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Thread: acceptance in a gay bar ???

  1. #1
    dress to feel the energy Shely's Avatar
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    acceptance in a gay bar ???

    I have been thinking of going out for a drink, dressed casually as Shely one of these days, and was considering a gay bar. What do you think the response would be to a crossdresser going onto a gay bay by alone. I have no one here to go out dressed up with but would very much like to try it out. I am not looking for anything kinky, just a place to go out among other nonjudgmental people. I don't know if those in a gay bar would think i was am intruder, or an imposter. There is a small bar not too far from here that says on their sign, that they are all inclusive. Any suggestions or comments??
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  2. #2
    Seňora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    Over all response? Indifference...

    You wont be ran out on a rail but you probably wont be heralded as a returning hero either.

    Oh and you probably wont be the first crossdresser/transwoman to go there.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 11-21-2019 at 09:27 PM.
    Some things you lose and some things you just give away...

  3. #3
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    Depends on the type of gay bar A leather bar or a bear bar might be tough but probably not. For the most part you could probably go to any bar and not have a hard time. Sports on a Monday night football might not be so good or a college bar. But you could certainly go to hotel bars and not have a problem. MOst gay bars probably could care less. I know that I have been to lots of gay bars male and female and never had a problem but I didn't necessarily feel comfortable in all of them. I enjoyed the lesbian bars way more than the standard male gay bar unless it was a drag night. The lesbian bars were always fun and the girls always took an interest in me.
    Just go you can always leave if you don't feel comfortable. You may get hit on also. Just go out and have fun
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  4. #4
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Just because its a gay bar doesn't mean anything. A bar is a bar.
    Men ,women and alcohol doesn't always mean acceptance. Gay men can be quite snarky but they are there to meet guys not men dressed as women.
    Please get the kinky thought out of your head because that is stereotyping .
    You will probably be tolerated because the sign says all inclusive.
    I would rather go to a regular bar if I am with friends.
    You can leave if its not to your liking.
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  5. #5
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    From your description of the bar and your avatar? I'd be more worried about no one noticing u rather than u having any problems!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  6. #6
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    All inclusive means "All". Go for it. Maybe check it out first in male mode. Have a drink, play with your cell phone and see what is happening. My guess is they are friendly and will watch their patrons so that the place stays all inclusive. have fun and enjoy.

  7. #7
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I have not gone out in public in over 2 yrs. i have thought about going into a gay bar at least one time dressed, to see what it would be like, but bars are not really places i would like to hang out, because of overly loud music i dont like, and what alcohol does to some people, including me. There are none in my region. I would need to travel 85 miles.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Prepare to be ignored, conspicuously. You see, the common assumption (right or wrong) is that you're there to pick up men, and the men in gay bars, by and large, are not interested. That may change, depending on your social skills. You won't be treated badly and you are likely quite safe, but unless/until you're seen as less of a square peg, the other patrons will just ignore you.
    Well, somebody has to make up that base of the bell curve that defines "normal".
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    That was my first choice for my first public outings, and it worked out great for me. I specifically picked an LGBTQ club which had dancing and a drag show. Not counting the drag performers, there were half a dozen CD / Trans ladies who were regulars. I was welcomed by everyone, and had a blast.

  10. #10
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    As said before you would be safe but don't expect to be the center of attention. If there is a drag bar or one that does drag shows maybe a little better then a regular gay bar. Like any other type of bar you will have some you like and others you don't like. If there is slim pickings then that makes it more difficult.

  11. #11
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I went to a straight bar - well they didn't actually ask what type of sex you like before entering, but they did let families in and had a nice meal menu, so it probable was semi straight.
    The problem with people judging us, it's mostly in our heads - straight people are normally too busy worrying about people judging them.

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  12. #12
    Aspiring Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Absolutely you'll be accepted...I bet the bar tender will say when he or she hands you your drink "here you go dear"....
    I live in CT and love to meet like minded friends....

  13. #13
    Silver Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Shely,

    I hope I can give you two perspectives. So, this week is Helen's holiday, 24/7. Wednesday I visited Manchester's Gay village starting off on my own in a pub called Via, one I'd been to before so knew I could get something to eat in there. The bar staff referred to me as "Dear" or "There you go my darling" acknowledging my presentation if you will. For all the others patrons, well they couldn't care less. I was just another customer. I then moved on to another pub where I met up with other CD'ers I knew would be there. It was just like any other pub. People in groups chatting. The fact that some of us were in femme attire didn't mater.

