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Thread: Just the way I feel

  1. #1
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Just the way I feel

    Ya know, I don't particularly like hanging out with other crossdressers, it's not really my thing. I'd rather not share the attention. And forget about support groups and GNO get togethers. I know this sounds bad but I don't want to hang out with bad crossdressing. I'd rather hang out with just regular people in regular situations and places.

    Just my opinion.
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    Gerri

  2. #2
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    No its not bad its just what you prefer to do.
    I gave up on the support group long ago because they were basically jerks if you didn't believe the same as they did.
    Personally I don't want to be around a bunch of self serving narcissistic jack asses.
    Same goes with Weight Watchers that group was so judgmental it wasn't funny.
    Walked in and not even a hello but the moderator asked why are you here? I said the same reason you are looks like.
    That quip didn't help any but I got my point across.
    One of the ladies there laughed under her breath so we became friends right off. Even went out for ice cream after the meeting to celebrate.How is that for being a rebel ? lol
    Regular people are so much easier to be around.

  3. #3
    Another fine dress AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    I am of the same mind. Except for my best friend who is also a CD, I avoid the same situations.

  4. #4
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I get that. A number of my trans friends don't attend big get together in Vegas anymore because we take over everywhere we go!

    I often go off by myself at these trans affairs so I can mix with GG's. Most of them r vacationing, there to have fun, and r curious and accepting of trans by themselves or with one or 2 others!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #5
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    Majella,
    I feel it's a natural progression for some of us , going to social meetings and meeting others helps find ourselves and build confidence , we mustn't also forget for some it's their only outlet for a few brief hours . Maybe we shouldn't totally walk away as they still need support and help .

    I'm not sure if I concern myself over sharing the attention and as for deciding what is " bad crossdressing " some people choose to be different , who can say which is right or wrong .

    I'm not knocking your comments as I do agree with the sentiment , I feel at ease and comfortable just being in the RW , I do sometimes go out with a TS friend but it really is like two GGs doing some shopping and having a coffee .

    Maybe it does touch on passability but I'm more inclined to say it's based on our acceptance level and what you want to represent ourselves as .
    Last edited by Teresa; 12-29-2019 at 05:29 AM.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    I know, I perfer to be the only transgender person in a room.

    Being by yourself is different than being with even one other TG.

    When I was first going out I wanted to find a TG friend to hangout with. This didn't happen, instead I made friends with GGs, the best thing that could have happened to me.

    In the process I became Jean. I don't think of myself as being defined by gender. As my friends and I say I'm "just Jean".

    As I represent female I follow society's and/or my friends (GGs) rules governing such. I'm more looking for my friends approval, this doesn't mean I follow them, on the contrary, I have my own style. Which if you think about it is just like most women.

    I don't think of myself as being TG or defined by gender. I'm out and have developed my own set of rules to try and maintain my sanity.

    By being with even one other TG person you are being defined by gender, that is why I perfer to be by myself.

    Sorry if that sounds confusing, I want to be seen and treated as a woman, not a hyphenated person.
    Last edited by Jean 103; 12-29-2019 at 07:19 AM.

  7. #7
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    I think I can relate. I will have conversations with any friendly people in bars and clubs, but I mostly enjoy GG companionship. I just don?t run into that many CDs. I did spend one evening sitting with another CD in El Paso at the Touch Bar this year, but that was the only time. I have met some drag performers , but they typically come in just to perform instead of sitting at the bar and dancing with the patrons. I have a lot in common with others here and like to share experiences, but I would probably rather hang out with GGs instead of going to a CD only event.

