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Thread: Looking for suggestions

  1. #1
    Junior Member Brianne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    New York

    Looking for suggestions

    I?m in a DADT relationship and about to broach the subject of her being more supportive. If she says yes, what are some of the things you and your partner did together early on to ease into it. Some things I fantasize about are shopping in drab with her and looking at clothes for me or she buys me a girly present for Christmas. I don?t want to rush into doing our nails or makeup together. Would love to hear your ideas.


  2. #2
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Southern California
    My suggestion is “Don’t our the cart before the horse”. You’re DADT right now and it’s a pretty big jump from that to anywhere else. If she is ok with progression on that front, then you’re going to want to listen to what she’s ok with. The next step may not be “let’s do stuff together”. It might just be “ok we can talk about it, but I’m still not participating”. You should be focusing on how to make your wife comfortable, not all the benefits to you.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Kay J's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Southern Wisconsin
    Brianne i to am in a DADT situation with that being said she just don't want to see me dress so she does give me Kay time when she leaves the house and will text me a half hour before she come home.
    She also knows that i keep my clothes in a big storage bin with a lock on it down stairs! Not to much but it is better then nothing and i can live with that!

  4. #4
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    New England
    Hi Brianne,

    I like your ideas, they seem like a reasonable progression without pushing too far too fast.

    My wife and I have been slowly working things out too and one thing that is working for us so far is that I have been dressing in a limited sense at home around her and wer are slowly expanding the extent of that dressing as time goes on. I began with just an outfit, be it a pair of women's jeans and a top, a skirt and top or a dress. But that was it. No accessories, makeup, wig or forms. I have slowly added to the ensemble so it now includes bracelets, necklaces and earrings, scarves etc and this has gone well so far.

    I'm personally not a fan of the MIAD presentation but I'm approaching this as a means to an end.

    I do this a couple of times a week. I should add that this arrangement has come about at the suggestion of our therapist. We go jointly about once a month and I have found this to be extremely helpful.

    Good luck,
    It's just the clothes... isn't it?

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Upstate NY
    I told my wife when we first dated. Several months later we were in Vegas and I got a makeover. I have to admit I looked great. We went out to dinner; but that turned out to be a bit too much for her. She has seen me dressed many times, we shop together, and she will pick up clothes for me. But she just has a thing about going out with me dressed. I'm not going to complain since she is generally supportive. Your wife will let you know what she is comfortable with. I respect my wife's decisions and that makes life a lot easier.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    I told my wife before we were married. She was less than enthusiastic so I moved at her pace. A turtle could make it look like we were standing still. But I knew that, if I stayed the course, it would be my best recipe for success.

    Communication was key. Not necessarily having long discussions about it but bringing it up in short little quips, so it was never an uncomfortable subject. She went from "you can wear panties ONLY" to asking me why I wasn't wearing a new bra she just bought me to bed when she reached for the strap to snap. That took a few years. Never did I force my dressing on her.

    Things moved faster after that because she knew we would be together forever. Our comfort level grew as we made sure the other person was happy. That opened the door for an expanded wardrobe and, now, a full life as well as closet.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Please take care , once said the words can't be retracted , DADT could be the easier option at the moment .

    I took my chance hoping my wife would come on board but things got steadily worse . The nicest thing at that time would have been a girly Xmas present instead I still received my lovely thick male corduory trousers the usual lumberjack style shirt and thick wooly socks , how I loved being a man , I couldn't wait to unwrap my wonderful surprises !!!
    The real me ,no going back.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Darla L's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Very sound advice from Mikki and Kim.
    Last edited by Darla L; 11-21-2019 at 09:28 PM. Reason: Damned auto correct
    Mostly a "manly man" but sometimes I really am overcome with an inner desire...

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Pumped's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    The heck with supportive, accepting would be the next step!

    My wife went from DADT to accepting. I don't see her ever being supportive. The difference is I can dress around her, but I don't expect her to buy clothing for me, or even look for me. Although we were out shopping for her and she half joking asked me if I saw anything I liked. I asked if I did, would we buy it? No! She gets freaked out thinking someone might figure out the clothing was for me.
    Last edited by Pumped; 11-21-2019 at 01:03 PM.

  10. #10
    Member CayleeMarie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Ruralish, N Georgia
    Every relationship is different and the response will be as different as there are women to respond. Probably the best course is to take the sum of the experiences from those of us who have come out to their wives and received approval. I will echo some of my experiences. First thing I learned from advice here was baby steps. Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps... I can?t reiterate it enough. I would venture a guess that of the members here, none would say that their wife was all giddy to have a new gal pal to go do GNO. Conversely it takes wives a dramatic adjustment to comes to terms with your CD. Rushing things could have the whole thing blow up in your face. It may take a few years for her to get to girly gifts. My first girly gift was just recently, about three years in, with a nice Vera Bradley bag to keep my nail polish in.

    So, progression, baby steps. This is what is working for me. I started with panties. Only wore panties until it was normal for her. Then in cooler weather camis until that was normal for her. Then I added bras. At that point she was okay with the idea but at home only. After that my wardrobe started to expand as long as I kept it at home. Recently she was willing to allow me to come out to our closest friends whom she felt would be acceptant. After that went well, she is okay with gender neutral jeans and shorts and bralettes out among the muggles.

    What I have learned is to inform her of my desire to add, present, or wear, something new out of the house. Serves a few purposes. It allows her input as to proper presentation. It is easier for her to emotionally prepare for the world seeing me instead of reeling from the shock of look honey... surprise. It allows me to gauge how comfortable she is the timing of the next step. In this case asking for forgiveness is not better than asking for permission, because if I do not show respect for her feelings where my dressing is concerned I will end up in a DADT situation... or worse. It has taken us three years to get to this stage. With every baby step comes acceptance that ?who I am? is still the who that she fell in love with. Every relationship is different, and you need to find what works for yours. Hope my experiences provide some helpful input.

    Good luck

  11. #11
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Southern Illinois
    I suggest you resolve your DADT relationship. I did, before we got married. Yes, it was stressful, but after many hours of talking, listening, reading, etc., she became very supportive. It?s the best thing I ever did. Her turning point was my courage and honesty. Don?t rush..take it slowly.

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