I am also sorry about the conflict you both had. I do find it strange, though, that in a DADT, 1) she walks straight into your room ( and/or you didn't/can't bolt it ), and 2) she said this:
..in a DADT.
Doesn't DADT imply that one's partner is already aware it's going on but does not want to see it, hear about it, or experience consequences of it?
Therefore, that reaction would have made sense coming from a wife who either didn't know, had been given the impression that an effort was being made to quit, or was absolute zero tolerance about it.
When setting up a DADT, wouldn't there be bounds drawn up? And wouldn't there be a reasonable expectation of the inevitability that, living in the same house, some stuff would occasionally be stumbled upon on both sides?
So I would have assumed something along the lines of telling you to be more careful to keep it out of sight if you were dressing out of bounds, or an apology if she mistakenly walked in on time or space that had been pre-agreed for you, or a blind eye and deaf ear (?).
What Stephanie47 has described in the past, I consider that to be a pure DADT:
An initial talk:
Link.
Followed by a total shut down:
Link.
I was also searching for a post where somebody said that when their wife stumbles upon an item of their clothing, she just puts it on the washing machine and says nothing ( the "DA" ). Again, pure DADT, and even quite generous from the wife not to reprimand her partner for not making sure everything had been taken away out of sight ( as obligated by the "DT" ).
I never made an attempt at family life solely for this reason; so I don't deal with this stuff. I just found the events strange in what I understand by DADT.
- L.