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Thread: Meeting some one local.

  1. #1
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    Meeting some one local.

    Let me start with this. I live between three major citys in WI. Green bay, Eau claire, and Madison, but they are all far enough away. 90 plus miles. So its not like I can hope in my car, and go to these cities. When I work 6 days a week.

    You would figure I live in a decent sized town. 50-60k peopl or so, but I can not for the life of me find any thing trans related at all. Other then a gay bar. There is no LGBT things in this town.

    The few local ladies I have met. That claim to be a crossdresser. If they are they never want to go out. That's fine, but I do enjoy going out when I can. So we usually go our own ways and that's that.

    This summer met a local girl. We hung out a few times, and talked almost daily. I figured we were becoming friends. We are close in age, and enjoy going out.

    So this past weeknd we were going to go out. We made 75% of our plans. I booked a hair salon to get my hair done, and everything was good on my end. I texted her Friday asking if everything is good, and to say my appointment is at 730 sat, and to text me asap so if I need to cancel. Texted her the same thing about 10am, and 1pm. Got nothing back, and canceled my appointment. I figured she would text back after knowing my luck. I haven't heard from her sense, or bothered to text her since.

    I don't mind being blown off. I'm kinda use to it, but by people I dont spend months getting to know. Because of this woman I'm not sure if I care if I ever meet some some one local again.

    Before I hear I can always come here. I know I can, but as munch as I'm not a people person. Its always nice to have some one you know at a personal level, and some one you can see physically once and a while.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Ericka,

    Sorry to hear about your difficulties but don't yet give up hope. Unknown to you your friend could be in the middle of a family crisis that's consuming all her energies at present. It may be something as simple as she's either lost or had her phone stolen.

    I understand your desire for RW contact. Being here us a lifeline for many but it's impossible to replace face to face contact.

    I hope things resolve themselves.

  3. #3
    I can only be me Samm's Avatar
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    I agree 100 percent with Helen. I will add, that I go out as often as I can, and I still get cold feet from time to time. Perhaps your friend is just not ready to jump into the real world with both feet, so to speak. I'm sure you'll get an explanation soon enough. But don't let that stop you from meeting others, and don't let it end an already established friendship with this person either.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Don't feel bad.

    My husband belonged to a local group, so he knew lots of CDers. Some never went out. There were certain people that would say they want to go out but coordinating with their work/family schedule times and days, it didn't usually work out. Or they wanted to go to a gay bar after midnight (my husband didn't want to do that). Others would say they want to meet but would never bother to show up or communicate. Recently, he actually met with a new CDer for lunch, but she wanted to leave after two hours because she had never been out longer than two hours.

    You sound like a social person so your efforts will probably pay off one day.
    Last edited by char GG; 01-09-2020 at 07:08 AM.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    It happens. The unfortunate truth is that a lot of crossdressers, when standing on the precipice of going out in public, can't pull the trigger. Their fear, rational or not, overcomes their earnest intentions, often at the last minute. Then there are those few who seem to just want to play games, getting some kind of satisfaction from pretending to want to go out, but never actually having any real intent. As I said, it happens. It not you, so next, go through with your plans and enjoy yourself anyway.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member JocelynJames's Avatar
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    Speaking as one who has gone out 1x, I want to go again, but it?s been over 3 years. Nothing bad happened, I had a good time , but the anxiety it gives me is overwhelming. Samm ( a few posts down) has talked about getting together, but it still hasn?t happened. I would truly like to go out almost daily? But the effort needed to get my face on and presentable and then getting to an area I feel comfortable ( my home town is pretty small and stand a big chance of being recognized) . I know, my reasons are what others call excuses. We?re not all on the same page , some of us not even the same book.
    Last edited by JocelynJames; 01-09-2020 at 08:37 AM.
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  7. #7
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    Its hard enough keeping plans with my regular friends these days, much less other cds. Maybe a trip to a more populated area would help.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    On my way further north, I drive through your city every other weekend (except in winter) and occasionally stop to shop and dine. Haven't seen any crossdressers yet but the people I have met were friendly enough. I live in the most populated city in our state and don't know if there even is a group of crossdressers that get together socially.

