Results 1 to 19 of 19

Thread: HRT while outside life as male

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. #1
    Member Carolina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Madrid, Spain
    Posts
    164

    HRT while outside life as male

    I?m on my third week of HRT. 15 months with laser on my beard (I hate even that word), 4 months on laser on my chest, 15 months with my gender psychologist and 3 months with the specialized psychologist and the endocrinologist for HRT. They all agree with my starting HRT, and my strong willingness to transition. However socially and work wise it is not really possible to transition at the moment.
    I want to go all the way with HRT, but is there a limit with work? Can I lead a double life, as the real me at home but dressed as male at work and socially even with HRT? I?m a transwoman who unfortunately needs to present most of the time as a male for the outside world.
    My wife knows about it but is not supportive at all. She allows me to be me at home as long as nobody else sees me. Unfortunately in no uncertain terms she told me that she would leave me (and the country) if I leave full time as a woman. Not great but I can?t deny any more who I am. I could ?hide? it for the outside world that knows me but I don?t think I can stop my transition.
    I feel to be making progress as the trans woman I am, with my laser treatments, epilating the rest of my body and like having manicured hands (light or transparent matte finish) and toenails (bright pink). Whenever I go the hospital to see the endo I love going as Carolina, among ?muggles? who don?t know me. But then I have to change to my boring suit, remove makeup and any trace of who I am to leave the hospital back to the corporate world.
    I?m fairly thin so with HRT I don?t expect a lot of fat transfer anywhere, nor a lot of breast growth (though I?d love it, but also understand that it could be the end of my ?double life?...). Summer time may become more challenging at the beach with any, however small, breast growth.
    Does it all make sense? Is there a limit to this double life beyond an unlikely potential big breast growth? This is a topic I keep bringing with my counselor, but I don?t get any definitive answer.
    Apologies for the rambling...

  2. #2
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    East coast
    Posts
    2,559
    ”This is a topic I keep bringing with my counselor, but I don?t get any definitive answer.”

    Carolina, if you have a good counselor, you will not get a definitive answer. Rather the counselor will help you find your answer.

  3. #3
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    1,643
    She allows me to be me at home as long as nobody else sees me.
    Keep working with your wife, doctor/counselor to mitigate the numerous speed bumps (no pun intended) but definitely risks vs rewards. The size will depend on hereditary genetic females in your family.
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member MarieTS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
    Posts
    850
    Carolina, the crossroads you are at create a real challenge for high earners. It is almost a no-win situation. Stay closeted except for nonworking hours and you are essentially a TV. Go fulltime and you lose your job and along with it the means to pay for your transition. You have to have a plan and phase-in your transition over time. Eventually you get to the point where you just say the hell with it and go full time, consequences be damned. That is when you know you have turned the corner and truly transitioned.
    Marie

  5. #5
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greater Houston
    Posts
    3,041
    Quote Originally Posted by MarieTS View Post
    Carolina, the crossroads you are at create a real challenge for high earners. It is almost a no-win situation. Stay closeted except for nonworking hours and you are essentially a TV. Go fulltime and you lose your job and along with it the means to pay for your transition. You have to have a plan and phase-in your transition over time. Eventually you get to the point where you just say the hell with it and go full time, consequences be damned. That is when you know you have turned the corner and truly transitioned.
    Don't I know it. My transition is, by choice, proceeding slowly. I am one of those "high earners" and simply can't afford to put that at risk. The plan is to take the final steps in transition (social and surgical) at or near retirement in a few years. I say "the plan" because I am not sure if I can make it that far, but that is the aim, because it will be easier.

    All the other stuff, family and friends, is beyond our control once transition is complete, so spend what time and energy you have, Carolina, finding the path that will be the least destructive. Counseling will probably help, but it is likely that some things will inevitably break along the path. Just make sure that you're not one of those things.
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

  6. #6
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    SW England
    Posts
    2,925
    this is now the "cake or eat it" moment. To be true, you will go ahead, and European Law does not allow for discrimination against you, so fight it. Paradoxically, at work you might have to "(wo)man-up" and own it. If you are truly in your own power, there is nowhere for anyone else to go but to accept and move on. It changes nothing on competence.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  7. #7
    Member Carolina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Madrid, Spain
    Posts
    164
    Laura, you are right, my regular counselor who knows me well doesn?t push me on any direction and lets me talk through the issues. She knows the stakes at work and socially. The other counselor at the hospital is much more direct (not knowing my background well) and tells me to come out to my kids asap (they are living and studying abroad), to my sister, and basically come out at work while hiring a divorce lawyer. A bit abrupt for my liking.

