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Thread: It's lonely out here.

  1. #1
    Here from time to time
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    It's lonely out here.

    So I've been dressing for about 20 years now and I've recently started feeling this sense of loneliness over my crossdressing. To be more to the point I just wish I had friends that dressed. I have friends that are into shooting so we'll hit the range and friends that are into pro wrestling so we'll catch an inde show. Is it silly of me to want a "Dressing Buddy"? Now before anyone asks yes my wife knows and I've come out to a couple of really close friends so I do have people to confide in and who fully support me in my endeavors, but... I don't know, tell me what you think, has anyone else experienced this and does anyone have any suggestions.

    Thank You

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Just goggle there are many groups to find and make friends
    I live in CT and love to meet like minded friends....

  3. #3
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    Ask yourself what else has changed? Have you been content to dress alone for 20 years or have you always wanted to meet other crossdressers?

    There have been times when I have considered meeting other crossdressers. But it has usually been when I felt low for other reasons and was looking for things in general to cheer me up.

    I guess it comes down to how big a part of your life you choose to give to crossdressing. As much fun and as necessary as it is for most of us, there are other things we enjoy too. A full life is a balance only the individual can compile.
    Last edited by Jane G; 01-15-2020 at 05:05 AM.

  4. #4
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Bianca, heed to meetup dot com and see if you can find a local support group.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  5. #5
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    I agree with Jaime. Look at meetup to find a group nearby. Thats how I have met other dressers.

  6. #6
    Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Hi Bianca , since I can generally only dress up at night while on business travel, my primary way of socializing is to hang out at LGBT type bars/clubs which typically have drag shows. That environment has been very accepting. I mostly hang out with women, but talk to anyone who is friendly. Anyhow that works well for me because any meetups would be difficult to arrange with my unpredictable schedule. I just have to be careful not to drink too much. I switch to water now after a couple of drinks.

    Sandi

  7. #7
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I met others in my area on this forum about 7 years ago. Shortly after that someone within 50 miles started a CD support meeting which led me to meet more CDs. I still don't get to hang out with CD friends that much because I work on weekends.

    Seek and you'll find
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    I don't think it is silly to want someone to share this part of your life. It is what this place is about.

    I gave up looking for a a dressing friend. Most all my friends are women, no it is not the same.

    If you get to hot over there and come out to the coast, hit me up.

    It is a common thing, lots of people have second homes here.

  9. #9
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    Why not ask your wife or close friends to accompany you on some outings...could just be coffee, a walk in the park or a museum.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  10. #10
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Share... how, exactly? What would you and a "dressing buddy" do together? I know that sounds like a flippantly rhetorical question, but it's not. Where you would start, in order to find a cohort depends a great deal on the answer.

  11. #11
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Many of us feel that way.
    It's lonely "in the closet" so to speak. Being social animals we feel the need to be with others who share our interests and this is no different.
    Can you see the REAL Me?

  12. #12
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Bianca,
    As others have said a good way to meet others is in a social group . If you've never met another CDer before then it's also safer to meet a group rather than an individual , friendships may come from that . Aunt Kelly asks what would you want to do ? Most of us just need to chat to people in a similar situation , you may then find they organise other events and possibly shopping trips , you have very little to lose and a great deal to gain . Obviously being in the closet for so long is wearing thin !
    Last edited by Teresa; 01-15-2020 at 11:07 AM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  13. #13
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Find a local support group.
    Forge a bond with the cds more like you and go out and do things together.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  14. #14
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    I have a local CD group that meets monthly and it is really helpful. I would reiterate looking for local group (or closest bigger city if can't find one in a smaller town/city). My group is a CD group but they accept me even though I am more TG/non-binary and don't do things like fake boobs or makeup.

  15. #15
    Seňora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    Tracii is right, find a local support group. Don't forget to look for Transgender support groups too. As many of the CD support groups have expanded their "coverage" to include TG. Most TG groups accept CD's, after all being a CD is often part of a TG journey. I know my TG support group welcomes all forms of gender expression, including CD's.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly View Post
    Share... how, exactly? What would you and a "dressing buddy" do together? I know that sounds like a flippantly rhetorical question, but it's not. Where you would start, in order to find a cohort depends a great deal on the answer.
    I'm probably not the person to offer advice since I am closeted and do not have a supportive wife. From your prior posts I am assuming your wife at least participates at home. That is a lot more than I can expect in my life. I went through the angst you're experiencing right now. How do I spread my wings? It's been more than 35 years ago I was in your frame of mind, although it was worse. My wife wanted nothing to do with my cross dressing (and still doesn't), but, she told me it was alright with her if I found a support group. I looked. There were none at the time. I think everyone was so deep in the closet that the lights were even turned off in the closet.