  9. #9
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Maybe she lost or broke her phone. Have you tried calling her and talking to her (the old fashioned way)?
    Krisi

  10. #10
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    Aside from our dressing we are a diverse group that represents a wide range of ages, income, locations and personal circumstances. While intentions are good I think questioning someone else for not going out dressed is a bit of a stretch. We all approach this differently in the best way that we can.

    I am likely within a couple hundred miles of Erica_d north of Minneapolis and close to the Wisconsin border. Some apparently can't relate to life in a small town. In my case before I even think about going out I would need to get something more presentable than my cheap costume store wig. I'd have to update to an outdoor worthy wardrobe after my last purge and figure out how to store it all (it's cold this time of year in the north so coats and boots are a must). My town doesn't have anything to offer and my beat up old second vehicle (wife uses the good one) is not conducive to driving into the cities en femme. The cities can be dangerous in the areas I would need to go to and I would be traveling solo at night...people get mugged down there all the time and I know one who got jumped, hit his head on a curb and ended up needing surgery due to a brain bleed, no thanks.

    Another issue would be getting past my wife (DADT) dressed which would be next to impossible. I suppose I could have the talk but she is helping her mother who is facing end of life decisions so pushing my agenda right now might be more than she could handle.

    And if by chance all of that went off without a hitch where would I go in my town, the feed mill or the bar out on the highway with all the snowmobiles in the parking lot?

    I don't think that our circumstances warrant us getting our CD cards revoked. Some of us may be sitting in our homes battling dysphoria wishing we could but we don't want to blow up our personal lives. I'm not ready to go out in public nor am I certain that I even want or need to do that right now. I would need a "wing girl" (another CD) who would allow me to come over and get dressed and go out together and as brought out in this post that can be an elusive wish for some of us due to circumstances and location.
    Last edited by Star01; 01-09-2020 at 11:30 AM.

  11. #11
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    It is always a good idea to read the OP. Erika is not questioning the other person for not going out dressed. This is someone that she has known for a while, has met with and made plans with to go out this past weekend. What Erika is questioning is why the other person did not have the consideration to let her know, even four days later, that plans were falling through.

    I began the Houston GNO almost a year before I moved to the area. I would coordinate the activity and make the 95 mile trip to meet with people in their hometown. Several times I have been stood up. After I moved here I continued to be stood up. It was not a matter of pushing someone to do something that they were not ready or equipped to do.

    Sometimes people would contact me about a possible meetup. Once I waited for a call from someone arriving from out of town. They didn?t bother to let me know that they were not coming. When it was ridiculously after the times agreed on and, my inquiry by text message, I did get an excuse.

    There have been GNOs scheduled specifically to accommodate someone?s schedule and availability and the person not show up. With one instance, maybe a year ago, I have yet to be offered an explanation as to why Aunt Kelly and I sat in that restaurant waiting to order, watching the door, and the person never came. I think there might have been mention of a hang up of some kind in a thread here on the forum. I have wondered if the contacts and requests I used to get were made by a robot and not a real person.

    There may be hangups and differences in ages, jobs, income and circumstances. But, those things can never be reasons for being rude and inconsiderate. However, as Aunt Kelly says, ?It happens.?
    Last edited by Jeri Ann; 01-10-2020 at 01:04 PM.

  12. #12
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    The short answer is that you've been "ghosted" This is a very common occurrence in the modern world of app-based on-line dating as well. Why "man-up" and tell someone face-to-face that you don't want to continue in a particular relationship when you can just disappear digitally and never be heard from again?

    Don't take it personally - it's just one more manifestation of the increasing incivility, rudeness, and "me-ism" that has become a feature of modern interpersonal relationships. Just look at road rage. Was that even a "thing" not too many years ago?

