Conundrum

[Fainne the King]

Well, as of right now I only dress part time. I do feel like I would like to be a boy full time, but don't know if it would be feasable. Right now, one of the biggest things that prevents me is my boyfriend. But I realize that if I did go full time, there'd be a lot of 'splainin to do. I have my family to think about (conservative Catholics), my work (conservative Baptists-which is worse?), school and the rest of my friends to explain this to and hope they accept me. Not to mention I'll be getting my degree next year and who's going to hire a transgender teacher? It's getting depressing because as much as I like to think about it, I have a feeling it's just something that would make life much more difficult for me. Then there's always the thought of moving somewhere where nobody knows me and starting over as a man...

[Julie Avery]

It's getting depressing because as much as I like to think about it, I have a feeling it's just something that would make life much more difficult for me. Then there's always the thought of moving somewhere where nobody knows me and starting over as a man...

You have expressed this in a very moving way. I just want to offer the old computer programming maxim, "Break big problems down into the little problems of which they're composed, and then solve the little problems, one at a time until you've got something that's starting to work."

[mistunderstood]

I think both of the them are bad. Just my thought. Any ways I understand about going full time. The people I'm around will be hard to ignore there comments and snickers when I go full time.
I hope this can work out for you.

[CaptLex]

I do feel like I would like to be a boy full time, but don't know if it would be feasable. . . . It's getting depressing because as much as I like to think about it, I have a feeling it's just something that would make life much more difficult for me.

I wish I had some good advice for you, but unfortunately I'm in a similar situation. I'd also like to be a boy full time and I also feel down about it because I know this would alter my life significantly, but I can't really imagine continuing my life as it is now. So I guess I have a choice to make, but I feel like I really have no choice.

Then there's always the thought of moving somewhere where nobody knows me and starting over as a man...

I think about this all the time too. Funny, I was recently thinking maybe I should transfer to my firm's Charlotte, NC office (near your neck of the woods), where nobody knows me in order to make a drastic change. I don't think I could do it, though - I'd miss NYC too much.

[Kimberley]

Fainne,
I'd give you a hug if I could. Guess you'll have to settle for a virtual one.

There are a lot of tough questions facing you that is for sure and to be honest, I think a lot of us in the TG/TS realm face the same things.

Teaching in the schools can be a problem for sure. Have you ever thought about working in bus. and industry doing training? I dont know how feasible it is for you but it might be an avenue to explore. I have attended training seminars where the instructors were anything but feminine. Just a thought.

Transitioning is probably best when you are young. My pdoc told me if I was late teens/early 20's she would refer me to a clinic in a large city a LONG way from home. Start over with RLT.

Religion. Tell me about the Catholic guilt trips. I have a lot of problems with the church and that is why I no longer practice. Have you considered a nondenomonational church? (I am sensing a conflict here.) The univ. pastor might be able to give you some guidance here.

Explanations. The big issue. I am still largely closeted so I cant really guide you except to say that younger is better than older when relationships are a lot more complicated.

Good luck in whatever you do (and pay attention to the Capt. A lot of good experience and advice there.)

Kimberley

[Fainne the King]

Teaching in the schools can be a problem for sure. Have you ever thought about working in bus. and industry doing training? I dont know how feasible it is for you but it might be an avenue to explore. I have attended training seminars where the instructors were anything but feminine. Just a thought.

Well, teaching is what I'd really like to do, but I know a lot of schools sure don't want someone like me "warping the young ones minds" and telling them it's ok to be who they really are. Even though I'm going to be teaching high school, so they might have less of a problem with it. Maybe even less when I get to be a professor. btw, is there a way you can have your past records erased or changed if you don't want people finding out that you used to be the opposite sex?

Religion. Tell me about the Catholic guilt trips. I have a lot of problems with the church and that is why I no longer practice. Have you considered a nondenomonational church? (I am sensing a conflict here.) The univ. pastor might be able to give you some guidance here.

I personally have no problem with religion, I'm an atheist, it's just my family that's all hardcore about it.

Thanks for your input everyone, I think this summer I'm going to try to live close to full time (while my bf is out of town) to see if it's what I really want to do.

It wouldn't be so tough if society would just be accepting! Damn society...

[Kimberley]

High School? Dude, you are braver than me. I teach as an adjunct at the college which is very cool. Captive audience, vested interest and all that. I thoroughly enjoy it.

A friend of mine has been busting my ***** about going to teach high school. I told him I would probably last until the first kid told me to F off. I dont know about there, but here, the kids have all the rights and the instructors none.

You may have to go into it all prissy and once you get tenured then slowly transition for acceptance. Personally, I dont know if I could do it in your position. Teens and rampant hormones can be extremely cruel. I am sure you remember.

You are going to go for a grad degree? You ROCK!

Yes as far as I know you can have the records changed legally. It could be a lengthy process after the legal nasties are done but the Capt can tell you more about that one. He works in the legal field. I believe Ms. Janessa is also a "recovering lawyer".

Yeah I think you will get a unanimous opinion on the societal comment.

Keep in touch.
Kimberley.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

btw, is there a way you can have your past records erased or changed if you don't want people finding out that you used to be the opposite sex?

TS Roadmap has info about changing your name and other legal documents as well as workplace issues. The site is intended for MTFs, but much of it is probably applicable to FTMs as well.

Bottom-line, going stealth can be problematic if you want to continue in your field because of the obvious difficulty with references. OTOH, academia (at the college level) can be considerably more open-minded. There's a several transwoman in academia over at the My Husband Betty boards. IIRC correctly, one of them recently got a job and the hiring committee was fully aware that she'd transitioned.

[Kimberley]

Hi Marlena,
I wish it were that way here. I know of a transitioned Tgirl who lost her job at the college where I work part time after transitioning. Of course they "found" other reasons to dismiss her but after the dust settled (and the cash) she was still out of a job and despite a Phd cant find work. Now she runs a home based counselling service for TG/TS people. Not particularly lucrative.

Kimberley.

[Star]

Maybe you shouldnt become a boy and i shouldnt become a girl...maybe we are just right the way we are, you a girl boy and me a boy girl? Maybe all we have to do is be happy...

[jillinla]

I agree completely

[julz]

Well, teaching is what I'd really like to do, but I know a lot of schools sure don't want someone like me "warping the young ones minds" and telling them it's ok to be who they really are. Even though I'm going to be teaching high school, so they might have less of a problem with it. Maybe even less when I get to be a professor. btw, is there a way you can have your past records erased or changed if you don't want people finding out that you used to be the opposite sex?

Last week for the "Rainbow Night" at my school there was a MTF speaker who is an elemantary school teacher. I think the rules vary from state to state, but in California all documents can be changed to male after you've jumped through all the loops. The speaker said he started working as a male so he never had to worry about frantic parents. Just thought I'd let you know it is definately possible, and you would be the only MTF teacher out there. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Kieron Andrew]

Last week for the "Rainbow Night" at my school there was a MTF speaker who is an elemantary school teacher. I think the rules vary from state to state, but in California all documents can be changed to male after you've jumped through all the loops. The speaker said he started working as a male so he never had to worry about frantic parents. Just thought I'd let you know it is definately possible, and you would be the only MTF teacher out there. Good luck with whatever you decide.

do you mean MTF or FTM Julz??? surely FTM

[Wren]

I've heard of people who keep their legal sex as Female when they transition to male, because if anything were ever to happen, either while crossing borders, or anything, you are treated as a female and if your ever sent to prison it's to a women's prison. Which for some obvious reasons would be better.

[julz]

do you mean MTF or FTM Julz??? surely FTM

ah, haha, teach me to post half asleep