Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: What will wife call me after I have MTF reassignment surgery in a month

  1. #1
    New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    9

    What will wife call me after I have MTF reassignment surgery in a month

    My wife doesn?t know what to call me as she is not a lesbian and will not call me partner, or spouse, or husband after the MTF surgery. We have gone through a year of counseling and says she is not planning to leave as we are both older and love each other. What do other people in the same situation call their regendered spouse.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Banning, east of Los Angeles.
    Posts
    2,571
    I don't know your name but why don't call you by your name?
    I imagine that at this moment you already got a female name.
    May be her problem is to say to the world you were her hus and and now you're not? At this point, I agree with a lot of people here that doesn't like labels, so your name would be enough. After all, how many times we are knowing. Ew people and have to introduce our spouse?
    So for me, two options, just to use your name, if people would go deeper and inquire about relationship, you're a couple, period, but I insist the she is just arguing something against and that's understandable, just give her time. If you, both, had reached the point still together near to the surgery and still committed to keep something will naturally come out.
    My congrats on your near surgery and wish you the best.
    Please congrats your wife for still being with you after all I imagine she has passed on, my wife is in the same journey... mho.
    Devi
    HRT 042018; Full time 032019
    Orchiectomy 062020; gender& name legal changed 102020
    Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
    Breast augmentation surgery 012022
    GCS 072022; BBL 022023; GCS revision 04203;END TRANSITION

  3. #3
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    San Francisco Area
    Posts
    11,686
    For people that both of you already know it probably doesn't matter and I agree with Devi, your first name (feminine?) should work just fine because they will already know the type of relationship you are in. For others she could use housemate referring to someone who shares the house but not the bedroom. "My friend (first name)", "This is (first name)". I also agree to just give her time. Your GCS is major for you for obvious reasons and for her because it means that the sexual part of her husband has changed permanently. Saying that you are a woman is one thing. But doing something so major is another and a definite nail in the coffin for your past self. She will have a lot to mentally and emotionally deal with and that will probably take her time to get through it all. Maybe in teh future she will want to call you her partner, best friend, significant other (SO), or something else. Good luck on your surgery and give her words of encouragement from all your supporters here.

    Allie

  4. #4
    Reality Check
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    8,842
    There will be occasions where she has to identify you as something, not just by your name. Partner, wife, friend, roommate, lover, the list goes on and on. It has to be something you're both comfortable with.

    I would think with you having MTF surgery and living as a woman, what to call you would be the least of your worries. Since you two are married now and plan to stay married, "spouse" is probably the most accurate. "Wife" would also be accurate.
    Krisi

  5. #5
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Jo,
    I appreciate this does raise a problem but at least your wife is considering her options , personally I can't see anything wrong with partner , that doesn't suggest gender . While you don't reveal your name does she have a problem with using it assuming you have a femme name at the moment .

    Even without surgery my wife had given me the talk about not being a lesbian , I can't see why wives have a problem with that within the privacy of their own home .

  6. #6
    Reality Check
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    8,842
    Often, when going to doctor or hospital, there is a form to fill out identifying who else can receive information about your medical condition (or make medical decisions if that becomes necessary). There will be a place for the name and a place to specify the relationship to the patient. You and your wife need to think about this ahead of time.
    Krisi

  7. #7
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Utah, north of West Jordan, south of North Salt Lake & west of South Salt Lake
    Posts
    3,832
    Your wife is already amazing, loving and strong as she has seen you through everything to this moment. She has been forced into her own transition and I don't envy anyone that kind of burden where they have to question their own identity to stay in a loving relationship. But her strength and love appear to be strong enough to weather this semantic storm and will come up with something. She could even take advantage of the younger folks and in social situations refer to you as her BFF while listing you as spouse on any legal paperwork. Good luck with the surgery and recovery.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  8. #8
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Boston Area
    Posts
    4,099
    A classic term that might help is "companion."
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    23,676
    Companion has a lovely, poetic sound to it.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  10. #10
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greater Houston
    Posts
    3,041
    I believe that it was the U.S. Census Bureau that came up with "significant other".
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State