  13. #13
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    I can attest to the challenges of gaining and losing the confidence to be out in public. It happens, sometimes just an unflattering reflection in a mirror or suboptimal selfie can diminish my confidence. Finding a TG friend to go out with is probably a bigger barrier. I?ve only been out a couple times with other TG or TS people. And a few times, as Jeri Ann and Kelly can attest, distance, hurricanes, as well as last minute hesitations and doubt interrupted my plans to join in with the Houston GNO. Even the prospect of once again driving down the familiar roadways in the vicinity of my pre-divorce home made the trips more difficult for me.

    Now that I am retired and relocated, there are certainly fewer trans or LBGTQ oriented establishments. So, the alternative is to go out in the larger world. That?s been the approach I?ve taken. When possible, I prefer to go out with GGs...not that I can blend....but it feels that a wing girl or two makes the world more accepting.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 01-09-2020 at 06:57 PM.

    Easy come, easy go;
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  14. #14
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    Maybe this person's wife or GF found out what he was doing and put a stop to it.
    Just let it go and don't let it bother you.
    If she wants to get in touch with you she knows how.
    I seem to have said something wrong to a trans friend I was getting close to and she just flipped and I haven't heard from her in over a year.
    I kind of thought she may have felt she was getting too close and just was scared to.
    I have no idea and if she wants to contact me she can.
    You can't force someone to stay friends with you so if they stop talking to you let them go.

  15. #15
    Gold Member Diane Smith's Avatar
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    I would estimate that half the meetings I have set up have ended like Ericka's. It is not uncommon for a CD with limited real world experience to get cold feet about an outing at the last minute. Then, they're too embarrassed to discuss it and avoid communicating with you about it afterward. For this reason, when possible, I prefer setting up my events with two other people, either CD or GG. If one doesn't show up, you can still have a good time. Or plan your outings for places where you'll be comfortable flying solo if need be.

    Ericka, be patient with your friend. Give them time to respond and avoid judging when you do get back in touch. Send a reminder from time to time that you'd still like to chat, but don't get aggressive about it.

    - Diane

  16. #16
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    I can relate to this whole thread. I live in a large city with a diverse population but to find someone to go out with is difficult. Our schedules never seem to match up and unfortunately I am guilty some of the time to. But I get out I go to clubs restaurants and movies by myself, but to try and meet someone is difficult. If its my fault I do try to let them know that for whatever reason I can't make it.
    Some of us are just plan scared I guess. I remember once I had invited someone I chatted with online and they said they would meet at my house. Certainly a safe place. I waited saw them arrive and get out of the car. I went out on my porch to wave they looked around got back in and drove off. I don't get it. I understand the fear and anxiety. I would have been fine to meet them on the corner or at the mall. I have tried that but I stood in front of the coffee shop for too long. MOstly I thinkit is our fear of being outed and embarrassed.
    I guess I should start going back to a support group.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

  17. #17
    Junior Member NitaCD's Avatar
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    Great post Star01 with many points that I am sure more than a few of us can relate to. I so agree, we are a diverse group, with each of us having our own personal circumstances that can dictate, and control what we can or can not do at any particular time or place. Dressing, making friends with other CDs, and going out is important for me too but not at the expense of...as you said "blowing up our personal lives". My feeling is if it is going to happen it will happen when the time and circumstances are right for both people involved. You are also right that it "can be an elusive wish" that may or may not happen. But I think the key here is to never give up hope.

  18. #18
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Ericka, I'm sorry that you got ghosted. It happens all the time, not just when crossdressing is at issue.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  19. #19
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    As Jamie can testify, we have a large group in DC and we have regular meetups. We only get 30 or so girls to come out. I feel so sorry for those of you who have such difficult finding even 1 friend to meet. The meetups with other girls like me is a lifeline.

    But, I have invited quite a few local girls from this forum to out meetups. You can never tell where this can lead. One girl that I first met here came to out Christmas meetup and showed me her new driver's license with an "F" on it. I probably spend weeks on PMs convincing her that there would be no torches and pitchforks if she came to a meetup. I figured her for a part-time crossdresser. Now, even the state believes she's a girl.

    If you get any business travel, try to arrange a meetup there. I've met girls in Houston and Denver and even go my first makeover in Houston.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

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