Reflection and the Future

[Scheryl_O]

For the last six months or so I?ve almost turned my back on dressing or the future of what I wanted to become. Recently I?ve reflected on where I?ve come from and decided that I need to pick up and move forward. My wife has known and supported this side of me for over 25 years. She wondered what had made me go through this very dry spell. I?ve come to realize that I?m me and I can?t change and that I had to cover this with her to show were I?ve been and where I want to be. Being true to my feelings I?ve wanted to be more outgoing and be out in the real world. I?ve even started a list of things I want to do and the best part is she is onboard with my needs. Her only fear has been being outed to someone we know, but that has faded. She understood that I felt trapped not being able to go dressed where and when I wanted. Were are talking about a ?girls trip?, getting my ears pierced, and wig shopping. Mine have seen better days and I?m due for an upgrade! The last few days I?ve dressed all day and slept in nightgowns to sleep. Even running errands dressing androgynous but woman?s clothes. The make up, wig, and forms is in the works and I am feeling like I?m heading in the right direction. We have no family in the area we live and if any friends did find out and don?t like it they really aren?t the friends we want. All in all I feel pretty happy about the future.
Thanks for reading my post, and Happy New Year to all!

[Tracii G]

Do what you want don't worry about what your friends say.
You don't tell them how to live do you?
If they find out well own up to it and be honest.

[Scheryl_O]

Exactly my thoughts Tracii!

[kimdl93]

You have your wife?s support...you want more...why hold back?

[GretchenM]

I also vote for Tracii nailing this glob of jelly to the wall in one sentence. There is a lot of truth in that sentence, but, in my opinion, there are a lot of hidden speed bumps in the actual journey. Your feelings of confidence as you move forward will serve you well.

The urge to change is strong and I was also in that mode in Dec and Jan 2012 and 2013. But things changed quite quickly and I found I was heading off into a wilderness and the road that matched who I was and who I am veered off into another direction. The point is be careful about adding too much too quickly. Baby steps applies to not only progress on the loved one's acceptance (which you seem to have conquered) but on the consistency of your inner feelings and sense of self with the expression you adopt. It is up to you of course, but always keep in mind that you may change or your reading of the real you (that consistency factor) may not be as comfortable and accurate as you hope for in the long run because we change. It tends to be a moving target.

I recommend that you add things to your expression one or two at a time. At first you will enjoy the novelty of something new added to the aspect, but watch for the good feelings going sour. Figure out what it is that is not quite right. Make changes to get better consistency that is lasting and then add more. Another approach, that is a little risky financially, is to go to the max right out of the gate and then adjust that as you are able to get over the initial novelty and find a combination that is lasting and makes you happy. The problem is that we can't actually know exactly what in the way of expression is going to be solidly consistent with our inner sense of self which is produced in the subconscious which then sends that equation to the conscious mind to work with in implementing actual choices. Keep in mind that according to the latest psychological and neurological discoveries, there is no such thing as a conscious decision. Decisions are made in the subconscious mind and a memo is sent to the conscious mind to try out and see how it fits in the real world.

Good luck in your quest and no matter how it goes your focus and determination along with the support of your precious and supportive wife you will find the pattern that fits you, whatever that is at the time. But change is inevitable and adapting to those shifts needs experimentation and exploration that can be very enjoyable and sometime down right funny when you think this or that is the magic potion turns out to be just plain water with an artificial flavoring that produces a nasty after taste. Enjoy your journey...

[missjoann49]

Traci, well said on your part and I couldn't agree with you more

[Helen_Highwater]

I have to agree with Gretchen, Take it slowly, acclimatize to each new experience.

As an engineer I've seem people undertake change projects and attempt to do them as a big bang, let's get it done and dusted approach only to find it goes horribly wrong. The smart folks try it with a small sample. If that works try a bigger sample. Let it run and see if anything is going wrong. If all good then do the next phase and so on. How often have you seen on the news how a bank has had to apologize to it's customers when a planned upgrade goes south on them and no-one can get at their money.

I would suggest sorting out your wardrobe, find out what suits you. Wig can happen at the same time as can makeup practice. Shoes and boots, make sure you've worn them around the house and broken them in before setting foot outside or you'll pay the price. Once you're confident you have outfits that work that's the time to take things out on the road. You won't be the first to head out, have a bad experience and draw a line under it and never set foot outside again. Why risk what should be a wonderful future by acting in haste.

[Teresa]

Scheryl,
If you're finally heading out into the RW getting the basics right has to happen , makeup , the right wig and a wardrobe that most people can live with . If you can prove it to the ones you feared it's a big step forward .

[Leslie Mary S]

I hear you girl. More and more each day I have been thinking of going 24/7 also. I still need to add some stuff to my "daily wear" wardrobe before I can do this.
As for wigs, I have 3 I really like and frequently wear. I prefer to wear my own hair but with the very thin spots I have bother on the top back of my head, it drives me to wearing wigs when going out.
This week, I will be talking to my 'in the know' son about going 24/7.

I realize that for where I live, this is a very high hurdle with very rough ground after it.

Good luck on your future.

The Hippo in the pink tutu (with white leggings?)

You don't have to give up loving women when you wear are in feminine mode.

[Scheryl_O]

Thanks for everyone?s post, it means a lot. I have been out enough to have the right clothes to blend in with the crowd, so no worries there. Only been out a few times fully dressed, mostly at night, and once during the light of day! It was a uneventful outing but a thrill nonetheless.
My wife has been super accepting and encouraging when my confidence has been low. She was onboard with our recent talk and sees this as progress in my evolution of Scheryl! The only hitch is calling me Scheryl is a bit odd to her but makes sense that calling me by my given name would be just as I odd! Going 24/7 is still off in the distance if ever, but being me more than once or twice a month is necessary.