I?m on my third week of HRT. 15 months with laser on my beard (I hate even that word), 4 months on laser on my chest, 15 months with my gender psychologist and 3 months with the specialized psychologist and the endocrinologist for HRT. They all agree with my starting HRT, and my strong willingness to transition. However socially and work wise it is not really possible to transition at the moment.
I want to go all the way with HRT, but is there a limit with work? Can I lead a double life, as the real me at home but dressed as male at work and socially even with HRT? I?m a transwoman who unfortunately needs to present most of the time as a male for the outside world.
My wife knows about it but is not supportive at all. She allows me to be me at home as long as nobody else sees me. Unfortunately in no uncertain terms she told me that she would leave me (and the country) if I leave full time as a woman. Not great but I can?t deny any more who I am. I could ?hide? it for the outside world that knows me but I don?t think I can stop my transition.
I feel to be making progress as the trans woman I am, with my laser treatments, epilating the rest of my body and like having manicured hands (light or transparent matte finish) and toenails (bright pink). Whenever I go the hospital to see the endo I love going as Carolina, among ?muggles? who don?t know me. But then I have to change to my boring suit, remove makeup and any trace of who I am to leave the hospital back to the corporate world.
I?m fairly thin so with HRT I don?t expect a lot of fat transfer anywhere, nor a lot of breast growth (though I?d love it, but also understand that it could be the end of my ?double life?...). Summer time may become more challenging at the beach with any, however small, breast growth.
Does it all make sense? Is there a limit to this double life beyond an unlikely potential big breast growth? This is a topic I keep bringing with my counselor, but I don?t get any definitive answer.
Apologies for the rambling...