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  1. #1
    dress to feel the energy Shely's Avatar
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    acceptance in a gay bar ???

    I have been thinking of going out for a drink, dressed casually as Shely one of these days, and was considering a gay bar. What do you think the response would be to a crossdresser going onto a gay bay by alone. I have no one here to go out dressed up with but would very much like to try it out. I am not looking for anything kinky, just a place to go out among other nonjudgmental people. I don't know if those in a gay bar would think i was am intruder, or an imposter. There is a small bar not too far from here that says on their sign, that they are all inclusive. Any suggestions or comments??
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  2. #2
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    Over all response? Indifference...

    You wont be ran out on a rail but you probably wont be heralded as a returning hero either.

    Oh and you probably wont be the first crossdresser/transwoman to go there.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 11-21-2019 at 09:27 PM.

  3. #3
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    Just because its a gay bar doesn't mean anything. A bar is a bar.
    Men ,women and alcohol doesn't always mean acceptance. Gay men can be quite snarky but they are there to meet guys not men dressed as women.
    Please get the kinky thought out of your head because that is stereotyping .
    You will probably be tolerated because the sign says all inclusive.
    I would rather go to a regular bar if I am with friends.
    You can leave if its not to your liking.

  4. #4
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    From your description of the bar and your avatar? I'd be more worried about no one noticing u rather than u having any problems!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #5
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    I have to agree with Majella on this. My experience is the same as hers, and in my case I have proof to back it up, but I am not going to spill all the details here. Some are not attracted to crossdressers and some are. To think than none would want a hook up is wrong.

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  6. #6
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    All inclusive means "All". Go for it. Maybe check it out first in male mode. Have a drink, play with your cell phone and see what is happening. My guess is they are friendly and will watch their patrons so that the place stays all inclusive. have fun and enjoy.

  7. #7
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AllieSF View Post
    All inclusive means "All". Go for it. Maybe check it out first in male mode.
    Funny - when I read this, I had to laugh at myself a little bit for my reaction.
    I found myself thinking "I think I'd be more uncomfortable going there in male mode."
    Huh.

  8. #8
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    Some friends once took me to a gay bar dressed in York because they thought I would be more comfortable. I wasn't. There was a drag queen wandering about and we were introduced and everyone was perfectly nice, but I simply felt there was too much testosterone in the room. It had nothing to do with me being straight - it was a long time ago and I don't recall anything overtly gay about it. I would have been uncomfortable anywhere with so many men and so few women no matter how I was dressed (the one in the couple I was with was the only one). I had been staying in a normal hotel and felt perfectly comfortable there as I do in other normal bars. There really is no need to go to a gay one to feel more accepted. Of course NE might not refer to the UK (and would probably mean England anyway) but is possibly some American state (Nebraska? New England?) so what I said about being accepted in the UK might not apply across the pond.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Angela Marie's Avatar
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    I'm sure, like everything else, it depends on the individual. Blanket statements about any group are bound to fail the real world test. I have been to both gay and straight bars dressed. That having been said I am not a bar person. I prefer shopping, dining, and a few drinks with my dinner so I may not be the very best source for an opinion.

  10. #10
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    Depends on the type of gay bar A leather bar or a bear bar might be tough but probably not. For the most part you could probably go to any bar and not have a hard time. Sports on a Monday night football might not be so good or a college bar. But you could certainly go to hotel bars and not have a problem. MOst gay bars probably could care less. I know that I have been to lots of gay bars male and female and never had a problem but I didn't necessarily feel comfortable in all of them. I enjoyed the lesbian bars way more than the standard male gay bar unless it was a drag night. The lesbian bars were always fun and the girls always took an interest in me.
    Just go you can always leave if you don't feel comfortable. You may get hit on also. Just go out and have fun
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  11. #11
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I have not gone out in public in over 2 yrs. i have thought about going into a gay bar at least one time dressed, to see what it would be like, but bars are not really places i would like to hang out, because of overly loud music i dont like, and what alcohol does to some people, including me. There are none in my region. I would need to travel 85 miles.

  12. #12
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Prepare to be ignored, conspicuously. You see, the common assumption (right or wrong) is that you're there to pick up men, and the men in gay bars, by and large, are not interested. That may change, depending on your social skills. You won't be treated badly and you are likely quite safe, but unless/until you're seen as less of a square peg, the other patrons will just ignore you.
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

  13. #13
    Member Julie Slowinski's Avatar
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    Gay bar is a great place for a first time out. Eventually, you?ll move to other venues, but within the cocoon of a gay bar you?ll learn to get comfortable in your own skin. Try to initiate some conversations, even if it?s just with the bartender - doesn?t help, or much fun, to nurse your drink alone in a corner. Maybe, look for some suggestions on LGBT friendly restaurants in your area - thinking about future outings. I?ll agree with most others, for the most part you will be met with indifference and ignored unless you initiate the conversation. And yeah, don?t expect LGB folk to understand the T or how CDs fit into the community - a good topic of conversation by the way, if they ask. Oh yeah, go on a weeknight. People are friendlier on weeknights, compared to the crowd of a Friday/Saturday night. Also, do a little googling - there?s probably way more gay bars in your area than you think. Find a weeknight drag show - you?ll have a blast.
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  14. #14
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    That was my first choice for my first public outings, and it worked out great for me. I specifically picked an LGBTQ club which had dancing and a drag show. Not counting the drag performers, there were half a dozen CD / Trans ladies who were regulars. I was welcomed by everyone, and had a blast.

