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Thread: Eating in a restaurant with your wife/SO.

  1. #1
    Junior Member alesha_cd's Avatar
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    Question Eating in a restaurant with your wife/SO.

    I would love to eat at a nice casual restaurant with my wife (dressed). I?m thinking along the lines of a Texas Roadhouse, Olive Garden, Applebee?s, etc. I was wondering if anyone cares to share their experiences, suggestions, tips, etc. on this. I think I ?blend in? OK as far as presentation goes, but I would definitely give it up if I had to speak. I know some would say that shouldn?t matter but I?m just trying to figure out how this could be done without drawing unwanted attention to us. Thank you.
    Alesha

  2. #2
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    I am not sure what you are asking for.

    When my wife and I go out to eat, we just go out to eat. Me being dressed changes nothing except we are often refered to as "You two ladies".

  3. #3
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    If you're concerned, Alesha? Have your SO do all the speaking to the waitress. And, talk low so the other guests won't hear your voice!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  4. #4
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    The problem of going anywhere with your wife is, you may run into someone who knows her. You may be recognized by that association or the person may come over to talk to your wife and she will have to introduce you as someone.

    Of course, if you are out already, this is not a problem. If not, it would be a big problem. You can lessen the chance of this happening by going out in another town but there's still a chance.

    As for speaking to the server, that may or may not be a problem depending on your voice.

    Personally, I would love to do what you are considering, but I don't think my wife is ready for it yet, even 100 miles from home.
    Last edited by Krisi; 01-16-2020 at 12:47 PM.
    Krisi

  5. #5
    Junior Member alesha_cd's Avatar
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    I’m asking because we’ve never done it. Every one of us has our own comfort levels, goals, expectations, methods, etc. while dressed. What may seem normal to some may be outside of normal to others. I’m just looking for some insight from the experiences of others. Anything that could make me less nervous I guess. When we go out, I don’t personally interact with others. Robertacd, I would love for our first experience to go as it does for you and your wife but never having done it, I’m a little nervous.

    Oh, and we’ve thought of the chance of someone recognizing my wife. We typically go far enough away that it’s never been an issue.
    Last edited by alesha_cd; 01-16-2020 at 01:26 PM.
    Alesha

  6. #6
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    I get it, but as I have been saying, just do it.

    I don't pass for anything besides a Transwoman at best. I wear woman's clothing, makeup, sometimes my breast forms, sometimes not. I don't even try to change my voice.

    So far every restaurant experience has been no different than when I was DRAB except for the pronouns.

    I really don't know what else to say...
    Last edited by Robertacd; 01-16-2020 at 02:42 PM.

  7. #7
    Junior Member alesha_cd's Avatar
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    That’s great! If I ever get enough courage to do it, I hope it goes like your experiences. Thank you!
    Alesha

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    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I?ve been out with GG friends many times. It may be that we were noticed, but if we were, nobody said anything, nor did we have any problems or embarrassment. Since this would be your first time, the main issue will be your wife?s desire to protect you and your own nervousness. Both will pass quickly. Then you can settle down and enjoy the experience together.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  9. #9
    Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
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    My wife and I have been out many times. Once at an Applebee's dinner I recall that we had some odd looks from a few servers waiting for patrons when we came in. But no one said anything. Our server was intrigued by us. She actually sat with us and asked questions. She wanted to have her S.O. join her for dinner in fem! She thought it would be hot! We enjoyed a good meal and had fun. So on the way out we were sure to display some p.d.i. in the parking lot in the event the others with odd looks could see! Too much fun!

  10. #10
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    When Sherlyn and I first went out I ordered for both of us because she hated her voice. After becoming more confident and going out was our life ...she just spoke herself.
    Look at the menu online before hand and get some idea .
    It will get easier and not a big deal just enjoy.
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    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️

  11. #11
    Accepting GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    I went out many times with my Kat and we were always so wrapped up in each other that we could care less . Our main problem was too much pda lol . Just go and enjoy really . If anyone notices they still won't say anything , once you are out the ice will break .
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  12. #12
    Junior Member Dressing up's Avatar
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    I am guessing you are concerned about someone taking issue with a CD. Probably won't happen. I've done this a bunch of times with a girlfriend. It took me a while to learn to dress appropriately for the venue. All the places you mention, it is normal for a woman to be in jeans, boots and sweater this time of year. I am guessing you see yourself something more feminine, it will attract more notice but I still doubt any scene will be made. I say go for it, I've never had the slightest issue. Servers want tips, friendly ones do better in that line of work. That's what you will probably get so treat him it her nicely. Enjoy.

