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Thread: CD'ing taking away from "man-time"?

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah_hillcrest View Post
    ellbee,
    To me this feeling you have as much less to do with cross dressing then you think. I know exactly how you feel and worry about it a lot, way before I started cross dressing. I have a relative who in his 70s accomplishes more than I did in my 30s.
    ...
    There are many manly qualities that are positive, but there are plenty of manly men, who spend all their free time womanizing, gambling, and laying on the couch watching football while someone takes care of them.
    I'm with Sarah on this. I think it's just general ennui (mods - it's a valid English word) ellbee "what have I achieved compared to this person". Most of us have achieved nothing compared to Sally Ride either (first US woman in space). And it's not because we wasted our time dressing. I have a male friend who spends most of his time on the couch watching sports while his wife is at work. I like to think I'm more productive than that guy at least

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    josie_s ... I have different thoughts on the makeover... if you were a GG everyone would think that was a perfectly valid way to de-stress and probably say good for you, looking after yourself. The fact that you have different stuff in your pants doesn't change that. It was a nice thing to do for yourself. However, you suspect that people won't get that, so you don't tell them. Fair enough.

  2. #27
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    If I had the money to fix up a half finished mansion the dressing wouldn't be stopping me. If you are spending that kind of money for crossdressing then you might have an issue and I don't mean the crossdressing. I will add it is your money and if you wish to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on something that's your choice whatever it is. If you are going out and wish to always look nice then it will be more money spent as well.

  3. #28
    Member Julie Martin's Avatar
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    Ellbee, I struggle with the same thoughts. My dressing is limited to once or twice a year, my choice (full-on all-day outings), but I "manage" this part of me with occasional visits here, and reading occasionally on blogs like Heidi Phox and other major leaque CD-ers..but there is definitely guilt involved because of the nature of this activity. When I go out on a 4-hr bike ride (on a Saturday), I feel no such guilt. I do have my SO's blessing to indulge the CD-ing when I feel the need, but I rein it in by choice. I guess we each need to find the balance that works for us.

    Dutchessit's great (for me anyway) to hear your reality check from a partner's perspective. You didn't sign up for this, and I can only imagine how tough it is to deal with discovering this about your husband/partner. From talking with others about this, even when there is acceptance, balance is a big issue..many CD's have lost their relationships when their wife gave an inch and they took a mile.

    Well..back to man-ville :-)

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
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    This thread really hits home. I get bored and loney and some times Dressing up fem just makes me feel better. Yes I rode motorcycles all my life. I drag raced them and cars and trucks. Not living home anymore has liberated me dress more. Will it calm down, I really don't know for sure. I need to find a woman that I can take care of and pamper, until then, I must concentrate on going on with my life without a negative person around

  5. #30
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    Here's my problem...yes it DOES take time away from doing normal man stuff. But the thing I regret most is that, since my wife is a non participant, I look forward to the times when she is away, and I hate, hate, hate to find myself wishing she would just go someplace for a day or so so that I could have some girl time.

  6. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by ellbee View Post
    *He* is using his time/money/energy/focus to do something positive with his life, to better his & his family's.

    But me? I'm busy getting all dolled-up, instead.

    What say ye?
    For me, they're the same. I need this balance in my life so that I can be great at my job and be a generally happy person. I would argue that's why most anyone has hobbies.

    My spouse was fine. Our marriage ended for reasons that had nothing to do with my CDing or gender fluidity, even if she is with a man's man now.

  7. #32
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    I didn't really have man time before I definitely I agree that it is more so when it is closeted. Every free moment along becomes a possible CD time instead of doing something else. Now that I dress as I wish a good portion of the time, even when I get alone time I see no need to have special CD time since I am usually already wearing something I like (might add a pair of heels if I haven't worn a pair in a while).

  8. #33
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Audrey,
    That isn't a nice situation , if you live with DADT it tends to get worse , I couldn't wait for my wife to step out the front door and she began to hate walking back in .
    The real me ,no going back.

  9. #34
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    I've the house to myself for reasons I'll not go into but when such evenings occur, it depends how much the desire to dress is. Tonight for example, it was striaght into girl mode as soom as got through the door.

    I've just done as I normally do in that I've done my normal jobs around the house. I've set the breakfast trays, done the dinner, packed a hold all for my day tomorrow, gone through paperwork and unblocked a sink.


    The only difference between normal and now is I'm fully dressed in women's clothes.

    Sue

  10. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by audreyinalbany View Post
    ... the thing I regret most is that, since my wife is a non participant, I look forward to the times when she is away, and I hate, hate, hate to find myself wishing she would just go someplace for a day or so so that I could have some girl time.
    I know your feelings. The last time I had an evening to myself was when my wife volunteered to babysit our grandchild at my daughter's apartment. That seemed like a gift horse. Today? My wife is staying overnight at a hospital recovering from knee surgery. I don't exactly feel like a gad, but, it is the only Stephanie time I will have for the foreseeable future. Oh, and I got plenty man things done after coming home from the evening visit.

  11. #36
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by audreyinalbany View Post
    and I hate, hate, hate to find myself wishing she would just go someplace for a day or so so that I could have some girl time.

