Eating in a restaurant with your wife/SO.

[alesha_cd]

I would love to eat at a nice casual restaurant with my wife (dressed). I?m thinking along the lines of a Texas Roadhouse, Olive Garden, Applebee?s, etc. I was wondering if anyone cares to share their experiences, suggestions, tips, etc. on this. I think I ?blend in? OK as far as presentation goes, but I would definitely give it up if I had to speak. I know some would say that shouldn?t matter but I?m just trying to figure out how this could be done without drawing unwanted attention to us. Thank you.

[Robertacd]

I am not sure what you are asking for.

When my wife and I go out to eat, we just go out to eat. Me being dressed changes nothing except we are often refered to as "You two ladies".

[docrobbysherry]

If you're concerned, Alesha? Have your SO do all the speaking to the waitress. And, talk low so the other guests won't hear your voice!

[Krisi]

The problem of going anywhere with your wife is, you may run into someone who knows her. You may be recognized by that association or the person may come over to talk to your wife and she will have to introduce you as someone.

Of course, if you are out already, this is not a problem. If not, it would be a big problem. You can lessen the chance of this happening by going out in another town but there's still a chance.

As for speaking to the server, that may or may not be a problem depending on your voice.

Personally, I would love to do what you are considering, but I don't think my wife is ready for it yet, even 100 miles from home.

[mattea]

Tracii, Megella and the others are all correct in my opinion - it is all about attitude. If you avert your eyes and look uncomfortable you are going to be noticed far more than if you are comfortable and just be yourself. I used to worry about my voice, and tried to avoid eye contact when we first started going out and that only made things worse. Remember most people avoid confrontation, which is what I was the most afraid of, but at the same time I really just wanted to be me. I used to have my wife order everything for me as well, but then I realized that we only get one chance at this life and sometimes she would get my order wrong!! She actually did this on purpose because she was astute enough at the time to know that it was my own behavior that was calling me out, not the way I looked or what I was wearing.

I would be most of us here who frequently go out remember those early days where we had the butterflies as we crossed the threshold to the real world en femme, but it does get easier and it is your life to live on top of that. The people out there who will pass judgment on people like us are not people we need to be concerned with, their acceptance is not needed or wanted in my opinion. I just have to be out and be me. I understand the goal of wanting to blend in and let me assure you to blend in you just need to act normal, as you would whether you were in male or female mode.

I know that you are looking for encouragement and advice that will make you feel more comfortable and while there are a lot of good tips coming from the participants here, what really worked for me was getting out there and doing it, and having the encouragement of my wife to realize that we just have to do what we have to do and not worry so much about what others think, and the only way I gained that confidence was through doing it.

Good luck and hope you have a great dinner very soon with your wife! We are partial to Olive Garden and Red Lobster, but when we get out of town we have a pact that we always eat at places that are not around home, just for the experience. We have been many many places together with me dressed and there has never been an instance where there was an issue. Now that doesn't mean someone doesn't give me a funny look, but they just go on and then I never see them again.

Mattea

[alesha_cd]

I’m asking because we’ve never done it. Every one of us has our own comfort levels, goals, expectations, methods, etc. while dressed. What may seem normal to some may be outside of normal to others. I’m just looking for some insight from the experiences of others. Anything that could make me less nervous I guess. When we go out, I don’t personally interact with others. Robertacd, I would love for our first experience to go as it does for you and your wife but never having done it, I’m a little nervous.

Oh, and we’ve thought of the chance of someone recognizing my wife. We typically go far enough away that it’s never been an issue.

[kimdl93]

I?ve been out with GG friends many times. It may be that we were noticed, but if we were, nobody said anything, nor did we have any problems or embarrassment. Since this would be your first time, the main issue will be your wife?s desire to protect you and your own nervousness. Both will pass quickly. Then you can settle down and enjoy the experience together.

