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Thread: Zero reaction

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Santa Rosa, Cal

    Zero reaction

    I saw KlaireLarnia's earlier post about getting "No response" when she wore a dress to work for the first time, and it made me think of a similar recent experience during a night out.
    Elissa and I spent the night at a nice downtown hotel in January to celebrate our 6-month "anniversary" (we met on July 1). A few days before, she called me and asked "What are you wearing?"
    "Probably a green cord skirt and the black speckled top that's like yours," I said. "And a black cardigan, hose and clogs."
    "Oh okay, so you're not getting a super dressed up."
    "No, I thought about wearing a dress but it's going to be cold."
    "Yeah me too."
    She did end up wearing a dress but with a big wooly cardigan and leggings and boots.
    So that night we went to the hotel bar first and had a drink. The place was packed. I had my hair curled, full makeup and a deep red nail polish on. I have found that people -- waiters, bartenders, other customers -- tend to be super-friendly to us when we're both in girl mode. After that we went to a nice Middle Eastern restaurant, strolled around downtown, and then had a nightcap before returning to the hotel.
    The point of this story is that I got no discernible response. Not a second look, or a comment, or a double-take -- nothing. Like many of you, I have a strong radar for people reacting to the way I'm dressed, even if they don't say anything. This night there was literally nothing on the radar screen. That included the nightcap when we ended up sitting next to a rather boisterous, and drunk, couple who seemed very middle-of-the-road .. They kidded around with us for a while and even the guy didn't raise an eyebrow at my appearance.
    Elissa and I talked about it when we got back to our room. She'd noticed the same thing, i.e., nothing. (And she's already very used to noticing people's reactions "behind my back," as it were.). To get no reaction whatsoever was , umm, unusual. And I think it is a sign of the times. People are used to seeing trans and gender fluid persons in everyday life. Increasingly it's not even worth noticing, much less commenting upon.
    It's a new era and I hope all of you will find a way to be fully yourself in full public view. You will be so happy you did.
    Last edited by Di; 02-16-2020 at 03:04 AM. Reason: the term of white conservative and liberal is taking the reply’s off on a political way/ deleting them / per rules non poli

  2. #2
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Good for you; and yes I agree with the fact that no one really cares, as long as you do not
    invade in there space. I under dress all the time, and my bra can show some projection that is not
    normal for a Male person. But I still get no looks or comments.
    Maybe there is hope for us after all.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Southern California
    Interesting comment about Elissa noticing reactions “behind your back”. Same thing happens when my wife and I go out. It’s a little different for us because when I dress I do Drag so I’m trying to make a splash and be noticed. She notices far more of the gawks, stares, and comment, but like I said, that’s what I’m going for.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Midlands UK
    Perhaps because we are aware that there are some knuckle dragging Neanderthals out there that we tend to exaggerate their numbers and assume the less angry members of society also harbour at least some of modicum of scepticism as well.

    As Tracy says we've expected to get reactions when in truth they're far more rare than we thought. Tracy's experience points in a different direction in that folks are just as likely to engage in a positive way.

    That's not to say that those reactions are significantly in our our hands. Dress half way between a clown and a drugged up hooker and I suspect the reactions you'll get will be somewhat different. We might not conform to everyone's idea of gender but there's a lot to be said for conforming to the dress code.

    You need to appear like one of them to be accepted to be one of them.

  5. #5
    Somewhere in-between. Krea's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Kent, England
    This is not necessarily surprising. Many people are too engrossed with their mobile 'phones to notice anything that happens around them anyway. Of the people that do actually notice you, most are either not interested or are too polite to comment. There will always be a few bigots, but you can avoid most of those by steering clear of certain types of places.
    "Welcome to my scene.
    A place that's in-between.
    Where the squares fit the rounds."
    (Lyrics by Queensryche)

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    A trans friend referred to this phenomenon as "People are mostly on autopilot and not very aware of their surroundings." Of course, there are always exceptions. Is it is a sign that society is more accepting? Probably, but as Helen and Krea said, there are always those individuals that want to make an issue of something that, to them, doesn't look right to them or fit their concept of what "should" be. They will laugh or do other things behind your back.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Part of this story is you decided to dress as any other GG would considering the weather conditions and you with Elissa dressed in a similar way, so your dress style wasn't going to attract attention .
    I will add that very few people have actually come across members of the TG community , I'm certainly the first and possibly the last in my painting group , I'm told I'm the only one who uses the builder's merchant , I have possibly seen about six in my new home town and at the moment none in my old home town . I'm content with the fact that I've hopefully made it easier for the next ones venturing out in the RW for the first time .

