My daughter was visiting these past holidays from her college in the US. While looking for some YouTube videos in our new TV she came across my YouTube history. I didn?t realize my account was in the TV! Apparently she saw all my due diligence videos on transitioning, HRT and its effects, full one and a half hour on vaginoplasty, videos on FFS, Breast augmentation, make up for trans women, fashion, etc, etc.

Needless to say she was in total shock. She told my wife who also saw the headlines of the videos and both were in a state of panic and shock. Although my wife knew about Carolina she was not up to speed on how advanced I am on my transition desires. My wife (who is not supportive at all) didn?t want to be the one to tell her about her dad, and came out with some lame excuse that maybe someone may have hacked my YouTube account.

After discussing it with my therapist we both agreed that there was no other way out than to confront and tell my daughter. Seeing all those videos on her own (all didactic, but all on transitioning) she could be imagining who knows what.

So I did. To ease the shock I mentioned that I have always had these issues and was exploring what ifs, but no decision was taken (a white lie), that I was in a stage of doubts. I didn?t have the courage to tell her about my HRT. She struggled with her ideals of a young millennial, accepting all vs the fact that it was her dad who wanted to become her mom. She has all sorts of LGTB friends and has always accepted everyone, but when it is so close to home, the idealism of a college woman begins to shatter. ?I lost my father figure?, ?my life is ruined? or ?who would walk me down the aisle?? were some of the comments she made to my wife during the following days.

She wants to accept me, but she really cannot. She settled it in her mind that as long as I remain in the stage of doubts she would accept me. However if there was an outward manifestation of my desires she would not be able to cope with it. That means that as long as I keep showing my male side and behave like a dad she would be ok, but if Carolina shows up she would not be able to cope. Unfortunately that is not accepting at all. But she is young, it was a total shock to her and she needs to process the situation in her mind. I suggested to go to a psychologist back at college but she is strong willed and refuses to do it. I am afraid she has parked the situation in her mind to avoid dealing with it. See no evil hear no evil...

My wife did not help in the initial discussion with my daughter, stating that she would leave me and the country if I transition. Not great...