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Thread: Eating in a restaurant with your wife/SO.

  1. #26
    Junior Member alesha_cd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deborah2B View Post
    Alesha if your avatar with the curly hair and the black top is really you then no one would think you were anything but a woman (GG). You are so lucky to have a wife that participates with you in getting dressed up. Enjoy every moment that you can and show a lot of appreciation toward your lovely wife.
    Yes, that’s me and thank you for the kind words! I definitely know how fortunate I am and I let her know.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Jean 103 View Post
    My roommate (GG) and I eat out all the time. No problems and I don't dress to blend, hide or any of that. See my avatar that's how I dress. My roommate is disabled, can walk short distances, has light gray hair with purple tips. We get noticed where ever we go.

    Applebee's and Olive Garden are a couple of our favorite places. We were last at Olive Garden Monday and yes I wore a dress. As my roommate wants me to take her out after work today we'll probably go to Applebee's but it depends on how we feel .

    We went to Applebee's about a year ago. It had been a long day and I didn't feel like getting all dressed up. I wore skinny jeans and a top, no makeup, but I did let my hair down. I was pleasantly surprised when they addressed me with female pronouns.

    Go and enjoy , don't overthink it.
    Thank you Jean!
    Alesha

  2. #27
    Member Helena's Avatar
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    Alesha, one of the first times out with my wonderful SO we dined at a bar/grill in the centre of Doncaster. The staff were lovely, "ladies" all the way. The young crowd who were the main clientele took no notice.

    M did order because my voice bothered me then. I think it being busy, but not so busy that we had to queue, helped and was better than visiting a quieter restaurant. I was nervous but it was very enjoyable in the end.

    We have been back quite a few times, including meeting a friend from our group who wanted a little support. Sometimes other diners have felt so close but none have taken any notice at all.

    I hope you do overcome your nervousness as it is a lovely experience.

  3. #28
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Confidence is key, if you have that then it doesn't matter where you go. I've been to restaurants alone and with wife and girlfriends and never had any problems. You just need confidence, show no fear, be assertive not mousey and act like a lady. And of course dress appropriately for the venue.

  4. #29
    Happy to be here! mattea's Avatar
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    Tracii, Megella and the others are all correct in my opinion - it is all about attitude. If you avert your eyes and look uncomfortable you are going to be noticed far more than if you are comfortable and just be yourself. I used to worry about my voice, and tried to avoid eye contact when we first started going out and that only made things worse. Remember most people avoid confrontation, which is what I was the most afraid of, but at the same time I really just wanted to be me. I used to have my wife order everything for me as well, but then I realized that we only get one chance at this life and sometimes she would get my order wrong!! She actually did this on purpose because she was astute enough at the time to know that it was my own behavior that was calling me out, not the way I looked or what I was wearing.

    I would be most of us here who frequently go out remember those early days where we had the butterflies as we crossed the threshold to the real world en femme, but it does get easier and it is your life to live on top of that. The people out there who will pass judgment on people like us are not people we need to be concerned with, their acceptance is not needed or wanted in my opinion. I just have to be out and be me. I understand the goal of wanting to blend in and let me assure you to blend in you just need to act normal, as you would whether you were in male or female mode.

    I know that you are looking for encouragement and advice that will make you feel more comfortable and while there are a lot of good tips coming from the participants here, what really worked for me was getting out there and doing it, and having the encouragement of my wife to realize that we just have to do what we have to do and not worry so much about what others think, and the only way I gained that confidence was through doing it.

    Good luck and hope you have a great dinner very soon with your wife! We are partial to Olive Garden and Red Lobster, but when we get out of town we have a pact that we always eat at places that are not around home, just for the experience. We have been many many places together with me dressed and there has never been an instance where there was an issue. Now that doesn't mean someone doesn't give me a funny look, but they just go on and then I never see them again.

    Mattea
    Love makes everyone equal.

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Take advantage of the "early bird" specials for showing up when restaurants first open for dinner. In my many years of experience there won't be anyone else in the rest rooms.
    You will typically get the best service they can deliver, as you are the most important customers in terms of keeping a restaurant profitable. A good restaurant can't serve any more people during the prime hours.
    And they don't want to stay late for stragglers. But they can certainly take more customers earlier.