    Marie, absolutely, I am not a public figure, but reasonably known and respected in business and social circles. This would be a shock. But I don?t really want to be a closeted CD, I?ve come to the conclusion of who I really am. The issue is how to get there limiting the damage (understanding that there will be damage to my life as I know it and to others). I have thought of the possibility of throwing all out, moving houses, quitting work and moving my life to start fresh on my own. But we are social animals and need some social support as well, my kids will always be my kids, plus we tend to need to work.

    Pamela, I agree, the law is trans friendly and should protect me, but there are ways corporates can fight it. My goal is not to be compensated for letting me go under whichever pretext (it is certainly illegal to fire anyone for being trans). I would love to keep doing my job, or a less client or businessworld facing one, as the woman I am. I came out to one of my best friends (he happens to be gay). He tells me that my resume is still the same and companies would fight for me. That?s what you would expect from a good friend, but the reality of trans women seems to be far more difficult, and the top corporate ladders do not tend to be very trans friendly. I should not have any illusions. I am not aware of any trans woman as member of the board of directors of a public company, although someone has to be the first one.

    Taking the final step I dream about would mean happiness but likely no job, ostracism from social circles, likely divorce which I don?t like, and keeping very few friends. I guess I would not be any different to many trans women on this forum. Thus my desire to cross that bridge whenever I get there after months or years of HRT, while transitioning and coming out to more and more people, even if it is done at a snail pace...

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Dorit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Israel
    Posts
    542
    Quote Originally Posted by Carolina View Post
    Taking the final step I dream about would mean happiness but likely no job, ostracism from social circles, likely divorce which I don?t like, and keeping very few friends. I guess I would not be any different to many trans women on this forum. Thus my desire to cross that bridge whenever I get there after months or years of HRT, while transitioning and coming out to more and more people, even if it is done at a snail pace...
    Carolina, I believe this is a pessimistic, worst case scenario. I know you are dealing with fear, but I believe it is fed by such thoughts. We really do not know the future and how our transition will be received. I was surprised; pleasantly by those who accepted me and shockingly by those who rejected me.

    I feel like we are sisters in this, especially that we are at opposite ends of the Mediterranean but very close in our life struggles.

  9. #9
    Member Kim Young's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    229
    Quote Originally Posted by Carolina View Post
    I am not aware of any trans woman as member of the board of directors of a public company, although someone has to be the first one.
    The co-founder of SiriusXM, Martine Rothblatt, already beat you to it. I don't know if she still is, but at one time she was the highest paid woman in America. That's great for her but I'm not sure what it says about the glass ceiling for genetic women.

    Whatever you decide, good luck Carolina.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    751
    Quote Originally Posted by Kim Young View Post
    The co-founder of SiriusXM, Martine Rothblatt, already beat you to it.
    Dr Rothblatt sold Sirius and founded United Therapeutics. I attended her presentation "Moonshots into Earthshots" at Carnegie Science Institute last March.
    Do a internet search to learn of her amazing story. She is truly inspiring.
    CarnegieScience_Mar2019-3.jpg
    Last edited by Sheren Kelly; 12-03-2019 at 08:47 AM.
    Warmly,
    Sheren Kelly

  11. #11
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    8,606
    Carolina, I sort of know where you are at! Not with the wife or friends! My wife died and so many of my friends also! The rest of my friends moved away for whatever reasons! But one day, I finally had enough of my indecision and came out to my office manager and a fellow employee! They were receptive to me coming out! I now am out (with pictures) to everyone but one person at work! Yes, I am out with pictures to the boss/owner of the nursing home! One employee has actually seen Lana Mae out at a restaurant! The staff Christmas party is Thursday Dec. 5 and Lana Mae will attend! I live in very conservative North Carolina and all at work said I have to be me! I have not had anyone speak against me! Sometimes we just have to do it and damn the torpedoes! You will know when, you just will! Lots of good advise here! Best wishes on your journey! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    765
    to answer your original question, yes you can. i?m at 13 months on hrt, a little breast development, some fat redistribution and my face has changed a bit. my facial hair is mostly gone and i?m growing my hair out. no one has said a thing. you can always wear compression t shirts, binders designed for ftm trans people and loose or patterned shirts over the undershirts.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    1,912
    You can also wear something other than plain white undershirts.

