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Thread: Just the way I feel

  1. #26
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Majella,
    No a CDer is not the same as being TG . To me the clothes are the window to the World of how I feel inside but I have to admit it doesn't feel like CDing anymore in fact being dressed in male mode feels more like Cding nowdays .

    Jean has it right , she is just Jean , that is the only label that's important to her and I feel very much the same way .

    The one question it may raise is am I living as a woman or just as Teresa ? I feel my reply is the latter .
    The real me ,no going back.

  2. #27
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Majella,
    No a CDer is not the same as being TG . To me the clothes are the window to the World of how I feel inside but I have to admit it doesn't feel like CDing anymore in fact being dressed in male mode feels more like Cding nowdays .

    Jean has it right , she is just Jean , that is the only label that's important to her and I feel very much the same way .

    The one question it may raise is am I living as a woman or just as Teresa ? I feel my reply is the latter .
    I'm saying that they are not the same.
    By definition I am a crossdresser and you are transgendered.

  3. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    By bad crossdressing I mean, just slapping on an old costume wig, some horrible caftan a Halloween makeup job and call it crossdressing. Make a little effort. Take some pride in your appearance. Be better.
    I have to chuckle at this statement. I know exactly what you mean. I've seen two cross dressers out and about in my small city. One I've seen twice. One was obviously a self absorbed exhibitionists who was accompanied by his totally bored wife. The other obviously needed some skills. I will admit they had the gumption to get out there, but, I doubt if there was any basis for a friendship. However, does it not apply to GG's too? I know there are always the jokes/websites about people who shop at Wal-Mart, but, it is true of the general population. Go to any store and you'll see women (and men too) who look like something the dog dragged home. On the other hand I probably have crossed paths with cross dressers who are so well put together I did not notice them. And, moderator, I am not knocking cross dressers in general. I am just including them in what I see when out and about in the general population. Usually, when someone looks as bad as you describe they are usually lacking any sort of bond you are looking for in a relationship. I belong to a support group which has nothing to do with gender expression or identity. There are some attendees who I have nothing at all in common with other than the reason to be there. Two hours once a week and we all go home. No bonding other than those two hours.

    When I peruse the postings of very attractive cross dressers on YouTube I am envious of how they are "put together." Envious because when I was their age society was not so accepting and I was down in the dumps with self loathing and lack of self esteem. I did search for a support group when I needed it the most. I did contact and speak to its "hot line" or "crisis line" and found them to be totally self absorbed and really not interested in reaching out. I just hoped they never answer a suicide hot line.

    Perhaps with age comes some maturing. I know I do not need to be among "like thinkers" to accept myself. I passed that hurdle many years ago.

  4. #29
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    What is transgender and who are considered that is a grand debate here every so often. For simplicity sake, I stick with the site's definition (Go look it up!). The term "Transgender" is an umbrella term covering "all" (emphasis mine), from panty wearer only to full time post op transsexual. I call it the umbrella term.

    I respect and fight for everyone's right to present as they wish. If they want to walk down the street in panties, stockings with a garter belt, high heels and some type of bra, good for them. However, that does not mean I will want to associate with them in any way. However, that is their right and they can enjoy or suffer the consequences of their actions because they do not in any way affect me.

    As someone said above, Micki, I think, I am interested in the person and the personality and have a lot of trans, CD and gender queer friends and acquaintances. However, I do not necessarily go looking for them. I have an equal number of cisgender friends who got to know Allie in my early crossdressing years and liked me then and like me now as a full time, no exceptions, trans woman, a woman!

    So, in regards to this thread, I agree with the OP that going alone works fine. However, I can get the same amount of enjoyment that way or with being with my group of trans (umbrella term) friends and acquaintances. That is her personal preference and this is mine. As for her comment,

    "By bad crossdressing I mean, just slapping on an old costume wig, some horrible caftan a Halloween makeup job and call it crossdressing. Make a little effort. Take some pride in your appearance. Be better."

    You are being unfair to those that do not meet your personal standards. The way that you present could be considered this same way by others. What is that old saying, "Do not judge others as you will also be judged."? So why be so hard on those like that?

  5. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    Being Trans and being a crossdresser are two different things
    Well... Sure but in my case being a Crossdresser was just a lie I told everyone including myself because I didn't want to be Transgender.

    People have come up with all kinds of reasons why they CD. But I honestly believe that if you weren't trans, you would have never had the original urge to CD and then continue to act on it.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 12-31-2019 at 09:28 PM.

  6. #31
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I?ve never expended much effort seeking out other crossdressers. I like being with others like myself, but to me that means ?other women? not ?other mtf crossdressers?. I don?t really see myself as a crossdresser, but more as an ordinary woman with some atypical body parts.

