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Thread: I am out

  1. #1
    Junior Member JessicasRabbit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012

    I am out

    It's time for me to be who I am rather than who I am supposed to be.
    - Thor *Avengers: Endgame*

    Sit back. This is a read.

    This weekend, I started by feeling kind of low. By the end, it was BIG!
    I went to a drag show Saturday night; they are my go-to excuse to dress and walk amongst the muggles. I was planning on going for a while now. By Saturday morning everyone that said would go had backed out leaving me going solo. I was feeling down and started to feel like staying home myself. But, I already had a hair appointment. I didn't want to leave the lady hanging. So I got dressed up, went got my hair done and eventually made it to the show...alone. The show was great as they always are. Later, toward the end of the show, the hostess (we've been Facebook friends for a while) invited me to sit at their table with her boyfriend. I was too shy to move. There were only a couple of performances left anyway.
    Afterward, the crowd mingled with the performers. I came across the hostess with her boyfriend and she introduced me and complimented on my look and that I ALWAYS look fabulous. Then she blew me away with THE best compliment ever. She told me that she couldn't clock me! She introduced me to other performers and they commented similarly.

    Sunday, I was a little boosted by Saturday night's comments but still a little low. By noon, I had made a HUGE decision. I had drafted a coming out 'manifesto' quite ago that. I have been tweaking it over time. I pasted this along with a selfie from Saturday into Facebook. I stared at the 'post' button for a long time before actually clicking it.
    Delete post?
    It's out there. Let's see what happens.
    It's "Facebook official" now. My world knows...

    The responses were emotionally overwhelming. They were ALL positive and full of encouragement. There was no negativity. What surprised me and some other relatives was the open support from my military brothers.

    Below is what I posted with the selfie;

    ALL negative responses WILL result in immediate removal and block from my friends list.* I won?t apologize for that #sorrynotsorry* It will say for sure who really IS my friend, and who is not.

    Those around me have noticed that I often wear pink clothes and that my fingernails are often painted.* There are times that it is more than that.* More noticeable, my two previous profile pics that split homme and femme presentation.

    I am a crossdresser.* I don't consider myself "trans."* There is much debate where we fall. But some say that it is under that "T" umbrella.

    I've been doing this for about 10 years, almost exclusively at home.* So I am still the same person most of you know.

    Yesterday was my third adventure out "into the wild."

    To answer some of the most common first questions;

    Do I want to become a woman?

    **** No - I am happy with ME. I am accepting this more and more.

    Do you have a shot?

    **** No - if you are reading this, I probably already know how ****ed up you are.

    Am I a drag queen?

    **** No ? Nothing against them AT ALL. Drag is more performance centered. I do admire their craft and confidence to be different.

    Do I want to be called ma?am?

    **** No - however it IS entertaining.* I have been included in a "ladies" remark while in drab.

    Do I want to use the ladies restroom?

    **** I am really not sure where I'd feel most comfortable.* I don't go out much en femme.* I try to purge my bladder before hand and not drink much so I avoid the situation altogether.

    Nothing is going to really change about me.* Maybe you'll see me out differently, maybe you won't; you've been warned.

    ?So it is Written, So it Shall be Done:?

  2. #2
    Soccer Mom in Training MsEva's Avatar
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    Aug 2005
    Love it! So happy for your.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Virginia USA
    Jessica, You did it, all done, and I think you did a wonderful job with your post. You laid the ground rules and you will find who your friends are. My guess is you will keep most of them.
    I think you look terrific!

  4. #4
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Excellent. Amazing and through Facebook too! I
    am very impressed.
    Just another man in a dress

  5. #5
    Somewhere in-between. Krea's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Kent, England
    Jessica, i really admire the decision you have made.
    The way you have gone about this is awesome. A bold, unapologetic statement of who you are which encourages kind support and honest interest, but weeds-out any haters.
    I hope that this approach works for you. As you rightly say, those who have a problem with you aren't friends anyway.
    Btw, your photo' is wonderful.
    Best wishes.
    "Welcome to my scene.
    A place that's in-between.
    Where the squares fit the rounds."
    (Lyrics by Queensryche)

  6. #6
    Member missjoann49's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    central Ma
    Jessica, You made the right decision and now it's out there
    Now that you have gone out it will get easier as time goes on
    Best wishes to you

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    NJ/Philly area
    That's so wonderful! You are an inspiration to me. Thank you so much for posting. (You look beautiful by the way. I couldn't clock you either!)

