Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 28

Thread: I Think She Understands

  1. #1
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    3,088

    I Think She Understands

    Hi Ladies,

    Eight months ago, when I finally admitted to myself I am a CD, I immediately told my wife. The whole time she has been accepting and supportive while she was/is trying to make sense of the whole thing.

    I recently had a couple of incidental conversions about my dressing with my wife and I'm starting to believe she is beginning to understand me. It's irrelevant what the actual CDing topic was and frankly, I don't even remember. What's import is what she told me. "The difference between what I do and what women do is, for the most part, women do and wear what they do and wear for a mate. I do and wear what I do and wear just for myself." I didn't think much of it the first time she said it. When she mentioned it a couple of more times is when I thought to myself. WOW she gets it.

    While I feel like I achieved major milestone with wifey, I still plan to continue to tread lightly.
    Last edited by BTWimRobin; 01-29-2020 at 03:31 PM.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

    It's ironic ... I finally found a group of guys I fit in with. Funny how they all enjoy being one of the girls.

    Wife: Why do you fold your panties? Me: I don't like my panties in a wad!

  2. #2
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Posts
    2,567
    Before commenting I'd like you clarify your wife comment:
    You she said "the difference between what I do...is she talking about herself or about you when say "I do" so the rest of the sentence would be talking g about what you do or the reasons why she does?
    HRT 04302018/ Full time 03/2019
    Orchiectomy 06/03/2020/ gender, name legal changed 10/26/2020
    Electrolysis face 08/2019, genitals for GCS 06/2021
    Breast augmentation surgery 01/31/2022
    GCS 07/11/2022 END TRANSITION

  3. #3
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    4,410
    Well... Good for you but...

    "Women do and wear what they do and wear for a mate'

    Is pretty sexist don't you think?

    That thinking is exactly why people automatically assume a man wearing woman's clothing is Gay.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Posts
    2,567
    Thanks Roberta because is exactly what I infer from that dearation and is very wrong but generally that's what people (men) think. When you see a sexy woman with sexy dressing showing some of her parts, pe is ple immediately thinks she's provicating but the reality is most women dress in any way provocative or not just for her own pleasure. For the other side, when I confess my wife I was crossdresser, her mayor fear was I wanted to attract men and I answer of course any woman would feel great if she calls men atte tion but that's just the reaffirmation of femininity but not the final purpose of dressing in any way.
    Coming back to Robin, what I think your wife is trying to say is that she thinks you dress to call men's attention...so that wouldn't be ok for you....
    HRT 04302018/ Full time 03/2019
    Orchiectomy 06/03/2020/ gender, name legal changed 10/26/2020
    Electrolysis face 08/2019, genitals for GCS 06/2021
    Breast augmentation surgery 01/31/2022
    GCS 07/11/2022 END TRANSITION

  5. #5
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,083
    Robin,
    I hope I understood your thread but your wife appears to have some odd reasoning .

    OK I can only speak from my own experience but I had very little influence on what my wife wore , I don't think she considered what I thought but she may have considered other people in her choices . In that respect now I'm out full time I choose my clothes for the same reasons , maybe that applies more to everyday wear . Choosing for a special occasion could be a little different the choices then could be dictated more by what the partner thinks .

    I realise your wife is seeing it more as the choices a closeted Cder might make rather than someone stepping out in the RW .

    No matter it's great you're making progress , she is on board and it's good to see you are taking small steps .

  6. #6
    Non-Binary Member Krea's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    Kent, England, UK
    Posts
    736

    Roberta: you took the words right out of my mouth.

    Robin: it's great that your wife is being encouraging and i wish you all the best for more progress, but i would be very cautious about expressing the situation in those particular words.
    "The only way is onward. There is no turning back."

  7. #7
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    NY & PA
    Posts
    9,791
    Robin...sounds like you need to give her some big hugs!

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    864
    I really do not think my wife dresses for me. Not any more anyway. Maybe at one time she did in the bedroom, but not any more. And when she dressed professionally for the office, she definitely was NOT dressing to attract a mate. She dresses up to go to lunch with her women friends. I think she dresses to look pretty and feminine. Me too. Nancy

  9. #9
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    3,088
    Hi Ladies,

    I'm sorry if I offended anyone. That was not my intention.

