Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 27

Thread: If only I had known.

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Posts
    32

    Red face If only I had known.

    If I had known at the age of 9 or 10 what I know now, my life would probably have taken a different course. That was the age at which I began to experiment with my mom and sisters under garments. These opportunities were very far and few between. I didn't know why, still don't, but I knew that I liked it. Of course with the advent of the internet and forums like this one, I am much more knowledgeable. My parents didn't understand why I didn't enjoy the rough and tumble sports and activities that my two brothers did. I preferred to read and, if truth be known, play with my sisters dolls. As a young adult I would have probably sought out counseling and moved in a different direction. At this point in my life it would be very unfair to my family to do anything outward. I will have to settle for my collection of panties, slips, bras, etc. I'm in a DADT relationship with my wife. She knows that I wear panties everyday and enjoy wearing slips and bras. She tolerates it but does not encourage it. I don't flaunt it in front of her but she sees my lingerie in the wash every day. As far as I know my kids, friends, etc have no earthly idea about this side of me. Unless my wife has shared it with her best friend no one else knows. Being able to talk and share my thoughts on this forum is like a breath of fresh air for me. In 60+ years of crossdressing I've never talked to anyone. Sorry for rambling a bit here. Thanks for listening.

  2. #2
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    3,018
    talk to some one a counselor would be a good choice. You'll feel better about yourself and learn to accept and enjoy CDing
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    11,544
    Victoria,
    Welcome to the forum .

    It is good to talk , somehow most of us over the years need an outlet , you've found a safe place to chat to like minded people .

    I'm a couple of years older but never say never , counselling can help at any age if you still have unanswered questions or need some guidance for the next step . Some can live with DADT and some can't I felt it was a series of short term compromises where the goal posts never stood still . I'm in a happier place being full time but at the cost of my marriage but one thing I've discovered is the World doesn't end , people knowing isn't half as bad as you think , at some point you have to think about you .

    As for knowing in hindsight , I still question how different would my life would have been , it wasn't all bad .
    Last edited by Teresa; 01-23-2020 at 01:40 PM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  4. #4
    Seňora Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    3,888
    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria1 View Post
    If I had known at the age of 9 or 10 what I know now,...At this point in my life it would be very unfair to my family to do anything outward.
    Our stories are quite similar. I also discovered my true self at about that age. My parents sent me to all kinds of therapy, but all I learned from therapy was how dangerous (and "wrong") it was to be my true self. That lead to a lifetime of denial and self loathing...

    Now I am in my 50's, I raised a family, own my home, have a 30+ year career with the same company.

    I did all the things a man is supposed to do, and you know what?

    Now it's MY TURN!
    Last edited by Robertacd; 01-22-2020 at 02:57 PM.

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Posts
    32
    I know what you mean. There was absolutely no way that I could share this with my parents as a child. If I could just get my wife on board with my desire to wear slips, and/or bras under my regular clothes. I like to sleep in nighties, which I do when I travel. I have several sets of matching nighties and panties. I would like to be able to lounge around in the evening with my slip and panties. I have less of a desire to wear women's outer clothes although I really like the looks of a short pleated skirt, with hose, and a nice blouse...

  6. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Almost the Great White North...
    Posts
    20,673
    If only...perhaps things would have been different. Knowing what I know now might have made some difference in how I felt about myself for all those past decades, but knowledge alone would not have changed the society of the times, the way transgender people were viewed and the treatment they could expect from others.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  7. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Nr London UK
    Posts
    426
    Hi Victoria
    This all sounds so familiar. I showed interest when I was a teenager but suppressed it for many years until about 7 or 8 years ago (I am in my early 70s). I can manage with DADT for now, but who knows what may lie ahead. Good luck to you.
    Vikky
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Adventure before dementia

  8. #8
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Orange County, California
    Posts
    2,877
    Victoria, how did your wife learn of your dressing desires?

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    11,544
    Victoria,
    She may or may not accept that level of dressing but her fear is possibly how much more will you want , to me the golden rule is never make a promise you can't keep , we can never be sure what our limit is , the tendency for a CDer is wanting more . You may not have too much of a need to wear outer clothes unless you get an opportunity to go out even for a few minutes , the pull for many is overwhelming , it's a huge step which puts us on a huge high .