    I'm a great believer in thinking the moment you stop looking for a reaction you'll stop getting them , one of the biggest problems we face is believing in ourselves .

    I do get looks but not always for the reasons I feared , people actually see a woman and they are just checking you out . I still felt I'm a little OTT but people now see it as my style . I'm one of the few who wears full makeup at my painting group, I can't go without but it's not in your face , if I stopped now they would question it . An old GG friend from my group told me they were very impressed , I read that as saying we are comfortable with you and don't upset or embarrass them in anyway , so obvioulsy I had been chewed over by them all .

    Consider a different angle , the fact you get no reaction at all is a flattering compliment , you have passed through the radar without a problem .
    Last edited by Teresa; 02-16-2020 at 07:30 AM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  8. #8
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    North Carolina
    Dress for the occasion and be confident! You have a right to be there! My most recent venture to the grocery store netted me a,"Thank you, pretty lady!" and a few short conversations that I did not initiate! People either do not notice, are preoccupied or just do not care as long as you are not in their face! Just MHO! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  9. #9
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    It has been my experience that when T's r out with GG's? Folks seeing u don't tend to get all whacked out!

    Because no GG would be out with a perv or sexual deviate.

    It's like a permission slip for properly attired T's to go nearly anywhere!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  10. #10
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Orange County, California
    My sister, who knows and is fully accepting of Jenny, and I (fully dressed pretty) went shopping before Xmas. I asked her to stay a ways away from me and to watch the reactions of people who I passed or who passed me. Results? Nothing unusual! I felt the same as I wandered about...just another shopper.

  11. #11
    New Member AndreaSarah's Avatar
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    Feb 2020

    I agree

    Went to church with my leggings. And no adverse reactions. Except from SO as usual lol

  12. #12
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Santa Rosa, Cal
    Micki that's so great that you are into full-on drag. I think it's hard for some women, in some circumstances, to see the person they're with ridiculed/scorned/gawked at. It takes a special kind of person to truly not care what other people think about the person who's next to you, and with you.
    Also like I said we get tons of positive affirmation when we're out as girls together and I think that's been really enjoyable for her.

    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    Interesting comment about Elissa noticing reactions ?behind your back?. Same thing happens when my wife and I go out. It?s a little different for us because when I dress I do Drag so I?m trying to make a splash and be noticed. She notices far more of the gawks, stares, and comment, but like I said, that?s what I?m going for.
    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Teresa, thanks so much for responding, your comments are always wise and well-earned. I feel like we are on journeys that are not totally dissimilar. 2 things in your response stand out for me:
    << I'm content with the fact that I've hopefully made it easier for the next ones venturing out in the RW for the first time . >>
    Yes. Yes!! We are pioneers and those following us will absolutely find it easier.
    << I'm a great believer in thinking the moment you stop looking for a reaction you'll stop getting them , one of the biggest problems we face is believing in ourselves . >>
    Damn right! (I know I'm going to get a "Post edited" message for that ) It's striking to notice my reactions to being noticed, and to not being noticed. It raises the age-old question: If crossdressing were totally normal and nobody noticed, would you still be drawn to it? I think that paradoxically being a crossdresser is an excellent cure for narcissism.
    Especially for those of us beyond the half-century mark
    Kind regards, TT

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    I went to a bakery and grocery store with glossy pink nails today and nobody said anything. Just the usual small talk.
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 02-16-2020 at 08:34 PM.

  14. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    What you received is my gold standard for treatment. I call it "No Big Deal". It should never be an issue for a CD to go anywhere and be treated as well as anyone else in the room. And I'm happy to say that is overwhelmingly the case, as many others in this forum report the same thing.

    I believe that the more we get out there, the more we are seen as normal human beings worthy of being treated with respect. When that happens and we tell our tales, it encourages more of the rest of us to do the same. A heavenly cycle.

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