    It looks like I got some of my pronouns mixed up. My wife's whole point is .... she understands that I dress for myself and to make myself happy.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

    It's ironic ... I finally found a group of guys I fit in with. Funny how they all enjoy being one of the girls.

    Wife: Why do you fold your panties? Me: I don't like my panties in a wad!

  10. #10
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Sitting on a box.
    Posts
    940
    Hi Robin,
    I just told my wife recently I am cross dress. So far she seems rather supportive. Like you I am taking it slowly. TBH I don't when or if I will be ready to dress around my wife anytime soon. Despite her saying we could our makeup together. Glad your wife is trying to understand. Makes things a lot easier.
    Just another man in a dress

  11. #11
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    23,837
    I have no idea why your wife told u that, Robin. But, it ain't true!

    I have an ex and had lots of girlfriends before marriage at age 45. Except when u begin dating and the woman is trying to catch your interest?
    Women dress for themselves and other women! They've all told me that.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  12. #12
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Maryland, USA
    Posts
    9,297
    Quote Originally Posted by BTWimRobin View Post


    It looks like I got some of my pronouns mixed up. My wife's whole point is .... she understands that I dress for myself and to make myself happy.
    Robin, Thanks for clearing this up, we are friends and even I was a bit confused.
    Crissy

  13. #13
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    11,237
    Robin, thanks for the edit, Sounds like you are on the right track with your wife.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  14. #14
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    near Toronto, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    4,267
    Quote Originally Posted by Robertacd View Post
    Well... Good for you but...

    "Women do and wear what they do and wear for a mate'

    Is pretty sexist don't you think?

    That thinking is exactly why people automatically assume a man wearing woman's clothing is Gay.
    The version that I've often heard in that regard is that women don't dress for men, they dress for other women...i.e. one-upmanship (or is that "one-upwomanship"?

  15. #15
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    3,088
    I've often heard the phrase "women dress for other women." Whether my wife meant to say that, IDK. I'm just happy she understands I dress for myself. She has said numerous times she can see how much happier I've been since I came out.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

    It's ironic ... I finally found a group of guys I fit in with. Funny how they all enjoy being one of the girls.

    Wife: Why do you fold your panties? Me: I don't like my panties in a wad!

  16. #16
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    1,991
    Whew...………. maybe its just me but I believe the point of Robins thread was to let us know that she and her wife had a good talk and she feels, that when it comes to crossdressing, that things between them are improving. I find it a bit sad that a few here found the need to comment on how she said it, rather than the message itself. Maybe I am too sensitive to being politically correct.

    I always enjoy stories where the message is people finding ways to deal with this desire in a positive way. I am happy for both Robin and her wife.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  17. #17
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    1,637
    Why do women dress the way they do? Answer - all of the above.

    Let's go back to some fundamentals. Many psychologists and others in related fields tend to adhere in one way or another to the idea that women tend to be the expressive, verbal, emotional, social, and communicative member of the two sexes. That is a huge generalization with vast amounts of variation, but in general that holds true. Men are more what they call instrumental which includes having a gift to figure out complex things by tinkering and examining - taking apart clocks, cars, or whatever to see why they work or don't work. Men tend to be more territorial, aggressive, and matter of fact. Another huge generalization, but in the population as a whole pretty true universally. These broad descriptions tend to be culture neutral. They are ancient behaviors and originally were important for survival of the family unit. Modern humans have adapted some of that to a world which is very different from stone age life. But the basics remain because they are genetically determined behaviors and enhance survival.

    Therefore, a woman's dressing style is an expression to others what and who she is. That could be any reason at all or a bunch of reasons, but basically it exhibits her concept of self. What about men? Pretty much the same thing. Men are highly tied to occupation and their dressing (clothes) often reflect that aspect. So, what it comes down to is that good old spectrum concept. Everybody has a sense of self bit not everybody has a sense of self that is like everybody else's (thank goodness). It is a part of their identity and conscious being that connects the inside (mainly brain) with the environment they live and operate in.

    However, that sense of self is an incredibly complex creature with many dimensions. So, even though you can generalize the general population being a certain way in a statistical dominance, applying that to the individual is a big mistake. The bell shaped curve is formed by taking into account the diversity of individuals in a population with only those that fall under a part of the highest peak of the curve as fitting the "norm." Somebody has got to be in the wings or there would be no curve. When we put on clothes don't generally consider the shape of the population curve when we select the clothing; we all chose clothing that expresses something about us and, consequentially, that places us, without conscious decision, in some part of the population curve. If a person dresses in a particular style for a social reason that is still an expression of their sense of self, their identity and if at the time they feel sexy they dress that way. But if they want to be left alone then it may be very casual and intentionally not very attractive. All kinds of reasons for all kinds of people.