    BTW. Movies are great for first forays into enfemme dates with SO.

  13. #13
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    Alesha, I'd suggest you select a restaurant that's a cut or two above those you listed as possibles. You'll pay more, but you'll also will most likely be getting more privacy, subdued lighting and a smaller number of patrons. IF you know of a trans couple like you and your wife, invite them, too. Have fun!

  14. #14
    Junior Member alesha_cd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dressing up View Post
    I am guessing you are concerned about someone taking issue with a CD. Probably won't happen. I've done this a bunch of times with a girlfriend. It took me a while to learn to dress appropriately for the venue. All the places you mention, it is normal for a woman to be in jeans, boots and sweater this time of year. I am guessing you see yourself something more feminine, it will attract more notice but I still doubt any scene will be made. I say go for it, I've never had the slightest issue. Servers want tips, friendly ones do better in that line of work. That's what you will probably get so treat him it her nicely. Enjoy.

    BTW. Movies are great for first forays into enfemme dates with SO.
    You’re correct. That’s my main concern. Other than eating together in a restaurant, my wife and I have gone out a number of times shopping and even attended a few movies together. She always buys the tickets and in some cases I’ll come into the theater a few minutes later and meet up with her. I dress to blend in so it’s jeans and casual wear with no crazy wigs or 6” heels. Thank you for your input.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    All great answers and I would love to get past the nervousness and just enjoy dinner with my wife and without her feeling uncomfortable either. Thank you!
    Alesha

  15. #15
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    It will be fine, Alesha. As you can see, many of us have had positive experiences with no negatives worth mentioning.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

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    Quote Originally Posted by alesha_cd View Post
    I would love to eat at a nice casual restaurant with my wife (dressed). I?m thinking along the lines of a Texas Roadhouse, Olive Garden, Applebee?s, etc. I was wondering if anyone cares to share their experiences, suggestions, tips, etc. on this. I think I ?blend in? OK as far as presentation goes, but I would definitely give it up if I had to speak. I know some would say that shouldn?t matter but I?m just trying to figure out how this could be done without drawing unwanted attention to us. Thank you.
    I'm not sure, but it sounds like you have some goals or wishes that are more than just eating a meal out in public. Are you hoping to get something specific out of the experience apart from avoiding unwanted attention? Most people are not going to notice you at all, I bet.

  17. #17
    Junior Member alesha_cd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dallasmann View Post
    I'm not sure, but it sounds like you have some goals or wishes that are more than just eating a meal out in public. Are you hoping to get something specific out of the experience apart from avoiding unwanted attention? Most people are not going to notice you at all, I bet.
    Yes...to blend in without being nervous...and to enjoy the experience with my wife. Maybe I’m not good at explaining myself but it feels like some are misunderstanding me on this.
    Alesha

  18. #18
    Member Deborah2B's Avatar
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    Alesha if your avatar with the curly hair and the black top is really you then no one would think you were anything but a woman (GG). You are so lucky to have a wife that participates with you in getting dressed up. Enjoy every moment that you can and show a lot of appreciation toward your lovely wife.
    Deborah

    My desire is to create an illusion that is a compliment to all women. It is not meant to demean women or their struggles. It is not a threat to their femininity. It is meant to uphold and celebrate their presence and beauty. I try to accomplish that goal each time.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    My roommate (GG) and I eat out all the time. No problems and I don't dress to blend, hide or any of that. See my avatar that's how I dress. My roommate is disabled, can walk short distances, has light gray hair with purple tips. We get noticed where ever we go.

    Applebee's and Olive Garden are a couple of our favorite places. We were last at Olive Garden Monday and yes I wore a dress. As my roommate wants me to take her out after work today we'll probably go to Applebee's but it depends on how we feel .

    We went to Applebee's about a year ago. It had been a long day and I didn't feel like getting all dressed up. I wore skinny jeans and a top, no makeup, but I did let my hair down. I was pleasantly surprised when they addressed me with female pronouns.

    Go and enjoy , don't overthink it.