    I know exactly what you're feeling.

    I won't get into all the details here, but about 15-20 years ago my ex-husband and I developed stress in our relationship and we didn't deal with it well at all. We didn't talk it out and find a compromise. Or rather, we did try to talk it out with several marital counselors but neither one of us would budge from our positions and were willing to compromise. It got to the point where I felt so much more comfortable with myself when he wasn't around and I began to look forward to him being away. This was the beginning of the end of my marriage. By the end of it, I spent the evenings at home in one room while he was in the other.

    Case in point, Teresa and wife are also separated now:
    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    I couldn't wait for my wife to step out the front door and she began to hate walking back in .
    My ex and I have both moved on with our lives, but we and our adult children continue to live with the damage caused by a broken family. It's just not the same at weddings, christenings, or other big events that we both need to attend, and the kids feel constantly pulled between including their father or mother for major holidays, or who should get the hotel room and who should get the guest room when we're both in the town where they live. When grandchildren come, I suspect it will be worse.

    If anyone ever tells you that it's better to separate and they're so much happier now, they're rationalizing or they're compartmentalizing. Or if they place all the blame on their wives, they're not taking responsibility for their own part in it. It's much better to find a way to not look forward to your wife's absence. Maybe you should be honest with her about how you feel and tell her that you don't want to look forward to her being gone, because you're genuinely worried about living with a big wedge in your relationship. I think that in your heart you know what I'm saying and I hope that you and your wife can resolve this.
    Last edited by ReineD; 01-22-2020 at 04:05 AM. Reason: fixed the question mark issue
    Reine

  12. #37
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Reine,
    We can never know for certain perhaps my TG issue was the straw that broke the camel's back. I do sincerly feel we are both happier , my wife was disapointed that we wouldn't enter old age together but can a relationship be based on that without anything to cement it together ? I can't blame anyone , I feel my wife is beating herself up enough, she knows what she's lost , even now her friends can't understand our separation .

    The point to remember is even if it can be resolved or not the World doesn't end , life goes on and on the whole time is a healer , my wife now rings me as a friend without exerting any pressure .
    The real me ,no going back.

  13. #38
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Yes, life does go on for everyone. There's no other choice, is there.

    But I don't want to glide over the fact that it is rather devastating for all family members (on different levels) when the family breaks up and the consequences are felt for a long, long time. Maybe not for the person who wanted the divorce but certainly for the others.
    Reine

  14. #39
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    Having blown up two long marriages, I can say one thing...no one is ever quite the same again. My latest ex may be happier...maybe not...but I know she has amassed a large and unpaid credit card debt. Take that for what it is. My first ex lives comfortably but in what I am sure for her is a difficult struggle with manic and depressive episodes. I carry a burden of regret that never relents completely. Maybe others can shrug it off and move on, but that seems not to be within me.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  15. #40
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Reine ,
    I agree we never know how deep it does affect some people , my son and daughter appear to be OK about it but we've never had the conversation .They may be supportive of us but we don't put them under any pressure to do so , we appreciate their lives must go on and we are still there for them . Our separation was as an amicable one , as much as it could be , the dust is settling but I admit it's naive to think no harm had been done but then it's a better solution for everyone than trying to soldier on in a difficult marriage .

    Kim,
    Personally I don't feel I shrugged it off , I'm content I did my best for everyone , they all still respect me for that , I'm wondering if they actually respect me now for being honest about my TG issues , my wife said only the other night in a phone call that she can't beleive how brave I am , to her it must look like that but I'm over all that , I'm just living my life now .
    Last edited by Teresa; 01-22-2020 at 03:33 PM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  16. #41
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    I can say one thing...no one is ever quite the same again.
    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    I carry a burden of regret that never relents completely.
    Me too, even though I love my SO and we are happy together. My SO feels the same way about his ex. Humans are complex; we are capable of experiencing many emotions at the same time, even if we think these emotions should conflict. They do not.

    I again want to say to Aubrey that I understand feeling bad about wanting your wife out of the house. Trust your gut. I sincerely hope you'll be able to change this.
    Reine

  17. #42
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by audreyinalbany View Post
    the thing I regret most is that, since my wife is a non participant, I look forward to the times when she is away
    I was thinking about this and how dadt makes our wives seem like some kind of gatekeeper and how we come to detest that dynamic and wish they would go away more often. That is not a good situation to be in so in that respect crossdressing or wherever we are individually in that spectrum robs something from us. Sometimes I feel like a teenager hiding magazines under my mattress afraid that our mother is going to find them. It's a tough spot to be in but in defense of our SO's unless we realized this about ourselves and made it known it's a difficult situation. Someone could have asked me at 30 and even though I had dressed and thought about being a woman for years I dismissed it as how all guys thought sometimes and pushed it into the background. Now I can see that I'm one of those seniors who retired and has a lot of time and doesn't have to work and it's hitting me hard as a result.

  18. #43
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    We have to do whatever we have to do, to get through the day. Life can be really miserable sometimes, and transforming myself into someone more feminine is an escape from all that negative nonsense.
    Wear what you want, when you want, because you want to do it, because it makes you feel better. No excuse needed.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

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