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    864
    Robin, You did not offend me, and I hope I did not offend you by making the point about dressing to look pretty and feminine. I hope that is what we all do, not for anyone else. I think it is great that she accepts you. Wish I had that. Nancy

  19. #19
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    1,720
    Hi Robin,

    What is important is that you maintain a constant dialog to avoid misunderstandings. Congratulations on your progress.

    Marion

  20. #20
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    3,630
    I’m on board the “sexist” train here. “Women wear what they do for a mate” is just a quarter step away from “she was asking for it because of what she wore.”

  21. #21
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    4,410
    Leslie, my talks with GG's at my work and friends gave me the very same answers. GG's specilly in a work environment tend to dress to impress the other GG's, not the GM's.

    Mickii is right, that's where that line of thinking leads.

    One could say the "trans-panic" defense that allows people to get away with murder comes from thst same line of thinking.

  22. #22
    New Member Jackiemtv's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Location
    Toronto area.
    Posts
    23
    I'm really happy for you that your wife and you are able to work through this together. As we all know this CD thing can be a mine field.

  23. #23
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Orange County, California
    Posts
    3,080
    Kitty Sue, here's an opportunity for your rather supportive wife to become a little more supportive in your CDing. Sort of a game.
    If she has access to your stash, ask her to pick out an ensemble and to dress you/help you dress in it... lingerie and everything! Then, let her do your make up so you can learn from it. This could be fun!

  24. #24
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Phoenix, Arizona
    Posts
    230
    Quote Originally Posted by BTWimRobin View Post
    Hi Ladies,

    I'm sorry if I offended anyone. That was not my intention.

    It looks like I got some of my pronouns mixed up. My wife's whole point is .... she understands that I dress for myself and to make myself happy.
    Don't worry, Robin. There's no need to be so anxious. You sure as heck didn't offend ME, and I didn't see anything the least bit "offensive" in your post.

    At the risk of digressing, I do understand your anxiety. There are too many people in our modern world with "issues" who can "take offense"--or pretend to be doing so--at anything at all. But if they do, that's their problem, not ours, and I don't see any of that here.

    Nevertheless, there's far too much of this "sensitivity" garbage in our degenerate culture today. It does seem to make a lot of people more nervous than they need to be about what they're afraid someone else might be reading into their words, and shrieking hysterically that they're "offended"--wah, wah!

    Squalling babies, the whole lot of them! The truth is that WE are not responsible for what some paranoid idiot with distorted thinking might "read into" what we say, which no rational person could predict. Worse, that too many people have discovered and weaponized what is no more than emotional manipulation to silence and gag people whose opinions they dislike by guilt-tripping them with this rubbish about "being offended."

    The antidote to this is not to be afraid to express an opinion, and if anybody ever does object with this rubbish about "being offended" when it really does look like a sham, either ignore them, or if they persist, tell them to "get over it." If they're just wackos, they need to be told to get back in touch with reality. And if they're "trying it on" as a manipulative ploy, they need to be told that "I know what you're playing at, and it ain't working on ME!" To be honest, I'm sick and tired of reading in the media that somebody "apologized" for this and that, when they ought to have boldly told their accuser to "stuff it where the sun don't shine!"

    Well, so much for that rant, though I hope it stiffens your spine and inspires you to stand up straighter in the world of today--which you've been doing anyway by taking your courage in your hands and boldly telling your wife who you are, for which I congratulate you. As you said, all you were "guilty" of was confusing readers here over pronouns, over "meum" and "tuum," and that's a totally forgivable offense! But you got it sorted.

    Anyway I'm glad you have an understanding wife, a lovely lady, and that things are going well between you so far. The details may need a bit of working out, but that can always be done, and you're on the right path of mutual understanding. I wish you every happiness for the future!

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Robertacd View Post
    Well... Good for you but...

    "Women do and wear what they do and wear for a mate'

    Is pretty sexist don't you think?

