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Thread: 1!1=?

  1. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelakld View Post
    Single entities seem the most common here, which surprises me as I don't understand why a man would want to dress up as a woman - unless they are just acting a part, but if they are just acting, why not Viking or super hero?
    I had a long loquacious thought formulated and got timed out again! Rats! Anyway, I do not understand all this myself. I do not have an answer as to why I feel the need to wear women's clothing and emulate a woman. I have made comments over the decade I've been here that I do not and never will wear women's pants/jeans. It's not me. I ascribed my comfort zone to the time period I was raised...the 1950's and 1960's. In my neighborhood women wore dresses. There was one women, a divorced woman-yikes, she was treated as toxic waste who wore pants. Pants and a divorced woman....shunned, shunned and some more. So, for me it's dresses. On the other side of the coin my wife, daughter and granddaughter at times during their lives have and still wear men's clothing for reasons other than sexual identity or expression. My skinny butt granddaughter finds young men's jeans fit better. Men's clothing is cheaper. My daughter wore men's jeans because they had pockets. And, were cheaper. My granddaughter has been given my old flannel shirts because they are warm and cozy. None of these women have any desire to emulate a man.

    Do I have two personalities? No. When do I don women's clothing? What causes me to dig into the boxes of women's wear? Usually when I am under some sort of stress. Maybe someone will say I am escaping. Could be. Probably, because I feel absolutely fine in my male role. As a male I have not angst in the kitchen cooking or baking because some perceive those functions to be a woman's role. Of course, call me a chef instead of a cook, and, all is forgiven.

    My fall back position for lack of another is what my PTSD counselor has said. She ascribes to the belief (no scientific evidence?) that each man and woman has some DNA of the opposite sex in their genetic profile. In some it is greater than others. That may explain the entire spectrum stuff floating around. Where do I fall? I suppose at the minimum range. Of course, nurturing comes into play. Societal norms and expectations come into play. Religion comes into play. Government and politicians come into play.

    Also, Why would I want to dress up as a Viking (presumably not a shield maiden) if I am not of Viking heritage? I probably have more female DNA in me than Viking blood!

  2. #27
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I doubt it's DNA
    My DNA says I should love Pizza (yes I do) but going further back my DNA says I should love rice - not going to happen.
    DNA would imply my dad, granddad, uncles etc should also be cross dressing (okay, my sister wears jeans - doesn't count)
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
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  3. #28
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    Over in the media section Sometimes Steffi posted on 2/17 a link to a Newsweek article about "a genetic component to gender dysphoria." Food for thought. A bit more complicated than figuring out where one's blue eyes or blond hair came from.

  4. #29
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by susan54 View Post
    Aunt Kelly

    I stress that this post is not criticising you - you just asked for more information.

    I forget where it is - it was a few weeks ago. It was a quote from my post where I had said that I was a man who dressed as a woman, then I added "I am not trans". The quote was surrounded by laughing emojis. What I should have done was complain to the mods at the time. But this is the first time I have made a post on this subject and not had it disputed - there are too many people on this site who claim to know more about me than I do. There are posts on this thread from members who say they are just acting, which is the same for me. I am fed up of having my motivation questioned by people who have never met me.
    I have deleted the post that mocked you. Next time contact a staff member and they will help you. Btw, no one has ever been banned from the forum for being a cross dresser, just repeated or serious rule infractions.
    Last edited by Jeri Ann; 02-24-2020 at 12:04 PM.

  5. #30
    Member Julie Slowinski's Avatar
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    Hi Klaire, It?s an interesting question, but let me ask you why no one asks this question to Superman/Clark Kent? That analogy is basically where I?m at. Julie is like my super hero side - out in the world just about everyone is happy to see Julie. This is a far cry from the mild mannered regular guy that usually walks the streets and no one notices. Just like Superman/Clark Kent, it?s always the same person, but definitely a different persona.
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  6. #31
    Member MaryAnn1963's Avatar
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    Society can be a rough place for those who do not fit it's preconceived notions and cookie cutter ideas of what "normal" is. When you are perceived as out of the norm, things can often be very difficult for us. In some parts of the world it can be downright dangerous or even lethal. At best it can limit your ability to get on with or succeed in daily life. Also some of us have stifled the desires so long that, to be & act & present ourselves as we wish we could would destroy ours and possibly our loved ones lives. So, we "put on" to be who we are "supposed" to be and occasionally take the time to be who we really "feel" that we are.

