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Thread: What will wife call me after I have MTF reassignment surgery in a month

  1. #1
    New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    What will wife call me after I have MTF reassignment surgery in a month

    My wife doesn?t know what to call me as she is not a lesbian and will not call me partner, or spouse, or husband after the MTF surgery. We have gone through a year of counseling and says she is not planning to leave as we are both older and love each other. What do other people in the same situation call their regendered spouse.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Oct 2015
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    I don't know your name but why don't call you by your name?
    I imagine that at this moment you already got a female name.
    May be her problem is to say to the world you were her hus and and now you're not? At this point, I agree with a lot of people here that doesn't like labels, so your name would be enough. After all, how many times we are knowing. Ew people and have to introduce our spouse?
    So for me, two options, just to use your name, if people would go deeper and inquire about relationship, you're a couple, period, but I insist the she is just arguing something against and that's understandable, just give her time. If you, both, had reached the point still together near to the surgery and still committed to keep something will naturally come out.
    My congrats on your near surgery and wish you the best.
    Please congrats your wife for still being with you after all I imagine she has passed on, my wife is in the same journey... mho.
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @devi-sm
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    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  3. #3
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    San Francisco Area
    For people that both of you already know it probably doesn't matter and I agree with Devi, your first name (feminine?) should work just fine because they will already know the type of relationship you are in. For others she could use housemate referring to someone who shares the house but not the bedroom. "My friend (first name)", "This is (first name)". I also agree to just give her time. Your GCS is major for you for obvious reasons and for her because it means that the sexual part of her husband has changed permanently. Saying that you are a woman is one thing. But doing something so major is another and a definite nail in the coffin for your past self. She will have a lot to mentally and emotionally deal with and that will probably take her time to get through it all. Maybe in teh future she will want to call you her partner, best friend, significant other (SO), or something else. Good luck on your surgery and give her words of encouragement from all your supporters here.


  4. #4
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    There will be occasions where she has to identify you as something, not just by your name. Partner, wife, friend, roommate, lover, the list goes on and on. It has to be something you're both comfortable with.

    I would think with you having MTF surgery and living as a woman, what to call you would be the least of your worries. Since you two are married now and plan to stay married, "spouse" is probably the most accurate. "Wife" would also be accurate.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    I appreciate this does raise a problem but at least your wife is considering her options , personally I can't see anything wrong with partner , that doesn't suggest gender . While you don't reveal your name does she have a problem with using it assuming you have a femme name at the moment .

    Even without surgery my wife had given me the talk about not being a lesbian , I can't see why wives have a problem with that within the privacy of their own home .
    The real me ,no going back.

  6. #6
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Often, when going to doctor or hospital, there is a form to fill out identifying who else can receive information about your medical condition (or make medical decisions if that becomes necessary). There will be a place for the name and a place to specify the relationship to the patient. You and your wife need to think about this ahead of time.

  7. #7
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Utah, north of West Jordan, south of North Salt Lake & west of South Salt Lake
    Your wife is already amazing, loving and strong as she has seen you through everything to this moment. She has been forced into her own transition and I don't envy anyone that kind of burden where they have to question their own identity to stay in a loving relationship. But her strength and love appear to be strong enough to weather this semantic storm and will come up with something. She could even take advantage of the younger folks and in social situations refer to you as her BFF while listing you as spouse on any legal paperwork. Good luck with the surgery and recovery.
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  8. #8
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Boston Area
    A classic term that might help is "companion."
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Almost the Great White North...
    Companion has a lovely, poetic sound to it.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  10. #10
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Greater Houston
    I believe that it was the U.S. Census Bureau that came up with "significant other".
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

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