Purging

[Crissy 107]

Have you ever purged or not? I have purged at least twice but that was before sites like this, what a waist of some good things not to mention the money involved.

[JuliaGirl]

Purged several times during the past 40+ years . Stopped purging a decade or more ago though .. waste of money, only so much room as a closeted dresser to safely store things, and finally fully happily accepting that I am who I am.

[Kimberly A.]

Julia, I can totally relate..... About being a closet CDer and only having so much room to hide the feminine stuff. See, I'm an over-the-road truck driver, my dad lives not too far from me and while I'm gone, especially during the winter, he'll drop by my house to check on things and turn on the heaters for me. I gave him a key to my house a while back. Now, while I do go out in public dressed, my family doesn't have a clue that I'm a CDer and if I have it my way, they'll NEVER know. If they found out, especially my dad being as judgmental and bigoted as he is, he would call me that dreaded "F" word, (I won't repeat it here) and he may even disown me..... Anyway, like I said I can relate.

[Kendra Sue]

Crissy, I have purged too often. I so regret it. My new strategy is...put it in storage. Ihe urge goes away but it always comes back

[Pixie_94]

At least 3 times and I'm only 25.

[Gillian Gigs]

I have purged more than once, I don't remember how many times. The last time was in the spring of 2001, and within 6 months, I was on the way to replacing the purged items. I swore that I would never purge again, if not for any other reason than the money wasted. Even my wife has admonished me for the waste of money spent. Now it's easy to become a packrat, not throwing anything out. For me purging was one of the signs of me not accepting myself.

[lingerieLiz]

I guess I'm different. I did throw away one outfit which I had purchased as a onetime event. My wife did purge some of my stuff when she cleaned out her closets. She said they were too old for me and some were just plain ugly. She and my daughters purge often. I'm amazed at how many clothes they go through. My wife is not as bad. Then again they make good money and are expected to have great wardrobes.

p.s. My mother grew up poor in the depression era and resisted throwing anything away. On one visit home she asked me to take all my girl clothes and my sister's clothes back with me. My sisters didn't want any of them. So I ended up with a bunch of 50s/60s clothes. I ended up donating them to the high school.

[Pumped]

There is a big difference between purging and leaning out you closet.

[Cheryllynn]

I purged three times that I can remember...along with illogical thoughts that I wasn't going to dress anymore or that I was "over" or had "outgrown" that "phase". When I actually decided to accept that part of me and embrace it a little bit occasionally so that Cheryllynn could come out, I vowed to not purge again. I really wish I had some of those clothes back, especially the early stuff I had in the mid-late 1980's.

[stephenie3756]

I had one complete purge in 2004. Wife had found out in 2001 when she found my collection in boxes in the basement during a move. She was barely accepting at first and then it went to Def Con 1. I got rid of everying..put all my stuff into probably 8 large garbage bags and took it to the dump. Went into a deep depression and years of individual and joint therapy. After the counselor said there was nothing more she could do for us, I told my wife I was done working on the relationship. Finally in 2010, I decided that I was only hurting myself since crossdressing was part of who I was. Fast foward 9 years and I am out of space to store everything. My collection is probably 10 times larger than it ever was. I only have some photos of the heels that I got rid of. I miss many of the dresses that I used to own (Fredericks, Victoria Secrets, Cache, etc). Purging didn't get rid of my crossdressing. It just buried it for a while. Now in DADT relationship. I just wish I could have the basement with clothes rod and have all of my collection displayed. I could easily start up a small botique with my collection.

[CayleeMarie]

Me too, me too! I would guess that I have purged maybe 5 or 6 times. What a terrible waste of money and ridding myself of some things I wish I still had. Really I think that the worst part of the purging nightmare was the desperate emotional state that I was in when I purged thinking that it would make everything better. Fortunately I have the love and understanding of an amazing wife who accepts this part of me and has forbidden me to purge like that without talking it through with her first. Also, I have a much greater sense of self acceptance now too... I fully embrace that aspect of myself without shame.

[Elizabeth G]

Yes I have, the most recent time being about ten years ago. It wasn't due to self loathing or a lack of self acceptance though. At that time I had met someone (a wonderful woman who I eventually married) and I felt no need to dress so I thought I was "over" the crossdressing thing. Since I no longer had any need for any of those things I got rid of them. I didn't understand that crossdressing is a lifelong journey. I know better now and the only way I'll get rid of any of my stuff now is if something no longer fits or I don't like the style anymore.

[dana8656]

Purged many of times, until I came came to the realization that I could not stop, and acceptance of myself as such, then no more purging.
Now more just getting rid of clothes I don't wear very often. As closeted myself, I intermix my clothes in the closet as best I can, so nothing really stands out.

[Eemz]

The biggest regret was that I threw out a teddy bear I had had since I was a child. I’m still upset about that after writing it just now.

I came across him under the bed during my worst ever purge and he fell victim to the same “you’re a grown man” crap. I can replace the shoes and stuff but not him.

[Tomara]

I've purged several times over the years but once I worked on myself with a very qualified therapist I accepted me feminine side, my dressing desires and most importantly myself, it was life changing for the better in many ways and I vowed to myself to never purge again, to always be honest and open with anyone I was going to be in a relationship with and to live my life the way I wanted to live it and I've never been happier in my life, I have a very accepting and encouraging girlfriend to share my life with and I couldn't be happier.

[Seana Summer]

The last purge I had was just before I left home for college, that was more out of necessity than anything and that was more than a few years ago. I remember when I was a kid I would purge my collection a couple of times a year!

I have stopped dressing from time to time in recent years but I have not purged like I did when I was 15. I have come to accept that this is just part of who I am.