[Di]

When Sherlyn and I first went out I ordered for both of us because she hated her voice. After becoming more confident and going out was our life ...she just spoke herself.
Look at the menu online before hand and get some idea .
It will get easier and not a big deal just enjoy.

[Dutchess]

I went out many times with my Kat and we were always so wrapped up in each other that we could care less . Our main problem was too much pda lol . Just go and enjoy really . If anyone notices they still won't say anything , once you are out the ice will break .

[Maid_Marion]

Take advantage of the "early bird" specials for showing up when restaurants first open for dinner. In my many years of experience there won't be anyone else in the rest rooms.
You will typically get the best service they can deliver, as you are the most important customers in terms of keeping a restaurant profitable. A good restaurant can't serve any more people during the prime hours.
And they don't want to stay late for stragglers. But they can certainly take more customers earlier.

Marion

[Tracii G]

Marion has a great point get in early and avoid the really busy dinner rush.
Less people and faster service.
I went to Red Robin yesterday around 4:45pm had a great dinner with a friend.The rush started around 5:15 and it got very crowded.
The server had waited on us in the past so she was super friendly this time too.
The trick is tip well and don't be all crabby to the servers and they will treat you just fine.
Ours came over and said hi ladies how are you its been a while since you have been here I hope you had a great holiday.
We chatted right back as always. The thing to remember is be nice to people and don't have a burr up your butt.
People generally are nice back to you.

[Robertacd]

I get it, but as I have been saying, just do it.

I don't pass for anything besides a Transwoman at best. I wear woman's clothing, makeup, sometimes my breast forms, sometimes not. I don't even try to change my voice.

So far every restaurant experience has been no different than when I was DRAB except for the pronouns.

I really don't know what else to say...

[alesha_cd]

That’s great! If I ever get enough courage to do it, I hope it goes like your experiences. Thank you!

[Joyce Swindell]

My wife and I have been out many times. Once at an Applebee's dinner I recall that we had some odd looks from a few servers waiting for patrons when we came in. But no one said anything. Our server was intrigued by us. She actually sat with us and asked questions. She wanted to have her S.O. join her for dinner in fem! She thought it would be hot! We enjoyed a good meal and had fun. So on the way out we were sure to display some p.d.i. in the parking lot in the event the others with odd looks could see! Too much fun!

[Jenny22]

Alesha, I'd suggest you select a restaurant that's a cut or two above those you listed as possibles. You'll pay more, but you'll also will most likely be getting more privacy, subdued lighting and a smaller number of patrons. IF you know of a trans couple like you and your wife, invite them, too. Have fun!

[MonicaPVD]

At the risk of sounding simplistic or repetitive, I would just add that it's always best to start with smaller, quicker excursions and work your way up to more elaborate settings. If you do this, by the time you walk into a restaurant for a meal the fact that you are dressed one way or another won't even cross your mind. You will simply enjoy the meal, the ambiance and the company. As it should be.

[Dressing up]

I am guessing you are concerned about someone taking issue with a CD. Probably won't happen. I've done this a bunch of times with a girlfriend. It took me a while to learn to dress appropriately for the venue. All the places you mention, it is normal for a woman to be in jeans, boots and sweater this time of year. I am guessing you see yourself something more feminine, it will attract more notice but I still doubt any scene will be made. I say go for it, I've never had the slightest issue. Servers want tips, friendly ones do better in that line of work. That's what you will probably get so treat him it her nicely. Enjoy.

BTW. Movies are great for first forays into enfemme dates with SO.

[alesha_cd]

I am guessing you are concerned about someone taking issue with a CD. Probably won't happen. I've done this a bunch of times with a girlfriend. It took me a while to learn to dress appropriately for the venue. All the places you mention, it is normal for a woman to be in jeans, boots and sweater this time of year. I am guessing you see yourself something more feminine, it will attract more notice but I still doubt any scene will be made. I say go for it, I've never had the slightest issue. Servers want tips, friendly ones do better in that line of work. That's what you will probably get so treat him it her nicely. Enjoy.

