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Thread: What's in a name?

  1. #1
    Seňora Member
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    What's in a name?

    Krisi's thread "What does she call you" got me thinking...

    I did not have a female name until I came out as Transgender.

    The entire time I was telling myself that I was "just a crossdresser" I never used a female name anywhere other than here. RobertaCD is just the feminine of my male name with CD tacked on as it was common to do back in the day, and honestly I only did that to fit in here.

    Now I am probably going to get some flack but I have to ask everyone who is in the "I'm just a crossdreser, no way, no how, am I Transgender" camp:

    Why do you have or use a female name when you are dressed?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Roberta,
    I'd never given a thought about a name , as you say I was just in an upside down world of crossdressing , not knowing where to turn I pushed myself to join the forum , then WHAM ! I needed a name . I tried the femme version of my name and was accepted as Teresa , so scary at the time but a bigger turning point than I thought . At that time being out in the RW was like living on another planet , never going to happen . One thing I have learnt , " Never say never !" Now I'm out in the RW and the only label I need is Teresa , my wife accused me of being proud of what I am , I denied it but I guess I am .
    The real me ,no going back.

  3. #3
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    Mine dates back to another time and place and was hastily chosen while setting up an account one time. This forum rejected Star as already used so I added the 01 to get through the registration process. If I ever get to the point of using the name in the real world I'd change it to something like Starlene.

    I'm probably not the only one who didn't put a great deal of thought into my name.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Allison Chaynes's Avatar
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    I needed a forum name. In the Before Time when I was on a site called Panties, Etc, I went with "(wife's name)'s wife." Here, the only place I use a female name, I deliberately misspelled the name of one of my favorite bands. I felt a variation of my male name might not be enough cover for privacy purposes.
    Life is too short to be boring.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member kayegirl's Avatar
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    I starated dressing at 13 years of age, and in my dreams of becoming get a girl, I always imagined myself as a Kathryn. But it was only when I joined this forum that I actually had to chose a feminine name, and by that time my daughter was named Kathryn, so my name had to be something different. Kaye is the capital letters of my given name.

  6. #6
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Back when I was "just a crossdresser", I needed a name for this forum! Unlike Star, I gave this much thought! This all started with a little girl named Lana! Mae was my mother's middle name! They sounded good together so...I am Lana Mae! I am going to change my name officially to Lana Mae W! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  7. #7
    Member Victoria_Winters's Avatar
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    Well... I never had a female name really until I registered at this forum. But once I decided to stop lurking and register, I thought hard about a name. In my head I?ve always referred to myself by a nickname I have had since I was a kid. I figured if I was going to pick a name it had to be something could live with. When I was younger I used to watch a show called ?Dark Shadows? and there was this young woman you was kind, caring, friendly, and smart named Victoria Winters. She was kind of a roll model to me going up. So I decided to take her name. The name Victoria is an old name much like me and just seemed to fit.

    Also there is no analog for my real name.

  8. #8
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    Using a female name goes way back to when I started going to hair salons en femme. I went by Kelly, a name that could go either way. I knew I didn't pass in such close quarters, but whether I did or not, a name that could go either way worked. I went to a lot of different salons. I had some where I went only as a (fem) male, some only female, very few both. Even as a male I had roller sets, straightening, and other typically female things done. "Kelly" seemed to fit all situations. Besides, I didn't want them to know my real name. Got caught at it once when I stopped in to a salon owned by a woman who used to do my wife's hair and had met me. Kelly became the name I used any time I was dressed.

    The first time I used Rhonda was here (a long time ago!). At the time it added another layer of concealment. I had been going by Kelly long enough that a lot of people knew me by that name, and I wanted to be able to post things on here that I didn't want anybody to be able to associate with me. I've inadvertently used Rhonda in salons where I had previously used Kelly and been "caught" because of the phone number on file. I do go by Rhonda in a few places (because I like that name better). Sometimes if it's been a while since I've been somewhere I can't remember what name I've used!!

  9. #9
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    For me being crossdresser was mainly a sexual thing. I pick up Vanessa because being 14 years old I saw for first time in a movie a lesbian woman, very sexy and sexual her name was Vanessa.
    When I realize I'm transgender and get into HRT and so many things change in my mind. No it's not about dressing much less a sexual thing so the name of Vanessa didn't fit me. My male name was David but in spanish we usually make a nickname or the way when baby you say your name. My mom used to call me davichito (little david) but my wife didn't like it (may a mother in law daughter in law issue) so she start calling me Deviti, with the time short to Devi, so that name was very familiar and I start using g Debbie, that sounds the same.
    One day driving as Uber a passenger asked me my name, I said Debbie, then she ask Debbie or Devi? I told her about my nickname that my wife use and their passenger, from India, explain me that Devi, in hindu, is a beautiful female name, the mother of all gods and goddesses.
    So after that I found it very unique and with a meaning and very familiar for me. Btw, for my wife is very natural to call me and you know, happy wife, happy life...