    Marion

  6. #31
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Marion has a great point get in early and avoid the really busy dinner rush.
    Less people and faster service.
    I went to Red Robin yesterday around 4:45pm had a great dinner with a friend.The rush started around 5:15 and it got very crowded.
    The server had waited on us in the past so she was super friendly this time too.
    The trick is tip well and don't be all crabby to the servers and they will treat you just fine.
    Ours came over and said hi ladies how are you its been a while since you have been here I hope you had a great holiday.
    We chatted right back as always. The thing to remember is be nice to people and don't have a burr up your butt.
    People generally are nice back to you.
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  7. #32
    Aspiring Member Michelle Crossfire's Avatar
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    Me and my wife have eaten out before. Most of the time it is thru a drive thru on the way to somewhere else. But we have gone to a place called Ponderosa several times, If you are not familiar with it, it is a steakhouse that also has a buffet. Most of the time we get the buffet. It is nothing special, but she likes it. When we go, she does all the talking to the cashier. We don't speak a lot (this bothers her, and i am trying to work on it), when we do, and I keep my conversation rather low. I go up to the buffet, get my food amongst the other people. No one has said anything to me. I am sure I have drawn some attention to myself, but nothing terribly negative that I was able to overhear.
    Call me Michelle

  8. #33
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    We often get the two ladies treatment when we dine out - occasionally we get asked 1 check or 2. No real problems

  9. #34
    Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    At the risk of sounding simplistic or repetitive, I would just add that it's always best to start with smaller, quicker excursions and work your way up to more elaborate settings. If you do this, by the time you walk into a restaurant for a meal the fact that you are dressed one way or another won't even cross your mind. You will simply enjoy the meal, the ambiance and the company. As it should be.

  10. #35
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Alesha, I have been out many times with my wife, though it has been to inner city venues, not a suburban chain restaurant. Either way, everyone was fine with it, as far as I could tell.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  11. #36
    Girliegirl Jillian Faith's Avatar
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    My wife and I have enjoyed lunch together several times while shopping, we've eaten in a mall food court, a stand alone La Madeline's in a strip center and a very nice Grille in an upscale Mall. Everything was normal except I was presenting en femme. Staff referred to us as Ladies and ma'am etc. also we experienced no negative looks from other patrons just everyone enjoying their lunch.
    Jill

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  12. #37
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
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    I've been to dinner with others many times and never had a problem. No, once my wife and I went to eat and while I was relaxing with a cup of tea at the end of the meal she got up to use the restroom. Then she decided to return to the casino and left me to pay the bill that we had planned to split. Now THAT was a problem. Other than that, my money was as green as the rest of the patrons who were all absorbed in their meals and companions and not paying attention to me.

    And just think, if nothing goes wrong, the stories that follow won't be nearly as much fun to share.
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  13. #38
    Member foxy bartender's Avatar
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    If you’re confident, and try to be comfortable, you’ll be fine. I go out with my wife all the time, and never had a bad experience because of how I was presenting. The only confusion comes when it’s time to bring the bill, we do frequently get asked if it’s going on one or two checks. We usually get a good laugh about that. Remember, waitstaff and bartenders work for tips, so they don’t want to upset you. Treat them well, tip them well, and you’ll have a great time!

  14. #39
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    My SO and I have had good service at Applebee's on several occasions. Unfortunately the last time the server got so flustered he couldn't get out the evening specials, and tried to look everywhere in the restaurant instead of at me. He was young and I did feel sorry for him since he was trying hard to be pleasant. I doubt management in any of these chains gives servers any special training on how to handle transgendered customers.

  15. #40
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Just go.
    Dress for where you are going, be it a high end restaurant or Burger King (we've done them all).
    Just be yourself, soften your voice when you order and be confident. You belong there as much as anyone else so act like it. If you present yourself with confidence you will be treated accordingly. Don't be the deer in the headlights. Sure there may be some that stare or snicker. We see that all the time, but be YOU and don't be someone for them.
    Order your dinner, enjoy the night out and have fun. Let everyone else worry about things, let them be consumed by your presence if that's how they wish to be. Don't let yourself be concerned with them.
    Can you see the REAL Me?

  16. #41
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    As I have been out dressed more than my wife has gone out with me dressed, I think most of the nerves are now on my wife's end. We never have an issue, but she is still hesitant about it.