  7. #32
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    My post refers to Crossdressers not people who are Transgendered. There is a difference, CD's "might " be under the Transgender umbrella but they are miles apart. All the Transgender people I know would hit the roof if you referred to them as a crossdresser.
    As this is supposedly the crossdressing section of this crossdressing forum, I think it would be obvious that I was referring to Crossdressers. I personally stay off the Transgender section because I do not belong there. Why are there different sections then?

  8. #33
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    I've been dressing for as long as I can remember (30+ years?) and have flown solo pretty much for all that time. I've contacted a handful of other crossdressers over the years through Flickr, Facebook, Instagram but whenever I've gone out I've been on my own. I'm open to meeting up with other CD's but, due to my limited windows of dressing opportunities, its been difficult to coordinate. As for support groups, I never really felt the need to contact any but I can understand why others might need to. I've personally never been troubled or bothered by what I do except for the amount of money I've spent over the years <sigh>.

  9. #34
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Majella,

    It was not obvious that you were talking about crossdressers. This section is not exclusive to crossdressers only. It is the main general forum for the site where everyone can post on a wide variety of topics. If you want your posts to be specific to somebody under that transgender umbrella, then it is better to be more specific in your OP. As far as my comments go, they apply to everyone, including non trans people. We regularly get reminded by the admins/mods here to not disparage anyone for whatever reason. I feel the same way here and everywhere and was directing my comments to you based on your quoted comments above. I respect you and how you dress and enjoy your super short and sometimes wild outfits that you use when DJing. I mean nothing personal to you, except for those words that I quoted.

    One more thing. I cut my baby teeth on this site 6 years before you joined up and it has helped me get to where I am at. I definitely know the differences and wide variation of the members and identification terminology on this site. I rarely hit the roof for anything and I have gone from beginning crossdresser to a full time transexual woman. I would guess that most transsexual women on this site would also not hit the roof either. Some from a few years ago might have a did a few times. They have moved on. Though I probably have encountered more out in the real world. Happy New Year ..... Allie

  10. #35
    Vespa Vixen AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    Here we go again!
    Early on I had a couple of TS friends. They disparaged me for only being part time (their words) and stated that I had no right to an opinion on TG issues. That made short work of those friendships.

    On the other end of things, all the CD people I met were the clubbing type and wanted sex sex sex. Because I was happily solely attracted to women I was a killjoy.

    Regular, everyday serious CDs who go out like me and some others here are rare birds indeed. Most people I have talked to assume I am full time. But I have learned from experience that a lot of people on the TG spectrum are narcissistic and so I am happy to keep my distance and interact with the muggles, which is the end goal anyway - to be a part of regular society.

  11. #36
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Allie, I specifically stated Crossdressers in my first sentence, If I meant Transgender I would have said that.

  12. #37
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I apologize for missing that in your first sentence. However, my comments on disparaging others on this site still stand whether a crossdresser or anyone else.

    Look, there are a lot of people that I really don't like how they look, including many cisgender people. I wouldn't want to associate with them. Just like what you said in your first post here. No problem.
    However, always try to never talk down about them online or in any other way. I especially do not like it when people do it on a support site like this. That is the reason for my comments about that here.

  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    My post refers to Crossdressers not people who are Transgendered. There is a difference, CD's "might " be under the Transgender umbrella but they are miles apart. All the Transgender people I know would hit the roof if you referred to them as a crossdresser.

    It's a two way street honey... Why do so many crossdressers hit the roof when you refer to them as transgender?

    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    As this is supposedly the crossdressing section of this crossdressing forum, I think it would be obvious that I was referring to Crossdressers. I personally stay off the Transgender section because I do not belong there. Why are there different sections then?
    This is the problem with trying to adhere to labels, Crossdresser just like Transgender is an umbrella term that really covers anyone that enjoys wearing the clothing of the opposite gender for whatever reason, including being transgender.

    Overall the problem with labels is we tend to use them to justify and differentiate ourselves from others we feel superior to.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 12-31-2019 at 09:53 PM.

  14. #39
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    I prefer to go solo. That is true both en femme and in drab.

    I grew up as the eldest in an enormous family. Fourteen of us. My parents, both youngest children in big families, had a simple rule for solving disagreements among us: the side with the youngest combatant is always right. I learned ways to survive and prosper alone. I left home at the earliest possible opportunity and never looked back. Being a cross dresser was mostly a solo thing fifty years ago. I just kept it that way. I have preferred to be solo ever since, en femme and in drab. It is easier that way for me.

  15. #40
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robertacd View Post
    Well... Sure but in my case being a Crossdresser was just a lie I told everyone including myself because I didn't want to be Transgender.
    You may be right, Roberta. I certainly told myself that lie for most of my life. When I finally approached therapy openly and honestly, things became clear in short order, despite the fact that "sorting out gender issues" was not my main goal.
    Still, the vast majority of people here would brace at the idea that they are latent transsexuals. I am confident that some are, but the psychological community recognizes many "gender variant" categories. To be sure, there remains much work to be done before we can understand those under the umbrella. Perhaps the Rice University study that's focused on crossdressers will shed some much needed light on that group.

