Or maybe just a better version of the old me with blessings from SO
I'll start by posting what I wrote on Helen_Highwater's '2019 Tick Tock' thread to give an idea of where I was a few days ago..... but I'll warn that this is a lengthy post.
2019 has been interesting.
I am a self confessed serial CD but admission that I am unable to change my feelings or needs has always been tough.
After managing to temper the urge to dress for some months the annual 'Black Dog' came a little later this year but when it did finally come the fog was very thick and didn't clear.
This year the same as the last few years I've had the full support of my Wife to work through the fog and out of the other side but where we have become clearer is the willingness to accept dressing as part of my life so that famine and feast becomes a thing of the past; I guess it has always been my denial of this part of me that has kept the cyclical nature of binge dressing then abstinence going.
Regular dressing is now encouraged, my legs are kept shaven and with my toe nails receive a gel coat every couple of weeks with my finger nails painted when possible and practical - an unexpected benefit of your Wife being a trained beauty therapist but not practising for the day job.
Despite a no wig or make up agreement I have been handed a (new) lipstick today that matches my very pink finger nails and I had a douse of JPG perfume last night which I was told smelt nice on me so things are moving in a strange direction at the moment with the wearing of jewellery when dressed also encouraged.
Clothes shopping is not the trial it once was where shopping for new items is relaxed and we will happily pick through the racks at charity/goodwill shopping looking for bargains for each other.
Would be good if 2020 could bring more of the same and as I near my half century milestone I'd like to think that I can get my head around it all and integrate it into my life rather than separate it as a shadow self that I deny; that way my next 50 years can be more fun in a very loving and caring relationship with no more dress stress
(I'll change terminology from Wife to SO from now on purely to save typing)
My SO has pretty much accepted me wanting to dress on a more regular basis not because of anything other than seeing how unhappy I am if I don't. To be fair she has encouraged me to dress as and when needed rather than the famine followed by feast method that has never worked for me that I had been using for what seems like forever
It all came to a bit of a head after New Year's eve party where the alcohol and tiredness caught up a little and once home and in bed and I apologised to my SO for my desire to dress amongst other CD related things and got pretty upset - I don't remember the complete conversation but I know that I confessed that I was so very CD and loved it and just couldn't stop wanting to do it.
The content of this discussion was gently relayed to me the next morning along with the revelation that the dressing is no longer an issue and doesn't seem weird anymore to SO.
The conversation then turns to make up and that if I really want it then SO offers to do my face for me and see how we feel about it. Later that evening I'm asked if I want to try as SO really does to 'tick it off' in her head so promptly sends me off to shave, shower and dress - I've had my beard for some years now so being told to shave my whole face is a bold move from SO.
Make up application follows with ongoing commentary and tips as SO is working in regard to what product does what, which brush to use etc. SO knows I have used make up before but must be almost two decades ago so any skills I may have once had are long gone.
SO did stock and sell cosmetics/beauty products for a while and still had quite a lot of new products in colours outside her palette that are ideal for using on me as we are very different in terms of ethnic heritage, skin tone etc.
At the end of the session SO looks at me and stated that if I wasn't so muscular in my upper body and I had a wig she'd be happy that I could pass as a regular woman in the street at which point she fetched a scarf and tied it around my head in a turban style to complete the look.
Result - well we were both pretty relaxed about it all throughout the session and as a fully qualified beauty therapist SO was pleased with her work and probably surprised that it turned out the way it did and I was somewhat intoxicated by the whole process.
It gets better as SO gave me all the new products to keep along with a couple of new bits from her own makeup kit (she always keeps spares of her most used products) and a cosmetics bag to keep it all in.
We then did a little online shopping to get the bits I am missing in colours suitable for my skin.
Finally as SO was happy with how I can look she stated that I may as well get a couple of wigs so I don't have to sit around looking beautiful in a head scarf every time - wow
This has all been quite overwhelming and SO seemed a little disappointed when I didn't want to be made up again this evening but I said I want to move forward at a reasonable pace and if my Barry M cosmetics order arrives tomorrow then we can 'play' again in the evening.
I also got asked if I'd actually ordered any wigs especially as we'd done research both in her beauty library and online as to what style will suit my face and she is looking forward to seeing the full effect of hair and makeup - me too!
SO then explained that as it is still 'me' regardless of what I am wearing or how I look she is totally comfortable; her main concern was that I may alter who I am and how I behave when fully transformed which she would not have been comfortable with but as I am me and not trying to be anyone else it works for her.
We popped out after work today and picked up a good selection of makeup brushes along with some other sundries so I have my own set and as is only fair I treated her to some new brushes too.
It still hadn't stopped as I was given a makeup/beauty book and some new false lashes this evening too!
Apologies for the long post and I knew that I'd married the most perfect girl for me that I could and we've worked hard at our relationship over the last 16 years toasting the good time and holding a guiding light for each other through the dark times, but I'm still off to pinch myself
