After years of doubt and anxiety, I finally came out to my wife. I disclosed my entire transgender history from 4 years old to now, and all the explorations I‘ve made. The notion to do this came after I visited yet another therapist, looking for the cure to my transgender desires, and she said what you would expect - there is no cure, it never goes away, and most people just transition and live their lives. I knew all that, and finally accepted that I had to discuss this with my wife. After a discussion on why I liked shaving my legs, I told her I was transgender and wanted to do something to relieve the stress but did not want to separate from her. I told her that I planned on continuing HRT, that I would adopt some more feminine elements in my daily life (nails painted and groomed, shave all over, brows thinned, pierced ears, and no more male underwear) and she was ok. She had no problem with me shaving all over. She even gave suggestions on panties (Tommy Johns wide waist band) and suggested getting a camisole for underwear. I did explain that this was a journey and that I would go as far as I needed to in order to find comfort. I did voice a concern about what family thought (we do not live close to what few relatives that we have) and she said that I have to do what I need to and they have to learn to accept it.

It was the hardest and most emotional discussion that we?ve ever had, and it?s taken two nights to get through it. For me, it?s been both sorrowful for any hurt I?ve caused, but freeing because now I can start living closer to an authentic life. I don?t plan on going out in womens? outerwear right away, but I can start moving toward a comfortable position and stop concealing so much. I have the freedom to shop and act as I need to. Today we?ll get breakfast and then go do a joint mani-pedi and get color on my nails. I am thinking of doing my fingers in a matte finish and red for my toenails. Then I?ll clean out my underwear drawer and go shopping and order those Tommy Johns panties! My American Express May lose a few millimeters of plastic!

I do need to find a support network and that I why I am here. I have not been very responsive with the kind people who have visited me and that will change. Thanks to you all for the encouragement and ideas!