[Stephanie47]

The biggest regret was that I threw out a teddy bear I had had since I was a child. I?m still upset about that after writing it just now.
I came across him under the bed during my worst ever purge and he fell victim to the same ?you?re a grown man? crap. I can replace the shoes and stuff but not him.

I came back to read the responses about purging. It is so sad that so many have endured so much pain trying to purge ourselves of a part of who we are. Femz, you are not alone. When I was a little boy I had the greatest stuffed elephant. Of course, he was grey. The bottom of his feet was red. The inside of his ears was red. My mother decided I was "too old" for stuffed animals. She convinced me it was time to get rid of him. We walked to the apartment building garbage chute. In his went. I balled and balled. She tried to fish him out, but, to no available. He ended up being cremated. I think I was scarred for life. Years later I formed the opinion because of that incident and others my mother was the "Greatest Bitch" that ever lived. I was so happy when that evil bitch passed away. Long live my "Perfuming" as I called him.

Our daughter has her childhood "baby doll" as she called her favorite doll. That doll went off to college with her after high school. I remember when we went for family pictures and the photographer said "Baby Doll" was too ugly to be in the picture. Another "bitch" in the making. Of course "Baby Doll" is in the pictures.

I think I am a stubborn Dutchman. Even after almost fifty years of life I think I'd purge my wife before I purge who I am.

[Pumped]

Steph, I bet you wish you still had that elephant.

It is funny the things we keep. I have a stuffed gorilla holding a banana that was from a friend of mine and given to my daughter when she was born. My daughter had no attachment to it and one day she was cleaning her room and she was going to toss it. I asked if i could have it and I got a funny look. My daughter turned thirty years old last fall. The gorilla sits on a shelf in my home office. The friend has long since passed away. I can't explain why I keep it.

[GretchenM]

Crissy, I never really had all that much stuff or that much invested. Yet I purged. For the most part it was an act of self disgust. Common back in my younger years when I denied it and yet couldn't actually stop it for that long. I wanted nothing to do with. Kind of symbolic as well - throwing away your old self with a desire to be a new person without this trait. Didn't work; rarely does. Never again. If I get to that point I will pack it up and store it away in a corner of the basement.

I suspect most of us go through these periods where that part of us seems to be much more of a burden than it is worth. And I suspect from a psychological point of view there are a lot of different reasons. Sometimes that part of us just up and "leaves." Maybe self disgust; maybe no more supportive feelings from inside; maybe a whole bunch of things.

We like to think that as conscious beings we are in control and we are aware of every decision that we seem to make. But consciousness is just the tip of the iceberg - it is the final result of all the complex things that go on in the subconscious mind. Decisions are actually made there and a memo is sent to the conscious brain regarding what it is supposed to implement based on the decision. As the neuroscientists say, "There is no such thing as a conscious decision." Everything is decided after millions of calculations are performed in various parts of the brain. The conscious mind is the last to find out. The mystery really is a question of how does the brain do that? Nobody knows the answer to that.

That said, the conscious brain can influence the subconscious with messages as to what the preferences are with regard to its point of view. Sometimes, it appears that those preferences are incorporated in the subconscious thinking and what comes back as the decision includes those preferences. The subconscious brain is not always very rational like the conscious brain, so some arguments can arise that we experience as indecision. A good approach to dealing with that is set it all aside and let your brain work it out when it isn't doing a whole lot of other things - like when you are asleep. Thus, perhaps the final decision might appear in a dream, but it may be muddied with other memory sorting things the brain is doing. Dreams that are remembered might be symbolic representations of important decisions that are just not stated very clearly.

My advice? When the purge urge hits, store it, don't discard anything. Discarding it all may actually work to provide a void that is refilled with the same feelings that cause a return of the behavior. Purging is often a highly emotional action and that is remembered. To regain stability the feelings and need may return later. Nobody really knows how all this works. The brain knows though; it is just not telling our consciousness how it does what it does. Why would it hide the total truth? Maybe it is too complex for our conscious mind to understand - after all that is the newest part of the brain and, in terms of evolution, is still kind of experimental.

[Judy-Somthing]

I regret purging some of the items I loved.

[sara66]

I have only purged once. It was 15 years ago when I got married and vowed never to dress again (that work out, not). If I purge again it will be to make room for new stuff.
Sara.

[Tracii G]

Only to get rid of stuff I don't wear anymore to free up room in my closets.

[Jillian Faith]

I purged once while going thru a bad divorce now I'm with Traci G I...Only to get rid of stuff I don't wear anymore to free up room in my closets.

[wendy]

Sad to say : Yes, I have purged and I've regretted doing so.

Before I met my g/f (now wife), I had an awesome collection of women's clothing. From vintage swimsuits to 80's style aerobic type wear, all gone. One of my favourite swimsuits back then was a neon coloured u back zippered front suit. Unfortunately, it has been so many years I cannot remember the brand name of that suit so I have no way of even looking it up online. I also miss the aerobic type wear too, spandex body suits and leggings. Even though those can be found now, because it is vintage the price is exorbitant.

When my g/f and I moved in together, I started up my CDing again, and I started buying women's clothing again but hiding it around the house. I had a beautiful black Undercover Wear night gown, it was long, and it fit like a glove. I eventually had to purge the whole collection for fear she would find out.

Now that I have come out to her as a CDer, the only purging I do now is items that I have not worn in ages or no longer fit. Those items I do not miss when purged.

[Bobbi46]

Think twice before purging, could what one considers needs throwing out come back into fashion again? if so keep it store it in a vacuum pack bag it will stay fresh. if something does not fit any more or its shrunk then sure get rid of, I have had one clearing out session getting rid of stuff i considered was not my style at all.