Some observations and questions going into therapy

[Aunt Kelly]

It's difficult to think in terms of doing something for myself after haven "taken one for the team" by suppressing this part of myself for so long. One the one hand there is the need to be happy, on the other is the uncertainty and fear of the unknown.

There is good reason to be concerned when tackling gender identity issues. Let's face it, a diagnosis of gender dysphoria, and the prospect of an effective treatment regimen, can be daunting. Anyone not cognizant of that has not been paying attention here.
That said, you still want to get it sorted. The alternative is continued doubt, anxiety and suffering, and there is no reason to suffer that when you don't have to.

[Alice Torn]

Star, i am almost 66, finally went to a VA therapist in 2010. The VA is swamped, s o i can only meet about once every three months. Cannot afford non VA therapy. It was good to be able to talk about my issues with one. A therapist is not a genie, though, and is an imperfect human, too. Just having someone to listen is very therapeutic though. I have had to keep the fog under control too. It is often so difficult. I am retired now too, on low income, but hoping to find suitable part time work. I have thought a lot about what it would be, having SRS, but decided my guy side is also very much needed, and I cannot do without it. I just limit my dressing to very part time, and fantasy. Life is never free of inner conflicts. If i just follow my desires and totally let myself go, without restraint, i will destroy myself, with irresponiblity, and reckless behavior I will regret later. I have a slot machine addiction also, and i realize i have greatly hurt myself, and lost much money recklessly. It is good to be able to keep things in perspective, and controlled , if we are able, and still be content. I know how difficult it is. And Stephanie47, i agree, it is accepted that we served our country, but not looked down on if we wear womens' clothing now and then. Gambling and alcohol, and pot smoking are acceptable, but not men sometimes wearing womens clothing.

[Teresa]

Alice ,
I know your story from so far back , I feel you are too hard on yourself , I'm a couple of years older and decided it's now my time , because time is running out . I will never regret my past but I also don't want to regret taking the step or chance to be Teresa . I will add that I'm finding it's perfectly acceptable to wear womens clothes , OK I could quote Eddie Izzard and say there're not women's clothes but mine because it's no longer CDing to me .

[Alice Torn]

Teresa, Thanks for sharing. My struggle involves my religion mostly.it is adamantly against men wearing any clothes designed for women. I also am low income, drive old vehicles and need my guy self for fixing the car, and my yard work, and live in a small town, and am six foot six, 265 lbs. If my siblings also found out, i would lose the three people left in my family. We each have different struggles, some more . than others. You do not have religion as an issue, either. I have stuggled with this for decades. I applaud what you have accomplished in your journey.

[Aunt Kelly]

We won't address the religion thing other than to offer some things to consider that you might not be aware of. PM me if you're interested.

That aside, your concern for losing family is valid. If you can make it without making changes that would alienate them, by all means do so. Only you can answer that "if" question, though. As for the car repairs and social status, less of a concern, in my view. Yes, a six foot six woman will stand out, but that goes with the territory, regardless of our stature. If that's who you are, it's who you are. And I know for a fact that women can turn a wrench just as well as guys can, we just don't when we can get them to do it for us.

[Teresa]

Alice,
The religious element is a tricky one , I realise I can't say too much but as I worked with church people for thirty years while photographing weddings I'm open minded , there are some lovely members of the church and others who abuse that privilege , I could tell you countless stories so I don't allow the church to dictate my life .

Your siblings don't deserve the respect you show them , one day I'm hoping to read you've finally broken free of those shackles .

I must admit I don't do all the car repairs now , maybe I'm getting a little hamfisted but I tend to brake as much as I mend on the car so it's cheaper to get a professional do it .
I know you appreciate my journey hasn't been easy so thanks for your comment .