    So yesterday, Thursday, while out and about I drove past a country pub/hotel that I'd seen before and always thought how nice it looked. Well that day I found out just what the inside looked like having stopped, read the menu on the wall and decided I was having lunch there. I was greeted by a French male who when I asked are you still serving food said in his wonderful accent, "Why yes, of course". "Where you you like to sit?" So I chose a table and sat down.

    While waiting for my food a GG came wondering though looking a little lost and we exchange a few pleasantries as she regained her bearings. All was good. While paying the bill I chatted to the barman with his lovely accent about his time in the UK (been here for 12 years), where in France he came from etc. and then I went on my way.

    My advice would be along the lines of what others have said. Go there, trust you spider senses and if feels uncomfortable leave.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  14. #14
    Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AllieSF View Post
    All inclusive means "All". Go for it. Maybe check it out first in male mode.
    Funny - when I read this, I had to laugh at myself a little bit for my reaction.
    I found myself thinking "I think I'd be more uncomfortable going there in male mode."
    Huh.

  15. #15
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    Some friends once took me to a gay bar dressed in York because they thought I would be more comfortable. I wasn't. There was a drag queen wandering about and we were introduced and everyone was perfectly nice, but I simply felt there was too much testosterone in the room. It had nothing to do with me being straight - it was a long time ago and I don't recall anything overtly gay about it. I would have been uncomfortable anywhere with so many men and so few women no matter how I was dressed (the one in the couple I was with was the only one). I had been staying in a normal hotel and felt perfectly comfortable there as I do in other normal bars. There really is no need to go to a gay one to feel more accepted. Of course NE might not refer to the UK (and would probably mean England anyway) but is possibly some American state (Nebraska? New England?) so what I said about being accepted in the UK might not apply across the pond.

  16. #16
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Shelly, I have been to a gay bar dressed, its a bar, just a lot less women. Truthfully, I felt more comfortable at 11:00PM when karaoke started and a whole bunch of women came in.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  17. #17
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    "...to much testosterone in the room." Well put, Susan!

  18. #18
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    In my small hometown there are no gay bars, so all the bars like 4 have a mix, although unless you know who the person is you probably wouldn't know if they are gay or not.

    A few years ago I started hanging out at one of them. I started making friends, the girls took me in and except me as one of them. This was probably the best thing that could have happened to me.

    Being a small town there is a bit of small town like stuff, this was my in. At one point I was like challenged, they wanted to know who I was, some thought I might be an undercover cop. I had to out myself , I started dropping names as this is where I grew up.

    I became one of the regulars, popular, not just there but as this is a small town people talk.

    I hardly go there anymore, I'm told people ask about me by my friends. I have been told I bring color to the place.

    I wanted to know if the same thing would happen somewhere else. I live in the next town like thirty minutes away. I started going to a dive bar uptown. The same thing happened to me there. I was taken in and accept as one of the girls.

    I still keep in touch with everyone on FB.

    When I was like seventeen I had I boyfriend that took me to gay bars. I didn't dress back then, but I know all about gay bars. Yes all the guy would hit on me. I stayed close to my boyfriend and our group of friends. Oh this was in Tennessee nowhere near CA where I grew up.

    I perfer regular bars and places. Still if you like, go, if noone else the bartender will talk to you.

  19. #19
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    It really depends on the bar. Some places like Hamburger Mary’s are open to the entire LGBTQ community. There are however sections of the gay community that doesn’t take kindly to crossdressers, especially straight crossdressers.

  20. #20
    I bitch because I care. Patience's Avatar
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    Why specifically a gay bar, though? Why not find a place which is billed as an all-inclusive environment? The kind of places where they usually put up signs like this:

    E29E9890-5DD6-4D8E-8633-6462A59C53A7.jpg

    Sure, a gay bar would probably be equally accommodating and they’d take your money, but there are other options.
    Forgive me for having the irritatingly feminine trait of wanting to improve the people that I like.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    I've been hanging out in bars since I was 16 and the only time I was ever assaulted was in a gay bar while I was dressed.