    Sandi

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    I am also a lone crossdresser. I had to do my learning and confidence building before this site came along, and found the old Trannyguide invaluable. I also phoned shops before going to try things on. Then the experience that changed my life. Only the second time I had gone out dressed in public was a short holiday in London, and I got my colours and style done as a woman. Huge confidence boost. And for me it is about the clothes, and this enabled me to move into a different league for presentation. I have had the occasional drink with a crossdresser and didn't take to them - we don't all come from the same place here and you are not automatically going to get on with someone just because you both crossdress. I prefer the company of women and have women friends I socialise with and exchange ideas with. I am a member of a couple of Facebook groups associated with the stylists I used and I am the only male member. These ladies give me wonderful advice and feedback. So why am I on here? I like the observations about crossdressers in society and I suppose there is an element of leading by example - I rarely give direct advice. I say what works for me in the hope that someone somewhere out there might find it of value. And sometimes those of us who do not identify as women feel less than welcome here. I actually find my ladies in the Facebook groups more tolerant and positive than some of the characters on here.

  9. #9
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I guess we all have different definitions of "Bad cross dressing". There's a tendency to critique or praise each other's appearance. That's fine, but I'm not for setting rules on what other CDs should wear.

    One thing about our support group is that other than CDing - we all come from different walks of life. There are good and bad points to this. After a few years I realize that others in the group have become good friends!

    For the record, I've only gone out solo a couple of times and haven't been out much with other CDs either.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  10. #10
    Member Lilly Diadem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    ......
    I gave up on the support group long ago because they were basically jerks if you didn't believe the same as they did.
    Personally I don't want to be around a bunch of self serving narcissistic jack asses.
    This is very much how I felt in relation to the support groups that I visited.

    I know clubs have rules but support groups should maybe be a little different and 'members' should not be forced to act or dress a certain way (within reason) if they are not comfortable with that if indeed the prime function is support rather than something else.

    However rather than cause friction I left the group which was a shame as some of the support given in the early days was very worthwhile.

    I also acknowledge the effort involved in setting up and running a support group and that it must be challenging so respect the folks that give their time to do that.
    Lots of Love Lilly xx

    Not me in the avatar but the lovely Jenny Powell who I loved so much

  11. #11
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
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    My experience with TCNE has been very positive. There is a mix of people at all levels of the gender spectrum, and I have not noticed any one group trying to lord it over another. As with any group, there is internal politics, but there are enough seasoned reasonable people in the group to keep us aware that there is more that we share than there is that divides us.

    Even though I am "just a crossdresser" I have formed friendships with transitioning and fully transitioned women, to the extent that we will occasionally meet and socialize outside of the club.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  12. #12
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jean 103 View Post
    I know, I perfer to be the only transgender person in a room.

    Being by yourself is different than being with even one other TG. I have my own style. Which if you think about it is just like most women.

    I don't think of myself as being TG or defined by gender. I'm out and have developed my own set of rules to try and maintain my sanity.

    By being with even one other TG person you are being defined by gender, that is why I perfer to be by myself.
    Exactly !
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

  13. #13
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    I agree With Jean and Ro I am a lot like that too.
    I have always preferred to do my own thing.
    The support group I attended really helped me a lot in the beginning.
    Then all the ultra tranny activists types took over.
    Even one of the older ladies that started the group left because she didn't like the direction it was going.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 12-29-2019 at 12:24 PM.

  14. #14
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    I can understand how you feel Majella, having attended a CD/TG conference myself and in my short time as a member of the TG community. Even though there is safety in numbers, going out in big groups actually draws more unwanted attention. Once we have our own style, ability, and the confidence to go out in public, we don't want to be held back by or thought of as just some guy in a dress.

    Therein lies the beginning of the big rift in our community, and it only gets larger as we progress on our journey, specially when that journey leads us to TG/TS.

    We all have to remember that we were all once that "ugly duckling" we are trying do distance ourselves from.

    As for support groups... Well they are only as good as the people who attend. I go to a TG support group occasionally and they are a really nice group of people. I have to say they are often telling the same old stories and discussing the same old issues over and over again. Just like here But I am happy to have met every single one of these people, as I really like having trans friends

  15. #15
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    By bad crossdressing I mean, just slapping on an old costume wig, some horrible caftan a Halloween makeup job and call it crossdressing. Make a little effort. Take some pride in your appearance. Be better.
    Last edited by char GG; 12-29-2019 at 07:35 PM. Reason: Per rule: Ridiculing members/non-members, or the manner in which they express themselves. This includes any complaint about t

  16. #16
    Senior Member Angela Marie's Avatar
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    I would love to meet some accepting GG's but that has not happened. The few times I did go to TG events it was meh. I'm not really into the bar scene; been there done that and at 65 a bit out of my league and as someone who is happily married with an understanding wife I found the crowd at such places to be on a different wavelength than me. For now I simply go out shopping and dining alone.

