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Thread: I just told my wife I am a Cross Dresser

  1. #1
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    I just told my wife I am a Cross Dresser

    I was txting with my wife online and I said I have something to tell you when you come home. She asked if I could tell her now. I said I can however, you will find it shocking. She said okay.

    So I told her I was a cross dresser. She said "Well that is a bit shocking, but ok. I'm not mad."

    She then asked me would I go to clubs dressed up. Is it something I miss doing. I said yes to both.

    Followed with "So where do you want to go from here? Are you telling me in hopes of getting back into it?" I said "Sometimes yes. Not around our children. Not around children in general."

    "Do you want to do this permanently." To which I said no just every now and again.

    She said "if you feel like it is something I need to do for me, then we can talk about to carry it out."

    She said loves me and does not want me to suppress who I am for her.

    I said I am neither gay nor transsexual and that I like being a man.

    She went on to say the thinks I am an exceptional father and husband. I said the same about her being a mother and wife. etc etc.


    Generally speaking she wants to be supportive although does not really understand CDing. Where this will go I don't know. I said to her you can expect to go through a whole range of emotions dealing with this. I said I am okay with you telling whomever you feel you need to speak to.

    So we will see how this goes. I feel good having told her. She said she was happy that I felt I could talk to her.

    Phew. I believe telling her was the right to do and am glad I did.
    Just another man in a dress

  2. #2
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Sounds like a good start but you should consider having a open and honest face to face discussion with your wife. Not easy but it can be helpful. Hoping for a good outcome for both of you.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  3. #3
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teri Ray View Post
    Sounds like a good start but you should consider having a open and honest face to face discussion with your wife. Not easy but it can be helpful. Hoping for a good outcome for both of you.
    I absolutely will have an open face to face when she returns. She would not have it any other way. She will have all kinds of questions I am sure. Her vacation is over on Thursday.
    Just another man in a dress

  4. #4
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Kitty, I hope that long term this continues to go well for both of you.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  5. #5
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    It's a bold move. I'm happy that it seems to be working out for you. Good luck.

  6. #6
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alwayshave View Post
    Kitty, I hope that long term this continues to go well for both of you.
    I hope so too. We shall see as time goes by. I know she means well, but I know she also really likes her manly men. She has known me as a former soldier and merchant mariner. So interesting times ahead I think.

    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria1 View Post
    It's a bold move. I'm happy that it seems to be working out for you. Good luck.
    Thanks. I hope this well go okay. We shall see.
    Just another man in a dress

  7. #7
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    As I recall from your earlier post, she was aware that you had cross dressed in the past and that you had enjoyed the experience, correct?

    Nonetheless, It is good to hear that she is open to being supportive of you. You have laid the groundwork for mutually fulfilling arrangement. Best wishes to you both.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  8. #8
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    i wish my girlfriend was as understanding...

  9. #9
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    Kitty, you said, "Generally speaking she wants to be supportive although does not really understand CDing." It's time for both of you to see a gender therapist. She needs to become more informed and more comfortable with it.

  10. #10
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    Tough conversation to have but I like your way of you telling your wife as opposed to my way which was to have my wife tell me I was a cross dresser when she found me out, that didn’t end well

    I hope your honesty gives you both a good solution to work with, it will be good to know how you progress

  11. #11
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    As I recall from your earlier post, she was aware that you had cross dressed in the past and that you had enjoyed the experience, correct?

    Nonetheless, It is good to hear that she is open to being supportive of you. You have laid the groundwork for mutually fulfilling arrangement. Best wishes to you both.
    I told her before we married I had cross dressed once with some fellow army buddies. So probably not the same as what I told her today.

    Quote Originally Posted by Allyssa66 View Post
    i wish my girlfriend was as understanding...
    It's difficult and I have not a clue what the future holds. Sometime in the future she may have a different view. We will see.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny22 View Post
    Kitty, you said, "Generally speaking she wants to be supportive although does not really understand CDing." It's time for both of you to see a gender therapist. She needs to become more informed and more comfortable with it.
    Sounds like a great idea really.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachel05 View Post
    Tough conversation to have but I like your way of you telling your wife as opposed to my way which was to have my wife tell me I was a cross dresser when she found me out, that didn?t end well

    I hope your honesty gives you both a good solution to work with, it will be good to know how you progress
    Thankyou. If she had caught me, things would have been explosive and she, rightly, would have been really upset.
    Just another man in a dress

  12. #12
    Member DianaPrince's Avatar
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    Such great news! So happy for both of you.

  13. #13
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    U left out the bi part, Kitty Sue.

