my wishing to be a woman probably is a lie to myself that if I were one those emotional voids would be fulfilled permanently. I don’t believe it and would have to sacrifice way too much to even dress full time etc. So I simply have to accept a certain level of misery to maintain the status quo and hope that I can find some enjoyment in life somehow.... not a great recipe for happiness, but it is what it is.
    Kelly a.k.a. VS Fan

  17. #17
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    I never felt that I really had to identify what I thought or did as one or the other. I am who I am and do the things I do and if someone wants to make a judgement that's fine, just don't involve me.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

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    Hi Jules Lynne , I just enjoy having the Best of both worlds. >Orchid .oOOo.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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    You're definitely not alone here. I can 100% relate to your post. I personally feel we continue to grow as we continue to question ourselves. I also believe a rich life has many chapters. For me this is a new chapter as I explore why I feel the way I do as a CD. I don't believe my journey will end as a TG woman but I remain open to all possibilities and continue to enjoy the ride. For me, anyway, I feel most alive when I'm actively involved with self discovery. Enjoy the journey.

  20. #20
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    I am quite happy being myself. Sure I fantasize about having natural curves. Honestly, it's all about the clothes for me..
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  21. #21
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    There is no clear boundary between CD and TG and in many classifications CD is a subcategory of TG which is the all encompassing blanket that basically includes anybody with gender issues. One difference though is that with CD it tends to be more about the physical expression (the clothes) and with TG it involves gender reversed behaviors and identity irrespective of the clothes, either continuously or intermittently. But, again, you can't draw a line that divides these two categories. Because it is a complex of characteristics, categorizing is actually pretty pointless except at the most generalized level.

    I am a lot like you. I bounce around a great deal, but generally my dressing is preceded by the feminine feelings. With CDs there seems to a vague pattern where the dressing is done to produce the feminine feelings. Again, the categories are vague and they my be defined and distinguished more by cherry picking the data than reality.

    The point is, I would recommend not paying a whole lot of effort in trying to figure out which you are as you will likely come up with a concept one day that will change the next day. Complex behaviors tend to be that way. I think it is more important, at the personal level, to try and define what you do in achieving your comfort level based on what works and ignore any labels. You, like everyone else, are unique and I think it is a mistake to try and comply with this or that classification. My dear wife says, "Just be you." Unfortunately, her definition of me is not entirely consistent with my definition of me. And that is due to the colossal complexity of identity. Is it an issue? Some, but compromising in various ways helps keep the dust settled.

    Even gender dysphoria, although easy to define, is hard to diagnose as its expression varies all over the map. Some just totally freak out when dysphoria hits while others just put on a little lipstick or a pair of panties and they are fine. There is nothing wrong with this variability. No two of us exhibit the same behavior patterns and reactions to what we sense and experience deep, deep inside of us. Do what is comfortable but at the same time be considerate of the fact that not everyone even remotely understands what we deal with because they do not have gender variability. You can't really explain it so they will fully understand it - you must experience it to understand it. So we need to be considerate of their confusion and find a middle ground where we can be ourselves while not making them uncomfortable. That is a difficult and delicate task and with the complexity of the behavior hitting the bull's eye is next to impossible.

  22. #22
    Member Soriya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VS Fan View Post
    I can relate to this completely. I don?t have the classic defined symptoms of feeling trapped in the wrong body, etc - and I don?t believe I *am* a woman... but I definitely wish I was one.... but that?s largely I think due to my self perceived failures as a man (despite not really having any). CDing fills (or attempts to fill) vast emotional holes for me and my wishing to be a woman probably is a lie to myself that if I were one those emotional voids would be fulfilled permanently. I don?t believe it and would have to sacrifice way too much to even dress full time etc. So I simply have to accept a certain level of misery to maintain the status quo and hope that I can find some enjoyment in life somehow.... not a great recipe for happiness, but it is what it is.
    This!

    A lot of us have gone through what you describe at different points in our lives. I personally have never had any body dysphoria or ever felt like I was in the wrong body but have also wondered what life would be like as a women and sometimes have wished I was. As a man I have always felt like something was missing, been that way for as long as I can remember. The best way to describe it is I have never felt complete if that makes sense. As Soriya I have noticed that a lot of the happiness I feel are the feelings I am missing as a man. Of course that has had me think often if I am supposed to be a women but like VS Fan mentioned I can't dismiss that as a man I have endured a lot of negativity, physically and especially mentally. Looking at my dressing through my life I also realized that when the Pink Fog came knocking it was always during times of extreme loneliness. When I was in a relationship and things were going good, dressing was basically an afterthought and never came up, never really thought about it actually. When things started going South the Pink Fog started rolling back in.

    The older and wiser (I hope) I have become and the more I let go of past baggage I have noticed a lot of those 'missing' feelings as a man are starting to disappear.

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    I've always known something was up, even as a kid. But societal and parental pressures were too strong. Even today, if I had the same parents/family, it would have been near impossible had I just been looking out for myself. Yes, the feelings were pretty strong, but never strong enough to override the rest. Had circumstances been different, who knows.

  24. #24
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    You described me, too. i totally relate. I wish i could turn a switch to go back and forth sometimes. I am a 65 year old bachelor that never had a mate, and have struggled with this same thing for many decades. I know i can never be a lady, but i sometimes escape my male predicament by becoming the tall, older gorgeous lady for short fun moments, and i do have sexual arousement form her in the mirror, but with low T now, not so much as in the past. I could not be a perfect woman though, or perfect man. I try for excellence much, and to stay humble.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 11-07-2019 at 03:43 PM.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  25. #25
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    JL, you described my past. It was gender dysphoria, though I didn't know there was a name for until much later in life. I've fully accepted my being a strong TG. You appear to be a CD+ to a -TG, and that's OK. Be who you are, and you'll learn who you are.

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