    That thinking is exactly why people automatically assume a man wearing woman's clothing is Gay.
    That's an insightful observation, Roberta. I'd never thought of it that way before. I always supposed that people assume a man in women's clothing must be gay because they conflate "gender identity" with "sexual orientation" as if the two were the same, when they're separate and independent of one another. Oh, and because the crossdressers most visible and familiar to the public are flamboyant "drag queens," who are generally gay anyway. All the other crossdressers are usually trying to "pass," or otherwise remain invisible (often in the closet). Yet the idea of crossdressing to attract a male "mate" is implicit for instance in those infamous lines:

    I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
    I like to press wild flowers.
    I put on women's clothing,
    And hang around in bars...

    Is it "sexist"? Simplistic assumptions are invariably "sexist," but sexist, schmexist, who cares? These traits arise from Nature, and Nature herself is unashamedly sexist. Which is why most people naturally think in "sexist" terms, even though their assumptions about gender are often inaccurate.

    The more important question is whether this assumption about women's motives for their choice of clothing is accurate or not. While there is some truth in it, for some women anyway, I have to agree that it's oversimplified. Leslie Langford made a good observation in this respect. Some time ago I recall a multiple choice "pop quiz" in which women were asked to choose from three options, namely:

    Do you dress to please men? ["Attract" is the word I'd prefer here.]

    Do you dress to please women? [To be brutally honest, I'd phrase that as "Do you dress to make other women envious?" It's a $TATU$ thing, as Leslie implied.]

    Or do you dress to please yourself?

    So there are at least three categories of women implied, though I regret to say I have no idea what percentage of women fall into each category. In fact there are probably four categories, because some women no doubt dress to please their own personal mate, while others dress to attact men in general--which is natural if they're single, but might be a different matter if they already have a mate!

    Still, I have no doubt that by and large, women's preferences for adornment evolved out of Nature in order to attract mates and reproduce. Right off the top of my head a couple of observations occur to me. One is the well-known phenomenon that women's hemlines have in the twentieth century gone up and down with the stock market. Although unconscious thinking (and "feeling") is responsible for this, the obvious underlying explanation is that when times were good and economically conducive to having babies, up went the hemlines to invite men to come in and breed together. When the economy went sour and the environment for breeding became uncertain--who wants little babies to starve?--down came the hemlines in a gesture of caution.

    Another question that occurs to me is why do women's fashions change so rapidly from year to year in the first place?--quite unlike men's fashions, which are more conservative and stable. In my male role I'm perfectly happy to wear the same kind of clothing from year to year. It saves a lot of mental effort not having to chop and change all the time. Why do women feel such an urge to change their appearance--including their hairstyles--more frequently? Is it really just boredom?

    I can't help relating this to the need to keep an existing mate attracted--who is typically the father of a woman's offspring and a necessary provider in general. But men, more than women, tend to have a wandering eye and often look for more variety in sex--or in a sexual partner. Males are more prone to "get bored" and look elsewhere. This is seen especially in herd animals such as cattle and sheep, where one dominant bull or ram may be doing the honors for a whole bevy or "harem" of females, cows, ewes or whatever. To ensure he does his duty to them all, the male has evolved an instinct that tells him "I've serviced that female before; it's time to move on to another one!"

    Admittedly we humans are not "herd animals" in that sense--though we are plagued with plenty of dumb "sheeple" who can't think for themselves and "follow the herd." That only proves how some of these instincts "carry over" from one species to another. Some of that polygynous, eye-wandering tendency of males has also carried over into our own species. What counterstrategyhas the female of our species evolved to avoid this risk of abandonment in her time of need?

    One answer seems obvious to me. To overcome her mate's susceptibility to boredom, she must change her appearance from time to time, to look like a different female--one he hasn't mated with before! That way she can keep his attention!

    Well, that's my theory anyway! Whatever, the feminine obsession with clothing and adornment has a biological basis in Nature. And most of us crossdressers, even if we're far from "fully female," share some of those traits too, though we're not for one moment trying to attract a male "mate."
    Last edited by Marianne S; 01-30-2020 at 07:48 PM.

  25. #25
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    23,837
    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    I’m on board the “sexist” train here. “Women wear what they do for a mate” is just a quarter step away from “she was asking for it because of what she wore.”
    Thank u, Micki! I heartily agree. Nothing Robin said offended me. But, what her wife said, did!
    And, how anyone would take that to mean anything positive is beyond me!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State