    Devi
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  10. #10
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lana Mae View Post
    Unlike Star, I gave this much thought!
    Actually, I have a navigational star tattoo and that was the first thing that caught my eye twenty years ago when I was trying to come up with a user name. I can't even recall what site it was now and I don't believe it even had anything to do with my dressing.

    Lanna Mae is a nice name and I love the back story how you decided on that name.

  11. #11
    3dxchat User JuliaGirl's Avatar
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    I went with Julia since I have always adored the name. I absolutely love Kate/Katherine as well and in one online game I have an avatar for both. But when I registered here I went with the more feminine (avatar) I play and that was Julia. That said, my (transgender) daughter when she came out to me announced her new name and it was a form of Katherine I was very glad that I am Julia here ... otherwise I feel I would have taken away some of her person. (Then again, I am closeted, so she and wife and everyone does not even know I have a femme name I go by.)
    Closeted for 45 years, so please take any advice I might offer with a massive dose of reality.
    Julia xo

  12. #12
    Senior Member Glenda58's Avatar
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    My ex girlfriend would call me Glenda when she was mad at me and I was leaving the house. After she left I kind of liked it so I kept using it.
    GLENDA
    I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN

  13. #13
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    In my crossdressing days I wanted a female name because I went out from almost the very beginning and no way was I going out and be dressed as a woman and introduce myself as Bob or Stanley. I did have to pick a name quickly because I wanted to find one or more like minded souls to go out as friends into the City. So, I joined this site and wanted a female to be identified as. I think I picked one and then later changed it to Allie, a feminization of my shortened male name. It worked, it stuck and now it is legal. Really simple and straightforward to me.

  14. #14
    Member April Rose's Avatar
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    As i state in Krisi's thread, I don't always use it. I never cared much about labeling myself crossdresser vs transgender, or gender fluid either.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  15. #15
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    Hi Roberta , I am just a Crossdresser and have been for the last 73years ,

    I only needed a name when I joined this form over 11years ago so
    I thought long and hard and did not want any name connected to anyone
    Past or present, So I took my favorite color and my favorite flower,


    Blue Orchid came to life in late December of 2008. >Orchid ..oo..
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  16. #16
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I go out maybe monthly, and when out, it's much easier to have a girl name so people don't yell out my boy name.

    I often use my girl name for appointments, say at nail salons, wig places, tailors, etc.

    I also made up some "girl cards" with my girl name, a pic of me (en femme), my girl email address, my CD.com screen name.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  17. #17
    Member Marianne S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robertacd View Post
    I did not have a female name until I came out as Transgender.

    The entire time I was telling myself that I was "just a crossdresser" I never used a female name anywhere other than here.
    How very interesting, Roberta! I always imagined that pretty much every male who crossdressed, "trans" or otherwise, would adopt a female name more or less spontaneously to go with the clothes. Obviously I was wrong!

    OK, there are exceptions. Maybe some guys who just like wearing panties, say, as a fetish thing, and never really imagine themselves as female. Or our MIADs, who don't see themselves as women either, who apparently just like to express femininity in some abstract sense through clothing. No reason to adopt a female name there.

    But if anyone (born male) is truly "trans," their gender identity is female, and a name is a key part of anyone's identity. So I would have expected anyone who saw herself as "trans" to adopt a female name spontaneously on that account, not just because she needed an appropriate moniker ("Monica"?) for a message board.

    As for people like myself, I do fit your criterion of being "just a crossdresser," and don't see myself as transgender. However, I do like to imagine myself as a girl or woman some of the time, even if the distinction is a subtle one. I share some traits with Devi, as far as dressing started mainly as a sexual thing for me when I was around 13, which is true of a number of our other members. I put on my mother's skirt one evening, and that turned me on. Very quickly after that I found myself wanting to dress completely, so I did. I also fantasized myself as a girl, doing "lesbian" things with other girls. But my point is, if I wanted to see myself as female, why would I choose to hang onto a masculine attribute that clashed with and "spoiled" my image of femininity? I couldn't see myself "wearing" my male name with feminine clothing. It would be like putting on a pretty dress and nylons along with men's steel-toed workboots. (Clomp, clomp!) I just had to "put on" a female name to project a consistent image. It was automatic.