    To Allie's assertion that the fetish dresser walking down the street in her underwear does not affect her personally, I'd agree, but... it does affect all of us indirectly. That particular behavior is inappropriate, regardless of one's gender, and right or wrong, it affects how the general public views us. To deny that it does is to deny plain fact.

  16. #41
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Majella,
    The forum does pose this problem sometimes , which section is the right one to post in ? I do struggle at times to know which section to use but this section is really the open house where we can ask almost any question to a greater variety of members .

    It's odd at times that I encounter more problems on the forum with labels than I encounter in the RW , one problem is we have too many labels for the RW to deal with and there still remains confusion on the forum with some of them .

    Aunt Kelly ,
    The term , " Latent transsexual " intrigued me , it's not something that occured to me before but possibly true .

    Angela,
    I must admit I have two very good TS friends that have quietly encouraged me , no big push and no put downs , I go out regularly with one who makes me feel like woman .

    Allie,
    I'm torn between your comments and Aunt Kelly's on presentation in the RW , I agree we all have a choice but at ther same time we are still a minority and when seen in the RW I feel we have some responsibilty to present oursleves in an acceptable way . OK the bathroom issues still rumbles on in the US but how does a GG really feel when she's using the facillites when an obvious CDer totters in on 5" heels with a skirt no wider than a belt especially if she has young children with her . Maybe I should extend that question to ask how would the wife and family of the CDer feel if they knew ? At least I know my familly don't have that thought to consider .
    Last edited by Teresa; 01-01-2020 at 06:52 AM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  17. #42
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    I would criticise anyone who went out in their underwear even if it was gender appropriate and if men go out in public in women's underwear they might get prosecuted. Not sure what for but it would damage the reputation of all crossdressers.

    The label thing is a bit more important than it first appears. I am a crossdresser. I do not have gender issues and do not regard myself as trans. If my friends and colleagues found out I did this, they would assume that I had gender issues because of the whole trans thing. The box with me in it might as well not exist - the idea of a man who dresses as a woman for recreation is not on anyone's radar. Yes, it is compulsive, but it does nothing form me sexually and at no stage do I imagine I am a woman - I just like to look like one (a very well dressed one). I do not mind in the slightest if people realise I am a man and treat me accordingly. I would love to go out with my friends completely dressed as a woman but acting and talking as a man. Society is not ready for this because such people get no exposure in the media and are fairly few even on this site. When I go out dressed I feel the need to act and speak like a woman. I quite enjoy it but the real reason is that the public find this easier to cope with than a man dressing as a woman without making any behavioural concessions in that direction. I am happy with who I am. I have women friends who are happy with who I am, and I am on Facebook groups who are happy with who I am. It is only on here I get told repeatedly I am something I do not feel myself to be. I will apply my own labels to me. Labels applied by others without consent can obstruct progress in society and there is a case for all variations to be accommodated without fitting into boxes designed by others. Some of us just like dressing up for its own sake. It's fun for us, nothing more.

  18. #43
    Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    getting back to the OP - and refusing to go off on the "label" squabble that seems to always crop up...

    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    Ya know, I don't particularly like hanging out with other crossdressers, it's not really my thing. I'd rather not share the attention. And forget about support groups and GNO get togethers. I know this sounds bad but I don't want to hang out with bad crossdressing. I'd rather hang out with just regular people in regular situations and places.

    Just my opinion.
    💋✌❤
    Gerri

    I used to go a CD group years ago, but stopped.

    It wasn't my 'thing' either.
    I've never felt I was 'just' CD. (What I AM is still uncertain)
    I'm really rather shy and insecure - I don't mix that well with strangers.
    I was always comparing myself to the others (YIKES! I hope I don't look as bad as -um- her? OR Gee, I wish I could look even half as good as HER) Either way I lost.
    Like others have said, I didn't have much in common with them, beyond the dressing .. and that's about all they ever talked about.

    All that said - I also have to disagree a bit with the OP
    I didn't want to be the center of attention - let alone share it. I would been elated If I'd ever been mistaken for one of the SO's that would come.
    And bad crossdressing? Where better to practice (and hopefully to perfect) your skills than in a group of fellow practitioners?
    I've gotta admit though, seeing an obvious "Man wearing a dress" sitting there with legs spread-wide-and-showing is definitely off-putting. <shudder>

    One last thought - it's hard to NOT come off as self-centered or self-absorbed when going out dressed up - to talk to others about dressing up. It's the whole focus of the evening. At least that's what happened in the meetings I attended. CD was the whole reason for the meetings. "Outside lives" were private and not mentioned.

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