    I hope that doesn't become an issue down the line!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  14. #14
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DianaPrince View Post
    Such great news! So happy for both of you.
    Thank you. Be interesting to see what the future holds.
    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    U left out the bi part, Kitty Sue.

    I hope that doesn't become an issue down the line!
    You are correct. I think I need to tell her that face to face. She had enough concerns over be being a cross dresser. She was asking if it meant I still wanted to be with her or not. Or whether I was gay or a transsexual. I had to explain to her I only want to be with her, and that I am a man. I like being a man. I don't want to transition to become a woman full time. I thought that was enough. When see her face to face I can explain the rest.
    Just another man in a dress

  15. #15
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    If you really only want to be with her I am not sure you should get into talking about being bi. That could lead her to think you do not want to be with just her. It could be TMI at this point.
    Crissy

  16. #16
    Junior Member Dressing up's Avatar
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    Kitty,

    There are plenty of threads here, as you probably know, that advise against coming on too strong when a SO shows a receptive response. I would let your wife process the whole situation on her own timeline before you explore too much freedom. Sounds like you have someone who really loves you, make sure to let her know how important she is to you.

    Best of luck
    DU

  17. #17
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
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    Hey, a great response for the most part. Congrats!

  18. #18
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    Take it VERY slow. An SOs support can turn on a dime. Not that it will, but it can, as others can attest. Sometimes an SO will initially claim support, because she feels a deep need to support her husband, even if she is really sickened inside by it. Again, not necessarily your case, but it happens.

  19. #19
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crissy 107 View Post
    If you really only want to be with her I am not sure you should get into talking about being bi. That could lead her to think you do not want to be with just her. It could be TMI at this point.
    Interistingly she brought up last night to me whether I considered myself bi, straight or gay. I said I consider myself most likely bi. With a preference for women but guys are not far behind. I said in saying that I am definitely not gay, and I would say definitely not straight looking at past.
    She said "if you ever want to sleep with a man would you tell me."
    I said "yes. In that case I would also tell you if I was going to cheat with a woman. All being bi does is open up more possibilities."
    She said, "but a man can give you something I can't."
    I said "so can a different woman."
    I went on to say "if you cheated on me it could with a man who is funnier, stronger, richer, a different race etc." I said "If I was going to cheat, "it would not because I am bi necessarily."
    I said "I love you, I don't want to be with anybody else."

    Quote Originally Posted by Dressing up View Post
    Kitty,

    There are plenty of threads here, as you probably know, that advise against coming on too strong when a SO shows a receptive response. I would let your wife process the whole situation on her own timeline before you explore too much freedom. Sounds like you have someone who really loves you, make sure to let her know how important she is to you.

    Best of luck
    DU
    I think you are right. She really does love me. She bit off a lot with me. T
    Quote Originally Posted by HelpMe,Rhonda View Post
    Hey, a great response for the most part. Congrats!
    I thought so too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV View Post
    Take it VERY slow. An SOs support can turn on a dime. Not that it will, but it can, as others can attest. Sometimes an SO will initially claim support, because she feels a deep need to support her husband, even if she is really sickened inside by it. Again, not necessarily your case, but it happens.
    I absolutely agree with you. I have seen enough threads here to realize that could happen. I told her this is not something that will be easy to accept. I said you may go through a whole range of emotions and at the end of it you may not be able to live with it. She said would be willing to dress around her. I said not right now. I said I think slow is good.


    Thank you everybody for your support.
    Just another man in a dress

  20. #20
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Kitty Sue, Looking at your post, #19, you may be stepping into a minefield, tread carefully.
    Crissy

  21. #21
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crissy 107 View Post
    Kitty Sue, Looking at your post, #19, you may be stepping into a minefield, tread carefully.
    I know you are right. When she brought it up last night I almost said no. I thought about it and decided I am tired of covering up who I am. She deserves the information she asked for IMO. I have no control over her. If she ends our marriage over this that I her choice. In saying that she would do so out of fear not because I have cheated on her.
    Just another man in a dress

  22. #22
    Woman in the making Mickitv's Avatar
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    Sounds like a great start Hope and pray it works out for you

  23. #23
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    At this point I suggest you keep talking, as a way to regain her trust.

    Marion

  24. #24
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Congratulations! It's really wonderful your wife is accepting and supportive. Just take it slow and give her time to digest the news.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

  25. #25
    3dxchat User JuliaGirl's Avatar
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    So lucky, Kitty. Congrats on the courage and the support. I expect I will take my secret life as Julia to my grave (making sure to leave behind a note with my hidden stash of clothing to explain).
    Closeted for 45 years, so please take any advice I might offer with a massive dose of reality.
    Julia xo

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