    I called myself "Anne" to start with. There were more Annes around in those days than there are today. Later, maybe in my late teens, I changed to Marianne. It never occurred to me until years later that my mother told me if I had been born a girl, they would have called me "Glynis Marian." I wasn't keen on "Glynis" because it reminded me of a gawky girl named "Glenis" who lived nearby. As for "Marian," well, "Marian the Librarian" is a rather staid image; but change it to Marianne and it instantly seemed more glamorous!

  18. #18
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Star01 View Post
    I'm probably not the only one who didn't put a great deal of thought into my name.
    I picked a name hastily because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. This is the only place I use it. If I wasn't lazy I would change it to something I like.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
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    When I started going out, I needed a name in case someone asked what my name is (such as ordering at fast food restaurant). I wasn't going to use my male name. I also wanted to put a name on this site when I finally stopped lurking and joined. I imagined myself as Susie as a teenager, but it didn't seem to me to fit me anymore. There is another name that I always liked and would have used, except we gave that name to one of our daughters. That would be too weird. So I started changing a few letters in my male name and came up with Grace. I like that name. It feels comfortable. As I was looking for a first name, I briefly considered Rose, but rejected it. When I decided that I needed a last name, I decided that it was comfortable as a last name.

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    Not to rehash the argument, but I'm a CD, which IS a part of the transgender spectrum, so I consider myself transgender too.

    Now to the main question.

    About 15 years ago, I went out once and used the name Allison, which I never really liked (Allison was the first girl I had a crush on, back in 8th grade).

    Fast forward to 2017. I had been going out, sans girl name, for about 8 months. The SAs I dealt with just called me by my male name. I set up an appointment with my favorite SA at Nordstrom, and she set up a room for me. All the other rooms had a women's name written on the outside, but my friendly SA did not wish to out me, so she wrote the initial of my first name and my last name. As the initial of my first name begins with a D, and my wife had a friend named Dee, I became Dee.

  21. #21
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Why do I have a female name? Well it felt the logical thing to do. If I'm going to do my utmost to present as feminine persona as possible especially if out and about then having a female name that others can refer to me by just seemed sensible.

    As already said, it helps those you interact with. Being an SA and having someone present to you fully enfemme and then say "Hi, I'm Bill" must muddy the waters for them. So do they call you sir or M'am, why create confusion?

  22. #22
    Member Andrea Chenowith's Avatar
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    For me, it's related to an ex-girlfriend. When it came time to pick a name, I reflected on the qualities that I have while dressed, and since my love for pantyhose and cute dresses was inspired by the outfits she wore, I thought it appropriate to take her first name, pronunciation and all. (She was VERY picky about it being said "AHN-dree-uh".)

    I took my last name from Kristen Chenoweth, but tweaked the spelling.

  23. #23
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    I've always dressed but never had a girl name until I started socializing with real people.

    The first person who saw me en femme was someone I had chatted with online.
    We called eachother by our screen names for awhile.

    At some point he straight up told me it was weird to call me by my screen name.
    He wanted to know my real name, but I was too scared to tell him. So I made up a fake (guy) name.

    He offered a feminized version, and I was a little surprised that I liked being called that.
    I spelled it with a 'k' to put my own twist on it.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    I made Asew when playing Link to the Past needed an account name and named if after my current crush (in high school at the time) name A. Seward. Then when making other video game characters I continued to use Asew, and since any virtual characters I could assign the gender I would pick female, it became synonymous with being my virtual fem name. But it doesn't feel like me. The only thing I like about it is that is that it seems like a feminine androgynous name. But it always take some conversation before people get it. And it also includes one of my hobbies: sewing.

    When watching the new Sabrina on Netflix, they called her by the nickname 'Brina. I love this since it is similar to my male name Brian. And I hate Brianna because of school age taunts I received. So for the last year have been thinking about changing my femme name to Brina or Sabrina. I prefer Brina, but feel like it would be confusing like Asew so why I think about Sabrina might be better. I feel like it would take some explaining at the GNO where I use the Asew name (I could wear one of those "Hi, my name is..." tags). And it doesn't quite capture my non-binary aspect as much as Asew. At least Sabrina would be easier to use.

  25. #25
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    I’ve crossdressed since my preteens, but never had a female name until I played an RPG and wanted to try playing it as a female character. It asked me for a name and I typed in the first name of an ex girlfriend. I really liked being called Barbara in the game and i’ve used it in many contexts since then. It’s become part of me and I can’t imagine my female alter ego with a different name.

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