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Thread: acceptance in a gay bar ???

  1. #26
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonicaPVD View Post
    No gay man ever, anywhere, would be interested in sex with a crossdresser. Period. If you have been to gay bars where you had such an encounter, it was with a chaser or a person who simply was trying to get a reaction from you. There are gay men who resent crossdressers, those are usually middle aged. Younger people could care less if you dressed like the creature from Predator.
    Really? You need to get out more. I've met chasers and they are the creepiest, but during my stint hosting karaoke at a gar bar in town I was constantly hit on by gay men both young and old. That is my experience , yours might be different.

  2. #27
    Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    Really? You need to get out more. I've met chasers and they are the creepiest, but during my stint hosting karaoke at a gar bar in town I was constantly hit on by gay men both young and old. That is my experience , yours might be different.
    Hit on. Exactly. Big leap from hitting on a person and wanting to actually hook up.

  3. #28
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonicaPVD View Post
    Hit on. Exactly. Big leap from hitting on a person and wanting to actually hook up.
    I don't know where you live but I live in the real world. I go out regularly to gay and straight bars and I know the difference between a compliment and an offer. I used to go out exclusively to gay bars for quite some time until I worked up the courage to go to straight bars and venues. And I can tell you that gay men do in fact want to have sex with Crossdressers, not all but a lot. You speak in absolute's by saying NO GAY Man, ANYWHERE would want to have sex with a crossdresser, and that is UNTRUE. I speak from experience, what do you base your "opinion" on?

  4. #29
    Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    I have to agree with Majella on this. My experience is the same as hers, and in my case I have proof to back it up, but I am not going to spill all the details here. Some are not attracted to crossdressers and some are. To think than none would want a hook up is wrong.

    respectfully,

    Sandi

  5. #30
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patience View Post
    Of course they wouldn’t care. Predator is so 20th century....
    LOL
    Couldn't have said it better myself.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
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  6. #31
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    I'm sure, like everything else, it depends on the individual. Blanket statements about any group are bound to fail the real world test. I have been to both gay and straight bars dressed. That having been said I am not a bar person. I prefer shopping, dining, and a few drinks with my dinner so I may not be the very best source for an opinion.

  7. #32
    Member Julie Slowinski's Avatar
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    Gay bar is a great place for a first time out. Eventually, you?ll move to other venues, but within the cocoon of a gay bar you?ll learn to get comfortable in your own skin. Try to initiate some conversations, even if it?s just with the bartender - doesn?t help, or much fun, to nurse your drink alone in a corner. Maybe, look for some suggestions on LGBT friendly restaurants in your area - thinking about future outings. I?ll agree with most others, for the most part you will be met with indifference and ignored unless you initiate the conversation. And yeah, don?t expect LGB folk to understand the T or how CDs fit into the community - a good topic of conversation by the way, if they ask. Oh yeah, go on a weeknight. People are friendlier on weeknights, compared to the crowd of a Friday/Saturday night. Also, do a little googling - there?s probably way more gay bars in your area than you think. Find a weeknight drag show - you?ll have a blast.
    Oh! you Pretty Things ... Don't you know you're driving your Mamas and Papas insane ... Let me make it plain ... You gotta make way for the Homo Superior - David Bowie, 1971

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  8. #33
    Member DeeDeeB's Avatar
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    Gay bars are probably ok, but I've been going to Outback, Applebees, and places like that with no issues whatever. I do generally go during the day for lunch and a beer or two, but early evening has been fine too. I find Deandra is generally more openly accepted than David which has caused a bit of jealousy between us, but I just put on my best skirt and we (I) share a beer over it and I (we) work it out. But I digress. My suspicion is if you go to a place a single woman would be comfortable going, you should be fine. Just be careful, have fun, and be a lady.
    Best,
    Dendra

  9. #34
    dress to feel the energy Shely's Avatar
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    Patience, I guess you didn't read the whole post?
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  10. #35
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Gay bars get boring after a while as does any bar so you will branch out to other venues where there aren't as many creepers
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  11. #36
    Twisted Sister Patience's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shely View Post
    Patience, I guess you didn't read the whole post?
    Yes. And no.