    You may deny this but don't forget so many of us have lived this , I never dreamt I would be where I am now .
    The real me ,no going back.

  10. #10
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    6,771
    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    it's a huge step which puts us on a huge high.
    ^This seems to be a widely held misunderstanding. Not all of us get a 'high', or any excitement at all, from dressing up as female.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Madison AL
    Posts
    2,460
    I kept my desires unnamed for almost 60 years. I did occasionally sneak a wear here and there but I did not connect it to anything. It was after my petite 95 lb wife passed away while I was sorting out her clothes, that I soon developed a like for some of her few items I could wear. She was half my weight and 10" shorter. Frilly Square Dance pettipants. It was another six or seven years before I put a label on it, Cross Dressing.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    A Southern Belle Hippo in a Tutu. If you see a man in female clothes, he might be happy, but it does not mean he is gay.

  12. #12
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    7,231
    It's pointless to think about what might have been. If I had known then what I know now, I would have invested in Microsoft!

    Looking back, many seemingly small events or decisions have made big changes in my life. I wouldn't change any of them at this point.
    Krisi

  13. #13
    Seňora Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    3,888
    Have to agree with miss on this one.

    That excitement went away by the time I was in my 20's, after that dressing just made me feel right.

    Also that need for more and more went away when I came out. I firmly believe that the hording that seems all too common in our community is caused by being in the closet and denying yourself.

  14. #14
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    s.nj near Berlin
    Posts
    3,141
    Lexi, I think Teresa was talking about the first time leaving the house fully dressed, and maybe a few times after, stepping into the unknown. Not wearing female clothes as a rule, the only "high" I get from expressing myself is from the amount of hairspray I use in an enclosed space. It's perfectly normal for some CDers to only enjoy certain items of clothing in the privacy of their own home. Please feel free to vent here when you feel the need, there is no law that says you have to go further in you dressing if you don't want to.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  15. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    11,149
    I have to concur with Roberta and Miss. Yes, at one time there was a "high." But that quickly faded into self loathing and disgust with myself. How could or why would a teenager fall into such depravity. I am half a decade older than Victoria. There was a time when I felt nothing more than liking the feel of nylon. That was before puberty when sex did not exist in the world of the 1950's. Puberty came along and hormones raged. Lingerie probably was viewed as some sort of "sex aid" while doing what many teenage boys did.

    I never went to counseling. I suffered through the turmoil. If there was counseling back in the 1960's I wonder if I would have been further damaged being told I was a pervert. Sexual identity issues were engraved in granite. You were either a man or a woman and you did what a man or woman would do. All I heard about men who wore women's clothing was they were homosexuals and subject to ridicule and assault and ferreted out by the government as security risks.

    I guess, if I had half a brain and loathing in disgust, I could have mentioned this interest when I was down for my pre-induction physical at Fort Hamilton, Brooklyn. Then I could have avoided all that manly stuff I did in the army.

    If I had known then what I know now I don't think much would be different. Full acceptance is vastly overrated otherwise I would be wearing anything I wanted whenever I wanted.

    Victoria, once upon a time when my wife and I were newly married there was some bedroom play with lingerie and hosiery until a link was drawn between that and being a cross dresser. Until then it was just a little "kinky" thing with benefits for both. I still have a lovely pink peignoir we bought together in the early 1970's. Kind of like an old teddy bear now.

  16. #16
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    2,892
    Ironically I dated a girl who I couldn't get the nerve to tell her about my crossdressing. After I lost her while I was in depression years later I remembered what she had told me. She told me a story about her dad which I think was a way of telling me her dad was a crossdresser. If I had only put it together back then. I do have a tolerant wife that accepts me. She does wish I didn't CD but so do I. We have a strong loving marriage. I did tell her about my CDing early in our dating.

  17. #17
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Posts
    32
    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Victoria,
    She may or may not accept that level of dressing but her fear is possibly how much more will you want , to me the golden rule is never make a promise you can't keep , we can never be sure what our limit is , the tendency for a CDer is wanting more . You may not have too much of a need to wear outer clothes unless you get an opportunity to go out even for a few minutes , the pull for many is overwhelming , it's a huge step which puts us on a huge high .