  17. #42
    Here how many years? LeeAnnRose's Avatar
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    My wife and I recently took a day trip to the DC museums. I thought we were just headed home when she made it known she was hungry and it was going to be a sit down dinner. The next place up on the beltway was a Carrabas. Thursday night 6:30...it was fairly packed. We ended up in the very first booth by the door/ waiting area. So nice EVERYONE had to pass by to enter, exit, use the rest room, or check-in. Nerves...shot. After a nice glass of wine and a waiter who asked us how the sisters were doing, we had an enjoyable meal and definitely left feeling good about the experience. And yes, it was before they dimmed the lights for the night, talk about feeling like you were on display!

  18. #43
    Junior Member alesha_cd's Avatar
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    Sorry I didn’t reply sooner. I’m thankful for all the comments and insight that everyone shared! I wish I could reply to each one of you individually. My wife and I decided not to do the restaurant thing. No big deal. I don’t think she is 100% up to the experience yet. Maybe someday. I think I failed to state earlier that I’ve been CDing for 40 years, going out in public for 35, and going out in public with my wife for about 23. I only dress maybe 5 times in a year and go out maybe 2 or 3 of those. We shopped at a couple of well known department stores and overall everything went well. I helped her with a few items. I think that helps with “blending in”. In my outings over the years, I think I’ve learned how to become aware of when someone is “curious” or if I’ve been “clocked”. With that said, I felt pretty confident this last time. I’m not saying no one noticed; just saying no one seemed to notice and/or they just didn’t care. Both are nice! That probably wouldn’t have been the case had we gone into a restaurant. Thank you again for all your comments and taking the time to share your insight.
    Alesha

  19. #44
    Kind of shy ;) Linda Leigh's Avatar
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    My wife would not dare/care to go out with me dressed, always afraid someone will spot me or figure it out. I too live in Central Ill.
    Sometimes I like to dress as Linda Leigh

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  20. #45
    Member RachelB.'s Avatar
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    We go out to eat a lot, most of the time with me enfemme. I was very nervous the first couple of times and worried about my voice also. We have only had one server issue and my wife nipped it in the bud. She asked the server if he worked for tips. He replied that he did. She then told him that I would be paying the check and if he wanted a tip he needed to check his attitude. He was pleasant the rest of the evening. God I love that woman.

    As I have ben told," Put on your big girl panties and go for it".

  21. #46
    Seňora Member
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    Here's a picture from one of several restaurants I went to with my wife this weekend in Seattle.
    restauraunt_small.jpg

    As I said before we did nothing special and nothing special happened, except we did have a Dutch Baby for desert that was heavenly...
    DB6-small_o.jpg
    Last edited by Robertacd; 01-27-2020 at 10:30 PM.

  22. #47
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I've gone into higher end places than you mention, sometimes alone and other times with a couple of CDs or a CD husband and GG wife. I've also gone out to restaurants at the Keystone Conference with 30 other girls. I only ha one somewhat unpleasant experience where the waiter made us and was clearly uncomfortable. However, about halfway through he figured out that we we just a couple of girls eating out, and he couldn't catch anything from us (except maybe a cold).
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  23. #48
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    Here I am tonight eating at a restaurant two blocks away from my house.

    berger.jpg

  24. #49
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    Downstate Illinois covers a lot of territory but I've been out to eat in the metro East area at a couple of different restaurants and I've never had an issue. Ditto for places in St. Louis (and Bloomington, and Cleveland, Ohio, and Chicago). I've never had a problem anywhere.

    Once I was at a 54th Street and the waitress complimented me on my dress. At a Cheesecake Factory a server liked the color of my nails. I've got a guy voice and I assume people see me as a guy in a dress.

    If you've been doing this for as long as you say, you should have it down.

    I have also found that actually interacting with people can have unexpected favorable results. I made a friend trying on dresses and another getting my nails done.

    Don't overthink it and just do it.

  25. #50
    Junior Member alesha_cd's Avatar
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    Again, thank you all for the encouragement, insight, and photos. My wife and I usually go to a neighboring state (MO or IN). This last time we were in the northern Indianapolis suburb of Carmel, IN. We’ve been to Chesterfield, MO, Evansville, IN, and Champaign, IL. That gets us far enough away from home that the chances of seeing someone we know is slim. It could happen and we realize that. When we’re shopping, we usually go our own way in the store for the most part. Maybe that’s why being together in a restaurant kind of makes my wife nervous. Yeah I’ve been doing the shopping thing for many years and seem to do ok but the restaurant idea just makes me nervous. I envy all of you who have the courage to interact! If we happened to get a server who complimented me, that would be wonderful and a nice boost!
    Alesha

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