    If the environment in question is in fact all-inclusive as you claim in the very end, basically contradicting everything you said prior to that (including the thread title, which is a common enough question in and of itself), then why the concern in the first place?

    I guess the most crucial bit I may have missed is that you were considering a specific place nearby. With that info, I can only add that you have the means to research the place on your own and that nobody on this site can give you more reliable info, because only you know the specific place you’re talking about and the rest of us can only respond in general terms anyway.

    It may well be a distinction without a difference, but I still think a gay bar that bills itself as all-inclusive may offer a different experience than a place that just bills itself as all-inclusive, period. Either or both places may have a drag queen night or something like that, but again, no one here can recommend the place as only you really know the venue you’re considering.
    ...and though she feels as if she is in a play, she is anyway...

  12. #37
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Gay bars get boring after a while...
    You nailed it, Tracii. I've never really dug the bar scene anyway, no matter the establishment's "theme". It's the company that makes an outing special and suitable company is in short supply at gay bars.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
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  13. #38
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Kelly, you bring up an interesting point. If you are not really into bars, then your opinion may be greatly different to that of someone who is. If everyone likes Tex-Mex food except you, then your opinion of the place probably would be different. So point of view depends on one's own personal likes and dislikes, noisy or quiet, sophisticated or diversified, previous good experience or not. Also, depending where the gay bar is, it may be very open to everybody while primarily catering to the gay community, or it may be extremely closed off to non-gays. Now, I have never been to a true gay only bar, because most places also want sales, which produce profits and therefore tend to run very accepting bars for everyone. That is why I recommended trying out the place in male mode around the same time that one may go there dressed up.

  14. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferMBlack View Post
    As said before you would be safe but don't expect to be the center of attention. If there is a drag bar or one that does drag shows maybe a little better then a regular gay bar. Like any other type of bar you will have some you like and others you don't like. If there is slim pickings then that makes it more difficult.
    100% agree with this , most of all you wont have a problem , just go as if everything is normal and not like you are as scared like a deer in the headlights

  15. #40
    Ah-May-Lee
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    Just because it's a gay bar doesn't mean that there will only be gay men there. There are bi sexual men who also go to these places. There are also men who are hetero who want to experiment with things and they might be attracted to a cd. There are also psychopaths that are everywhere.

    I only went to gay bars to watch a friend perform, otherwise I rarely went to a gay bar or dance club.

    As far as the acceptance thing, it's like anywhere else. Some people will talk with you, some people won't, some people will dislike you, some will like you. If you are straight then it doesn't really matter much, you're not looking for a hook up anyway. People will talk with you even if sex is not the end game.

    Also gay bars become very popular places, so much so that anyone goes to them. If anyone remembers Studio 54 in NYC, that was a gay club then became a popular place for others to go.
    Last edited by Amelie; 11-29-2019 at 08:28 AM. Reason: added stuff
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  16. #41
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    Amelie , that post sums the whole thing up perfectly!

  17. #42
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    I think its pretty well covered but I will add my vote

    I think gay bars are great places to go, especially on a night when there is a drag show. No matter how you are dressed, if you tip well you will be a welcomed guest at a drag show. It is always good advice to check it out first, at least read the reviews on line. There are some bars that are not exactly welcoming, gay or not, and it may depend on the night.

    As with anything, if you go to the same place and do the same thing over and over it gets boring.

  18. #43
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonicaPVD View Post
    No gay man ever, anywhere, would be interested in sex with a crossdresser. Period.
    Survey says...?

    X


    Granted, I can only speak for myself, but *my* former gay-male lover wasn't exactly crazy about me being all dolled-up whenever we were in the bedroom.

    But, he had to compromise, as he knew he wasn't getting in my panties, otherwise.



    Anyway, going to a gay bar? And then we wonder why many of the muggles think we're gay??