    You may deny this but don't forget so many of us have lived this , I never dreamt I would be where I am now .
    You raise a good point Teresa. Given free reign I don't know where this might lead.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny22 View Post
    Victoria, how did your wife learn of your dressing desires?
    Shortly after we were married we were getting dressed and I asked her why she never wore a particular pair of bikini panties in her drawer. She said that they were not comfortable. I said that I didn't see how this could be. She tossed them to me and said, here see for yourself. That's how it started. I have never told her that I had worn women's underwear prior to that.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Sallee View Post
    talk to some one a counselor would be a good choice. You'll feel better about yourself and learn to accept and enjoy CDing
    Good advice Sallee. I had never considered it before. Thanks.

  18. #18
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Southeast WI.
    Posts
    1,438
    I have always said "If I had known at the age of 9 or 10 what I know now" the internet is the difference. This is a great site to let your feeling out and see that your not alone.

  19. #19
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    1,456
    Hi Victoria

    Your story is very common to many of us here. Reaching a point where you put away the need to understand why you desire this is also common. Do your best to open communication with your wife. This forum is a great place to share your feelings. Welcome and best wishes.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  20. #20
    Member Star01's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    257
    Welcome Victoria1. My circumstances are very close to yours with the exception that I wash my things separate, a small detail. My earliest thoughts about being a girl and first experience dressing date back to the early 60's and I dismissed it as an annoying kink until a recent "ah, ha" moment when I realized this obsession has been following me and laying dormant between episodes for my entire life.

    I am 68 and my first therapy session starts tomorrow. I'm approaching it with the idea of keeping it compartmentalized and not putting fifty years of hard work and family in jeaprody. I don't know how successful I will be or what further steps I will be compelled to take.

    I appreciate this forum and how much I have been able to learn here. It's not an official source of information to base our personal choices on but served as a sounding board and source of encouragement when we have nowhere else to turn.

  21. #21
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Utah, north of West Jordan, south of North Salt Lake & west of South Salt Lake
    Posts
    3,647
    Victoria,

    There is so much healing power in being able to share common experiences. We spend years and years questioning our choices and actions/inactions only to find out we have followed so many others down the same wide path. For those of a certain age, the senior members of this community, I think it's important to reflect on the fact that as we grew up we didn't even have honest, clear or respectable language available to talk about what we were feeling. That was all developed after we had been convinced what we felt was wrong and needed to be hidden away. It takes time to get a handle on all that, so take your time.

    As for your family situation I understand completely the desire to shield them from anything that might distract from critical life issues. However, being comfortable with who you are helps you be a better participant in those efforts. And one more side note. My kids discovered my "secret" well before my wife and they never mentioned it until I came out to them years after their discovery. Yeah, they were sneaky but bright and showed amazing respect, so you may have allies that you don't know you have yet.

    Good luck and be patient as this flower blooms in your life.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001872677630

  22. #22
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    11,544
    Lisa,
    Yes you are correct , that high is long gone for me but it is part of my past like I'm sure it is fro many others .

    Victoria,
    You're welcome .
    The real me ,no going back.

  23. #23
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    1,472
    Hi Victoria, You are not the only one, that's what is great about this place! Thanks for sharing.

  24. #24
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Madison AL
    Posts
    2,460
    I found a section in the book White Dove were the writer Catherine L Knowles, a friend of mine, talks about how men think and women think. She says "men keep things sorted in boxes (compartmentalized) and will work in one box until the job is done. Were as woman put everything in one box and try to work on everything as they come to them."
    We CDers do some of each.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    A Southern Belle Hippo in a Tutu. If you see a man in female clothes, he might be happy, but it does not mean he is gay.

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    East Yorkshire UK
    Posts
    586
    hello Victoria,
    your story sounds like many crossdressers of a certain age who like me thought that we were the only people in the world that for some unknown reason like to wear women's clothes.
    Thanks to the internet and this forum I now know that being different is normal!
    And I am thankful that today's young people hopefully live in more enlightened and compassionate times.
    luv J

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State