  15. #15
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    As said before you would be safe but don't expect to be the center of attention. If there is a drag bar or one that does drag shows maybe a little better then a regular gay bar. Like any other type of bar you will have some you like and others you don't like. If there is slim pickings then that makes it more difficult.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferMBlack View Post
    As said before you would be safe but don't expect to be the center of attention. If there is a drag bar or one that does drag shows maybe a little better then a regular gay bar. Like any other type of bar you will have some you like and others you don't like. If there is slim pickings then that makes it more difficult.
    100% agree with this , most of all you wont have a problem , just go as if everything is normal and not like you are as scared like a deer in the headlights

  17. #17
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    Just because it's a gay bar doesn't mean that there will only be gay men there. There are bi sexual men who also go to these places. There are also men who are hetero who want to experiment with things and they might be attracted to a cd. There are also psychopaths that are everywhere.

    I only went to gay bars to watch a friend perform, otherwise I rarely went to a gay bar or dance club.

    As far as the acceptance thing, it's like anywhere else. Some people will talk with you, some people won't, some people will dislike you, some will like you. If you are straight then it doesn't really matter much, you're not looking for a hook up anyway. People will talk with you even if sex is not the end game.

    Also gay bars become very popular places, so much so that anyone goes to them. If anyone remembers Studio 54 in NYC, that was a gay club then became a popular place for others to go.
    Last edited by Amelie; 11-29-2019 at 08:28 AM. Reason: added stuff
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  18. #18
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    Amelie , that post sums the whole thing up perfectly!

  19. #19
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    I think its pretty well covered but I will add my vote

    I think gay bars are great places to go, especially on a night when there is a drag show. No matter how you are dressed, if you tip well you will be a welcomed guest at a drag show. It is always good advice to check it out first, at least read the reviews on line. There are some bars that are not exactly welcoming, gay or not, and it may depend on the night.

    As with anything, if you go to the same place and do the same thing over and over it gets boring.

  20. #20
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I went to a straight bar - well they didn't actually ask what type of sex you like before entering, but they did let families in and had a nice meal menu, so it probable was semi straight.
    The problem with people judging us, it's mostly in our heads - straight people are normally too busy worrying about people judging them.

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  21. #21
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Absolutely you'll be accepted...I bet the bar tender will say when he or she hands you your drink "here you go dear"....
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  22. #22
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Shely,

    I hope I can give you two perspectives. So, this week is Helen's holiday, 24/7. Wednesday I visited Manchester's Gay village starting off on my own in a pub called Via, one I'd been to before so knew I could get something to eat in there. The bar staff referred to me as "Dear" or "There you go my darling" acknowledging my presentation if you will. For all the others patrons, well they couldn't care less. I was just another customer. I then moved on to another pub where I met up with other CD'ers I knew would be there. It was just like any other pub. People in groups chatting. The fact that some of us were in femme attire didn't mater.

    So yesterday, Thursday, while out and about I drove past a country pub/hotel that I'd seen before and always thought how nice it looked. Well that day I found out just what the inside looked like having stopped, read the menu on the wall and decided I was having lunch there. I was greeted by a French male who when I asked are you still serving food said in his wonderful accent, "Why yes, of course". "Where you you like to sit?" So I chose a table and sat down.

    While waiting for my food a GG came wondering though looking a little lost and we exchange a few pleasantries as she regained her bearings. All was good. While paying the bill I chatted to the barman with his lovely accent about his time in the UK (been here for 12 years), where in France he came from etc. and then I went on my way.

    My advice would be along the lines of what others have said. Go there, trust you spider senses and if feels uncomfortable leave.
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  23. #23
    Member Read only MiniRock's Avatar
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    I think it would be much more fun Majella, to be hit on by a straight man who finds me somehow attractive as a woman, than by a gay man who sees only a man. I've had occasional men hit on me in straight bars, when dressed normally and, although flattering, I don't much like it. It happened once in a bar in Denmark and his male friend told me he'd been drinking with him for years and never knew. Perhaps it was only me he liked, who knows; I'd been friendly to him up until that point. But when he wouldn't take no for an answer, I had to be very firm (no pun intended) with him.
    As for going into bars en femme, I'm now at the point where I'm thinking of giving it a go. I think I'll probably choose a bar where the waiter already knows me and passes a few words with me as a man. I see that as a bit of an advantage to being in Europe: in many bars, one can simply sit down and wait to be waited on.

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    Do you use your male voice Helen, or speak en femme? If it's the latter case, do you think it would make any difference if one used ones normal voice?

  24. #24
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Shelly, I have been to a gay bar dressed, its a bar, just a lot less women. Truthfully, I felt more comfortable at 11:00PM when karaoke started and a whole bunch of women came in.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  25. #25
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    In my small hometown there are no gay bars, so all the bars like 4 have a mix, although unless you know who the person is you probably wouldn't know if they are gay or not.

    A few years ago I started hanging out at one of them. I started making friends, the girls took me in and except me as one of them. This was probably the best thing that could have happened to me.

    Being a small town there is a bit of small town like stuff, this was my in. At one point I was like challenged, they wanted to know who I was, some thought I might be an undercover cop. I had to out myself , I started dropping names as this is where I grew up.

    I became one of the regulars, popular, not just there but as this is a small town people talk.

    I hardly go there anymore, I'm told people ask about me by my friends. I have been told I bring color to the place.

    I wanted to know if the same thing would happen somewhere else. I live in the next town like thirty minutes away. I started going to a dive bar uptown. The same thing happened to me there. I was taken in and accept as one of the girls.

    I still keep in touch with everyone on FB.

    When I was like seventeen I had I boyfriend that took me to gay bars. I didn't dress back then, but I know all about gay bars. Yes all the guy would hit on me. I stayed close to my boyfriend and our group of friends. Oh this was in Tennessee nowhere near CA where I grew up.

    I perfer regular bars and places. Still if you like, go, if noone else the bartender will talk to you.

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