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Thread: CD'ing taking away from "man-time"?

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  1. #1
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
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    CD'ing taking away from "man-time"?

    Let's face it, ladies: CD'ing can -- and oftentimes does -- soak up a lot of time, money, energy, focus, etc.


    Of course, these are resources that *could* potentially be utilized elsewhere, for more productive means. You know, like, what other non-CD'ing guys can (and should? ) be doing.

    And yet... *We* aren't.

    Instead, we're getting all dolled-up & stuff.


    Hey, we're stuck with this, and we're not choosing this, per se. So, I have to cut us some slack.



    What brought this up, was that I was recently watching a YouTube video-series of some random guy fixing up a half-completed mansion abandoned 20 years ago.

    *He* is using his time/money/energy/focus to do something positive with his life, to better his & his family's.

    But me? I'm busy getting all dolled-up, instead.


    Sometimes I feel like I got the short-end of the stick.

    And yes... No wonder why many women aren't exactly cool with all this CD'ing stuff -- at least when it comes to "mate material."

    Apparently we're defective goods, in their eyes. So, I kinda get that, from that angle.


    What say ye?

  2. #2
    Banned Spammer
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    I still have a few more I guess you would call guy hobbies that take up disposable income.

  3. #3
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ellbee View Post
    Sometimes I feel like I got the short-end of the stick.

    "Sometimes?" . . I would take the blue pill! .. and not even with the hope of gaining manness or family life that I have chosen not to get involved with. None of that matters to me. Just plainly to rid myself of the inflating trans.

    OK, with the heart of a CDer, I would want the pink one, obviously. However, my brain knows that a cis male and a cis female both feel equally comfortable with their genders. Therefore, the blue pill would be an equally effective solution as the pink one. It's the in-betweenness where the struggle originates. I'm exhausted, I've done a lot of damage, and then I think how many years of this I have left.. , I worry what will happen when the need inflates beyond my capability to meet it.

    But I realise everyone is different. Some feel blessed by this.. .

    - L.
    Last edited by char GG; 01-19-2020 at 10:20 AM. Reason: Although the word is disguised, it is not allowed.

  4. #4
    Member Julie Martin's Avatar
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    Ellbee, I struggle with the same thoughts. My dressing is limited to once or twice a year, my choice (full-on all-day outings), but I "manage" this part of me with occasional visits here, and reading occasionally on blogs like Heidi Phox and other major leaque CD-ers..but there is definitely guilt involved because of the nature of this activity. When I go out on a 4-hr bike ride (on a Saturday), I feel no such guilt. I do have my SO's blessing to indulge the CD-ing when I feel the need, but I rein it in by choice. I guess we each need to find the balance that works for us.

    Dutchessit's great (for me anyway) to hear your reality check from a partner's perspective. You didn't sign up for this, and I can only imagine how tough it is to deal with discovering this about your husband/partner. From talking with others about this, even when there is acceptance, balance is a big issue..many CD's have lost their relationships when their wife gave an inch and they took a mile.

    Well..back to man-ville :-)

  5. #5
    Senior Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
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    This thread really hits home. I get bored and loney and some times Dressing up fem just makes me feel better. Yes I rode motorcycles all my life. I drag raced them and cars and trucks. Not living home anymore has liberated me dress more. Will it calm down, I really don't know for sure. I need to find a woman that I can take care of and pamper, until then, I must concentrate on going on with my life without a negative person around

  6. #6
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    Here's my problem...yes it DOES take time away from doing normal man stuff. But the thing I regret most is that, since my wife is a non participant, I look forward to the times when she is away, and I hate, hate, hate to find myself wishing she would just go someplace for a day or so so that I could have some girl time.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by ellbee View Post
    *He* is using his time/money/energy/focus to do something positive with his life, to better his & his family's.

    But me? I'm busy getting all dolled-up, instead.

    What say ye?
    For me, they're the same. I need this balance in my life so that I can be great at my job and be a generally happy person. I would argue that's why most anyone has hobbies.

    My spouse was fine. Our marriage ended for reasons that had nothing to do with my CDing or gender fluidity, even if she is with a man's man now.

  8. #8
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    Audrey,
    That isn't a nice situation , if you live with DADT it tends to get worse , I couldn't wait for my wife to step out the front door and she began to hate walking back in .

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by audreyinalbany View Post
    ... the thing I regret most is that, since my wife is a non participant, I look forward to the times when she is away, and I hate, hate, hate to find myself wishing she would just go someplace for a day or so so that I could have some girl time.
    I know your feelings. The last time I had an evening to myself was when my wife volunteered to babysit our grandchild at my daughter's apartment. That seemed like a gift horse. Today? My wife is staying overnight at a hospital recovering from knee surgery. I don't exactly feel like a gad, but, it is the only Stephanie time I will have for the foreseeable future. Oh, and I got plenty man things done after coming home from the evening visit.

  10. #10
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by audreyinalbany View Post
    and I hate, hate, hate to find myself wishing she would just go someplace for a day or so so that I could have some girl time.

    I know exactly what you're feeling.