  17. #17
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    I also prefer flying solo to being a group act. I do have a friend or two I enjoy going out with but the great bulk of my time dressed is out on my own, in some of the most public places possible, in front of as many people as possible. Interaction with the general public is what it's all about with me. Frankly, when at group outings or get-togethers, I feel mostly that I don't fit in and am rarely comfortable. While walking into any place otherwise, I have complete ease and comfort.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  18. #18
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    Not saying I didn't meet and make friends with some awesome people at my group but the climate of that group has changed a lot.
    They have turned into the one faction of the trans movement I don't much care for.

  19. #19
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    By bad crossdressing I mean, just slapping on an old costume wig, some horrible caftan a Halloween makeup job and call it crossdressing. Make a little effort. Take some pride in your appearance. Be better.
    I guess some of us just aren't trans enuff, r we!?

    I have met with a number of, "Just throw on a dress, no wig, no forms, no make up", T's. As I recall? They were all lovely people!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  20. #20
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    I mostly hang out with Lesbians and GGs. I do occasionally go out and meet other TG folk. I enjoy talking to many of our sisters. Though I too am weary of the militant girls.

    I live a good part of my life as a woman. I'm no beauty by any means, but I like to think that for the most part I pass...ish. When I'm with GG's I'm more likely to be ignored, especially with my lesbian friends.

    When I'm with our sisters...well...everyone has their own style and it is just as valid as mine. But when you spend hours getting ready to go out for the evening and you change everything three times...sometimes including your hair and make up; it can be, for me at least, a bit disconcerting to sit next to a sister who is obviously wearing water balloons and a full beard. Again, I'm not knocking anyone's look. It is just that my preference is to blend.

  21. #21
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    I guess some of us just aren't trans enuff, r we!?

    I have met with a number of, "Just throw on a dress, no wig, no forms, no make up", T's. As I recall? They were all lovely people!
    Being Trans and being a crossdresser are two different things

  22. #22
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    I guess some of us just aren't trans enuff, r we!?
    Wait . . . you're a defender of the realm now??? . After the "how is what you do satisfying compared to me?" and the "I'm actually me, and I get 5 friends per day on Facebook?" What, do these people also get 5 friends per day on Facebook too? . . . Whaaa? .

  23. #23
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I’m going to stay away from the “bad crossdressing” thing because that’s a bit of a minefield. I will say that I’m not big on the idea of hanging out with other CDers just BECAUSE they are CDers. Their choice of expression does not necessarily make for common ground.
    That being said, I do actually prefer the company of gender-non-conformists. Sharing a space with people who inherently understand things about you means I get to build relationships from the ground up, like most of the world instead of having to explain my existence and how I fit into someone’s concept of human beings and having to start in the sub-basement.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    Being Trans and being a crossdresser are two different things
    Not always. You could be both like me. Most here would likely think of me as T-whatever, but technically I'm a CD.

    You could also be one without being the other.

  25. #25
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Is a crossdresser the same as a transgender?

    The term crossdresser, which is a noun, has a very different meaning, though it is commonly associated with many of the same ideas. It is most typically used to describe men who sometimes choose to wear the clothing, makeup, and accessories that are culturally associated with women. Though crossdressers do not wish to live as women full-time or permanently change their sex, their choice to crossdress is a form of gender expression rather than of entertainment. For this reason, drag queens and kings are not necessarily labeled as crossdressers.

    trans?gen?der
    /transˈjendər/
    adjective

    1.
    denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.


    I am a crossdresser.
    Last edited by Majella St Gerard; 12-31-2019 at 02:00 AM.

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