I think you may have mistaken her statement … Divorce is a horrible procedure even when it's amicable , so my guess would be that the "it's horrible" comment was related to that and not toward your appearance.
Facing life alone in your later years can be daunting to say the least.
I think she regrets not being more accepting of your dressing.
Fun loving skirt wearer
Dutchess,
That is the part that hurts , I would never down my wife or trash her in this way , OK you don't agree with not disclosing before so I remained in the closet trying to do my best. She knew my mental state and what I was going through so to see someone go down hill to the point of considering ending their life and do little to help hurt at the time and still hurts now .
Going back to the point of trashing , she's has given far more , I have never hurt and insulted her like she has me , she likes playing these mind games , and hurting people at times , I'm sure even without the dressing issue we would have parted , to her it was the ideal excuse .
I did give her options to get the marriage certificate to me , it was her choice to visit me at my home . I hope the grass is greener for both of us , she's already booked her next Med cruise , not exactly holding back is she ?
Paula, You are right. I dont disagree.
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Teresa and Duchess both make valid points. The sad thing, is none of us really know another person, what triggers them, what they will do in certain situations, and when one changes, and we all can and do change in our journeys. My parents stayed together in an embattled war zone marriage, and al of us kids are alone, and very messed up in the head. SOMETIMES, SEPARATION AND DIVORCE, are the merciful things to do, sad to say. My dad was alcoholic, a mama's boy, and had a hobby that she was not into at all, and it was the most important thing to him. She utterly resented it, and his drinking got worse, too. He was anti social unless when drinking. She was also anti social, but overly protective of her kids, and did not want to share us. She did not want her kids to marry, either, and none of us are now, as seniors. I think my parents would have been better separating for a while and getting counseling, but neither got any help at all. So us kids suffer the rest of our lives. SOMETIMES, DIVORCE REALLY IS THE MOST MERCIFUL THING WE CAN DO, if BOTH are not willing to seek help. Not just one.
I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife weren't able to work things out Teresa. I could relate to your more detailed explanation as my wife likes to control the narrative as well. Sometimes her and I share a laugh about that but it's not a laughing matter when I am the object of her attempts at control. I hope that things improve for you.
Teresa, thanks for sharing these difficult moments with us. I sincerely hope you will both be happier from now on, however for your wife I'm not so sure. I find her last comment before she drives off truly heartbreaking. Trying to put myself in her shoes and imagining saying these words, I can only feel great pain and sorrow. If that is true and she really, sorely misses her husband (the one you were in her eyes before crossdressing was disclosed), it may explain a lot of her reactions. Bitterness can be expected when you are losing the companion of a lifetime because you were faced at some point with impossible choices. I did the same mistake with my wife and came out to her after 36 years together (we met at school at age 16). In her posts in this thread, Dutchess gives very true and very moving statements of what this situation can be for the wife, and I mark her words. My wife is currently doing her best to face the situation, and I help her as much as I can. But I reckon I did her wrong, big time, by not telling her before we committed together or later got married. Damage has been done, and I can only try to mend what can be. She's a brave soul, seeking help in these forums (some of which kindly came from you) and trying to learn the ropes of being a crossdresser's wife, but at this point she has no idea if she will ever be able to face it or if I will ever be able to compromise enough for a mutual understanding, and our couple's future is at stake. She's the love of my life, and I want to make it work and make it up to her, and the story of you and your wife, and the way it ends today, gives me a lot to think about. I could be totally wrong, but my impression remains that your wife still loves you, and if that is true, some of her actions may be interpreted differently than what they appear to be at first glance. I wish the best to you two.
? What site was I reading for the last four years or so?Originally Posted by Teresa
Diane,
It does appear that I'm washing my dirty linen in public sometimes but this is basically a help forum , to share experiences has to help or guide others .
I'm aware of Dutchess's words and understand them but I may have become more cynical about marriage , sometimes the words used suggest a husband is a possession and not a human being . It is quite a rude awakening when you realise the love of your life has another side to her , I accept when I came out to her in my forties the damage was done , it tested any love left between us . We tried to keep it together because what other people might think not for what we were getting out of it . I have to admit I asked her how much she ever loved me on more than one occasion , I could count on one hand the number of times she put her arms round me and told me she loved me in all our 45 years of marriage , deep down I've been hurt for a long time , that is aside from my TG issues .
Last edited by Teresa; 03-01-2020 at 06:31 AM.
Teresa, It would appear that the meeting went OK. Divorce is hard, but you seem to have handled it well.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
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