BTW. Movies are great for first forays into enfemme dates with SO.

You’re correct. That’s my main concern. Other than eating together in a restaurant, my wife and I have gone out a number of times shopping and even attended a few movies together. She always buys the tickets and in some cases I’ll come into the theater a few minutes later and meet up with her. I dress to blend in so it’s jeans and casual wear with no crazy wigs or 6” heels. Thank you for your input.

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All great answers and I would love to get past the nervousness and just enjoy dinner with my wife and without her feeling uncomfortable either. Thank you!

[kimdl93]

It will be fine, Alesha. As you can see, many of us have had positive experiences with no negatives worth mentioning.

[dallasmann]

I would love to eat at a nice casual restaurant with my wife (dressed). I?m thinking along the lines of a Texas Roadhouse, Olive Garden, Applebee?s, etc. I was wondering if anyone cares to share their experiences, suggestions, tips, etc. on this. I think I ?blend in? OK as far as presentation goes, but I would definitely give it up if I had to speak. I know some would say that shouldn?t matter but I?m just trying to figure out how this could be done without drawing unwanted attention to us. Thank you.

I'm not sure, but it sounds like you have some goals or wishes that are more than just eating a meal out in public. Are you hoping to get something specific out of the experience apart from avoiding unwanted attention? Most people are not going to notice you at all, I bet.

[alesha_cd]

I'm not sure, but it sounds like you have some goals or wishes that are more than just eating a meal out in public. Are you hoping to get something specific out of the experience apart from avoiding unwanted attention? Most people are not going to notice you at all, I bet.

Yes...to blend in without being nervous...and to enjoy the experience with my wife. Maybe I’m not good at explaining myself but it feels like some are misunderstanding me on this.

[dallasmann]

You?re correct. That?s my main concern. Other than eating together in a restaurant, my wife and I have gone out a number of times shopping and even attended a few movies together. She always buys the tickets and in some cases I?ll come into the theater a few minutes later and meet up with her. I dress to blend in so it?s jeans and casual wear with no crazy wigs or 6? heels. Thank you for your input.

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All great answers and I would love to get past the nervousness and just enjoy dinner with my wife and without her feeling uncomfortable either. Thank you!

Yes...to blend in without being nervous...and to enjoy the experience with my wife. Maybe I?m not good at explaining myself but it feels like some are misunderstanding me on this.

I think I get it now. I hope I didn't sound hard or judge-y in my earlier post. I'm sorry if I did!! I totally understand we're all at different levels of comfort in different situations and I believe most can appreciate that you're also concerned with your wife's feelings about trying something new, given how supportive she is of you.

If your evening going out look matches your avatar, I think you WILL be getting some extra attention, though......and that it will be of the positive variety. You're beautiful! (I hope that's OK)

[Michelle Crossfire]

Me and my wife have eaten out before. Most of the time it is thru a drive thru on the way to somewhere else. But we have gone to a place called Ponderosa several times, If you are not familiar with it, it is a steakhouse that also has a buffet. Most of the time we get the buffet. It is nothing special, but she likes it. When we go, she does all the talking to the cashier. We don't speak a lot (this bothers her, and i am trying to work on it), when we do, and I keep my conversation rather low. I go up to the buffet, get my food amongst the other people. No one has said anything to me. I am sure I have drawn some attention to myself, but nothing terribly negative that I was able to overhear.

[bridget thronton]

We often get the two ladies treatment when we dine out - occasionally we get asked 1 check or 2. No real problems

[Sarah Doepner]

I've been to dinner with others many times and never had a problem. No, once my wife and I went to eat and while I was relaxing with a cup of tea at the end of the meal she got up to use the restroom. Then she decided to return to the casino and left me to pay the bill that we had planned to split. Now THAT was a problem. Other than that, my money was as green as the rest of the patrons who were all absorbed in their meals and companions and not paying attention to me.

And just think, if nothing goes wrong, the stories that follow won't be nearly as much fun to share.