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Thread: I hate having to hide

  1. #26
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
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    Last week, during an incident where I came closest to being caught since the early 80s, the emotions flying through my brain seemed different this time. A feeling of potential relief was happening, and the rest was about timing and more about my wife's potential reactions rather than worry about being outed. Progress?

  2. #27
    3dxchat User JuliaGirl's Avatar
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    Looking back at my closest incident in 40 years of dressing just about a month ago now ... I wonder Rhonda if I didn't feel a bit of exactly that same feeling.
    Closeted for 45 years, so please take any advice I might offer with a massive dose of reality.
    Julia xo

  3. #28
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Hi Nicole, There is a lot to read here, I feel for you, I am in a DADT relationship but not near the stress that others seem to have. I hope for the best for you. Take care and be strong. Brenda

  4. #29
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Seems like some people put themselves in a prison and then complain about it. YOU are in control of your own life.

  5. #30
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    Seems like some people put themselves in a prison and then complain about it. YOU are in control of your own life.
    We all know the dynamics of our own relationships better than any outside observers in a forum post. As someone who has taken one for the "team" aka family in various ways for what will be fifty years in a couple of months it appears that with some it boils down to what comes first, my own self expression or putting family first. I see about the same number of comments supporting both approaches.

  6. #31
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    I've been talking with my therapist about coming out to my wife.

    I felt that it would help if I wrote out what I wanted to say, so that I could make sure to get all the details laid out and be somewhat prepared. I could re-read, edit, and practice, rather than just try and express all my feelings and hope I don't leave anything out.

    My therapist suggested that I start with a letter that I would keep in my bag of feminine stuff. A letter to an anonymous reader.

    Partly in the case of an untimely death or by chance someone would find the bag and open it.

    I felt a sense of weight being lifted off my shoulders by writing the letter and it gave me a good starting place for what I would say to my wife.

  7. #32
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
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    I have something jotted down in my stash like that, Nicole.

  8. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    Seems like some people put themselves in a prison and then complain about it. YOU are in control of your own life.
    Yes, anyone may do anything and wherever and whenever he or she wants to do it, but, there is always some recipient of that action. That's the rub. The recipient of the action may do the same thing. Nobody lives in a vacuum.

  9. #34
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Hi Nicole

    If you have not already done so. I suggest you read the post here about "How to Tell Your Partner".

    There is a link in my signature.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  10. #35
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    Thank you, Shelly. That is a fantastic read.

    Lots of great info.

    I feel more confidence just reading those links.

    I still don't know what will happen but I feel so much more prepared. That gave me a lot to think about.

    Thanks to everyone who has given such great support. I couldn't do this without you.

  11. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie47 View Post
    Another thing that seems to be evident in failed marriages is the unreasonable expectation there is the ideal man or woman out there for each of us. A man or woman without a fault. Marriage is not reality television.
    I wish I could have had the expectation of finding an ideal person when I was young. Some of us don't have anyone out there for us, even if they are far less than ideal.

    If I had to choose between dressing and a wife, I would choose a wife, hands down.

  12. #37
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Vickie, I agree with you 100%. 65, still alone here.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  13. #38
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    Even with a wife that allows me to dress as I please around the house but male mode around town. I still hate having to hide part time.

  14. #39
    Honesty Is Not A Sin Vicky_Scot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridget thronton View Post
    Part of the reason I told my wife I dress was to avoid having to hide things or lie to her
    Same for me plus it was causing me mental health issues lying to her. Best thing I did and was lucky to have a loving and accepting wife. x
    Don't Take Life To Serious, It's Only Temporary

    CHOICE
    It is often wrongly assumed that a person chooses to be transgender and one day decides they want to live the remainder of their life as transgender .This couldn't be further from the truth. Transgender is established sometime during pregnancy, probably in the first three months and certainly well before an individual is able to make a choice.

  15. #40
    New Member crissy7's Avatar
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    Hiding something sounds like we are doing something wrong.i don't feel like i'm doing anything wrong and i'm tired of hiding.

  16. #41
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    We often hear from wives that find out that keeping the secret was worse than what the secret is. You are cheating the relationship by not being fully honest with your partner. Don't overlook the fact that you're also cheating yourself by hiding it. You're not admitting to yourself who you might really be. Secrets can be kept and life goes on but I don't believe it's a healthy way to live. Keeping a secret almost like an addiction and it keeps getting worse until the breaking point. Look at other people's situation and see how they handled it. How long did they last to the breaking point? I can think right now of a longtime friend just moving into an apartment on her own because of a divorce. In many ways she's never been happier. Obviously in some she's not so happy. At some point the consequences of not being our self are more important.
    Last edited by Genifer Teal; 02-15-2020 at 06:59 AM.

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