Gaz, I will concur with others that counseling is needed. Counseling for yourself to reconcile your feelings of shame, guilt and any other negative feelings. It is obvious to me you are not comfortable with yourself otherwise you would not have purged your belongings. Your wife also needs individual counseling so she can freely express herself without worrying about your reaction. Couples counseling usually occurs after both parties have the opportunity to let it all hang out.

My wife and I are in a DADT marriage. We had "The Talk" in the early 1980's. We even had gone the route you and your wife went through. There was some bedroom play with lingerie. We shopped together for nightgown for me. She bought me hosiery and garter belts. When my interests went deeper, i.e., that vivid red Vanity Fair bra was pulled out of my armoire draw by our three year old daughter, all things changed. It was more than a little kinky sex. It was something she could not deal with. She married her idea of the ideal man who now had a kink in the armor. I decided to make my cross dressing a private affair. I decided it was akin to spousal mental abuse to force my needs upon her. Of course, since my cross dressing was too relieve stress, to make the situation more stressful would be counterproductive.

My wife has taken to be an ostrich. She does not make any snide comments. She has found some articles of clothing on occasion that I overlooked (bra or panty) which she just folds and puts it out of sight from visitors. She has found this site open on my browser. All she said was to be more careful in case a visitor were to notice. When we had "The Talk" she told me if she had known things were headed down this path, she would not have married her. She also realized she had told me of her sordid past before we were married. Although she said she wished she had no told me of her past because it would have made it easy for her to just rationalize leaving our marriage, she also realized she had imperfections.

Yes, I would love it if I would be able to prepare dinner a la June Cleaver in dress and heels, but, that is not going to be. In some sense it would be boorish male behavior to force myself upon her? Or would it be interrupted as being a 'class A bitch?"