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Thread: Question for people who are not "out" to friends and family

  1. #26
    Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the responses. It is probably relatively safe for me to post pictures so I may do it soon. There are really only a few people who could cause me some problems. There are a couple of what I would refer to as hostile people in my daughter in laws family who would love to use it against us. It is not likely my wife would know as she does not really talk to people much and does not use social media. Oddly, what almost caused me to get busted is ordering from Amazon. They keep track of order history and it is hard to fully remove their suggestions for purchase of items once bought. Since then I have used a second Amazon account and that helps a lot to prevent my wife from seeing any order history. Of course I have used all separate email accounts for everything and I ship everything to a UPS store. As someone mentioned, there are a long trail of little lies associated with dressing in secret, and it only takes one little mistake to be outed. Until then, I am going to have me some fun - headed to Vegas and Denver soon. I may get some pics. See ya.

    Sandi

  2. #27
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    I have my avatar and have posted a few photos but it doesn't worry me. If anyone I know sees them that means they are looking at this website. If they are here and see my photo that means I know someone else who dresses.

    The chance someone in my family is suspicious and trolling crossdresser sites looking for pics of Gramps in a dress rank right up there with getting hit by lightning. My wife finding a pair of panties in the laundry is a bigger concern but I don't worry about that either. She is the one who insisted on DADT so why would she search the web for my pics or Snoop in my laundry basket if she doesn't want to know. Most of the time I do my laundry and ask her if she has anything she wants washed and I do my girlie unmentionables by hand.

    Worrying about revealed photos would amount to uneccessary paranoia because it's next to impossible for anyone to find the few I have posted. Someone could look right at my avatar and it's so small it would likely go over their head. I have built computers on and off for 20 years and hide all of my Star photos in an encrypted drive using the open source program Veracrypt to create virtual drives. They'd have to first find my encrypted file, recognize that it's encrypted then figure out how to use the program and guess a sixteen digit password and my Linux user password to find them. The odds of dropping a pair of panties on the way to the laundry room and not noticing are 1000x times greater than anyone ever getting into my stored photos. The password to this site and the fact that I go in here would be difficult to find as well and nobody would know my CD name so they'd have to randomly search posts. I'm not that important that anyone cares that much to try to out me so someone randomly finding my photos is the least of my worries.
    Last edited by Star01; 01-06-2020 at 04:06 PM.

  3. #28
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    I gave a lot of consideration to posting a head shot of Nancy here and decided to do so because: It is reassuring to me to see the image of myself in my preferred gender. I realize there are risks. However, there are 360 million people in the U.S. and Canada and I am always careful not to reveal my location. I think my male image (sans wig and makeup) looks little like Nancy. Plus, if someone were on this site and happened to pay enough attention to recognize me, there is a pretty good chance they are either TG or an ally. Plus, in my day-to-day life in male mode I frequently have people tell me that I look like someone that they know or someone famous. So, the odds of someone saying I look like someone’s picture on a CD site? I’ll take the chance. Nancy
    Last edited by NancyJ; 01-06-2020 at 08:17 AM.

  4. #29
    3dxchat User JuliaGirl's Avatar
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    I've posted a few pics of my legs dressed for various threads (and heels), and have posted my avatar picture as well after some internal debate, but it'd be nearly impossible for anyone to both stumble across it who knows me, and then actually recognize me. If that did happen and I am then also publicly outted to anyone else who cares, at this point in my life despite being closeted, I'm at the "who cares" stage anyway. I ptobably will never post full on, up close headshots ... but I *am* getting my makeup done professionally one evening two weeks from now by a delightful makeup artist in Niagara Falls (and still have not found anywhere to step out) and plan on taking better pics anyway. We'll see.
    Closeted for 45 years, so please take any advice I might offer with a massive dose of reality.
    Julia xo

  5. #30
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    First of all, as you might have guessed, "Krisi" is not my real name. Second, I believe I would not be recognizable as Krisi unless there was a way to tie me to my home or my wife like walking out of my house or being seen with my wife by someone who knows us both. Third, I wouldn't expect anyone I know to be a member of this group or have access to these photos. A google search for "Krisi" and "crossdresser" might find my avatar photo, but that's pretty unlikely to happen because nobody but folks here knows me as Krisi. I've made an effort not to post my location, hobbies, etc.