    I won't get into all the details here, but about 15-20 years ago my ex-husband and I developed stress in our relationship and we didn't deal with it well at all. We didn't talk it out and find a compromise. Or rather, we did try to talk it out with several marital counselors but neither one of us would budge from our positions and were willing to compromise. It got to the point where I felt so much more comfortable with myself when he wasn't around and I began to look forward to him being away. This was the beginning of the end of my marriage. By the end of it, I spent the evenings at home in one room while he was in the other.

    Case in point, Teresa and wife are also separated now:
    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    I couldn't wait for my wife to step out the front door and she began to hate walking back in .
    My ex and I have both moved on with our lives, but we and our adult children continue to live with the damage caused by a broken family. It's just not the same at weddings, christenings, or other big events that we both need to attend, and the kids feel constantly pulled between including their father or mother for major holidays, or who should get the hotel room and who should get the guest room when we're both in the town where they live. When grandchildren come, I suspect it will be worse.

    If anyone ever tells you that it's better to separate and they're so much happier now, they're rationalizing or they're compartmentalizing. Or if they place all the blame on their wives, they're not taking responsibility for their own part in it. It's much better to find a way to not look forward to your wife's absence. Maybe you should be honest with her about how you feel and tell her that you don't want to look forward to her being gone, because you're genuinely worried about living with a big wedge in your relationship. I think that in your heart you know what I'm saying and I hope that you and your wife can resolve this.
    Last edited by ReineD; 01-22-2020 at 04:05 AM. Reason: fixed the question mark issue
    Reine

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by audreyinalbany View Post
    the thing I regret most is that, since my wife is a non participant, I look forward to the times when she is away
    I was thinking about this and how dadt makes our wives seem like some kind of gatekeeper and how we come to detest that dynamic and wish they would go away more often. That is not a good situation to be in so in that respect crossdressing or wherever we are individually in that spectrum robs something from us. Sometimes I feel like a teenager hiding magazines under my mattress afraid that our mother is going to find them. It's a tough spot to be in but in defense of our SO's unless we realized this about ourselves and made it known it's a difficult situation. Someone could have asked me at 30 and even though I had dressed and thought about being a woman for years I dismissed it as how all guys thought sometimes and pushed it into the background. Now I can see that I'm one of those seniors who retired and has a lot of time and doesn't have to work and it's hitting me hard as a result.

  12. #12
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I also love my man time

    IMG_20171127_145437.jpg

    But normally it is an escape from all this man stress
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  13. #13
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    Right off the top of my head I don't know your situation ellbee, but I remember when I was out to my wife as "just a CD". I used to blend guy time with my girl time. Even when I was a crazy mountain biker I was at least wearing panties if not a sports bra too the whole time.

    Since I have come out as TG I do any "man thing" I did before, maybe not looking as good as Rachel, but I feel good doing it. Last summer I sank a couple new fence posts wearing women's shorts, tank top. tennis shoes, a bra and panties.

  14. #14
    Senior Member kayegirl's Avatar
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    Well, I may not be in blue velvet Rachel style, but I do work on my old car wearing a denim skirt and female to shirts. I also have a denim dress that I wear when wood turning. The thing to avoid wearing sheer tights/hosiery, and stilettos.

  15. #15
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    The only real invasion of my man time I have is shopping for clothes. I get up in the morning and I put on a full outfit of clothes and jewellery - no wig or make up. You have to wear something and it might as well be a dress and tights as trousers and socks. It means if I want to stay in these clothes I can't work in the garden but as I don't like gardening this is not an issue. I don't to cars or sport or much stuff that is traditionally aligned with the male, and spend a lot of time reading, watching television, working at the computer, or talking to my friends on the phone and I wear whatever I want for that. I have a rule that cross-dressing is not allowed to interfere with "real life" so if there is an opportunity to be with my friends or do something public in the evening, I go for that. Most of my friends are women and one of them is happy to socialise with me in public even if I am in a dress. I work in an office environment where the women do the same stuff as the men so there is very little of my life that would be called "man stuff" anyway. I do people stuff.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    It was cold and snowing yesterday so I finally got around to hemming to pairs of PJ pants one with a sewing machine and another with my four needle coverstitch machine.
    I have a couple more pairs of pants that need to be hemmed after I shovel the snow.
    I also have a pretty complete collection of cooking appliances, woodworking tools, and metal working machines that I know how to use.

    Most of my time is spent in the yard. I finally fixed my crabgrass issues this year. If any of it shows up this summer I can dig it up and replace i with dense sod!

    Marion
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 01-19-2020 at 07:01 AM.

  17. #17
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    You have to create a balance between the two.

    Yes, you can blend some together. For me it would be Linda in the garage working on a hobby but with the doors closed.

    Then again I AM NOT wearing pink camo on my next outdoor expedition with the guys!