  20. #20
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I recently went out with my daughter and her friend who was visiting! We went to see the Star Wars movie, had great conversation afterwards and ate at a local Italian restaurant! Just be you! I had one woman stare at me as she stood up to leave! It was longer than appropriate but I just smiled back at her and she went on! Most people pay no attention at all! Oh, yes, I was in jeans and a tee shirt with a logo and my day to day flats! The waitress called me "Ma'am" and my daughter gave me a thumbs up! Really just a GNO! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
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  21. #21
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    May I suggest you try something like Starbucks, first? First of all, it's almost a lead pipe cinch that the staff will be totally cool. More practically though, your interactions with them will be short and once completed, you can bolt if you find yourself overwhelmed. You won't, but as you say, everyone has their own comfort level, so I propose that as an option. If you want to jump into the deep end, avoid "family" venues like those you've listed. Nothing wrong with them, and the staff will likely treat you fine, but some of the clientele may be a bit less... diplomatic. Go for something a little more upscale for your first time. The host/hostess and wait-staff will be seasoned pros, and the clientele will likely be a bit more refined (less likely to point and stare).

    Managing your nerves is going to be the key, at least for the first time or two out in public. If you look nervous, people will wonder why. You don't have to "pass", but you should be able to comport yourself as the woman you are presenting. You'll be amazed at how people will "play along" and treat you with respect and kindness. With a little exposure and the ensuing confidence boost, you might even find yourself looking forward to the rare gawker. I live for the opportunity to make them squirm.
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  22. #22
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    I get it. Go in drab first. Pick a place where you won't have to wait, maybe one that takes reservations. I'm sure one that is dimly lit would be preferred. Sit at a booth rather than a table and the further away from the bar the better. Dress accordingly to your wife. Don't wear a dress if she wears pants. Consider a low heel flats so you don't conspicuously tower over her. Dress more modestly than she does.

    I had decades of frequent solo outings when I started going out with my girlfriend. I found it very unnerving at first. Can't really explain why, but it was very different and was quite an adjustment to going it alone. Once you work through that, it's an experience not to be missed (if you're lucky enough to have the opportunity at all). I'd imagine that negative experiences are more rare than when going solo (negatives are pretty rare anyway).

    As Krisi said, even if you're out of town, you may be hard to recognize, but your wife is not. That's a complication you have to come to grips with. You might want to have a plan for if that happens.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Alesha, hi there. I understand completely. My first outing for dinner was a little scary but you will get over it quickly. I would suggest

    1. Go to some place like Olive Garden but go a bit ahead of the peak times so you don?t have to wait out front so long.

    2. Make sure you can walk well in your shoes if wearing heels since you will have to walk a bit.

    3. Have SO at least order your drinks ,etc if worried about voice.

    4. Use bathroom before to go so you don?t have to be concerned with which bathroom to use.

    5. Have a glass of wine and relax.

    6. Don?t forget to report back to everyone here. Haha.

    It will be great. The first time I did it, I thought it was the most fun I ever had.

    Sandi

  24. #24
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    Pick a place and just go don't be afraid just go have fun.
    I have one GG friend and we go out to eat frequently when she is in town or I go visit her city.
    We get the you two ladies comment all the time.
    Its really no big deal as Di mentioned. You are making it a much bigger deal than it really is.
    Its all hinging on how you act and how lady like you handle yourself.
    Attitude is everything.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 01-16-2020 at 05:57 PM.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by alesha_cd View Post
    You?re correct. That?s my main concern. Other than eating together in a restaurant, my wife and I have gone out a number of times shopping and even attended a few movies together. She always buys the tickets and in some cases I?ll come into the theater a few minutes later and meet up with her. I dress to blend in so it?s jeans and casual wear with no crazy wigs or 6? heels. Thank you for your input.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    All great answers and I would love to get past the nervousness and just enjoy dinner with my wife and without her feeling uncomfortable either. Thank you!


    Quote Originally Posted by alesha_cd View Post
    Yes...to blend in without being nervous...and to enjoy the experience with my wife. Maybe I?m not good at explaining myself but it feels like some are misunderstanding me on this.
    I think I get it now. I hope I didn't sound hard or judge-y in my earlier post. I'm sorry if I did!! I totally understand we're all at different levels of comfort in different situations and I believe most can appreciate that you're also concerned with your wife's feelings about trying something new, given how supportive she is of you.

    If your evening going out look matches your avatar, I think you WILL be getting some extra attention, though......and that it will be of the positive variety. You're beautiful! (I hope that's OK)

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