    Anything we do has its risks. For example, I'm sitting here dressed as Krisi and there could be a fire or earthquake that requires me to run outdoors still dressed. We have to balance the risks with the rewards.
    Krisi

  6. #31
    Somewhere in-between. Krea's Avatar
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    The only photo' i have posted here so far is the one on my profile page, which is visible to members only. (I did run this by my wife first.)
    It's more of a gender-blurred look than fully femme, but it could be recognised by someone who knows me. It's a small risk, but i don't really care. If anyone recognises my piccy whilst on this forum, the chances are that they are here for the same genuine reason as me anyway....
    "Welcome to my scene.
    A place that's in-between.
    Where the squares fit the rounds."
    (Lyrics by Queensryche)

  7. #32
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Yes I post here and I am not out to family and friends.
    When I first decided I needed to meet others and wanted to attend a support group meeting my wife was hesitant for that reason, "what if we meet someone we know at the meeting?"
    Well, what if we did? I replied.
    Will they go running to all of our friends and say "guess who we met at the crossdressers meeting Saturday". I don't think so and if they did then they out themselves as well. And if the friends turned their backs, then they weren't really friends now were they?
    I don't think my friends and family will come here looking.

  8. #33
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Sandi,
    I have to totally agree with Helen , I've met people who knew me in male mode back in my old home town and I really have had to spell it out to them before the penny has dropped . I've never done a " Boy Vs Girl " picture and don't intend to , very few of my social groups and no one on the forum has seen me in male mode and that's the way I prefer it , I don't see the point , I'm hoping eventually I may never have to do it at all .

    Cheryl,
    I have had that happen to me on one occasion . I was in a costume shop in drab and the SA who knew all about me asked if I wanted to buy a jacket a customer had never collected after some repair work . I was trying it on when a good friend and her daughter saw me , she asked what I was doing wearing a women's jacket , I simply told her I was TG and was born like it . She then said , " I can't wait to tell A .. ( husband ) " The SA stepped in and simply said , " Is that being fair ? " and shook her head . That was about 4 years ago , in a conversation recently my wife was in conversation with her and she then told her how long she'd known about my dressing , all water under the bridge now because I'm not concerned what they think .
    Last edited by Teresa; 01-06-2020 at 12:13 PM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  9. #34
    Continuing the journey Tina Davis's Avatar
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    I have no issue posting photos of me here, even though I am not out to my family. They do not know the extent of my wardrobe or anything about this site, so I don't believe that anyone who knows the male me would recognize me from pictures here. I did post one "Boy vs. Girl" picture, but it's one of hundreds in the 67-page thread, so I'm pretty sure no one will find it.

    Everyone has their own comfort level with pictures, and there is always a risk that a picture will be reused somewhere else. But the chances of someone connecting that picture to your male self are really small, unless you have something in the picture that uniquely identifies you. And even then, it's unlikely. So post away in the Photo section, and use your good judgment in this public section.

  10. #35
    Member ChubbyLeahCD's Avatar
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    I post pictures on IG and share with people I chat. I just don?t show my face LOL

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Sandi,
    I have not taken many pictures of myself and when I do I don't include my face. But I realised that my untidy room is in the background; so I don't post them anywhere.
    luv J

  12. #37
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    Hi I have posted photo since 2010. Long before coming out of the closet.
    for your avitar you might want to try using 'Faceapp"
    Leslie Mary Shy
    A Southern Belle Hippo in a Tutu. If you see a man in female clothes, he might be happy, but it does not mean he is gay.

  13. #38
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Sandi,
    I have to totally agree with Helen , I've met people who knew me in male mode back in my old home town and I really have had to spell it out to them before the penny has dropped . I've never done a " Boy Vs Girl " picture and don't intend to , very few of my social groups and no one on the forum has seen me in male mode and that's the way I prefer it , I don't see the point , I'm hoping eventually I may never have to do it at all .