    I have pecs that look exactly like a nice set of 32A boobs.

    If you keep your weight down your body won't have any extra fat to store.

    Marion

  14. #14
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Carolina,
    I'm sure you appreciate this situation isn't going to get any easier .

    I can understand you wanting to progress but I've come to the conclusion it may may not make so much difference to my life , I go out comfortably full time as Teresa without these steps . Being hair free is a pain in the butt but again I accept twenty minutes each day shaving leaves me hair free , hormones aren't magic pills not everyone gets the results they expect .

    Living the double life needs resolving it can tear you apart , my marriage ended through these issues , it's still not perfect but sometimes you may need to stand back and say , " This is as good as it gets , life isn't perfect !"
    Last edited by Teresa; 12-02-2019 at 06:15 PM.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    869
    Hi Carolina,
    I started HRT 2 years ago, thinking I will be leaving double life. I don't anymore. It is not because I can't pull it off. It is because I couldn't mentally do it. The desire to stop pretending was very strong. The more you will see the woman looking back at you, the harder it could be to keep her in the closet / behind closed curtains of the house. Sure, low dosages, compression shirts - I got it all but it is all in the past. Just keep it in mind that dysphoria can get worse from this lifestyle, not less.
    Katya

  16. #16
    Senior Member JaytoJillian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    1,970
    Wow, so many of these comments resonated with me. Kinda in the same boat as the OP. I feel as if I am bursting at the seams sometimes. Y'all remind me that I'm not alone. None of us are.
    WARNING:Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies, projects, or any other purpose - YOU DO NOT HAVE MY PERMISSION To Use Any Of My Profile Or Pictures In Any Form Or Forum Both Current And Future.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaytojillian/

  17. #17
    Just can't help myself! Brenda456's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Wyoming. Close to Yellowstone
    Posts
    503
    HRT makes me feel much better internally. I can’t explain it, but I know how I feel. Externally, the changes are not profoundly noticeable (at least in my case). My advice is simple. Everyone and their circumstances are different. Do what is best for you.

  18. #18
    Madam Ambassador Heidi Stevens's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Central Arkansas, U.S
    Posts
    2,103
    I will be 5 years on HRT this coming March and still presenting as a Male 95% of the time. The why is to keep my marriage to the woman I love and still love for over 30 years. I?m happy, she?s happy and no one has questioned my appearance. They have questioned my improved demeanor. Everyone has noticed the improvement on that front.
    We all react different. Supposedly you have 6 months or so after starting HRT to get off and revert back. So if you do try and don?t like the results, you can bail. Good luck.
    Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!

  19. #19
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Banning, east of Los Angeles.
    Posts
    2,571
    I live in southern California and when it rains people.ge really call it "bad weather". When They say that I usually answer that as weather was in the days of cowboys when to travel raining was really bad but today is a bless. What I want to tell you? It is that what sounds bad for you today couldn't be so bad tomorrow when circumstances will change the bad things today can be good tomorrow.
    That is my own experience. I couldn't sleep so many nights, for years just for dysphoria, then when I decided to move forward, I had problems thinking the same things as you. Today I'm 19 months on HRT living 99% of the time as who I am, woman (just some weekends I don't go out because I have electrolysis mondays morning and don shave and being a woman with that hated dark shadow of beard or looking as a Male with boobs and other female features doesn't make feel good). My life is better now and I already overpasses a lot of situation without living those bad expectations I had in my mind.
    HRT 042018; Full time 032019
    Orchiectomy 062020; gender& name legal changed 102020
    Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
    Breast augmentation surgery 012022
    GCS 072022; BBL 022023; GCS revision 04203;END TRANSITION

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State