    I'm 72 years old now. I sort of missed the boat....age wise. I do have interests and hobbies. In my mind it comes down to the chicken and the egg or the cart before the horse. I know it would be easier to find persons who share my interests than to find a "cross dressing buddy." A "cross dressing buddy" is sort of like having a work acquaintance. You work together, but, all go home to their families and separate lives. Maybe there is some mixing, but, it seems 9 to 5 and that's it.

    I would highly recommend trying to attend a local support group and worry about the shared interests later. I've mulled it over in my mind many times. Would I really enjoy going to a venue of my interests en femme with someone who also shares my interests in dressing and my hobby? I have wondered for a long time whether the anticipation would exceed the actual event.

    All I can say is don't wait too long to do whatever you decide. Then other factors come into play. Even with an interest in wearing women's clothing, then the generational divide comes into play. What does a 72 year old have in common with a 30 year old other than an interest in wearing women's clothing?

  17. #17
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    It is hard to meet friends, as so many CDs would not step out of their home and I only do this once a while.

  18. #18
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Aunt Kelly nailed it, Bianca! Why do want a CD buddy? To go out and do things together? Well then, what things?

    I'm a closet CD where I live. But, I wanted to go to CD events and CD friendly venues to socialize with T's. I drove to a nearby city and visited such a venue with no fear of being made. Once there, I made the kinds of CD friends u mite be looking for! That was 10+ years ago. Now, there r several T events every week I can meet my T friends at if I wish to!

    I know tons of T's in Calif! Get out to where they go and meet them!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  19. #19
    Seňora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    I think the main point Aunt Kelly is making is: CD alone is usually not enough to base a friendship on. I have found that true in the TG community too.

    Two people can be CD or TG and still have nothing else in common besides some shared experiences. While shared experiences can lead to mutual respect, it's often not enough to make a lasting friendship, that takes mutual interests.

  20. #20
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    Can just say WOW! Thank you to everyone for your responses, all of you are absolutely amazing. All of your post have really made me think about what it is I'm looking for and it just feels good to talk about these things with others who understand. A lot of you have mentioned finding a local support group and I think I will start there first. thank you all again so much.

  21. #21
    New Member Jackiemtv's Avatar
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    If you really want to meet like minded people I don't think you will have much of a problem doing that. There are so many resources you can use online. Good luck.

  22. #22
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Bianca, It is lonely for sure. I am 65, and still single, no girlfriend, few friends period. CDing has added to it. i wish i had not been born with this strong proclivity. But, just crossdressing does not guarantee you will have enough in common to be close friends. Like two guys who both love a sport, may not have enough other things and personalities meshing to be close friends. Outside of dressing up, most of us have not that much in common. Jane G is so right!
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 01-28-2020 at 12:46 PM.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  23. #23
    Junior Member MeshelleCD's Avatar
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    I completely understand the lonely feeling. Sure I could go to a support group, but I am normally more comfortable with one-to-one interaction. Personally, I would love to find a friend with whom I could dress and do other non-dress things with.

    Do you mind if I ask where in Central California you are located?

  24. #24
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    If you are up for a long drive and maybe an overnight stay, I highly recommend the River City Gems in sacramento. Google them and get on their email mailing list. They are more of a social support group and offer all kinds of opportunities to meet others like ourselves, and they cover a large part of our umbrella spectrum. You can go to their meetups alone or with your wife, male or female mode, and they make every effort to offer places to get ready when they can. They have regular outings to local restaurants and bars and some shopping excursions too. They also have members from all over, some just for their daily email. I know how uncrowded a lot of the Central Valley of CA is. Good luck.

  25. #25
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    I have met two crossdressing friends from here, I posted a thread on "Places to go, Places to meet" (I think that was the spot). Kind of introduced me to a some resources and accepting people. Good luck, it can be cold out there, but there is sunshine too

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