    Nah, all good, OP.


    Seriously, there are *all* kinds of LGBT bars/clubs out there! Each have their own vibe, and their own kind of customers.

    Heck, some of the larger ones even have different "sections" to cater to different people!



    Yes, oftentimes you'll find all kinds (gay, bi, straight, men, GG's, drag, CD/TG, etc.). Really depends on the place, the particular night, what's going on at the time, whatever.

    And contrary to popular belief? Many gay males are *not* all thin/swishy/femmy!! They come in all shapes & sizes & flavors... Like, if you walked past many of them on the street, you'd have no idea! They just look like regular dudes, go figure.


    Drag clubs (or even just drag nights) can be lots of crazy fun, definitely. And on the flip-side? To satisfy one of our gay-male friends, my little social circle & I used to sometimes frequent one place where there were literally hundreds of manly gay men packed in like sardines... Talk about too much testosterone!!

    Of course, at the latter, I would get *zero* interest from them when I was all dolled-up. Not sure if they knew what I was, tbh... Though when I went to the bathroom & walked up to a urinal? I'm sure they figured it out at that point.



    But, yeah... So many variables at these places, that sometimes one or the other might not exactly be your cup of tea. It happens. Good news? Plenty of others out there!

    And yes, going with at least one other person you already know makes it that much more comforting & enjoyable.

  19. #44
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Hi Shely, Thank you for the post, I have read it with great interest. While claiming to be a "total closet case" I have gone out on occasions but never to a club or bar. Please post your adventures, I am very interested. I may even try to get out for an evening. Thanks again

  20. #45
    Junior Member JulieB's Avatar
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    I do the gay bar thing often, usually alone!

  21. #46
    dress to feel the energy Shely's Avatar
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    wish I lived in Indiana, I'd go with you!
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  22. #47
    New Member Lola lauderdale's Avatar
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    I went to a couple of gay bars in Wilton Manors near Ft Lauderdale, a large gay district. Nobody looked twice at me in the big bar with music. I walked around and stopped by a quite bar for a glass of wine and it was the same. This was my first time out dressed and I think I was in shock the whole time.

  23. #48
    Member MiniRock's Avatar
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    I think it would be much more fun Majella, to be hit on by a straight man who finds me somehow attractive as a woman, than by a gay man who sees only a man. I've had occasional men hit on me in straight bars, when dressed normally and, although flattering, I don't much like it. It happened once in a bar in Denmark and his male friend told me he'd been drinking with him for years and never knew. Perhaps it was only me he liked, who knows; I'd been friendly to him up until that point. But when he wouldn't take no for an answer, I had to be very firm (no pun intended) with him.
    As for going into bars en femme, I'm now at the point where I'm thinking of giving it a go. I think I'll probably choose a bar where the waiter already knows me and passes a few words with me as a man. I see that as a bit of an advantage to being in Europe: in many bars, one can simply sit down and wait to be waited on.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Do you use your male voice Helen, or speak en femme? If it's the latter case, do you think it would make any difference if one used ones normal voice?

  24. #49
    Member BettyMorgan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shely View Post
    ...just a place to go out among other nonjudgmental people. ...
    Please understand that gay (a sexual orientation) does no way imply that they are non-judgmental. You may be disappointed. Yes, they understand the struggle of being a minority but it does not mean that every gay person is an ally to anyone under the transgender umbrella which includes trans women and crossdressers.
    Sexual orientation is different than gender expression. You dressing as a woman is gender expression and likely your gender identity, and that's different than your sexual orientation (whether you are attracted to gay men or you're straight or bi, etc.). If you are looking for a safe place to express yourself then it could be this bar. If the owners put up a sign stating they are all inclusive then they are likely a safe space for you and would likely not tolerate any poor behaviour towards you in their establishment.
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  25. #50
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    I've hung out in gay bars a lot, and most people are "live and let live " types but some of the, let's say, flamboyant types are VERY judgmental and are masters of the back handed compliment.

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