    Cheryl,
    I have had that happen to me on one occasion . I was in a costume shop in drab and the SA who knew all about me asked if I wanted to buy a jacket a customer had never collected after some repair work . I was trying it on when a good friend and her daughter saw me , she asked what I was doing wearing a women's jacket , I simply told her I was TG and was born like it . She then said , " I can't wait to tell A .. ( husband ) " The SA stepped in and simply said , " Is that being fair ? " and shook her head . That was about 4 years ago , in a conversation recently my wife was in conversation with her and she then told her how long she'd known about my dressing , all water under the bridge now because I'm not concerned what they think .
    A very timely cautionary note about what can happen unexpectedly in the Real World, Teresa. "I can't wait to tell A"... Seriously??? God bless those busybodies...NOT!

    Your "friend" may well have known about Teresa over the last 4 years, but the salient point here is whether or not she heeded the SA's admonishment or conversely, if her "need" to immediately spread this juicy piece of gossip about you and bring her husband (and potentially, others) into the loop prevailed instead.

  14. #39
    Member Victoria_Winters's Avatar
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    I don?t post pictures of me at all! I have posted. Few but I?m certain that no one would recognize me in the pics.. I usually hide my face in pics

  15. #40
    Aspiring Member Tahoegurl's Avatar
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    Hi all, I post pictures here and I am comfortable with who I am. If someone decided to give me a hard time about it, I think it speaks more to their character then it does to my love of wearing womens clothes. Cheers.
    Life is too short to be boring...Alexandra

  16. #41
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Terrylynn View Post
    This site outted me as they so "thoughtfully" send me a an email wishing me a happy birthday which my wife happened to see when I asked her to look at another email! Great, my wife now knows I have an identity on this sight as well as my screen name. Needless to say I rarely post anything on this site due to this breach of privacy.
    Wait, wait, wait! YOU told your wife to go into your email, but somehow this site breached your privacy? I dont think this means what you think it means.

    You can also turn off email notifications in the settings.
    Last edited by Micki_Finn; 01-06-2020 at 06:57 PM.

  17. #42
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    Wait, wait, wait! YOU told your wife to go into your email, but somehow this site breached your privacy? I dont think this means what you think it means.

    You can also turn off email notifications in the settings.
    Plus, most of us, I believe, have separate email addresses for our female personas. Yahoo and Gmail allow you to establish as many email addresses as you want. Nancy has two.

  18. #43
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
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    Teresa,
    Teresa: ..... I was trying it on when a good friend and her daughter saw me , she asked what I was doing wearing a women's jacket , I simply told her I was TG and was born like it . She then said , " I can't wait to tell A .. ( husband ) " The SA stepped in and simply said , " Is that being fair ? " and shook her head ....
    If you did not ask your good friend to keep this secret, and you were trying on the jacket in public, why do you, or the SA for that matter, feel there was anything wrong in her saying she would tell her hubby?

  19. #44
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leslie Mary S View Post
    Hi I have posted photo since 2010. Long before coming out of the closet.
    for your avitar you might want to try using 'Faceapp"
    I'm a little skeptical about people not being able to recognize someone when made up but there are some Faceapp looks that really stop looking recognizable.

  20. #45
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    I have posted a few but never a shot of my face or anything too risqu?. Also, any pictures were taken with a camera that is not internet capable.

  21. #46
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    I post very few pictures, I don't worry too much. Like others have said, not too many of my family or peers surf this site

  22. #47
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    I have posted nearly 1500 pictures over the many years and not been outed once. The Picture Gallery is visible to members only and not web crawling indexers. I use a different email account just for Ellen. I have a FB account as Ellen and post to Friends only. My avatar are my legs as that is public. I have not posted any of my several boy vs girl pictures, except one 'party' shot with my drab face blurred. If a CDer member recognizes my house, then why worry - they are a CDer as well. My wife knows, but is worried the police will arrest me for this activity, despite it not being illegal. She think it is just like pedophilia and would hide a child from a TG person. Yes, that stupid. My FB profile picture has led to anyone recognizing me, but has led to men trying to become friends with the woman they see. I do let them know once I realize they are confused and not another CDer.
    Hugs, Ellen

