I took an online test yesterday on another CD/TG site. I let down my "manliness shield" and answered the questions openly and honestly as suggested in the instructions. There were several times I had to stop and ask myself who?s answer I was selecting, my manliness shield side or my true feelings side. For example, it asked something to the effect of "do you sometimes cry for no reason while watching movies?" Yes I do, my wife laughs at me when I do that because I'm more emotional than she is when I watch movies but my manliness shield answer would have downplayed and neutered it so as not to give an accurate result. In the past I?d have probably lied to myself and answered no so that I wouldn?t be forced by the results to contemplate any changes.

The test results specified that I am considered a "late onset transexual" and that I have a "strong degree of dysphoria" and that I could be considered a candidate for HRT as a treatment option. Before the more experienced caution me to stand back, take a deep breath and cool my jets I?ll save you the trouble by making it clear that I do take this very seriously and am taking an analytical and cautious approach as I do with all of life's important decisions. I do appreciate all of your experience and helpful comments though.

I realize that a quiz on a website is not the definitive answer to my angst but it's as if all of the pieces are falling in place and leaving me with more questions. As a result of my test results I searched for therapists and found a woman who is highly regarded in the areas of childhood trauma and gender dysphoria and she accepts my insurance. My wife has encouraged me to go to counseling in the past for my angst so seeing as trauma is one of this therapist?s specialties I can use the angst and reinventing myself a year and a half after retirement as my reasons for going. That should buy me some time to go to a few sessions to understand myself and hopefully unpack and sort things out enough to start developing a plan for the future, something my angst has prevented. As I mentioned in other threads, I came up during a time when therapy was called a ?shrink? and only the weak used their services so this is another big step for me.

I don?t have an appointment setup and will probably wait until after the holidays but I am sending her a message and getting some information on payment and appointment availability.