I know a lot about depression and anxiety. When I was younger I cycled between anxiety/depression/rage/euphoria but mostly it was anxiety and depression. I was under psychiatric care by the time I was 9 and institutionalized by 12. Basically I was suffering from what is now called complex-PTSD. Up until puberty, I fantasized a lot about being a girl, but now I started fantasizing about being a girl sexually. During this time I had a couple of sexual experiences with girls that were disastrous. I felt like a total loser in that department. After that, the idea of taking the male role in sex filled me with dread. In my imagination, it seemed like it would be much easier to take the female role. All I had to do was look pretty and submit to his whims. I would also have lesbian and female domination fantasies for the same reason. Anything as long as it didn't involve me using my penis. At some point I decided that I must be gay or bi and I should just get on with it. The problem was that I just didn't find guys attractive in real life. That's putting it nicely. I was attracted to the idea of being a girl or a gay bottom. I didn't understand it clearly. But I finally realized that I wasn't into guys. Ultimately the solution, since I really was attracted to females, was to find the ones that were as sexually messed up as I was but in a somewhat compatible way. That's been a wild ride in both extremely good and bad experiences but good on balance. I wonder sometimes how things would have turned out if I had taken the plunge. Part of me wants to think that things would have been easier and made more sense if I were gay and another part thinks I would have had a worse set of problems since I can't imagine having sex with a man as a man nor can I imagine having any romantic feelings for a dude. I liken it to how I used to have vivid dreams and fantasies about being able to fly. I would just move my arms about and I could swim through the air. It was a wonderful feeling. But when I got up on the roof and looked down I didn't really feel like flying anymore.