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Thread: Now What?

  1. #1
    Daviana Kristine Jessie Mae's Avatar
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    Now What?

    This morning at 7:30 as I'm heading out to work, my wife and I are doing our usual "have a good day" ritual.
    Since I was dress the previous night, I ask her to make sure I got all my lipstick off.
    Next thing I know, she is reminding me she "doesn't' like girls", never will. Then she says something about it's either her husband or no sex (in so many words), because she doesn't like girls, it's my choice. I ask what are you saying? I tell her I've got no time for such a conversation and that it is unfair to bring this subject up as I'm leaving.

    I'm not even sure what the "subject" was. No looking forward to this conversation, if she even admits to saying anything when I get home tonight.

    All this from a woman who helps me shop and is weaving a poncho for femme me.

  2. #2
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I think u r better served asking her than having us speculate, JM!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  3. #3
    Daviana Kristine Jessie Mae's Avatar
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    Yes, I will be having the "talk".
    I can't read my wife's mind, so I don't expect anyone else to!!

    Just wanted/needed to share.

  4. #4
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    My wife has told me that the hardest thing she had to overcome was what loving (and even more so making love to) me and the fact that she was still attracted to me as a woman meant about her own sexuality.

    In my case my wife has come to terms with being Pansexual. Some people may never be able to get there,

  5. #5
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    It sounds like a talk is in order. I'm sure you can come to a mutual understanding. Perhaps set some ground rules, if you have not already done so. Good luck!
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Jessie,
    I'm sure many of us have had , " I'm not a lesbian !" comment . If you are still a functioning male she hasn't lost very much , maybe she's making noises about not liking your dressing anymore despite helping you on occasions .

    It's tricky one , my wife only wanted the man she married but after her menopause all contact ceased anyway , I could have said I only want the woman I married but I didn't , I eventually I felt like an unpaid handyman .
    The real me ,no going back.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Ouch , that would kind of hurt. I guess the only question is why the sudden change in heart ? Regardless of the reason, I would avoid getting into a fight over it because then the dressing issue is translated into negative feelings on both sides. That is hard to recover from. I think I would ask and just listen, and for the short term lay low a while.

    Sandi

  8. #8
    Silver Member
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    Sounds all too familiar. PM me if interested.

  9. #9
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    It Sounds/looks like you have to put dressing on hold for a time.Good luck.
    Rader

  10. #10
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    "Now what" ? talk that is the best thing you can and must do could it be your wife just woke up with morning blues and in fact there maybe nothing wrong at all but you must have the "talk" before it degeneates into a non speaking speaking subject and then you are stuck.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  11. #11
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    I've been married for far longer than I care to admit, but I still can't figure out where it is written that it is always the women who get to initiate the "We need to talk" discussion and - as in your case - usually at the most inopportune times. It's almost as if they are blindsiding us on purpose in this way to maintain the upper hand in said ensuing discussion, thereby forcing us to negotiate from a position of weakness before it even starts.

    We? Really??? Funny, that...and here I thought with my simple, reptilian - and still fundamentally male - brain that things were actually going quite well between us these days. Who knew?

  12. #12
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Jessie, I hate my wife springing things on me before I head to work. Kills my day. I hope the "talk" works out well for you.

    Leslie, I agree that women usually initiate the "we need to talk discussion" putting men back on their heels. My ex-wife was famous for this. When I finally was done with all her BS and turned the tables on her, it really messed her up. She didn't know how to deal with being the one back on her heels.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  13. #13
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    The most common issue is the "pink fog." You get so wrapped up into dressing that you forget about HER needs.

    I found that if you put her needs first, those "issues" went away.

  14. #14
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    Jessie, you said,"Since I was dress the previous night, I ask her to make sure I got all my lipstick off.
    Next thing I know, she is reminding me she "doesn't' like girls", never will. Then she says something about it's either her husband or no sex (in so many words)."

    I'm a bit confused. 'Last night', were you intimate with your wife while dressed? Something seems to have bothered her about 'last night'. Can you share more, now?

  15. #15
    Daviana Kristine Jessie Mae's Avatar
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    Sorry for the confussion, Jenny. I had dressed and gone shopping on Sunday afternoon and then went to a support group. I always try to dress when I go the group.
    My wife and girl-me do NOT "mess around"! She had no issues with my going out on Sunday.

    So I don't know what was different that made her say what she did on Monday morning.

    BTW, I haven't worked up the courage to initiate The Talk.