  18. #18
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Wise words Susan. We are certainly different, but usally it is not necessary to create and either/or type of thinking about it. Although this rather different behavior we have is founded in genetics, it is not deterministic. It is likely the lion's share of this behavior is derived from environment and how we deal with that environment. The amount of gender reversal each person has is a blend of genetics, environmental influence, and simple choices. For those who need to transition the force of the genetic demands are so intense they can't do anything else. For the rest of us the behavior can be managed if they choose to, but it cannot be eliminated by management (no cure); making different choices without eliminating either gender forms that, in the context of the personal behavior continuum, are creatively blended together using management.

    Is that necessary? No, it is not, but it can make "real life" a lot more comfortable. In short, making compromises in the need for expression such that it complements the social expectations of being male. Not everyone can do that or wish to do that and that is fine. No matter what path one chooses there are unfavorable consequences that can sometimes be very damaging. I have been a depressive all my life and was suicidal several times, but I learned to manage it and keep it in the range of normal depression. Everybody gets depressed, but what that does to them is a management issue most of the time. For us, with good management we can enjoy both sides; the cisgender people can't do that without causing a lot of conflict, internal and external. In the end, we all do what we think is best, but if it is honestly not working to produce real happiness then management changes can often help balance things out better.

  19. #19
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
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    Lookng at the general drift of this thread, the real time sucking source of conflict seems to be, once again:

    drum roll, please.........

    Staying closeted.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  20. #20
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    Its not an either or situation. Once dressed, one is fully capable of all those presumably masculine, productive activities.
    The comparison is apples and onions. So, a woman spends getting made up and presentable. You could argue that she might have been changing the oil on her car or remodeling the bath...but is that personal time somehow less productive than presumably male time spent watching sports, reading porn or drinking beer?
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

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  21. #21
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    To paraphrase that song..."Anything He can do I can do better".
    I used to sacrifice his time to have my time, but no more. Once coming out to the wife I just do what needs to be done. The only sacrifice I make now is to wear men's clothes if I'm doing something that is a dirty job. I refuse to ruin my nice things for dirty work.
    Before I would steal the time, but it was more from doing things with my wife that she wanted to do so that I could have a few moments dressed. Now it's no longer necessary and we do even more together than we used to.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member sarah_hillcrest's Avatar
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    ellbee,

    To me this feeling you have as much less to do with cross dressing then you think. I know exactly how you feel and worry about it alot, way before I started cross dressing. I have a relative who in his 70s accomplishes more than I did in my 30s.

    Here's some questions. Lets say you suddenly loose interest in CD, where would all the time, energy and money that you've put into dressing go? Would you go out and buy half finished mansion to finish? Would you buy an old car to restore? Would you get into model trains?

    I've often wondered how my life would be different if I'd never been gifted/cursed with the many peculiarities I have. Would I have roofed my house myself instead of paying to get it done? Maybe I'd fallen off the roof and be paralyzed now. This line of what if thoughts is tempting because it places the blame for my shortcomings off me, but ultimately it's useless.

    When I'm honest with myself I know it's not my fetishes and cross dressing that have limited me, but instead it's just the fact that some of the things I want to achieve are hard work and I don't like hard work.

    There are many manly qualities that are positive, but there are plenty of manly men, who spend all their free time womanizing, gambling, and laying on the couch watching football while someone takes care of them.

    Ask yourself, is my cross dressing keeping me from anything that has to be done? Is it negatively impacting your happiness? Some people are genuinely happy when they are knee deep in rotten floor jousts, but that's not me LOL.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah_hillcrest View Post
    ellbee,
    To me this feeling you have as much less to do with cross dressing then you think. I know exactly how you feel and worry about it a lot, way before I started cross dressing. I have a relative who in his 70s accomplishes more than I did in my 30s.
    ...
    There are many manly qualities that are positive, but there are plenty of manly men, who spend all their free time womanizing, gambling, and laying on the couch watching football while someone takes care of them.
    I'm with Sarah on this. I think it's just general ennui (mods - it's a valid English word) ellbee "what have I achieved compared to this person". Most of us have achieved nothing compared to Sally Ride either (first US woman in space). And it's not because we wasted our time dressing. I have a male friend who spends most of his time on the couch watching sports while his wife is at work. I like to think I'm more productive than that guy at least

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    josie_s ... I have different thoughts on the makeover... if you were a GG everyone would think that was a perfectly valid way to de-stress and probably say good for you, looking after yourself. The fact that you have different stuff in your pants doesn't change that. It was a nice thing to do for yourself. However, you suspect that people won't get that, so you don't tell them. Fair enough.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    April, I don't think so.

    How I lived before I knew (was just a guy) and how I am now is night and day.

    As a guy, life was way more simple. I get my hands dirty, just wash them.

    Now I don't want to get dirty and I have to be careful not to mess up my nails or get scratched so it messes up my tan. Not to mention hair.

    Iife is different but I wouldn't say it is easier being out. Yes I wear what I like I guess and I don't have to hide.

    But I live in the real world and my friends are just normal people . So I can't run to the store without makeup as I never know who I might run into.

    There is no denying that as Jean I'm high maintenance.

    So yes being TG is different, good ,bad or whatever. Being out only changes the view.

  25. #25
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Ellbee, I work 60ish hours a week. CDing is my one true hobby. I don't see it as taking away from my man time, I see it as a break from man time.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

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