Hi there
I'm a 39 years old MTF crossdresser and I'm fighting it way over 20 years now. At times I feel exhausted. Exhausted because I have a hard time accepting that I'm a crossdresser and I keep trying to find a reason why I am one. My thoughts looped thousands of times over this, but without any conclusion. I'm not even sure whether an answer to this question would even help me at all.
I'm out to my wife, but it took me several years to admit to her the full extent of my crossdressing. In the beginning I could only tell her I liked to wear female underwear. Later, when she noticed my shaved upper legs, I came out completely. She now knows I like to get fully dressed, put on make up, etc. Maybe still not the part where I'm wearing a wig, like to keep everything tucked in nicely, but I don't think she would be surprised. In fact, she knows I would also like to dress in public.
She had her fair amount of shocks to process, but she's really quite supporting towards my crossdressing now. Not so much that she's ok with me shaving my legs or seeing any of my clothes (let alone me wearing them), but it's ok. She understands I'm not the manliest of man and doesn't think I'm a freak or anything like that. She's ok with me dressing up.
Still, I have a hard time accepting it myself. Even if I really feel it is part of me, part of who I am. Even if I'm really happy when I'm en femme. Even when I'm smiling thinking of a new outfit. It frustrates me, it makes me sad. Why am I ashamed of being me?
Can someone relate?