  16. #16
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    I am assuming that your wife is telling you that she doesn't want to be intimate when you are in female mode. OR, maybe you still had lipstick on your face and she didn't want to kiss you goodbye.

    Obviously, the only way to clear up any confusion is to talk to her about it.

  17. #17
    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    Possibly she puts up with your dressing but you asking about the lipstick in man mode violated the boundary for her. Any feelings she'd been holding back then blorped out. But I sympathise, it's always as you're going out or laying your head down to sleep.

  18. #18
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    People react to different things, at different times for different reasons. Truthfully on a Monday morning on the way out the door , to ask your spouse to do something that YOU could do by looking in a mirror might just have been something that she did'nt want to think about when she was mentally preparing for HER work week.

    Give her some time, then if it really seems to be an issue have a quiet talk at home on a Saturday.
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  19. #19
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    I want to add a penny here.
    I can tell that men rarely can understand the "mind " of a woman because they don't use it. Let me explain my assert: women are lead by feelings and will find the reason to support their feelings which can be unreasonable for men because they have origin in a different place.

    By the other hand men don't use the head to think but just little one between the legs, responsible for most of the men actions, even to dress take a sexual connotation.
    When men dress as a woman get into the pink fog and start feeling in different ways but never as women feel. we keep not thinking and it turns more difficult to understand what our wives feel.
    Language is very different between both. It should be a common language for both LOVE (if there's no love wi never be a common point to meet)

    If a croosdresser wants to keep his wife happy must learn to control the desires for dressing. If he can't control it means that's is more than just crossdressing and should see a therapist. Hopefully both should see a therapist if not, you both are rplling downtown the hill and soon brakes won't work.
    I can tell that I was controlling my desires to be a woman while I keep showing love to my wife doing sacrifices and delaying all I wanted but with the time and patience I'm on 2 years HRT and living full time as a woman keeping my wife and loving each other.
    Last edited by Devi SM; 01-14-2020 at 07:18 PM.
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  20. #20
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    Listen to AngelaYVR and Kelly DeWinter.

    Asking her to check your lipstick is a not very subtle way to ask her to accept your dressing.

    Yeah, you shot first.

    It sounds like her not accepting is wearing on you. I wonder if you have taken similar shots, perhaps unconsciously, in the past, and she is telling you to back off. I think I'd take her suggestion. Or, get to a therapist to work on the latent rage.

  21. #21
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    We tired the girl girl thing for a time. Not to my wife's taste either. Respect her choices too. The talk and the compromises, all part of life.

  22. #22
    Daviana Kristine Jessie Mae's Avatar
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    Thanks, everybody. All good observations.

    First, I'm not an innocent victim and I can be something of a drama queen.

    But I really do need help some mornings, I've gone to work with my pants unzipped!

    We had A Talk this morning when we both had plenty of time. She told me she has seen changes in me, not just the dressing and "doing my lady thing", but changes in me as a man and how we relate as husband and wife. (I only started dressing at all in August 2019 and it was never a secret between us)

    She's right. I see them too. Acknowledging and releasing my feminine side has bled over into my masculine side. That should be no surprise.

    Monday, when I asked her to check for tell-tell makeup, it reminded her of those changes.

    We talked about what I need to do to be more "manly", but didn't come up with anything specific.

    My wife is right. We've gotten through other "strange" time in our 47 years together. But this may be the strangest.

    More Talks are in my future!!

    Thanks for listening and sharing your experiences and insights.

    Jessie Mae

  23. #23
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    If you have been married/together for 47 years I suspect changes had come gradual. Everyone changes or matures over time. Interests change. Everything changes. Nothing stays static. However, if your dressing and perhaps feminization, for a lack of a better term, has been brought on quickly, your wife may not have had the time to adjust, And, perhaps she does not like the changes. It seems she is saying the change in her life has been more than her husband wearing women's clothing. It would seem logical to me that anyone would eventually take on more of the personna of a woman in mannerisms, etc. I suspect she still expects her marriage to between her and your male personna.

  24. #24
    New Member Jackiemtv's Avatar
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    Sounds to me that your wife is an understanding woman. I think you just need to work with her on this. It can't be easy for her. Good luck Jessie.

  25. #25
    Member MeshelleCD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessie Mae View Post
    We talked about what I need to do to be more "manly", but didn't come up with anything specific.
    More manly things? Like chopping wood? Overhauling a hemi engine? Overthrowing political regimes in foreign countries? (all which could be done while crossdressing, mind you)

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