  23. #48
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    One thing I neglected to mention when I posted about using an encrypted virtual drive is being stealth with email. I have a separate email address with one of the popular online providers that nobody knows about. I do not write the email or password down and if I access it from my cell phone I use the web browser and do not install the app. When accessing this site on my computer I always open a private browsing window so my online history isn't recorded and I clear browsing history on a regular basis. Admittedly I might be more in tune with tech having built computers and my use of Linux which is more secure but most of what I do is pretty straight forward. I do not visit this site when my wife is up and about doing things around the house but wait until she's planted in front of the TV at night watching her lineup of shows. My computer room is in our lower level and we have hardwood floor and steps so I can hear every step she takes. And never, never, never get up from my computer and leave anything open that I don't want her to see. If I expect her to look the other way in our DADT why would I not take these kinds of precautions to ensure that I keep up my end of our agreement?

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    PS, I spent quite a few years doing digital photography and submitting my photos to racing papers and magazines. Aside from the first couple years it was all digital SLR with interchangeable lenses and I still get out once or twice each summer to pad my personal collection. I see comments about taking photos where it's obvious that those posting could use some help. I'm good at photo processing and resizing along with layered graphics and that sort of thing. If anyone here is struggling trying to find answers they can message me and I might be able to help.

    One thing I see that I would warn against is being sure to transfer pics from camera to computer and delete from camera. I know better but when I turned on my camera at Christmas while hosting over 30 people up pops pics of me en femme I had forgotten to delete. Meanwhile I've got a line of family deer hunters lined up saying "cheese" as I'm doing finger gymnastics trying to subtly delete a dozen Star pics. That was a close call.

  24. #49
    Member Marianne S's Avatar
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    What an interesting question, Sandi! Scanning through the responses, I immediately "clicked" with what MarinaTwelve200 said: namely, that "being unrecognizable is part of the FUN of it all!"

    Speaking for myself, I have no fear of being recognized here. I can't help thinking of a colleague I used to work with, a world class expert on computer security, who spoke (among other things) of the concept he called "security by obscurity." If we're obscure enough, there's very little risk of anybody recognizing us. And I reckon there's very little chance of anybody we know coming to this site in the first place! Even if they do, there's still only a low probability of their spotting and recognizing anyone's avatar. (Fullerton's observation about having to register and post to get access to the "photos" section is well taken.) Unless, that is, they're crossdressers themselves--in which case they may have a secret they want to hide as well! Imagine them saying to our mutual friends: "Guess who I saw on a Web site the other day! It's called 'crossdressers dot com'" and the friends asking "Well, George, what were you doing on a site like that in the first place?" If they had the same secret some of us share, I suspect they will not be willing to draw attention to what they found!

    But here's the big laugh! My little avatar--I have a big eight by ten framed photograph of that same picture standing openly on the square oak-and-glass coffee table in my living room, right next to a similarly framed photograph of myself and my (sadly late) wife taken many years ago. Needless to say, I look very different in both pictures! Apart from the dress and makeup and blonde hair as Marianne, with sunglasses, in the "couple" picture I have my natural brown hair and dark framed eyeglasses, before I adopted contact lenses. Oddly enough, nobody yet has ever asked "Who is the blonde woman in that photo?" I guess they just assume it's a family member. And even if they did wonder, I defy them to identify the blonde as the guy in the "couple" photograph! If they ever did ask, I plan to tell them "That's our very good friend Marianne, pictured on the deck ontside our home when we used to live in Massachusetts." If they ever did guess, I could always tell them I dressed up "for a lark," but I'll bet no-one ever guesses.

    As Marina said, that's "part of the fun of it all." What a giggle!
    Last edited by Marianne S; 01-07-2020 at 06:09 PM.

  25. #50
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    As far as I know, no one that I know of has seen my photos.

    I put a lot of effort in trying to look like a women so I like to show my photos.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

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