  7. #32
    Aspiring Member fun4metoo2004's Avatar
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    I am a cross dresser. I do not want to be a woman, or change my body surgically, although, I would like bigger breast... I do not feel I have two personalities, just one. I love to dress in women's clothes and wear the "Mask" of femininity. As I am single (terminally it would seem) I do not have to deal with the possibility of a significant other not liking or judging me. My son knows, and I guess everyone else I know, knows now that I came out at Halloween. So, I am happy where I am in the gender world.

  8. #33
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    I have 4 personalities but they are all women, I have Dissociative Identity Disorder.

    Mostly I am the same no matter what clothes I wear, it's just that I only wear certain clothes. I don't wear a suit and tie and other clothes that are similar to that.
    I don't change the way I speak or act by the clothes I wear. I do have clothes for different occasions. I don't wear night club type clothes to work in the garden. But the way I am doesn't change from working in the garden, to going to a club, shopping, or at a work place(rare indeed). I don't act any different. I don't tell people what I am, except on sites like this, out in the world I don't ever tell anyone what I label as. I am what I am, what they see is what I am. I don't care how others see me, that is their choice, I am still the same to myself regardless what others think. Maybe being gay before I became trans helped in my mannerisms. Maybe when people see me as a man, they see a gay man, and the stereotype might help a bit. I don't know if that last statement is true, just a thought I had.
    I thought the most beautiful thing in the world must be shadow. Sylvia Plath

  9. #34
    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
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    I'm one person. However that person was dealt a pesky Y-chromosome and never felt like her internal desires matched what society expected of anyone with a Y-chromosome. I found a wonderful girlfriend, we got married and had children. I suppressed my desires because it seemed like the right thing to do and I figured that they would go away. They didn't go away. If anything, they pushed back harder, the harder I tried to suppress them. It took me more than 50 years to admit that they were not going away and that I need to accept them or go crazy.
    However, my wife is the only one that knows about this. It's not just about me, others are affected by what I do. My wife would be embarrassed if others found out and so I continue to act like a guy most of the time in front of others that know me (or think that they know me). But I also allow myself to dress and act as I want when I can get to places where I am unlikely to be seen by someone that knows me and not with my wife (which might blow my presentation if seen with me by someone we know).
    So when dressed as I like, I don a wig, makeup, earrings, and clothing that I would wear all the time if I had the opportunity. I go by Gracie and speak a bit softer so that I can blend as much as possible (I prefer not to draw attention to myself). When dressed like a guy, around home with others that have known me as a guy, I stick with my given name, and the drab clothes that others expect to see so that I can blend as much as possible (once again, I prefer not to draw attention to myself). Although it seems like it could be 2 people, they are both the same person, just hiding behind society's expectations. I have started letting some subtle feminine clues sneak into my male disguise. It seems to help temper the dysphoria. But the presentations will remain distinct, as long as the woman that I love is uncomfortable with me presenting the way that I would like to, all of the time.
    Perhaps a long wordy response, and not necessarily the best summary. However, my attempt to how my 1+1 really =1.

  10. #35
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Klaire,
    I am just me. Sometimes I wear women's clothing; that does not make me a different person. Sometimes I watch football; that does not make me a different person ....
    luv J

