Some observations and questions going into therapy

[Star01]

I have commented on a few other threads since the Holidays but haven't updated on my situation as promised. For those who didn't catch my earlier posts I have been dressing, thinking about and struggling with the fog and gender issues since I was a child and I'm a retired senior citizen now so the confusion goes back approximately sixty years. My wife and I are dadt but our agreement was made in a different time and under different circumstances. Though her going through the change and physical problems ended our sex life she knows that I shave all over and her views have always been liberal. She watches movies and shows that deal with gay, lesbian and transsexual issues and has been very supportive of one of our daughters coming out as lesbian. She is in full support of my upcoming therapy and she is aware of my past gender issues so I am confident that her thinking, and mine for that matter, have evolved.

I'm starting therapy in a little over a week and the therapist I will be seeing does work with gender issues. I don't have much experience with therapy so I'm not sure what to do on my first visit, go in there and start the conversation with my gender issues or develop a rapport for a visit or two and work up to it. Around fifteen years ago I had grown my hair long, got my ears pierced and was dressing a lot. I got to the ledge so to speak as I became obsessed with looking at my body in the mirror contemplating having the body of a woman. Around that time I ended up getting t-boned when someone ran a stop sign and jostled me around and aggravated the aches and pains from previous injuries. I think there was some low grade depression involved as well because I purged and began binge eating gaining around 40# before it was all over. I identified as a crossdresser and wallowed in self pity as I lost control of my weight gain and thought my dressing was over for good. In 2012 I started dressing again in spite of thinking that I looked terrible due to my weight gain and thinning hair on top of my head. To look at me with my short hair I look like I have a full head of hair but when I try to grow it out the weight of the long hair makes the thinning too obvious on top. I would look ok for the "old hippie" look but the thinning precludes coloring and growing my hair long like I used to do.

I stayed in that state of mind for several years not having much in the way of clothing but the thoughts and feelings kept amplifying until I reached a crescendo a few months ago. It briefly subsided during the holidays but is now steadily taking over my thoughts again. So with all that in mind I am not sure how to approach therapy and I was restricted in my choices by my insurance. There were two options open to me who deal with gender issues, a man and a woman therapist. I tried to book with the woman and she is not taking on new patients so I looked around at other options but it kept coming back to me being impressed with the male therapists qualifications. Consequently, I decided to give him a try and see if we can develop a rapport that will allow me to open up fully.

I'm posting this in the crossdressing section of this forum as it appears after browsing both sections back to their first posts that transgender members of this forum move between the two sections. I'm certain that many started out by identifying as crossdressers and have or are in the process of transitioning. It's too early for me to make plans about how I would handle it if I fall into that category but I think that will be something that comes out of my therapy sessions. I don't know what this makes me but as much as I love to dress my circumstances limit what I can wear and I accept that and cope as best I can with my grooming to emulate women.

If there is such a thing as someone approaching 70 not knowing their true gender and even going so far as to question their sexual preference at this age that would be me. I welcome suggestions and will post occasional updates as things progress.