  8. #8
    Junior Member JessicasRabbit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Thank you for your wonderful comments, ladies!

    ALL comments on my Facebook post have been full of support and positivity so far. I haven't had any negative response to it. I did note a "loss" of 4 "friends," however. I didn't conduct any before/after inventory, just made a mental note of the number of friends.

  9. #9
    New Member from Scotland paulinescotlandcd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Paisley, Scotland
    Nicely done I have to say, power to you.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    It is needed a lot of courage to do what you did.
    Can I ask, why you did it? Planning to spend more time as you say on the quotation that's you? Final, why you dont consider yourself trans?

    Last edited by Devi SM; 01-29-2020 at 03:42 PM.
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  11. #11
    Member luuv2dress's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    its wonderful that you've been able to express yourself and much better that you have people standing by you. congratulations on being free

  12. #12
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Midwest U.S.
    You have more guts than i do.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN. See my photos and videos on FLICKR - Alice Longstems.

  13. #13
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    North Carolina
    Congrats on your big step out! Congrats on the positive response! I am trans and have not gone that far! I have thought about it but have not gone there yet! I want my official name change first! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  14. #14
    Member MeshelleCD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Diamond Bar which is in Southern California
    Great post. Being a huge Harry Potter nerd myself, I really liked this particular sentence.

    Quote Originally Posted by JessicasRabbit View Post
    I went to a drag show Saturday night; they are my go-to excuse to dress and walk amongst the muggles.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member DeniseNJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    South NJ
    Good for you Jessica, Yes It is a bummer going out alone. I am in the same boat BUT like you I say Hey it's time to be happy. Life is short so it you get the chance to make yourself happy do it. I have yet to come out on Facebook That took bravery. You look great BTW I am like you somewhat , I have been painting my nails for the past 4 months now. I would die if someone caught me with my nails done I sometimes wear a feminine top and I just like the way I feel. We are who we are !!!
    Last edited by DeniseNJ; 01-30-2020 at 06:48 PM.

  16. #16
    3dxchat User JuliaGirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Southern Ontario
    Wow, how amazing and powerful. So, so happy for you and the support you are getting. Made me kind of weepy this morning.
    Closeted for 45 years, so please take any advice I might offer with a massive dose of reality.
    Julia xo

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    UK - The Midlands
    I love the way you did this and to be honest I am suprised more dont do it this way, very brave well done.

    Q and A part was great idea, especially as I relate to most the answers you put.

  18. #18
    Junior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Feb 2017
    This is owning it. I love the FAQ, it answers typical questions that some of your friends may have wanted to ask without daring to.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member JocelynJames's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Gardner , MA
    Late to this party , but congratulations . I can?t say at this time I am brave enough to do the same. I?m not sure I will ever be. So cool you can just be you.
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  20. #20
    New Member Brianne_M's Avatar
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    Feb 2020
    Very nicely done and congrats! Its good to see the amount of support like that. Best wishes to your future!!

  21. #21
    New Member
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    Jan 2020
    Lookin Faaaaabulous ❤️

  22. #22
    Junior Member JessicasRabbit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Thanks, everyone, for the continued support!
    I don't consider myself trans in that it's only the clothes and, more recently, makeup for me. That is very infrequent. Sometimes I will dress days at a time. I also go periods of time between; weeks, months, even as much as a year between.
    The biggest driving factor of my coming out has been that my wife of nearly 15 years decided to abandon our marriage recently. I don't know her headspace in the situation. I don't know who she might have told or what she might have told them. Rather than let that eat at me (I have a bad habit of dwelling on things), I took charge of that and let my world know more of me. All comments have been positive and supportive so far. I didn't take a detailed inventory of my friends list before, just a mental note of the number, but 4 "friends" excused themselves around the time of my initial post.

  23. #23
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    just west of syracuse n.y.
    Good for you Jessica. You go girl.

  24. #24
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Well done, sister! You are now officially FREE! I love the assertivemess you demonstrated with the Facebook post. Take me or leave me. And the result is awesome.


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