    They WILL assume you are gay and be ready for the assumption that you are also looking for some "fun".

    I've had drunk men walk up to me and as a way of introducing themselves ask me point blank " do you suck **** " ?

    The straight women that go to gay bars will most likely be your best bet to try and get in with, as they see you as gay and safe and will talk fashion and stuff.

    But, if you want to get used to going out it might be your best bet. That's how I started going out.

    I go to any bar I want now and only had an issue once, concerning the use of the ladies room, so I don't go to that redneck bar anymore.

    Always be aware of your surroundings and keep your wits about you, DON'T get drunk, a light buzz is ok, it takes the edge off.
    Be yourself, have fun, be friendly, DO NOT go to the restroom with men, they are pigs in private.

    Just my advice.

  22. #22
    I bitch because I care. Patience's Avatar
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    “They”, Majella?
    Forgive me for having the irritatingly feminine trait of wanting to improve the people that I like.

  23. #23
    Junior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    In one of my posts I mentioned that I have been to 17 different gay bars in 8 states across the country. A few of them I have visited numerous times, so I would have to say roughly 50 visits in the last 2 years if I had to guess a number. I never had any problems of acceptance. Although some are technically LGBT, it is easier to just search for them as gay bars on the internet.

    Despite one of my posts sounding negative regarding being hit on, my overall experience has been overwhelmingly positive. Understand that your experience will vary even at the same bar on a day to day basis. On a weekday, the place could be empty and you may not even talk with anyone. On a weekend the same place could be packed. When busy, you are much more likely to interact with others. I will say that I research a place on the internet first. I don't want to go to bars with only men, and it is easy to see if that is the case online; however, don't take all reviews too seriously because many are wrong. Some people will trash a bar because they tipped 50 cents and expect to get good service. I tip very well on every drink, so I get attention from my bartender for sure. I think it was at my third visit to a gay bar that I ordered a drink, and the bartender told me all of my drinks were paid for. I never found out who bought them. That felt weird in a nice way.

    Unfortunately, I have not been to your state, I guess the closest I have been is St Louis - Rehab Bar, and one in Ft Wayne IN called After Dark. I had a blast at both of those. A lot of funny things have happened to me for sure. If I have to sit between some people at a bar, I might say something like - don't worry I don't bite. One GG replied - Well I might. Hmm. Fun times for sure. Large bars have noisy and quiet places so you can find whatever suits your taste. I thought I would add that. A good example is Legends in Raleigh. One woman there told me she wished her hubby would dress up like me occasionally. So there are at least a few women OK with the dressing. Anyhow, for me it is like therapy because I can have long conversations with people about most anything. It has been great, but you can get addicted to hanging out with young women as if you are one of the girls as doc said in one post. I know I am hooked.

    Sandi

  24. #24
    Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    I've been hanging out in bars since I was 16 and the only time I was ever assaulted was in a gay bar while I was dressed.

    They WILL assume you are gay and be ready for the assumption that you are also looking for some "fun".

    I've had drunk men walk up to me and as a way of introducing themselves ask me point blank " do you suck **** " ?

    The straight women that go to gay bars will most likely be your best bet to try and get in with, as they see you as gay and safe and will talk fashion and stuff.

    But, if you want to get used to going out it might be your best bet. That's how I started going out.

    I go to any bar I want now and only had an issue once, concerning the use of the ladies room, so I don't go to that redneck bar anymore.

    Always be aware of your surroundings and keep your wits about you, DON'T get drunk, a light buzz is ok, it takes the edge off.
    Be yourself, have fun, be friendly, DO NOT go to the restroom with men, they are pigs in private.

    Just my advice.
    No gay man ever, anywhere, would be interested in sex with a crossdresser. Period. If you have been to gay bars where you had such an encounter, it was with a chaser or a person who simply was trying to get a reaction from you. There are gay men who resent crossdressers, those are usually middle aged. Younger people could care less if you dressed like the creature from Predator.

  25. #25
    I bitch because I care. Patience's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonicaPVD View Post
    Younger people could care less if you dressed like the creature from Predator.
    Of course they wouldn’t care. Predator is so 20th century....
    Forgive me for having the irritatingly feminine trait of wanting to improve the people that I like.

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