  11. #36
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    An interesting thread. What it shows to me is that there is a whole range of reasons why we dress as we do. There are probably as many reasons as there are people who do it. Not one of us has the full answer and also, not one of us is wrong. We are all just as we are. To pick out just a couple of things that were said, Micki said "If you walk like a guy, move like a guy, and talk like a guy while dressed, it creates an incongruity that makes you stand out more". This may be true and it fits in with Micki, however, Roberta says, "But then I am not trying to pass as anything besides a Transwoman. I don't care if anyone realizes that I am actually a GM", which is true for Roberta and in contrast to Micki. My stance on this is that Roberta has a point becaue unless trans is seen, (and if I have it correct here, which hopefully I do), Roberta identifies on the trans side of things (bearing in mind trans isn't the same as trans woman), then trans doesn't exist, and that for some, not all is important. For me it's important as I'm trans, but not a trans woman. Therefore I'm happy to be seen as being trans, as trans is what I am. Susan, unfortunately seems to have suffered from some trolling for saying that they are happy to be a man underneath the dress and for them nothing changes in their identity, they go on to say "But telling a man he is deluded for believing he is still a man if he wears a dress is apparently fine. The logic of this escapes me", which I happen to agree with. But there again none of this really makes any difference if it works for you. Getting back to the original post, Klaire started all of this off with "But this is also who I am at heart so it's no issue ? the fact I was dressed in a very feminine outfit doesn't change who I am or how I act/speak on the phone or in person. I go into the local shop dress in female clothes and I speak the same as I do if I was in jeans". Which again is absolutely fine and it works for Klaire. In fact Klaire at work seems to be very similar to me at work, as in my case, apart from presentation, little else has changed. And that for me works fine too. At the end of the day it all comes down to, as Klaire asks in the original post, a question of identity and here we have a whole range of responses, all of which happen to wear women's clothes to a greater of less extent (though in many cases the frequency and level of dressing is often dictated by personal circumstance, not wish or desire): We have Klaire and Roberta (and me) who seem to identify more or less as a single entity in that there is no male and no female there just is, then in the middle we have the likes of Teresa who seems to see things in a very binary way with their identity being based on how they are dressed at any particular moment, and finally we have Susan who doesn't change however they are dressed. And at the end of the day, this is all true and it's all not true, and the whys and the wherefores matter to each and everyone of us personally, but as for what I say being right in what I do and you being wrong in what you do, that's just plain silly. In this world you're right because it works for you and I'm right because it works for me. Also, please accept that in writing all this out, I'm trying to highlight the absurdity of the differences which do exist but we shouldn't get vexed over them, and also, that it's not my intention to upset or insult anyone, particularly if I've used you an an example and what I've picked up on is not correct - For that I appolgise in advance.

  12. #37
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    I am going out for a day as Susan with a GG friend next weekend. We have a two hour drive to get to our destination. As she knows I am male and does not distinguish between my male and female versions I intend to use my normal voice and body language when we are in the car. I will start ACTING when we get there but it is really to fit into the surroundings better. I don't mind if people realise I am male as long as they think I am dressed well and look the part - if I fail (by not ACTING well) then it makes it more awkward for other people - even those who realise I am a man dressed up will think it odd if I do not make an attempt to portray a woman. It is a style meeting for charity organised by my lovely style consultant and probably all the people there will be stylish women. I will have fun. I will be acting. I will remain male mentally throughout. There is one entity. Because I retain this male inner persona when I am dressed and acting as a woman I have become more uncomfortable going out if I am to encounter people I have not met before - most of my outings are to shops and with GGs who know me and my gender. What makes me uncomfortable is that some people might interpret this as deception. I used to go out a couple of times a month and this is down to a couple of times a year - I have not been out as Susan since August. I had forgotten how much planning is needed for a Susan trip even a day trip. I have already selected my outfit and it will be the first time in years I have worn a skirt rather than a dress as Susan (I have worn a skirt in public a few times recently without making any attempt to feminise my appearance). So one person - a man - all day dressed as a woman but for a few hours also ACTING as a woman but always - ALWAYS - a man. A man having fun. For me portraying a stylish woman (in body language as well as clothing) is something I aspire to but it is recreation, not part of my gender identity. It would be good if this aspect of crossdressing - which seems to be in the minority here - got a higher profile and until this thread I could not express this view without getting a hard time - so thank you to those who have supported me and to those who have said it is the same for them.
    Last edited by susan54; 03-06-2020 at 01:39 PM.

  13. #38
    Member Jacqueline Vivaldi's Avatar
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    If my happiness were the only consideration, I would dress en femme exclusively. However, I have been married a long time and Jacqueline is a known quantity but not supported. As a couple we have a very rich and loving life. After having considered all of the options, we compromise and accept our own different perspectives. It works well, but not perfectly because I long to dress full time.

    As a consequence, when I dress as a woman, I am a woman in every way, and clearly have a different personality, mannerism, and voice. When I am a guy, I intentionally am a guy, and no one would ever know any difference. I have a fine lifestyle and enjoy my time as a man. The reality is that the woman is always in my in my heart, spirit and brain. I compromise because of the total benefits of both lives. Were I to think only about me, the guy would disappear.

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